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#1
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Bikes for 'tweens?
"Luigi de Guzman" wrote in message
... The worst part is that my baby brother is much less free to ride than I myself was. The folks barely let him get to the edge of the street. I used to get on my bike and explore. I'd stop when I felt I was getting too far out of my element--main highways, for instance--but otherwise, I was free to roam, even if none of the other neighborhood kids rode with me. I'm 26. My brothers are 17 and 12. I pity them, but there's no talking the folks into letting them roam on bikes. When I'm with them, and try to teach them to ride on the street effectively, I get an earful for exposing them to unnecessary risk. What the hell happened in the years between my 24" black huffy and now? *sigh* You might be interested in this article, he http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1770 -- Warm Regards, Claire Petersky http://www.bicyclemeditations.org/ See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky |
#2
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Bikes for 'tweens?
On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 00:51:44 +0000, Claire Petersky wrote:
You might be interested in this article, he http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1770 I read that last week and felt really quite sad. I wonder, though: what is it about us these days that makes risk so unacceptable? My parents and grandparents lived in bigger, nastier, scarier worlds. My grandfather was the only survivor of ten children--all his other siblings perished in a typhoid epidemic, which eventually drove his mother (my great-grandmother) insane. My father grew up in a rough neighborhood in postwar Manila, running around and playing in the street. By almost any measure, life for their generations was much more nasty, brutish, and short than it is for mine. My brothers and I are safer than they ever were--and yet they live in almost constant fear. Why? -- Luigi de Guzman http://ouij.livejournal.com |
#3
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Bikes for 'tweens?
On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 04:30:45 GMT, Luigi de Guzman wrote:
On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 00:51:44 +0000, Claire Petersky wrote: You might be interested in this article, he http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1770 I read that last week and felt really quite sad. I wonder, though: what is it about us these days that makes risk so unacceptable? It is relative risk. People will focus on reducing the greater risk. When the risk of dying at a young age from illness or whatnot is so high, no one cares about the risk of dying on a bike, because that risk is comparatively low. When the risk of dying from illness is low, then the risk of dying on a bike become relatively greater. Bike helmets and other safety measures become a necessity. The more one worries about day to day survival, the less concerned one is about bike helmets, air bags, seat belts, car seats, sanitation, cholesterol, etc. |
#4
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Bikes for 'tweens?
"toypup" wrote in message .. . On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 04:30:45 GMT, Luigi de Guzman wrote: On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 00:51:44 +0000, Claire Petersky wrote: You might be interested in this article, he http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1770 I read that last week and felt really quite sad. I wonder, though: what is it about us these days that makes risk so unacceptable? It is relative risk. People will focus on reducing the greater risk. When the risk of dying at a young age from illness or whatnot is so high, no one cares about the risk of dying on a bike, because that risk is comparatively low. When the risk of dying from illness is low, then the risk of dying on a bike become relatively greater. Bike helmets and other safety measures become a necessity. The more one worries about day to day survival, the less concerned one is about bike helmets, air bags, seat belts, car seats, sanitation, cholesterol, etc. And I think part of it is advance guilt. You can't control your child dying in a typhoid epidemic. You can, however, prevent your child from riding a bicycle on streets with cars on them. Not letting your child take risks means that you're not taking the risk of something happening to your child that YOU feel responsible for (and that you'll be blamed for by everyone around you). It is no longer expected that many families will lose a child at some point. One thing we discussed at length in my pregnancy loss group was the "too precious" child-that it is very typical for families who have lost a baby to overdo it with their living child and to shelter that child too much, overdo it on material posessions, and in general treat the child like a hothouse flower, with similar results. I see much the same fear, though, in families who haven't had a loss of a child now because of the very slim possibility that their child will be taken from them. |
#5
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Bikes for 'tweens?
"Donna Metler" wrote:
"toypup" wrote in message . .. On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 04:30:45 GMT, Luigi de Guzman wrote: On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 00:51:44 +0000, Claire Petersky wrote: You might be interested in this article, he http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1770 I read that last week and felt really quite sad. I wonder, though: what is it about us these days that makes risk so unacceptable? It is relative risk. People will focus on reducing the greater risk. When the risk of dying at a young age from illness or whatnot is so high, no one cares about the risk of dying on a bike, because that risk is comparatively low. When the risk of dying from illness is low, then the risk of dying on a bike become relatively greater. Bike helmets and other safety measures become a necessity. The more one worries about day to day survival, the less concerned one is about bike helmets, air bags, seat belts, car seats, sanitation, cholesterol, etc. And I think part of it is advance guilt. You can't control your child dying in a typhoid epidemic. You can, however, prevent your child from riding a bicycle on streets with cars on them. Not letting your child take risks means that you're not taking the risk of something happening to your child that YOU feel responsible for (and that you'll be blamed for by everyone around you). It is no longer expected that many families will lose a child at some point. One thing we discussed at length in my pregnancy loss group was the "too precious" child-that it is very typical for families who have lost a baby to overdo it with their living child and to shelter that child too much, overdo it on material posessions, and in general treat the child like a hothouse flower, with similar results. This basically happened to my mom - her brother and only sibling died of some disease (this would have been about 1915) and her mother was extremely protective of her after that. I have the letters that my grandmother wrote to my mom when she went to college. My grandmother wrote almost every day, and almost every letter started with a complaint that she had not had a letter that day, or if she had, a complaint about how short the letter was. And my mom tried really hard to have more than two children because of the chance of one dying. After she had a child that died a few days after birth (a blue baby before they had the operation) and a serious miscarriage at about 6 months, her doctor told her to stop trying if she wanted to see her children that she had grow up. I see much the same fear, though, in families who haven't had a loss of a child now because of the very slim possibility that their child will be taken from them. I think a lot of it can be laid at the feet of the news media who publicize all the things that happen to children - not just in the immediate area, but all over the country and sometimes all over the world - WITH PICTURES. Horrifying pictures - and not just still b&w photos which would have been in the newspaper, but color moving pictures. When I was with my (13-14 yo) grandson in Ireland, he was initially uncomfortable in going anywhere without me. Eventually he got so he would go out with other people on the tour, and then at the end, he was comfortable with going from the hotel (in Kensington) around the corner to Burger King in the morning. I did this deliberately because I think that children need to experience being on their own in small ways before they go off to college or work and have to be really on their own. I wanted him to practice independence and looking out for himself in various environments. And I suspected that he didn't do too much on his own at home. [which he confirmed] But my dh and my sister both told me that I had been a bad grandmother for allowing this because something might have happened to him and because it would worry his parents. Although my sister allowed and encouraged him to walk around Princeton by himself to go get a haircut or meet her at the camera store and she didn't seem to feel this was a problem. Nothing did happen of course, and neither of his parents have said anything to me. In the case of ds, I doubt if he would say anything (he after all did a trip with HIS grandmother at that age), and I haven't talked to my DIL. |
#6
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Bikes for 'tweens?
"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... I think a lot of it can be laid at the feet of the news media who publicize all the things that happen to children - not just in the immediate area, but all over the country and sometimes all over the world - WITH PICTURES. Horrifying pictures - and not just still b&w photos which would have been in the newspaper, but color moving pictures. I agree with Rosalie, that the national news media does have a hand in this. But interestingly enough, as I started reading this thread after reading stories of two local students. The first was about a young lady who happens to be a member of my country club. As a freshman in high school she was involved in a terrible boating accident that left her with major head injuries and leg injuries, with one leg almost torn off by the propeller. The story was how this young lady went from being expected to never walk again to running, and playing sports again. And then while still working hard to graduate with her class both her parents were struck with cancer. And yet she was still able to hold the family together while keeping up her studies, and graduate with her class. She wouldn't have made the strides she did without the strong support of her mother, who refused to give up, or codle her daughter. And though her mom still worries about her daughter, she lets her go, because she wants her to grow up to be strong, just like her mother. It's an absolutely inspirational family. The second story was about a young man in my daughter's graduating class that died in a freak accident two days after his high school graduation. I only know the family a little, but all the stories point to how incredible this young man was: eagle scout, international choral singer with the high school, trumpet player in the band, outdoorsman. And the quote from his father in the paper that really hit home was that his son had an amazing life, and he was saddened he couldn't see the second act. How many of us can look at our 18 year old children and say they have had an amazing life? These stories focused on these children not because they were brought up safe in a scary world, but because they were brought up to take on life. I've tried to raise my children to be self sufficient. I let them bike or walk to school on their own starting in the fourth grade, biking with me before that. By junior high that means crossing a major street, for a distance of a little over a mile. They went to sleep away camp starting at age 8 for a week. By the end of high school my oldest was away from home pretty much all summer. They were allowed to walk to our little downtown area on their own when they were 11. I let my high school daughter take the train into San Francisco with friends to go warehouse shopping starting when she was 14. When she was 16, while looking at colleges with her father, he had heart problems, and she found her way back from Mass General to her hotel (three different subway lines) by herself at rush hour. She ordered room service, and calmly waited for him to come back. (While I panicked on the opposite coast...) By senior year she was comfortable enough go to San Francisco with two other girls to film homeless for what turned out to be an award winning documentary. On college tours I see many parents struggling. They've been sheltering their children for so long they aren't sure how to let go, or whether the kids will be able to live on their own. They ask if there are dorm chaperones? Are there curfews? How do they know their kids aren't leaving campus? And I wonder too, if this is the first time their children are really free to roam, to do whatever they want, how do they know to make the right choices? But this isn't new. I see the US, and how the country is willing to give up so much to try and be safe. Individual lives are just paralleling the country as a whole. |
#7
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Bikes for 'tweens?
On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:17:06 GMT, Rosalie B. wrote:
But my dh and my sister both told me that I had been a bad grandmother for allowing this because something might have happened to him and because it would worry his parents. Although my sister allowed and encouraged him to walk around Princeton by himself to go get a haircut or meet her at the camera store and she didn't seem to feel this was a problem. I think it is fine, if your dgs was your child, but he is not. I think you should respect the wishes of his parents, no matter how unreasonable you think they are, unless it is an immediate danger to his health. To not do so would mean risking future |
#8
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Bikes for 'tweens?
toypup wrote:
On Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:17:06 GMT, Rosalie B. wrote: But my dh and my sister both told me that I had been a bad grandmother for allowing this because something might have happened to him and because it would worry his parents. Although my sister allowed and encouraged him to walk around Princeton by himself to go get a haircut or meet her at the camera store and she didn't seem to feel this was a problem. I think it is fine, if your dgs was your child, but he is not. I think you should respect the wishes of his parents, no matter how unreasonable you think they are, unless it is an immediate danger to his health. To not do so would mean risking future Well the parents themselves never said anything of the sort. It was his great aunt and his grandfather who expressed concern. So I don't know if the parents were worried or concerned. I tend to think not. I was sending them daily reports of just about everything we did (initially just to my son, but I reluctantly* added my DIL when she requested it), and also posting photos for them to see. So they could have written and expressed concern, and they did not. My son did comment on some of the photos (which were on MySpace restricted viewing only for friends, and my only friends were my son, and granddaughter and the grandson who was with me), but the comments were not critical. And while the dgs himself told other people that he wasn't allowed to walk very far in his neighborhood, I know his sister was out playing in the rain filled ditches along the side of the road and over at other people's houses in the same way that my children did. My children had to ride their bikes along a public highway with no shoulders to get to their friend's houses to play. Of course it was a comparatively deserted highway with about one car every half hour and I knew that my kids could ride their bikes safely and wouldn't be larking around. *There's a certain amount of unhappiness on my part with my DIL because I don't think she's been a very good wife to my son, but I don't want to go into that here. I was a little bit afraid that she wouldn't let my grandson go with me in order to make my ds unhappy, but she's apparently found other ways to do that. |
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