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#21
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. .. FrisbeeŽ wrote: I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should definitely be done in private. I understand your intentions are good, but do you understand the repercussions of this statement? I phrased it poorly. It most definitely makes breastfeeding a difficult and isolating chore for women. That was not my intention. Many babies spend quite a lot of time at the breast. You cannot always predict when they will need to eat. Breastfeeding only in private means that most women will give up breastfeeding early because they're going stir crazy and are unable to carry on with their lives because they can't go anywhere for fear that they'll be caught out in public when they need to nurse. (And believe me, public restrooms and such are *NOT* an acceptable alternative most of the time.) So, keeping it in private is an absolutely unacceptable solution, in my opinion. I've spent about four years of my life breastfeeding, and breastfed in public whenever necessary or convenient for all of it. I never got a single dirty look or comment. It is entirely possible to breastfeed discreetly in public. Anyone who's seeing too much when a woman is breastfeeding discreetly is actively looking for trouble. I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. I don't believe that's necessarily true. I'm sure it'll be odd and maybe even uncomfortable at first, but they will very quickly get to the point that they don't give a rip and just want to make sure baby gets fed and stops fussing quickly. As a teenager, it would not have been odd or uncomfortable to me. It would have been VERY sexually arousing. I'm not kidding. At thirteen, (or for that matter, eighteen), I'd have made any excuse to watch it. Watching my own wife (who googles my posts) BF our twins was quite arousing. While I believe that for a majority of men BF-ing in general is a turn-off, there are many of us for whom it is a turn-on. But even for teens for whom the BF-ing act itself might be a turn-off, I doubt very many teenage boys (who are straight) would miss out on an opportunity to see bared breasts. This is all I'm saying. Again, in public, you know what you're dealing with in that it is what it is. Discretion is always a good idea, when possible (when not possible, screw 'em!) but it would be, in my humble opinion, even more important when BF-ing in front of teenagers that are not your own kids. Unless you don't mind that you very well may have caused some "stirrings." Believe me, I'm not a prude, but I know how I would react in that situation (as a teenage boy). It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not related. I don't buy that either. I suspect most step-sons would feel guilty about ogling, but you know what? There's a *really* easy cure for that. They can choose not to ogle. They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying that's right, I am saying it's natural, however. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible. I would definitely agree that discretion is appropriate. However, saying a woman must avoid breastfeeding in public AND ALSO in her own home whenever one of four family members happens to be around is just way beyond the pale in my opinion. I can't imagine hardly anyone breastfeeding beyond a week or two under those circumstances. Who'd want to live like that? I just don't think you can claim to be "supportive" of breastfeeding on the one hand, and then impose so many restrictions on it that practically no sane person would continue to do it. One of the things many women need the most after having a baby is support and companionship. Handing her a baby that needs to eat frequently (and possible for long stretches of time) and then telling her to go away every time she needs to nurse can have lots of negative consequences. I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first. Is that any clearer? |
#22
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
FrisbeeŽ wrote: I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother be as discrete as possible. They'll never get it. You are wasting your breath. -L. |
#23
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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#24
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message reenews.net... wrote in message oups.com... I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. Okay, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of a guy... I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should definitely be done in private. One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their faulty impression be corrected? It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not related. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible. I hope this is taken in the way I intended. |
#26
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03... "FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message reenews.net... One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their faulty impression be corrected? Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become aroused by seeing your breasts? I seriously doubt that this will reverse the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic to them. I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts? Will I regret getting into this conversation? Stay tooned! (I wonder what my googling wife is thinking of my posts so far.) |
#27
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
In article ews.net, FrisbeeŽ
says... They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying that's right, I am saying it's natural, however. Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what having raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like us... :-/ I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar to pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower extremity into your facial orifice. Banty |
#28
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
FrisbeeŽ wrote:
I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first. Is that any clearer? I think so. If you're saying that it would be a good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that. I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private" at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense. As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life, which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll cope. Best wishes, Ericka |
#29
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
FrisbeeŽ wrote: "Stephanie" wrote in message news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03... "FrisbeeŽ" wrote in message reenews.net... One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their faulty impression be corrected? Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become aroused by seeing your breasts? Don't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what most men willing to admit it claim... I seriously doubt that this will reverse the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic to them. I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic. (I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones right now) I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts? Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural. I just don't think it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile. |
#30
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
FrisbeeŽ wrote:
I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation. Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little confused about that. Why the difference? Best wishes, Ericka |
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