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#1
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Update of all updates
Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from
Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad. Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know. I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get a good nights sleep.) If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to bother calling me names) What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. Thanks in advance guys. T |
#2
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Update of all updates
Wow. What a shock.
I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. Well now she can believe that her father *would* have come around and spent more time with her and been a dad to her. She can believe that he didn't want to leave her. What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. If she doesn't want to go, you don't need to make her, but you might want to find out what she is afraid of going...I think it might be better for her to go, but it's a tough call. Good luck joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#3
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"Tiffany" wrote in message ... nip What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. Thanks in advance guys. T How old again is your child? I would not force her. I despise funerals and resent that my parents made me go to ones I truly did not want to go to. I don't think there is anything theraputic to see a dead body laying in a casket. Just my point zero two cents. V |
#4
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Update of all updates
Subject: Update of all updates
From: "Tiffany" Date: 4/28/2004 9:45 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad. Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know. I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. Sorry to hear Tiff, It takes a lot of strength and understanding to help your daughter through, as well as yourself, yeah he is your ex, but he is also the father of your child, don't be surprised if you feel a bit *off* yourself. (((Tiff))) I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get a good nights sleep.) Moms and Dads usually know thier kids best so yeah do what you are feeling with this. If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to bother calling me names) I don't see this as insensitive. What if she doesn't want to go? She is old enough to make this decision, Let her make it. do I make her? Do I talk her into it? No, I would not, I had a hard time with my daughter who was your daughters age when G died, she was scared and she wanted to but didn't want to go . She did decide to go the first day with a promise from me she could leave if she felt she had to. She stayed the first night, but did not go to any more of the veiwing or the funeral. should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. Hopefully your daughter will decide to go , closure is important, yes if she decides to go you should try and get her there. Dealing with your daughter will come naturally, You can do this, the effects of his death will not cripple you ,but losing her dad ,good or bad influence in her life is gonna be hard on her and with your support she will get through it. Good luck Tiff. Bev Thanks in advance guys. T |
#5
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Update of all updates
On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:45:40 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote: Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad. Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know. I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get a good nights sleep.) If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to bother calling me names) What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. Thanks in advance guys. Wow, Tiffany. My condolences to you and to your daughter. lm |
#6
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Update of all updates
'Kate wrote in message ... On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:52:28 -0500, 'Kate On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:45:40 -0400, "Tiffany" Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad. Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know. I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get a good nights sleep.) oops... after writing the long email I looked over this again. I think you're right about waiting until tomorrow after school. One day doesn't matter. After the funeral does. She needs that option. You need the time until then to get things ready just in case and call the school, talk to your job, etc... If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to bother calling me names) Not insensitive... practical. Food and shelter come first. If you can do this for her, then fine. If not, it's not the only way to say goodbye. What if she doesn't want to go? Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? Should we go? ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. Yeah.. I know. There's no parenting manual that covers this. Not true. I have one somewhere in this computer. It's pamphlet on children and grief. I have several other things... mostly studies done. Some are depressing. All helped in some way but you've already gotten the condensed version. Let me know if you want me to send it. 'Kate I have read and saved your posts. I believe it will be very important in the upcoming weeks. I will touch base more later. I don't want to be online to long incase someone is calling. Thank you so much. Yes, you can send anything that will be helpful. To send, add annmt before the at. Tiff |
#7
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Update of all updates
Subject: Update of all updates
From: "Tiffany" Date: 4/29/2004 9:13 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: "Tiffany" wrote in message ... Thanks to all the replies.... it has all been helpful. I decided to tell her last night.... I stayed up with her for a while, as she couldn't sleep. She didn't say much yet but that is ok. She cried alittle. She said she feels so bad for the upcoming baby who will never know him at all. Damn, she is so awesome. Wow that is some girl ya got there, to be thinking of the baby, when she just lost her dad, awsome indeed ! She wants to go to the funeral. We will go one way or the other. I am waiting to find out when it is. It is important for her to be with 'his' family. She has always been close to them all and this is the only way she is really going to grieve. She wants to call his girlfriend and see how she is. I told her I would get her a phone card today so she can call anyone she needs too. That is good that you will be able to have her go, looks like you have this in control and you are doing a great job. His mom called me this morning. All I know is I now have a total understanding of grief. "They"say we never really understand someones grief until we experience a substantial loss ourselves, I surely agree with what "they" say. Grief is never an excuse for the human condition that follows, but it is a reason for many different reactions and behaviors. It is a rough road to travel, one that tears your heart out especially when a child is involved. My thoughts and prayers are with you , your daughter and all of the family. Take care. Bev Tiffany |
#8
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Update of all updates
"Tiffany" wrote in message
... Holy ****... I knew something was wrong when I got a phone message from Grandpa M (Sage's fathers father) but I didn't think it would be this bad. Sage's father died last night. No one knows much as to why.... just that he was spitting blood, pain, they don't know anything. His mother, who I am pretty close to, was there with him over the weekend for a visit and she made him see a MD but other then that, that is all I know. This is always bad news regardless of anything else. My sympathies to everyone affected. I am glad she had recent contact with him now. Maybe it will help her in the long run. Let's hope so. I haven't told her yet. I think it best to have her get to school tomorrow and tell her after school. (I know, I know..... I just think she should get a good nights sleep.) I agree, there's no rush and it's better to be in a decent state of mind to find out something like this. Assuming there's a choice of course. If she wants to go to the funeral, they are taking him back to upstate NY so we will have to go there for atleast 2 days. Why am I thinking of missing work and the impact on my wallet? (I am insensitive ass, so no one needs to bother calling me names) You're nothing of the sort. All sorts of weird thoughts run through the mind at times like this so don't be too hard on yourself. What if she doesn't want to go? Then I'd say it's her choice. Do I make her? Do I talk her into it? If it were me I don't think I would, no. If she wants to go that's different but forcing her to go if she *really* doesn't want to will probably do more harm than good. You know her, so you're in the best position to decide. Should we go? If you want to. ****!!!!! I don't know how to handle death when dealing with her. It's never easy but I'd suggest trying to be honest. If your feelings are confused then don't be afraid to say so. There's no right or wrong way to feel at a time like this. My grandmother passed away last year but she was old, you expect it from the older loved ones in your life. True but in some ways it's still a shock. Thanks in advance guys. Just hope it helps. -- Paul Griffiths |
#9
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Update of all updates
Kate, having read a few of your posts I have thought in the past that you were a
sensitive and caring person - but your thoughts below I find almost unbelievable - SEND HER? SEND HER? Wheew hard to believe you really said that Kate. Geez, if it was ever a time when Sage needed her mum with her it is now. I hope her mum ignores that advice of yours, and if Sage wants to attend then mum should TAKE her - to be with her, care for her, listen to her. David PS The rest of what you you wrote sounded OK though 'Kate wrote: ...... If you can send her, and she wants to go and if she's never been to a funeral, prepare her for the setting, what her father may look like (if open casket), and what people usually do and say. If it is not possible to send her or if she does not want to go, |
#10
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Update of all updates
"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... Thanks to all the replies.... it has all been helpful. I decided to tell her last night.... I stayed up with her for a while, as she couldn't sleep. She didn't say much yet but that is ok. She cried alittle. She said she feels so bad for the upcoming baby who will never know him at all. Damn, she is so awesome. She wants to go to the funeral. We will go one way or the other. I am waiting to find out when it is. It is important for her to be with 'his' family. She has always been close to them all and this is the only way she is really going to grieve. She wants to call his girlfriend and see how she is. I told her I would get her a phone card today so she can call anyone she needs too. His mom called me this morning. All I know is I now have a total understanding of grief. Tiffany OMG Tiff I'm so sorry to hear this. You have an amazing daughter. So how are YOU dealing with this news? It must be quite a shock hon I'm sorry. Christine |
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