Unsupportive family

"PFMom" wrote in message
oups.com...
How many people here are extended breastfeeders? I have a 19mo old. I
just found out he has some decay on his back front teeth. The dentist
says I don't need to stop nursing, just to keep his teeth clean.

I talked to my sister and she yelled at me for still nursing. She said
in her opinion that I wasn't doing my son any favors by not weaning
him. That tooth matters aside she thinks that I am making him too
depenant on him and if I can't say no to him that I'm going have a
horrible horrible brat.

Frankly, I don't want to stop breastfeeding. My son isn't ready. I've
tried to wean gently and it just results in a huge crying spell (which
is why my sister says I am growing a brat), that I am stronger than he
is and I shouldn't be giving into his whims. I just can't bear to see
him suffering for something he seems to need. My sister says, he
shouldn't need it. You should be the one to decide. There is something
wrong with you! Stop nursing. I want to hit my sister HARD. Firstly,
she never sees me or my son. She lives 2500 miles away. She saw him
off and on for 2 weeks when I came to visit, but didn't spend much time
with him. The time she did spend with him he was sick and cranky and I
was tired. I don't know why she is critizing me so hard. I'm not
hurting my son or being a bad mother for still nursing him am I??

The thing is, my mother is dead and my sister's opinion is so important
to me and it hurts me quite badly that she is this way with me. I need
to know that other people have continued to nurse into toddler hood and
beyond and what kind of children they have. Are they over dependant on
you?

Why is it that family seems to be where we get the most negative feedback?
I understand your need for your sister's support. My dad is not involved in
my life, and my mother is schizophrenic, so she's not even on this planet
most of the time... My sister is really my only family, besides my husband.
However, you need to put your needs, and family's needs first. If you are
at all concerned about breastfeeding a 19 month old, talk to the
pediatrician, who will probably totally back you up. If your only doubt and
hesitation comes from your sister, don't discuss it with her. You are an
adult too, and perfectly able to make good decisions for your own family.

Betsy

PFMom writes:
: How many people here are extended breastfeeders?

Does nursing to 5 yr 5 mos with the first and 6 yr with the second
count? :-)

: I have a 19mo old. I
: just found out he has some decay on his back front teeth. The dentist
: says I don't need to stop nursing, just to keep his teeth clean.

OK. We had some tooth decay problems with our second. Some of the
things we did was make a rule that he could nurse at bedtime UNTIL
he brushed his teeth, then he could not nurse again until he woke
in the middle of the night.

: I talked to my sister and she yelled at me for still nursing. She said
: in her opinion that I wasn't doing my son any favors by not weaning
: him. That tooth matters aside she thinks that I am making him too
: depenant on him and if I can't say no to him that I'm going have a
: horrible horrible brat.

Well, you can probably guess that I don't agree with your sister, so
why point it out? :-) Discipline and the settign of limits has
NOTHING to do with extended nursing.

: Frankly, I don't want to stop breastfeeding. My son isn't ready. I've
: tried to wean gently and it just results in a huge crying spell (which
: is why my sister says I am growing a brat), that I am stronger than he
: is and I shouldn't be giving into his whims. I just can't bear to see
: him suffering for something he seems to need. My sister says, he
: shouldn't need it. You should be the one to decide. There is something
: wrong with you! Stop nursing. I want to hit my sister HARD. Firstly,
: she never sees me or my son. She lives 2500 miles away. She saw him
: off and on for 2 weeks when I came to visit, but didn't spend much time
: with him. The time she did spend with him he was sick and cranky and I
: was tired. I don't know why she is critizing me so hard. I'm not
: hurting my son or being a bad mother for still nursing him am I??

Well, you need a different relationship with your sister, whatever else
you do. Repeat after me: "I am his mother, and I am responsible for
the parenting styles I choose. If you insist on continually criticizing
my choices, which I have well researched and thought about, then I
will have to limit my contact with you." :-)

: The thing is, my mother is dead and my sister's opinion is so important
: to me and it hurts me quite badly that she is this way with me. I need
: to know that other people have continued to nurse into toddler hood and
: beyond and what kind of children they have. Are they over dependant on
: you?

Not exactly. At 6 and 8 now, they are probably the most independent
children on the playground.

Larry7

In article .com,
"PFMom" wrote:

I talked to my sister and she yelled at me for still nursing. She said
in her opinion that I wasn't doing my son any favors by not weaning
him.

It must be soooo wonderful to have a sister who knows more than your own
dentist!

That tooth matters aside she thinks that I am making him too
depenant on him and if I can't say no to him that I'm going have a
horrible horrible brat.
snip
My sister says, he
shouldn't need it. You should be the one to decide. There is something
wrong with you! Stop nursing.

Well, all the major health authorities recommend BFing to two years and as
long as desired thereafter. So you should be able to shut her up by saying
you are following what the doctors say. Does she think he knows more than
they do?

And of course she's being silly about BFing creating clingy brats (though I've
never seen a clingy brat -- most brats aren't clingy and most clingy kids
aren't brats). You spoil children by not setting limits. I am sure there are
plenty of times you set limits for your son.

I need
to know that other people have continued to nurse into toddler hood and
beyond and what kind of children they have. Are they over dependant on
you?

LOL -- no. DS1 still BFs for 5-10 mins almost every evening, though I think
he's just starting to wean off that now. He's 4.5 and will be starting school
in February.He's generally a nice kid -- helpful, reasonably obedient, sleeps
and eats well, has very definite opinions though! But I think all 4yos are
like that. DS2 is 4mo so I can't tell you what he's like yet :-)

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

"PFMom" wrote:

The thing is, my mother is dead and my sister's opinion is so important
to me and it hurts me quite badly that she is this way with me.

I can understand why you feel that way. It's a hard thing for another
person to understand, if she's not an extended nurser, and the general
public has so many myths around children and independence and parenting. We
have to just shrug these things off; you know you're doing the best thing
for your child.

I need
to know that other people have continued to nurse into toddler hood and
beyond and what kind of children they have. Are they over dependant on
you?

My two aren't, but then I contend that a certain amount of dependence is
normal; I'm not expecting them to be going out and getting jobs any time
soon I nursed my son until he was 5.5 and my daughter until she was a
bit over 4; they're 7.5 and 5 now. They both sleep through the night,
behave themselves, have good manners, help around the house, and are smart,
funny, sweet, articulate, and wonderful. They have their moments, as all
kids do, but more than one person has told me that there's something special
about my kids, and it's clear how close they are to me, but they're not
overly-clingy. No one could tell by looking at them that they nursed so
long or that they slept in my bed for years.

A child can become a tyrant if his/her wants run the household, but extended
nursing is not the sole or even a usual means of that happening. The vast
majority of bratty kids in the world are not nursed longer than a few
months, if at all. It's about over-all parenting style, environment, and
personality. In the end, what matter is what's best for your child, not
pleasing your sister or winning her approval. If she wants to prove her
parenting theories, she can have her own kids; that's usually enough to take
the wind out of a person's sails and bring on some humility. I know it did
for me


HTH,


Emily