A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » Breastfeeding
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old September 19th 06, 01:36 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
2drinksbehind
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

  #2  
Old September 19th 06, 01:42 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
cjra
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,015
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


wrote:
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.


I think the best thing you can do for them is to breastfeed your new
baby and let them see it! Let them know it's the most natural thing in
the world, that it's what breasts are *for*.

  #3  
Old September 19th 06, 02:17 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

wrote:

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.


Okay, first things first, and repeat it as many times as
you, your husband, or your boys require until they get it:
BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL. Second, the benefits of breastfeeding
are so overwhelming as to make it a no brainer that it's best
for the baby and best for you barring unusual situations. Third,
do you want to be a tacit supporter of the idea that breastfeeding
is "icky" and should be kept super private--an idea that causes
many women not to attempt breastfeeding or end it early (with all
the attendant health issues for those women and babies) because
they're so afraid of what others will think?
One of the best health benefits you can give your
baby is to breastfeed. One of the best health benefits
you can give *yourself* is to breastfeed (it provides a
rather dramatic reduction in breast cancer rates, for
example). One of the best things you can teach your
husband and your sons is that breastfeeding is a perfectly
normal activity that they *SHOULD* be comfortable with.
What better time than now to learn? When you have the
perfect teaching opportunity, why would you let them leave
your home believing that breastfeeding is so sexually
charged and taboo that their own mother couldn't even
nurse in their home in order to preserve their delicate
sensibilities?

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.


If they cannot tolerate your breastfeeding around
them, there is a serious problem that needs fixing. Do
you really want to send potential fathers out into the world
thinking that breastfeeding is so icky that women shouldn't
do it? Do their future wives and babies a favor! They
will come around. My first two boys were 8 and 6 when their
baby sister arrived, and 10 and 7 when I stopped breastfeeding.
There were never any issues. They are now 11 and 9 and are
not infrequently around other nursing mothers. It would
never occur to them to think there was anything wrong or
uncomfortable about it--and that's the way it should be.
It's one thing to argue that women should have the choice
to breastfeed or not, but to my way of thinking, there is
no rational argument to be made for why it's okay to send
adolescent boys the idea that breastfeeding is so
unimportant that it should be ditched in favor of protecting
their delicate sensibilities--which probably don't even
exist to any significant degree!

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.


They will be fine. Whatever trauma they might
go through has already happened now that there's nearly
indisputable proof that you're having sex with their
father. They will deal with this just fine and will get
over any squeamishness quickly. What is more important
right now is that *you* get over *your* squeamishness.
Breastfeeding is not particularly inconvenient unless
you think that you have to be consigned to back rooms
and never leave the house to do it. There are
nursing moms everywhere. You've probably been
around many of them without even noticing that they
were nursing. You don't have to be an exhibitionist
to nurse, but at the same time, no one will be scarred
for life if they catch an occasional glimpse of skin
if something slips. This is normal and appropriate
behavior that should be encouraged.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #4  
Old September 19th 06, 02:30 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
2drinksbehind
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 12
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.


Okay, first things first, and repeat it as many times as
you, your husband, or your boys require until they get it:
BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL. Second, the benefits of breastfeeding
are so overwhelming as to make it a no brainer that it's best
for the baby and best for you barring unusual situations. Third,
do you want to be a tacit supporter of the idea that breastfeeding
is "icky" and should be kept super private--an idea that causes
many women not to attempt breastfeeding or end it early (with all
the attendant health issues for those women and babies) because
they're so afraid of what others will think?
One of the best health benefits you can give your
baby is to breastfeed. One of the best health benefits
you can give *yourself* is to breastfeed (it provides a
rather dramatic reduction in breast cancer rates, for
example). One of the best things you can teach your
husband and your sons is that breastfeeding is a perfectly
normal activity that they *SHOULD* be comfortable with.
What better time than now to learn? When you have the
perfect teaching opportunity, why would you let them leave
your home believing that breastfeeding is so sexually
charged and taboo that their own mother couldn't even
nurse in their home in order to preserve their delicate
sensibilities?

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.


If they cannot tolerate your breastfeeding around
them, there is a serious problem that needs fixing. Do
you really want to send potential fathers out into the world
thinking that breastfeeding is so icky that women shouldn't
do it? Do their future wives and babies a favor! They
will come around. My first two boys were 8 and 6 when their
baby sister arrived, and 10 and 7 when I stopped breastfeeding.
There were never any issues. They are now 11 and 9 and are
not infrequently around other nursing mothers. It would
never occur to them to think there was anything wrong or
uncomfortable about it--and that's the way it should be.
It's one thing to argue that women should have the choice
to breastfeed or not, but to my way of thinking, there is
no rational argument to be made for why it's okay to send
adolescent boys the idea that breastfeeding is so
unimportant that it should be ditched in favor of protecting
their delicate sensibilities--which probably don't even
exist to any significant degree!

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.


They will be fine. Whatever trauma they might
go through has already happened now that there's nearly
indisputable proof that you're having sex with their
father. They will deal with this just fine and will get
over any squeamishness quickly. What is more important
right now is that *you* get over *your* squeamishness.
Breastfeeding is not particularly inconvenient unless
you think that you have to be consigned to back rooms
and never leave the house to do it. There are
nursing moms everywhere. You've probably been
around many of them without even noticing that they
were nursing. You don't have to be an exhibitionist
to nurse, but at the same time, no one will be scarred
for life if they catch an occasional glimpse of skin
if something slips. This is normal and appropriate
behavior that should be encouraged.

Best wishes,
Ericka


  #5  
Old September 19th 06, 03:13 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Irene
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 118
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


I just want to say, best wishes for bf'ing your new baby! I don't have
any specific advice for discussing bf with 13 yo boys - most of my
discussions have been with much younger or older people. I have bf
around teenage relatives a few times, and didn't have any issues - they
simply averted their eyes or moved away if they were uncomfortable.
But, they were my cousins' kids, or dh's cousins' kids, so not nearly
the same type of relationship. It was also after I had gotten through
the initial learning curve. You will likely find that at first, you
will need to expose your breast a bit simply to be able to see the baby
latch on (and then you can cover up). Later, once baby and you get
more accustomed to bf, you will probably be able to turn aside and
latch on very discreetly, if you so choose.

I will say it is probably likely that teenage boys will be embarrassed
- but it's a healthy type of thing for them to learn. Since I don't
know your step-sons, I don't know the best way to approach them. Maybe
leave some books about nursing lying around for them to find and read?
I've heard So That's What They're For is a good, non-preachy book (by
Janet Tomaro, iirc) - maybe someone else can say whether they think it
would be good for teenage boys? (I haven't read it, I've just seen it
recommended frequently) I don't know if that is better than trying to
sit them down and talk about it, because that seems like you would be
setting yourself up for thinking it is a big deal, iykwim?

(Ok, I guess I had more ideas than I originally thought I did!)

(And of course, I agree with everything Ericka so eloquently said!)

Irene

  #7  
Old September 19th 06, 03:42 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Anne Rogers
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,497
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


You might ask him what exactly, is inconvenient about breastfeeding,
in his mind? After all, it's not as if he's going to have to do it
;-)
Point out to him just how *convenient* it will be. No bottles to
fiddle with, no boiling water or mixing formula, no *buying* formula
which is pretty expensive, no toting bottles on outings or worrying
that the formula stays fresh, etc.


absolutely there is no way that a bloke can consider breastfeeding
inconvenient, it's definitely more convenient for them! He may be saying it
out of concern for the women and he does have a point, breastfeeding can be
very tieing, but it's all about attitude, heck, I'm the child's mother I'm
going to have to look after them whatever way I feed them, breastfeeding
infants are fairly portable anyway and there is aways pumping and bottles
for special occasions (though if you want to do that, you do usually need to
get them started on bottles in a timely fashion, usually about 4-6 weeks).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I would
totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there
is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some)
and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even
mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very
surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to!

Cheers

Anne


  #8  
Old September 19th 06, 04:43 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 215
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


Anne Rogers wrote:
).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is!


I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16
year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an
intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts.


I would
totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there
is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some)
and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even
mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very
surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to!


This is the one that makes the most sense to me.

Maybe I'm wrong here (having a teen-age daughter, and a teenage
daughter who has ALWAYS known what breasts are for!), but I think the
best approach to to say something much about it. Just as you are
unlikely to be discussing the details of whether or not you have an
epidural, or use cloth/disposible diapers, how you feed the baby is, on
most levels, not really their concern. If they ask about it (why
haven't you bought bottles yet? What kind of formula do you need?) you
say, "Oh, I'll be breastfeeding the new baby. Otherwise, you just do
it. (I think it makes sense to be a bit discreet about it initially,
just as you might be with any other non-intimate family member, but
there's certainly no reason to hide.)

Naomi


Cheers

Anne


  #9  
Old September 19th 06, 03:51 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Sandie Hudson
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 11
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

wrote about breastfeeding with older
children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences.


I'm afraid I just don't see what is inconvenient about BF. Bottles to clean,
fill, store, warm, etc. Now that is inconvenient.
Covering yourself discreetly and breast feeding your baby almost anytime,
almost anywhere. What could be more convenient?

Sandie


  #10  
Old September 19th 06, 04:10 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,293
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy.


I think you are underestimating them, truly.

I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


Absolutely. That will be key. But truly, I think
you will find that this is no nearly as big a deal as you
imagine. If you need some resources explaining why
breastfeeding is a good idea, this might help:

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/bab...feed/8910.html
http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug01p124.html
http://www.hbns.org/getDocument.cfm?documentID=1300
http://www.chw.org/display/PPF/DocID/35498/router.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding#Benefits

I'm sure there are many more--that's just a quick search.

Also, given that you are hoping to breastfeed
in what may be a less than ideally supportive situation,
you should probably take extra care to become as
educated as you can. There are so very many misconceptions
about breastfeeding, and they lead many women to incorrectly
believe that they're not producing enough milk or even to
take actions that sabotage the success of breastfeeding.
Sadly, all too many people in healthcare are also
underinformed about breastfeeding, so you can't always
count on them to give you accurate information. Having
good information and finding some friends who have
successfully breastfed (and hanging around on
m.k.b and m.k.p) will give you a much better likelihood
of success.

Best wishes,
Ericka
 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 18th 05 06:35 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 October 19th 05 05:36 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 August 30th 05 05:25 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 28th 04 06:16 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 October 29th 04 05:23 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 10:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.