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#101
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Caledonia wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about how it all takes place. Having zero experience with teen boys, I almost always nursed behind semi-closed doors in my bedroom -- I fell into 'nursing while reclined' and found that by doing so, I could also read a Really Big Book. Heh. That's much more mundane than what most teen-age boys would imagine, I'd wager. Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour, since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?" Hmm...after the first few weeks, I never had nursing sessions last 45 minutes -- and during the first few weeks, I really *wanted* a 45 minute break from everything. It's definitely a YMMV thing. I had one kid who took 10 minutes just to settle down and nurse, another prone to ear infections who liked the comfort. Third went through some amazing growth spurts. When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized) real fast. Ergh; perhaps for you, perhaps for the teenage boys, but perhaps not for the OP herself. Um, I thought we were talking about the boys' comfort level. If the OP is uncomfortable, that's one thing, and I'm all for saying she should do what works for her (Public BF wasn't comfortable for me with my first, and yes, I think most moms really enjoy having some private sessions with just Baby) But we should then recognize whose issue it is, and not claim to be doing it out of concern for the boys' comfort level. Lori G. Milwaukee, WI |
#102
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
cjra wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? I'm not, and I'm not sure why you'd assume I am, from this one post? Heck, there's a song called "Naked" that's absolutely beautiful. In this context, though -- that of an adolescent at the mercy of his hormones and overactive imagination -- "nekkid" seemed more fitting than "naked."imagination. Lori G. Milwaukee, WI |
#103
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
hedgehog42 wrote: cjra wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? I'm not, and I'm not sure why you'd assume I am, from this one post? Heck, there's a song called "Naked" that's absolutely beautiful. I just used your post because it was the last one I saw that used that spelling, which I see frequently. I just didn't get why that spelling was so often used instead of the proper spelling. |
#104
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Rosalie B. wrote: "Jamie Clark" wrote: Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room when you are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them about pumping? To answer an honest question with "You don't want to know" is strange to me, because obviously they DO want to know, or they wouldn't have asked. I agree with that - they are old enough to be told what the mechanics are. By not allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren. Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities between a book, and familial observation. I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail. But certainly you can see hat seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis would HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life? Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to breastfeed. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#105
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
-L. wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote: The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me. What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't want to know. -L. Then go away and stop reading the thread. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#106
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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#107
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Jamie Clark wrote: -L. wrote: Ericka Kammerer wrote: The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me. What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't want to know. -L. Then go away and stop reading the thread. Oh go **** yourself Jamie. You're such a self-righteous ****. Damn, I've wanted to say that for years. hee! -L. |
#108
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
cjra wrote: -L. wrote: Ericka Kammerer wrote: The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me. What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't want to know. Sure. Except this kid *asked* implying at least B, and by default if B is there, A. He did? I though she said he "didn't want to know". Or at least agrred when she suggested he didn't want to know... -L. |
#109
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
cjra wrote: Sure. Except this kid *asked* implying at least B, and by default if B is there, A. Ok, I just saw it -"How do you get milk in the bottle?" Thanks. -L. |
#110
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Rosalie B. wrote: "Jamie Clark" wrote: wrote: Wow - you and I should become friends! I have 4 step-kids as well. 3 boys (19, 15 & 14) and 1 girl (21, but lives on her own) and we have full custody of them as well (their mom sees them once a month if they're lucky!). I just had my first child 3 months ago and I am breasfeeding. We explained to them that I'd be breastfeeding and they were a little weird about it, but now they are used to it. I feed my daughter in my bedroom or hers. And if they need me, they knock on my door and I just say "I'm feeding her" and they know they need to wait. If I pump and store the milk in the refrigerator or freezer, they don't say anything. But they have asked questions - some I answer and some, like "how do you get the milk into the bottle", I just say "you don't want to know" and smile. I think they like that I breastfeed because formula is so expensive and I told them breastfeeding was free, so there is more money for them Good luck with everything. And I wouldn't consider not breastfeeding - it is so good for the baby and you! Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room when you are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them about pumping? To answer an honest question with "You don't want to know" is strange to me, because obviously they DO want to know, or they wouldn't have asked. I agree with that - they are old enough to be told what the mechanics are. By not allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished. I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren. Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities between a book, and familial observation. In the strictest sense, you're right. But family attitudes about breastfeeding *do* affect, historically, women's decisions on how to feed their baby. Those who've grown up comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding-- either by observing family members breastfeed or hearing that they breastfed their kids -- are way more likely to decide to breastfeed themselves, and then to have successful experiences. You doubtless had your mom's support in your decision. And a mom who's breastfed, even if it wasn't in your viewing, can offer advice and reassurance that helps a new mom cope successfully with mastitis, thrush or nursing strikes -- all of which have led some new moms to give up. A mom who's "been there, done that" is less likely to second-guess you can make enough milk for that baby, or whether you should be feeding him every 2 hours, or if maybe just a little formula will help him sleep through the night better. Of course, even if you didn't grown up with that advantage, and just decided that you wanted to breastfeed based on what you'd read, you're certainly not doomed to fail, even in the face of roadblocks like those above. Some women get advice and support from LLL, lactation consultants or friends who've breastfed -- and some get great support from husbands who've grown up seeing family members breastfeed and recognize it as normal. Lori G. Milwaukee, WI |
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