Au pair advice

My wife and I are seeking a French speaking au pair to live in our
home in California and would appreciate some advice from those of you
who have participated in an au pair program. Please feel free to
e-mail me directly.

1. Is it necessary to use an agency to get an au pair?

We're going to France anyway and would like to interview candidates in
person. The agency we've contacted seems to be interested in
providing Eastern European women, but I'd like to get my three year
old started with French and don't really want someone who is maily
desperate for money or a green card. Can't I, as a private citizen,
find my own au pair, file the paperwork for the au pair and avoid the
$5,000 fee the agencies charge for all of this?

2. Any particularly good or bad experiences with au pairs?

3. Do the agencies really do thorough background investigations? I
mean, I don't really see how they could in some of these countries.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

Dave

Dave wrote:
: My wife and I are seeking a French speaking au pair to live in our
: home in California and would appreciate some advice from those of you
: who have participated in an au pair program. Please feel free to
: e-mail me directly.

I have a friend who has done it all with regards to au pairs: went through
all the agencies, hired from ads herself, had international au pairs,
domestic au pairs, etc. After over 15 years of experience, she swears it
is better to hire someone locally who writes their own ad. Her policy is
to screen a potential au pair over the phone and then proceed from there.
If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, Craigslist is the best place to
find adverts for nannies and au pairs. http://www.craigslist.org/ If
you live in the Bay Area, it wouldn't be hard to find a French-speaking
au pair who already lives in the area.

Noreen

Dave wrote:

My wife and I are seeking a French speaking au pair to live in our
home in California and would appreciate some advice from those of you
who have participated in an au pair program.

I can't answer any of your questions but I just wanted to remind you
that Quebec is a french-speaking province. You might be able to cut the
red tape a bit if the au pair is from Canada.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

In ,
Dave wrote:

*1. Is it necessary to use an agency to get an au pair?

Necessary? I wouldn't say so. I personally prefer it because they take
care of a lot of logistical stuff I wouldn't want to or know how to do.
I'm talking about insurance, travel plans, visa stuff, plus getting
recommendations and blah blah blah...

*We're going to France anyway and would like to interview candidates in
*person. The agency we've contacted seems to be interested in
*providing Eastern European women, but I'd like to get my three year
*old started with French and don't really want someone who is maily
*desperate for money or a green card. Can't I, as a private citizen,

Hmm. I use au pair care and have never had an eastern european au pair!
http://www.aupaircare.com - or I've also heard good things about Au Pair
in America, I think it's called...

*find my own au pair, file the paperwork for the au pair and avoid the
*$5,000 fee the agencies charge for all of this?

I think so.

*2. Any particularly good or bad experiences with au pairs?

We've had three (and we're on our fourth) through au pair care, and so far
they have all been great.

*3. Do the agencies really do thorough background investigations? I
*mean, I don't really see how they could in some of these countries.

We haven't had any problems, all the references have been fine, and so
forth... but we haven't selected any eastern europeans, either.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

Noreen Cooper wrote in message ...
Dave wrote:
: My wife and I are seeking a French speaking au pair to live in our
: home in California and would appreciate some advice from those of you
: who have participated in an au pair program. Please feel free to
: e-mail me directly.

I have a friend who has done it all with regards to au pairs: went through
all the agencies, hired from ads herself, had international au pairs,
domestic au pairs, etc. After over 15 years of experience, she swears it
is better to hire someone locally who writes their own ad. Her policy is
to screen a potential au pair over the phone and then proceed from there.
If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, Craigslist is the best place to
find adverts for nannies and au pairs. http://www.craigslist.org/ If
you live in the Bay Area, it wouldn't be hard to find a French-speaking
au pair who already lives in the area.



First off, craigslist is NOT only for the Bay Area. There are many
many craigslists with active participation all over the US, in London
and now in Australia. However, I would not recommend getting childcare
through craigslist.

I have had a french aupair, who was wonderful.

You DO have to go through an agency. Aupairs are on a special visa and
only agencies can provide that visa. It is a work study program,
they're only allowed to work a limited time each week (when I had one
it was 45 hours, but I believe it's less now). You cannot hire an
aupair on your own, nor can you hire one in the US. You can hire a
NANNY, but that is not the same thing as an aupair, nor does it cost
the same, nor does a nanny have a program behind her.

There are good aupair agencies and bad ones. The ones you want are the
ones that allow you to prescreen the person you eventually bring over.
I don't use the word hire, because you are not in an employer/employee
relationship. The person you bring over is a *member of your family*.
This is an extremely important distinction which you must understand
and agree with in order for your aupair relationship to work out. What
you are in effect doing is adopting a teenager from overseas to live
with you for a year. In exchange for childcare, this teen will take
classes at your local college, make friends and do cultural activities
with them, and be a complete part of your family, eating meals with
you, going on family trips with you, sharing your holidays and
celebrations. She is NOT a servant, she is NOT a nanny, and she cannot
be treated as such.

Once you choose your aupair, she'll arrive and you'll find an
immediate clash of culture. What the agencies tell the aupairs
overseas, and what the agencies tell the host families here do not
mesh! You'll find that the foreign offices say horrible things about
Americans. They tell their aupairs that our children are spoiled, that
we're wasteful, that we don't believe in discipline, even that we
require our aupairs to shave their legs. I almost plotzed when I read
the materials my aupair was given overseas. They also are less than
honest about the length of time they're expected to work daily, what
their duties might be, and what you expect of them. Remember, European
children have MUCH more freedom than do American teens, and these kids
want to get their licenses and drive, party hearty, and have fun.
They're coming to the US on a CULTURAL visa, and they believe it's a
year of parties, clubbing, and fun with a bit of babysitting thrown
in.

When you have everything squared away, be prepared for some hard
times. Mostly my French aupair was wonderful and we still hear from
her years later. She was older (21) and more mature than the other
girls. We were very lucky! We had other aupairs that were disasterous.

The California connection might not work in your favor. So many
aupairs want to come to CA that you often get a less well-screened
applicant than you would in say, Iowa. Everyone wants to be placed in
California.

Contact the agencies, find out the names of other host families in
your immediate area are, because you want to interview them to find
out about your area coordinator. If you get a good one, you're golden.
If you don't, you can have a year from hell. It is VERY important to
talk to as many families as you can, and do not just take 3 names
because they'll give you the names of people who won't complain. Get
ALL the families, call them, and be frank. Ask them what problems
they've had with the coordinator and the agency. You could get an
earfull.

Good luck. Having an aupair can be a great adventure or it can be
incredibly frustrating.

One BIG hint: rehearse rehearse and rehearse again with your aupair
how to call for help in an emergency. From personal experience I
learned that when there IS an emergency (in our case, a fire), an
aupair with excellent English language skills CAN and might possibly
lose their ability to speak English.

Marjorie


Noreen

"chiam margalit" wrote in message
om...
You DO have to go through an agency. Aupairs are on a special visa and
only agencies can provide that visa.

I don't believe this is strictly true. I think it probably *is* possible for
an individual to get the proper paperwork done with the INS, but it would be
a lot of work. I would strongly advise going through an agency. It is *well*
worth the $6,000 or so fee to have someone else do all the immigration/visa
paperwork, interview the girls and get their references, and transport them
to and from the States. By the time you do all of that yourself, you could
well run yourself into considerably more than the agency will charge you in
phone bill and airplane tickets alone.

It is a work study program,
they're only allowed to work a limited time each week (when I had one
it was 45 hours, but I believe it's less now).

It's still 45.

What
you are in effect doing is adopting a teenager from overseas to live
with you for a year.

Just wanted to point out that the age range for au pairs is 18-26. My two au
pairs, both from South Africa and both wonderful, were 25 and 26
respectively when they arrived. Personally, I have always thought of my au
pairs as adopted younger sisters who live with me--full adults capable of
making their own choices but living under my roof.

She is NOT a servant, she is NOT a nanny, and she cannot
be treated as such.

Absolutely!

Once you choose your aupair, she'll arrive and you'll find an
immediate clash of culture. What the agencies tell the aupairs
overseas, and what the agencies tell the host families here do not
mesh! You'll find that the foreign offices say horrible things about
Americans. They tell their aupairs that our children are spoiled, that
we're wasteful, that we don't believe in discipline, even that we
require our aupairs to shave their legs. I almost plotzed when I read
the materials my aupair was given overseas. They also are less than
honest about the length of time they're expected to work daily, what
their duties might be, and what you expect of them. Remember, European
children have MUCH more freedom than do American teens, and these kids
want to get their licenses and drive, party hearty, and have fun.
They're coming to the US on a CULTURAL visa, and they believe it's a
year of parties, clubbing, and fun with a bit of babysitting thrown
in.

I have to say that I never experienced this problem. Perhaps that's a
function of having always chosen au pairs at the upper end of the age
boundaries. From what I have seen and from what my au pairs have told me
about other girls in the program, the younger participants do often have odd
expectations and more trouble adjusting.
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [18mo] mom)
See us at http://photos.yahoo.com/guavaln

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"No parking passed this sign" -- hotel parking lot sign

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

chiam margalit wrote:

Remember, European
children have MUCH more freedom than do American teens, and these kids
want to get their licenses and drive, party hearty, and have fun.

Hm, I wonder where you got that information from, since as far
as I can tell after being in the US for six months, it is not
all that different. Both European and US teens want to party,
have fun, discover the world, and think they know everything.

--
-- I
mommy to DS (14m)
guardian of DH
EDD 05-17-2004
War doesn't decide who's right - only who's left

Having just speed-read thru this post I'm not sure what exactly you are
looking for, but i'll give you my .02 anyway.

If its just good child care you want, get a filipino nanny, when I found
myself a single parent I agreed reluctantly when the agency recommended one,
but when she arrived 6 months later I was SOOO happy after going thru no
less than 4 local girls, who were, to put it mildly - useless.

I have never seen such a work ethic and pleasantness in people before, and
they are excellent with kids, although show a tendancy to over-spoil them.
We still keep in touch with ours and I have no regrets about sponsering her,
and would do it again in a minute if faced with the choice again.

This country could use more people with a sense of honesty and work ethic
like I saw in our nanny!


cheers

In ,
chiam margalit wrote:

*Once you choose your aupair, she'll arrive and you'll find an
*immediate clash of culture. What the agencies tell the aupairs
*overseas, and what the agencies tell the host families here do not
*mesh! You'll find that the foreign offices say horrible things about
*Americans. They tell their aupairs that our children are spoiled, that
*we're wasteful, that we don't believe in discipline, even that we
*require our aupairs to shave their legs. I almost plotzed when I read

Hmmm. I have had au pairs from Sweden, South Africa, Finland, and New
Zealand. We haven't had any of the problems you describe! Au Pair Care
does a four-day orientation for them in NYC, perhaps that is why, I don't
know.

*the materials my aupair was given overseas. They also are less than
*honest about the length of time they're expected to work daily, what
*their duties might be, and what you expect of them. Remember, European

!!!
Weird. I didn't see any material any of our au pairs got from their
overseas coordinators, but they all did show me what they got in NYC,
which as far as I'm concerned was pretty reasonable, if a little bit
gentile-oriented and a little bit heavy on the "time out" type of thing.

*children have MUCH more freedom than do American teens, and these kids
*want to get their licenses and drive, party hearty, and have fun.
*They're coming to the US on a CULTURAL visa, and they believe it's a
*year of parties, clubbing, and fun with a bit of babysitting thrown
*in.

So far, one of our au pairs has been very interested in going to parties -
but she was also a very hard worker and in no way shirked her duty or
seemed disappointed with the 45 hr/week work schedule. The other three
haven't really been into parties/clubbing or anything. One was really
really into shopping (she bought 15 pairs of jeans and 27 handbags while
she was here!!!) and the other two were mainly interested in going out for
coffee with their friends and hanging out with us and our families!!

*One BIG hint: rehearse rehearse and rehearse again with your aupair
*how to call for help in an emergency. From personal experience I
*learned that when there IS an emergency (in our case, a fire), an
*aupair with excellent English language skills CAN and might possibly
*lose their ability to speak English.

This is one reason why I have always wanted an au pair who has spoken
English from early childhood or as a native speaker

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

In ,
Wendy Marsden wrote:

*A friend of mine - nextdoor neighbor - had an au pair come to live with
*them and her husband got a huge crush on the sexy young thing. They ended
*up divorcing.

And you really think this is due to the introduction of the au pair?
Purely a "crime of opportunity" situation? That really bugs me, actually.
I mean, a man who would behave that way, well -- not husband material!!

*I took a hard look at that situation: stressful time in the marriage with
*young kids, wife out of shape from childbirth, sleep deprived family where
*wife just went back to work... it was not the time to introduce a sexually
*available gorgeous young woman to the household.

Well, certainly it would have probably been best to interview candidates
and check their references sufficiently to ensure that the au pair is not,
in fact, sexually available to either of the parents in the home. However,
I think it is also important for the parents to do things like, oh, let's
say HONOR THEIR VOWS to each other, and honor the contract with the au
pair, and treat him or her as they would like to have their own child
treated if he or she was an au pair. In other words, do not f*ck the au
pair. Not rocket science.

* *But the main thing I've heard from people is that the stress level went
*up when they got a nubile teenager in the house - the kid was another kid
*more than another adult, if you understand the distinction. What do you
*do when your 19 year old doesn't come home by curfew? Guess what, you get
*to figure it out when you get one dropped in your lap!

Either we are amazingly lucky and by some divine intervention have had
four au pairs who are wise and responsible beyond their years, or it
really isn't that difficult to handle an au pair. Just my opinion, of
course



--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large