Babysitter help

Ok, so Quinn is 6 weeks old now and if possible I'd like to try and find
a job here soon, hopefully by the time he's 8-9 weeks old. But there is
a problem. I'm not sure that I'll be able to find a babysitter who will
be able to handle him. He's very demanding.

So far Quinn is sleeping around 12-14 hours every 24 hours, most of
which is from 11pm-11am. Then he seems to want to be awake for hours on
end during the afternoon and early evening. And when he is awake he has
to be held 99% of the time otherwise he wails and screams. He can
entertain himself on the floor by himself for 5-10 minutes at most
though not very often and then he has to be held again. I don't know if
this is normal for an infant of his age or not. He's so demanding all
of the time. He cannot self-console when he gets upset, he just screams
until I come pick him up. He'll cry for as long as I'll let him. And
when he does get himself really upset, he takes quite a while to calm
down. It usually takes me running the hair dryer, swaddling, rocking,
and cuddling all together for at the least 10-15 minutes to manage it.

Most of the daytime babysitters in my area take on multiple children and
the ones who would take only 1 or 2 at a time are more expensive than I
think DH and I could handle. How could a babysitter manage Quinn during
his waking hours along with multiple other children? I'm afraid we
won't be able to find a babysitter who will be willing to take him
because he cannot self-console and has to be held constantly to stay calm.

Anyone have suggestions? Does this sound normal of a 6 week old infant?
And if so, when will he be able to console himself, or at the least be
able hang out on the floor or something similar by himself for a while
without needing to be held constantly? I'm petrified nobody will want
to take him. I would really like to get a job soon. DH and I could
really use the extra income now that Quinn is here.

Angela, DH &
Quinn 5/07/04

As a person who is nanny, I have a few suggestions. If you are open to
having a full-time person living in your home, I highly recommend the Au
Pair in America Program (find out more from www.aifs.com). It is far less
expensive than a full-time nanny and the care is often as good (if not
better). I participated in the program as an Au-Pair and in general
everyone invloved was v happy with the program. The other alternative is to
find an older grandmother type to watch your little one. Older ladies just
love to hold babies and it might be just the right answer. There are many
referral programs (where are you located?) and a nanny is not as expensive
as you might think. You can advertise at a local university, esp in the
child development program areas, or at a church, or YMCA. Some women I know
do a childcare-share situation, where both moms work opposite shifts. On
the days the other mom works you take care of their kids and vice versa.
This would probably work well in a situation where there's an older child
rather than 2 babies.

The other solution is to stay home with your baby for the first year or only
work part-time in the veneings when your DH can take care of the little one
(which I did for 3 months but I missed my daughter too much!). Sometimes,
once you figure out daycare costs, it really doesn't make sense for you to
return to work. You need to write a list of your outgoings vs incomings and
really see where you can cut corners. It might be very very hard
financially, but may be worth it for your peace of mind. Most babies of 6
weeks cannot console themselves. Some babies are just very needy and do
want to be constantly held.

Kids who are high need like that, (IMO) don't do as well in a daycare
setting as they would in a one-on-one situation, so I would highly recommend
you figure something like that out if you can. Check references THOROUGHLY
and don't settle for somebody just because you think they are the only ones
you can afford or who will take care of your child. I have been taking care
of other people's kids, on and off since I was 13 and I wouldn't want to
work for someone who didn't check me out properly. There are plenty of
women who will be prepared to watch a high need baby. It doesn't last long
and may be exhausting for a few weeks, but any good babysitter will realize
that. If you can offer other perks (like meals, free use of the phone/car
for e.g.) you can also get away with paying a bit less.

HTH.

CY

If you tell me where you are, I may be able to give you more suggestions.
"Angela Schepers" wrote in message
news:AS2Bc.142697$Ly.31641@attbi_s01...
Ok, so Quinn is 6 weeks old now and if possible I'd like to try and find
a job here soon, hopefully by the time he's 8-9 weeks old. But there is
a problem. I'm not sure that I'll be able to find a babysitter who will
be able to handle him. He's very demanding.

So far Quinn is sleeping around 12-14 hours every 24 hours, most of
which is from 11pm-11am. Then he seems to want to be awake for hours on
end during the afternoon and early evening. And when he is awake he has
to be held 99% of the time otherwise he wails and screams. He can
entertain himself on the floor by himself for 5-10 minutes at most
though not very often and then he has to be held again. I don't know if
this is normal for an infant of his age or not. He's so demanding all
of the time. He cannot self-console when he gets upset, he just screams
until I come pick him up. He'll cry for as long as I'll let him. And
when he does get himself really upset, he takes quite a while to calm
down. It usually takes me running the hair dryer, swaddling, rocking,
and cuddling all together for at the least 10-15 minutes to manage it.

Most of the daytime babysitters in my area take on multiple children and
the ones who would take only 1 or 2 at a time are more expensive than I
think DH and I could handle. How could a babysitter manage Quinn during

his waking hours along with multiple other children? I'm afraid we
won't be able to find a babysitter who will be willing to take him
because he cannot self-console and has to be held constantly to stay calm.

Anyone have suggestions? Does this sound normal of a 6 week old infant?
And if so, when will he be able to console himself, or at the least be
able hang out on the floor or something similar by himself for a while
without needing to be held constantly? I'm petrified nobody will want
to take him. I would really like to get a job soon. DH and I could
really use the extra income now that Quinn is here.

Angela, DH &
Quinn 5/07/04

Angela,

He sounds quite normal to me and not demanding at all. If he is happy when he
is being held, he's a pretty easy baby--the hard ones are the ones who keep
screaming even when you are holding them!

Can you find a caregiver who would wear him in a sling while she looks after
the other babies? If not, I think you need to put off getting a job until he
is a bit older. What about looking into things you could do at home to bring
in a little extra money, or something you could do while your husband stays
home and holds the baby?

Leslie

"Angela Schepers" wrote in message
news:AS2Bc.142697$Ly.31641@attbi_s01...
Ok, so Quinn is 6 weeks old now and if possible I'd like to try and find
a job here soon, hopefully by the time he's 8-9 weeks old. But there is
a problem. I'm not sure that I'll be able to find a babysitter who will
be able to handle him. He's very demanding.

So far Quinn is sleeping around 12-14 hours every 24 hours, most of
which is from 11pm-11am.

Great! I found that if I had 12 hours of "down" time and 12 hours of "up"
time I could be functional.

Then he seems to want to be awake for hours on
end during the afternoon and early evening. And when he is awake he has
to be held 99% of the time otherwise he wails and screams.

Nothing wrong with that! The more you push a baby that age to be
independent, the clingier they get. Hold him until he *begs* to be put
down--and he will, I promise.

He can
entertain himself on the floor by himself for 5-10 minutes at most
though not very often and then he has to be held again. I don't know if
this is normal for an infant of his age or not.

Totally, 100% normal. I would not even expect a baby that age to spent more
than 5-10 minutes doing *anything* but sleeping or eating--they just don't
have the attention span for it!

He's so demanding all
of the time. He cannot self-console when he gets upset, he just screams
until I come pick him up.

He's only 6 weeks old. He doesn't really have to be self-consoling for
months yet, even years. Right now, his only method of changing the world as
far as he knows is to scream and cry. The way to teach him other ways is by
watching his signals and learning to react to him *before* he cries. This
may mean you hold him right now for a couple days straight, then put him
down for a couple minutes watching him closely, picking him up as soon as he
looks even a little bit unhappy. Feed him when he starts to chew his fist,
not when he opens his mouth and wails. That kind of thing. Once I learned to
read my daughter's signals, she never cried unless she was in pain. My
foster baby almost never cried, although it took me longer to get food to
him, so he'd cry a little when he was hungry if I didn't already have a
bottle mixed up. But both kids got very independent very fast, because they
never *had* to scream to get me to do what they wanted. It's okay to comfort
your baby. It will teach him that the world is a safe and loving place.


He'll cry for as long as I'll let him. And
when he does get himself really upset, he takes quite a while to calm
down. It usually takes me running the hair dryer, swaddling, rocking,
and cuddling all together for at the least 10-15 minutes to manage it.


Start earlier, and pull out the "big guns" faster. Don't wait around for him
to get worked up to start soothing him--the more worked up he gets, the
harder it is to sooth him. The more time he spends worked up, the more
"normal" that state is for him. Happiest Baby on the Block is an outstanding
resource for kids this age--read it, do it, don't worry if you have to hold
him all the time right now.

Most of the daytime babysitters in my area take on multiple children and
the ones who would take only 1 or 2 at a time are more expensive than I
think DH and I could handle. How could a babysitter manage Quinn during
his waking hours along with multiple other children? I'm afraid we
won't be able to find a babysitter who will be willing to take him
because he cannot self-console and has to be held constantly to stay calm.


Well, he'll cry more sometimes because they won't be able to meet his needs
as fast as if they were only watching him. But they will also be very, very
confident baby handlers, and babies respond to that.

Anyone have suggestions? Does this sound normal of a 6 week old infant?

He's totally normal.

And if so, when will he be able to console himself, or at the least be
able hang out on the floor or something similar by himself for a while
without needing to be held constantly?

As soon as he starts getting the motor skills to grab things, he'll be
better able to handle 20 minutes or so of "down" time. But why shouldn't you
hold him lots? He's a baby. That's what they're for. If you need to get
stuff done, get a sling or carrier. I totally went about my normal life with
my foster baby--he just came with me in the sling everywhere. Choir, work,
you name it. Once he *did* start wanting some down time, etc., I let him
have it, and he was fine in daycare at that point.

I'm petrified nobody will want
to take him. I would really like to get a job soon. DH and I could
really use the extra income now that Quinn is here.

Have you looked into ways of reducing your need for the extra income? I know
that for us, the cost of infant daycare, combined with how much we eat out
when I'm working--make it totally not worthwhile for me to get a job when
there's a small infant around. When I'm home, I cook, sew, etc... and we
find ways of making it work.

Jenrose

Quinn cries in the carrier, and he cries in the sling most times.


As soon as he starts getting the motor skills to grab things, he'll be
better able to handle 20 minutes or so of "down" time. But why shouldn't you
hold him lots? He's a baby. That's what they're for. If you need to get
stuff done, get a sling or carrier. I totally went about my normal life with
my foster baby--he just came with me in the sling everywhere. Choir, work,
you name it. Once he *did* start wanting some down time, etc., I let him
have it, and he was fine in daycare at that point.


It's not a matter of reducing our need. It's that we have a combined
$55,000 debt in student loans that we need to start paying off. I've
deferred my payments while I was pregnant but I'm going to have to start
paying on them soon and DH feels I need to take responsibility for my
own student loan debt and pay on it myself and I for the most part
agree. $33,000 of it is mine and the other $22,000 is his. Not to
mention that we really need a different car, mine breaks down constantly
and his is too small and can't really fit a carseat in the back. And we
can't afford the repairs on my car or a new car payment as it is.

Have you looked into ways of reducing your need for the extra income? I know
that for us, the cost of infant daycare, combined with how much we eat out
when I'm working--make it totally not worthwhile for me to get a job when
there's a small infant around. When I'm home, I cook, sew, etc... and we
find ways of making it work.

Jenrose