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On the subject of excruciatingly difficult kids whom we love



 
 
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  #11  
Old September 18th 04, 02:21 AM
Tiffany
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I have to stop..... I don't want to be perceived as kind.




"Joelle" wrote in message
...
OK...... I am going to stop drinking now.


Don't stop now, youre on a roll...;-)
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



  #12  
Old September 18th 04, 02:21 AM
Tiffany
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Hugs all around then!


T
"Paul Griffiths" wrote in message
...


  #13  
Old September 18th 04, 04:28 AM
Cele
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On 17 Sep 2004 09:19:02 GMT,
(Bebelestrnge0721) wrote:


Cele, You most definately do Know , I 'am' defensive with Joelle, I can only
try to understand her style, in my world she is hard to take, I know it does
not make her all wrong .


OK. Joelle actually has a helluva lot to offer. I just wish people
were a little gentler all 'round. But that'd be *my* problem. ;-)

Your advice to Sly is amazing, I consider this true
compassionate input, I just know there is a nicer way to point out the
possibility the boy may have a problem with the sig. other....


Well, y'know, it might just be that the way I communicate works better
for some, and the way Joelle communicates works better for others with
another style, and so on and so forth.....

and now that Sly
gave us the history there is just not much of a chance that there is any
problem
"there".


Oh, hell, who knows? I don't suppose any of us can tell over a few
posts on usenet. All anyone can do is toss out their thoughts and
experiences. Some of those will ring true for some people, some will
ring true for others, and some will be good typing exercise for the
poster at the very least. :-)

I still feel Joelle belittled slys ability to know that, and how she
dismisses the unmarried couples sharing in a family, and in parenting in said
families. Thats the bottom line on that.
Bev


Well, obviously, your feelings are your own and it's not up to anybody
to tell you how to feel. But of course, not everyone will feel as you
do, and they'll be just as quick to say so, and that, of course, is
Usenet.

Take care.

Cele
  #14  
Old September 18th 04, 04:33 AM
Cele
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On 17 Sep 2004 12:21:31 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

Quite a few of us
have been through agonising depression and medication and grief and
bereavement and pain with our kids. It's a bit minimising of that to
have you say you're the only one,


Okay, lemme explain again because I'm in no way minimizing anybody's pain and
experience. I overstated the case because I thought it was so ironic that Kit
and my boys were SO similar with the anger and outbursts that don't make sense.
Frankly I've never known anyone to have a kid with quite the problems my son
does. It's just a matter of similarity.


Fair enough. :-)

Of course lots of people have difficulties with kids. God knows I'm not the
only one and I'm really lucky because it could have been worse. Although I
have to confess sometimes I used to wish my son had a drug problem, because
then at least I would know what to do.


Heh. I went through a period of time where I wished mine had cancer
(no diminishing of the pain of cancer, to anyone here who's been
there). I thought, if she had cancer, we'd know the enemy and we'd
fight it and we'd either win or lose. This...especially before we knew
what was wrong...just felt like fighting a war with cooked spaghetti
while standing in quicksand.

Lots of people experience grief. But Kate and I know a particular kind of
grief, and even then, it's not the same so some things we can say "I know how
you feel" but other things we have to say "That I don't know or understand"


[g] Took me a minute there. I tend to think that Kate and *I* know a
particular kind of grief, because of our being the two suicide
survivors here. Just goes to show how egocentric I can be. You're
quite right, of course.

I don't use the phrase "I know how you feel" because, even when our
experiences are very similar, I don't. That's why I often phrase my
remarks in terms of my own experiences. I figure, I can't really
comment on other people's because I don't know the ins and outs of
their lives, but I can offer my *own*, and they can take what they
need and toss the rest.

I realize, though, that this could seem as if I talk endlessly about
myself. I've decided to live with that as a lesser evil.

That's all I meant. God knows I haven't suffered any more, I don't know any
mroe, and I'm not any better than anyone else. Of course i've made mistakes.
In fact, if I do think I'm smart, it's from what I learned from my mistakes.


I know, Joelle. I don't see you as thinking you're better than anyone
else. I was just a bit uncomfortable with the phraseology, is all. I'm
over it. I didn't mean to be excessively PC. Just wanted to clarify.

Be well.

Cele
  #16  
Old September 18th 04, 04:35 AM
Cele
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On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 19:46:31 +0100, "Paul Griffiths"
wrote:

"Cele" wrote in message
news
Well, call me lazy, but I've only read some of the thread.


Cele, you're lazy. Okay? :-Þ


So obliging, is my Paul....LOL

On a more serious note I'd like to make the following two points to the
universe in general.

1) I doubt there are many kids out there who actually *choose* to be
"difficult".


True enough. Or even, people who do.

2) Kids don't have the monopoly on this unconditional love business. Works
for adults too.


Yup. But it can be harder when you're not responsible for them, the
way you are for kids.

Cele
  #17  
Old September 18th 04, 04:40 AM
Cele
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On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 18:16:44 -0400, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Excellent. I need to say this just this one time, as I don't think I have
ever commented on your family situation before. I know it must be hard for
you to time and time again to type that story. It must be like reliving it.
But you do it, to help others. I commend you.


Thanks, Tiffany. I think in the beginning it was actually therapeutic.
Now, it's rather more.....I dunno. You just do it 'cause it might
help. It's not especially heroic; it's more that you really don't want
anyone to feel totally alone with what they're going through, 'cause
that does indeed suck.....and maybe giving someone else a hand makes
some of the going through it that lets you understand a bit a little
more ...acceptable. Turns **** into a learning experience with
consequences, if you see what I mean. But you may not, 'cause I'm
babbling. LOL

I commend all the women who have survived dramatic situations, you continue
to do the best jobs raising kids that may not been so blessed with another
mother. I see mother's doing great things here. If I were so inclined, I
would write a book. It is awesome to hear about single mothers doing great
things.

I also commend the wonderful single fathers in the group who also have dealt
with much drama. It keeps me grounded to know there are these great single
fathers like Paul, Paul and Dennis. (There are more here, I just don't
recall names.)


I agree. There are times when human beings just leave me staggered. We
can be both so excruciatingly cruel and so desperately wonderful that
I am often in awe. :-)

OK...... I am going to stop drinking now.


Heh. Now and then it won't kill you. ;-)

Cele
  #18  
Old September 18th 04, 04:43 AM
Cele
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On Sat, 18 Sep 2004 01:28:24 +0100, "Paul Griffiths"
wrote:

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

snip

Excellent. I need to say this just this one time, as I don't think I have
ever commented on your family situation before. I know it must be hard for
you to time and time again to type that story. It must be like reliving

it.
But you do it, to help others. I commend you.


Do you honestly think she gives herself the option not to?

Please not that my opinion on this issue may be slightly biased. :-))


Too true! But of course, you're entirely right.....(psst! Don't anyone
tell him that I'm really an evil troll under a bridge waiting to eat
small children in a single bite.....who only assumes human form when
Welshmen are about.....)

I commend all the women who have survived dramatic situations, you

continue
to do the best jobs raising kids that may not been so blessed with another
mother. I see mother's doing great things here. If I were so inclined, I
would write a book. It is awesome to hear about single mothers doing great
things.


Amen to that.

I also commend the wonderful single fathers in the group who also have

dealt
with much drama. It keeps me grounded to know there are these great single
fathers like Paul, Paul and Dennis. (There are more here, I just don't
recall names.)


Amen to that too.

OK...... I am going to stop drinking now.


Hell no, don't stop on my account. I've just finished a bottle of white
wine all by myself and I'm also in serious need of a hug so a virtual group
one would suit me just fine.


See, now, if you were here, I could give you a hand with that.....

(OK, OK, I know, we'll get a room. It's just that we can't get one for
another three months and that seems to be causing a bit of trouble in
the hug deficit department.....)

Cele
  #19  
Old September 18th 04, 10:36 AM
Paul Griffiths
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"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Hugs all around then!


Okay! {{{{{everyone in the group}}}}}


--
Paul Griffiths


  #20  
Old September 18th 04, 10:41 AM
Paul Griffiths
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"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 18 Sep 2004 01:28:24 +0100, "Paul Griffiths"
wrote:
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

snip

Excellent. I need to say this just this one time, as I don't think I

have
ever commented on your family situation before. I know it must be hard

for
you to time and time again to type that story. It must be like reliving
it. But you do it, to help others. I commend you.


Do you honestly think she gives herself the option not to?

Please note that my opinion on this issue may be slightly biased. :-))


Too true! But of course, you're entirely right.....


That's a first. You feeling okay Cele? :-Þ

(psst! Don't anyone tell him that I'm really an evil troll under a bridge

waiting
to eat small children in a single bite.....who only assumes human form

when
Welshmen are about.....)


Sorry, did someone say something?

And why do I suddenly feel an uncontrollable urge to say that my passport
and birth certificate say I'm English?

snip

OK...... I am going to stop drinking now.


Hell no, don't stop on my account. I've just finished a bottle of white
wine all by myself and I'm also in serious need of a hug so a virtual

group
one would suit me just fine.


See, now, if you were here, I could give you a hand with that.....


Two would be better but I'm not greedy.

Actually that's not true. I *am* greedy but I'm also realistic.

(OK, OK, I know, we'll get a room. It's just that we can't get one for
another three months and that seems to be causing a bit of trouble in
the hug deficit department.....)


I now have a picture of an official-sounding lady in a suit, sitting at a
desk, answering a phone and saying "Hug deficit department. How may I help
you?".


--
Paul Griffiths


 




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