How do you decide?

"Shirley M...have a goodaa \\;-)" wrote:

Something that I have found is that they need to know they have strong
points in different things. Whether they are in the same class or not
believe me, they know. They hear each other read, do math or just
question/answer things. It is sooo important to stress that even though
they are twins, they are very different and have different talents. One may
be better at math or reading, but the other might be better at drawing. My
DS is a fantastic artist, it shows in everything that he does, he has a
perceptive eye that can distinguish symmetry, lines, distance, etc. His
sister doesn't have any of those skills and does talk about how Chris is
better at drawing. Chris's art teacher is the same one Kathleen has and he
works with all kids, but has said many times how talented Chris is, of
course he doesn't say that Kathleen isn't but it's there just by the grades
he gets. She is a wonderful Irish Dancer, passionate, dedicated and very
artistic in her presentation. Something that even Chris says he of course
could never achieve. I try to stress over and over, just as everyone has a
burden to carry in life (loss of parents, disease or other things - in our
house Chris has seizures and medicine and tests that he has to live with),
each one of us also has a talent that grows and needs to be fed. They will
be compared all of their lives, maybe not directly but they compare each
other - especially as they get older, and you would be lying if you told
both they were equal in everything. It's more truthful to let them know how
they are talented and what they seem to excel in. BTW, Kathleen is a
straight A student (Chris A/B). She retains some things quicker and school
work comes easier to her than him. They see that too, one seems to have to
study more than the other. Chris write better, I could go on and on. But
it will start to grow and I think especially with multiples you have to be
prepared to be honest but supportive.

Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95


Each child's strong points should be noted and encouraged - as they
need it. However, I would advise caution on any scale that starts them
competing to excell at the same things (or stop excelling so as to not
be different). I've unfortunately met some multiples who had learned
either side of these abnormal attitudes.

That is why I dislike seeing a statement of a teacher comparing two
students who share a last name. In the school situation, it's more
informative for the parents to know if the student(s) abilities are
consistently improving over time compared to that child's starting
point. (Comparison to an average for the age is useful for determining
special needs or assistance - whether it be tutoring to bring up to the
norm or additional activities to avoid boredom.)

For something like reading skills, comparing siblings can lead to
odd anomalies in evaluating their skills. I'm a faster reader than
my sister and this sometimes made me seem like a better reader. However
throughout school we were both considered advanced compared to our
age-groups averages. The major difference was that I completed more
questions on the tests - no significant differences in comprehension
for the material we both completed.

Cindy Wells
(who excelled in the humanities and did reasonably well in math and
science; both of my siblings were better with the math and science.
However when we went off to our various college experiences, I chose
to major in chemistry at a school with a good liberal arts program
available for my electives (coursework outside of the major was
required). My sister went to an engineering college where there were
fewer humanities requirements. After those programs we both went on
to do grad work in our respective majors.)