Interpreting frustrating nursing behavior

I am having a bit of trouble clarifying my question in my own mind, so bear
with me as this may not be the clearest of posts!

My baby boy is a little bit over 3 weeks old. In the last week, he has
started having "episodes" of being unhappy at the breast. This is really
frustrating for me and I'm having trouble figuring out what is going on.

Frequently during the day, he will start acting like he wants to nurse, but
then get very unhappy while nursing--pulling away and letting the milk run
out of his mouth only to frantically latch back on and then get all
red-faced and pull away again and cry. He also chokes and splutters
sometimes. I have thought of overactive letdown, but I presume that that
would be a problem during every nursing, not just some of them (right?). I
get the feeling that he just wants to comfort suck and is getting mad to be
getting real milk. However, what is confusing to me is that occasionally
after several bouts of this unhappy pulling away behavior, I will try again
and he will then nurse just fine for a while--eventually getting fussy again
and wanting to go to sleep while nursing, but not doing so (and then does go
to sleep with walking and back patting).

The other reason I feel so confused/frustrating is that he doesn't do this
at night or in the morning. Our nighttime pattern has been to nurse on both
sides at about 8 or 8:30. He finishes up and falls asleep by about 9:00.
Wakes every 3 hours or so at night to nurse, nurses fine. He will sometimes
do the choke/splutter/deep indrawn gasp thing, but immediately latches back
on and keeps nursing until he drops off satisfied. In the morning, for the
first two nursings or so of the day, it is the same thing--maybe will choke
a bit, but kind of "rides it out" and keeps on nursing fine. At about 11:00
or so (sometimes not until 1:00), he starts doing the frustrating
thing--latching on and off, fussing at the breast, but then when unlatched
starts rooting around and trying to suck his hands, etc. I decided yesterday
during a "good" nursing session (in the afternoon) that when he pulls on and
off, he is not hungry and I should just stop trying to feed him and do
something else. Of course, then when it is actually happening I stop being
able to tell if he is really hungry or not and so keep trying to nurse him,
only to be met with frustration for both of us. What is so incredibly
frustrating about this for me, is that half the time he nurses like a dream
and I feel all fulfilled and motherly, but when he doesn't I feel so *bad*
and like I'm really screwing up somehow--I keep trying to figure out what
one or the other of us is doing wrong.

The "pattern" I've noticed is that he seems to nurse well if he has been
sleeping for quite a while. He tends to do the frustrated thing when he has
been awake for some time after the good nursing and is kind of sleepy again.
(Which kinds of points to the "not really hungry" answer that is what my
logic tells me is going on. I still don't know how to "fix" that though).

I guess I still don't know what exactly I'm asking here! Any opinions or
advice to offer on what I did muddle out?

--
Em
mama to Lann, 9/21/03

Em wrote in message
news:uDYib.766668$YN5.742460@sccrnsc01...
Big snip
Any opinions or advice to offer on what I did muddle out?

I think it's a conflict between wanting to suck and not being really
hungry, as you said. Three week old babies often don't really know what
they want. They simply haven't had time to figure out all the different
sensations their bodies give them, let alone what to do about them. IME
three weeks is about when they start to notice having gas or needing to
poop, and this is very unpleasant for them. They want to nurse, because
this is the biggest pleasure they have found in life so far. Then they
get frustrated because nursing does not make the bad poopy feeling go
away, like it did when they discovered that nasty "hunger" feeling. The
red face you mention is the biggest clue to me - he's straining to
excrete. My DS was doing this at the same time every day too, only it
was at about 6:00 am. I figured it was due to the huge meal he ate from
6:00 pm to 10:00 pm or later every night. Basically the answer is more
time to mature. :-) There's not much you can do for him when he just
needs to poop. He has to figure it out on his own. I know it's so hard
to see him so unhappy but just hold him and talk to him, which will
hopefully help comfort you at least, if not him. In a couple weeks
he'll be doing better.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 6 mo.
And Jaden, 1 month

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

I guess I still don't know what exactly I'm asking here! Any opinions or
advice to offer on what I did muddle out?

Normal, normal, normal. :-) I think all babies go through a period of doing
this to some extent at somewhere in the 3-6 week period, and it drives us all
batty. You aren't screwing anything up.

The good news is, it's pretty temporary. One day you will just realize he
hasn't fussed like that at the breast for a while.

Also, since you've noticed a pattern of this behavior happening when he's been
awake for a while, it's probably related to his just being tired. (Nursing is
hard work! As wonderful as it is, it's no wonder he fusses about it when he's
already tired.) Try to encourage him to sleep a little earlier.

Holly
Mom to Camden, 2.5 yrs

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
Em wrote in message
Big snip
Any opinions or advice to offer on what I did muddle out?

I think it's a conflict between wanting to suck and not being really
hungry, as you said. Three week old babies often don't really know what
they want. They simply haven't had time to figure out all the different
sensations their bodies give them, let alone what to do about them. IME
three weeks is about when they start to notice having gas or needing to
poop, and this is very unpleasant for them. They want to nurse, because
this is the biggest pleasure they have found in life so far. Then they
get frustrated because nursing does not make the bad poopy feeling go
away, like it did when they discovered that nasty "hunger" feeling. The
red face you mention is the biggest clue to me - he's straining to
excrete. My DS was doing this at the same time every day too, only it
was at about 6:00 am. I figured it was due to the huge meal he ate from
6:00 pm to 10:00 pm or later every night. Basically the answer is more
time to mature. :-) There's not much you can do for him when he just
needs to poop. He has to figure it out on his own. I know it's so hard
to see him so unhappy but just hold him and talk to him, which will
hopefully help comfort you at least, if not him. In a couple weeks
he'll be doing better.

Thanks, Cheryl! He doesn't always do the red-faced thing, sometimes it is
just pulling away and spluttering unhappily--I guess I need to accept that
I'm not always going to be able to figure everything out! Anyway, last night
he did get red-faced and before he cried, I switched from trying to nurse to
putting him semi-sitting on my knees and bicycling his legs. He was quite
cheerful about that and he pooped after a while! So, I felt like a v.
successful diagnostician (thanks to your suggestion). Of course, he then got
fussy again and about 9:00 and wouldn't nurse and I couldn't "diagnose" the
cause that time. DH walked and bounced him a bit and then put him back into
bed with me when he was all sleepy and he nursed just fine and was flat out
asleep by 10:00. I have trouble with these fussy times, because I want the
*answer*!! I really should feel lucky, because most of the time what I am
calling "fussy" is just that he will get squirmy after being held in one
position for too long and will give a little protest "squawk" so we will try
something new. Last night he did do about 5 minutes of all out crying after
the unsuccessful try at nursing him. I've heard of lots, lots worse, but it
still feels stressful to me!

--
Em
mama to Lann, 9/21/03