How did you decide?

OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am starting
to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many reasons:

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

2) Money and not returning to work for an additional 5 years

3) Energy during pg. My DD is v high need and I am so concerned about what
will happen if I go on bedrest again like the last pg'y

4) DD having to share my attention with a sibling

5) Co-sleeping with 2????

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide? I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing #2 is so hard
w/ a toddler running around and I am so pro-bf'ing that NOT nursing isn't a
choice. I am also prone to depression, though amazingly I suffered no PPD
with DD, though I was on Prozac from before her birth till she was about 6
ish month IIRC. Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???

Argggh. Help!

CY

On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 20:43:04 -0700, "CY"
wrote:

OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am starting
to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many reasons:

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

2) Money and not returning to work for an additional 5 years

3) Energy during pg. My DD is v high need and I am so concerned about what
will happen if I go on bedrest again like the last pg'y

4) DD having to share my attention with a sibling

5) Co-sleeping with 2????

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide?

When thinking about kids I had always wanted 2, approx 2 years apart.
DH knew this and suprised me by when DD was about to turn 1 asking if
I was ready to start trying for #2. We did end up waiting a few more
months but as you can tell from further down not that long .

All 5 of your issues I had to deal with. It is possible that I may
still have to wean DD (I'm currently 17 weeks pg and DD was premmie)
however I haven't yet and DD doesn't seem to mind the lack (or at
least what I see of as lack) of milk - she hasn't changed her feeding
amounts or lengths since before I became pg. How old is your DD? My DD
is 21 months old and drinks tons of milk and water aside from MM.

Money is something that needs to be dealt with anyway and always.
Again I am facing possible bed rest with a high energy toddler. We
will work that out when we come to it - this may also depend on the
age of your little one. The last two where fairly low on my worries,
DD is night weaned so she will sleep next to DH and as well as me and
that is what we will do with her when #2 arrives. The sharing
attention she would have to learn at any point there is a second child
around - I'm not sure how we will deal with it but we will work out
something .

Di

As you say, only you can make the decision! I'm super-fertile and my first
three just came when God sent them, so I never had to consider the kinds of
questions you are asking, which mostly sound like the typical fears of going
from one child to two. It IS hard at first, but well worth it. As for the
particular questions:

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

I can't remember how old she is, but in some cases pregnancy kind of helps with
weaning because as the milk dwindles she MAY lose interest. Or if she doesn't,
she may well continue to nurse for comfort until the milk returns, which is
what happened with my second.


2) Money and not returning to work for an additional 5 years

If we worried about that, we'd never have had any kids at all. ;-) We never
have enough money but we manage. And if you have another now, you shorten the
total amount of time you aren't working. What if you don't do it now but then
decide you really want a baby a couple of years down the road? Then you'd be
off a lot more years total. And your second baby will be cheaper because
you'll already have a lot of stuff.

3) Energy during pg. My DD is v high need and I am so concerned about what
will happen if I go on bedrest again like the last pg'y

Do you have friends and family who could help if that happened again? I must
say that my most recent pregnancy, when my youngest was five, was so wonderful
because I could say, "I'm tired, I'm taking a npa," and they would just watch
t.v. until I got up. That's impossible with a toddler!


4) DD having to share my attention with a sibling

That's good for her, in the long run, IMO. It's harder for the mom to learn
how to split the attention, IME.

5) Co-sleeping with 2????

I've never done that--I always moved one up before another came along. But my
sister does it without a problem. Just put #1 on one side and #2 on the
other.

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide? I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing #2 is so hard
w/ a toddler running around

FWIW, that wasn't my experience. How is it harder than giving a bottle? At
least you have one hand free. And you could learn to nurse in a sling.

and I am so pro-bf'ing that NOT nursing isn't a
choice. I am also prone to depression, though amazingly I suffered no PPD
with DD, though I was on Prozac from before her birth till she was about 6
ish month IIRC.

Chances are if you didn't have it before you won't have it this time.

Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???


I think maybe you aren't quite ready yet. I could be wrong, but I'm not sure
it would be so hard to decide if you were. I know after Teddy was born I
didn't want any more. There are six years between him and William. And when
William was born I said I was done for sure, but now I would like another but
not yet.

Leslie

CY wrote:
OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am
starting to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many
reasons:

We conceived #2 exactly as planned. Hunter was 15 months, nursing like a
maniac, sleeping terrible, and I really wanted another. I wanted them close
in age. I had the fever, lol.

I would like a third. I have a few criteria this time before we ttc ;-)

1) All current children must be weaned
2) All current children must be sleeping through the night most of the time
3) Dh will have a job.

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached

I was prepared to tandem mine as my #1 was very attached as well. I
intentionally weaned a not very happy toddler because I just couldn't deal
with it. I had no idea. YMMV of course.

2) Money and not returning to work for an additional 5 years

There is never enough money but I will only play it so close to the line and
that is why I won't have another till dh has a year round job. The line is
different for everyone of course.

3) Energy during pg.

This is partially why all current kids will be sleeping through the night
before I get pg again :-) Also, after the baby was born my #1 was just
completely exhausted because I could no longer put in the time and effort he
needed in the sleep department. That was really the only trouble we had
with the transition to having a sibling.

4) DD having to share my attention with a sibling

I wouldn't worry about this one. There is a transition but in the end more
is added then is taken away.

5) Co-sleeping with 2????

This was hard for me because of the sleeping behavior of my toddler (slept
on me or plastered up against me). Once I was over the initial exhaustion
and the baby was a tiny bit bigger we all slept together again without a
problem. I would have gotten better rest had he been in his own bed but it
was all very managable.

I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing
#2 is so hard w/ a toddler running around and I am so pro-bf'ing that
NOT nursing isn't a choice.

You know what....I just did not have any problems with this what so ever.

Ahh, so I know
the decision is a personal one, but how do you rationalize it???

Well when we were ttc #2 we just wanted it very badly. There was no doudts
and no hesitation so we *knew*. I want a #3 now and if everything was in
place, I'd do it. I just know it isn't the right time though. I think when
the time is right for me I'll have no hesitation.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

I can't remember how old she is, but in some cases pregnancy kind of helps
with
weaning because as the milk dwindles she MAY lose interest. Or if she
doesn't,
she may well continue to nurse for comfort until the milk returns, which is
what happened with my second.

This is the only part I am replying to.

When I got pg w/#2, I looked forward to DS weaning himself as the milk dwindled
or changed flavors. That's what I heard most commonly. It never happened.

DS was and is quite verbal and would tell me the milk tasted salty or sour or
something else, but he kept right on nursing. My mother began to question me
again, "I thought you said he'd wean after you got pregnant," and many, many
comments from folks both close and strange, "You really must wean, you know."

But God and DS#1 had a plan, I guess. It is the only thing I can think,
anyway. DS#2 was born with a cleft palate and couldn't nurse. I *needed* my
first son to continue nursing to help with the mechanics of milk supply for
pumping. I also needed him as a source of comfort. I mourned the loss of
another nursing relationship, so I was grateful that DS#1 could still nurse.

DS was really bewildered when I suddenly went from "Finish UP," if he'd nurse
in the middle of the nite to, "Wake up, I need you to nurse momma," when I got
engorged and didn't want to get up and pump.

A LLL friend said that one day Joey, the younger baby, would come to know the
gift his older brother James gave him. But you know what? James sees it the
other way around. He says Joey is the one that brought the milk back and
changed it from salty to sweet.

There were a couple of incidents where there was some jealousy--or rather
impatience--when I had to pump and James wanted to nurse. But once he saw that
he wasn't being denied nursing, he quickly understood that as long as momma
pumped, he could then nurse as long as he wanted afterwards.

I will always urge pregant moms who have a nursing child NOT to wean. You
never know what you'll be handed. Even if your new baby does not have problems
nursing, it is so nice to have a knowlegeable nurser to help with engorgement!
Plus, if they can both nurse and you can stand it, you can have a "lapful of
love" and nurse both at the same time.

"CY" wrote in message
news:b5JNb.9027$Xq2.4005@fed1read07...
Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???

In my case it's easy--I'm 38 and those eggs are getting crow's feet!

Beth

I am not one to mull things alot. I knew I wanted another kid, and
everything else would work out.

KC



"CY" wrote in message news:b5JNb.9027$Xq2.4005@fed1read07...
OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am starting
to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many reasons:

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

2) Money and not returning to work for an additional 5 years

3) Energy during pg. My DD is v high need and I am so concerned about what
will happen if I go on bedrest again like the last pg'y

4) DD having to share my attention with a sibling

5) Co-sleeping with 2????

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide? I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing #2 is so hard
w/ a toddler running around and I am so pro-bf'ing that NOT nursing isn't a
choice. I am also prone to depression, though amazingly I suffered no PPD
with DD, though I was on Prozac from before her birth till she was about 6
ish month IIRC. Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???

Argggh. Help!

CY

"CY" wrote in message ...

OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am
starting
to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many reasons:

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide? I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing #2 is so hard
w/ a toddler running around and I am so pro-bf'ing that NOT nursing isn't
a
choice. I am also prone to depression, though amazingly I suffered no PPD
with DD, though I was on Prozac from before her birth till she was about 6
ish month IIRC. Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???

Argggh. Help!

CY



I have had cycles of antenatal depression followed by post partum
depression, but I never let it get in the way of me having more kids. People
even told me I shouldn't have any more, but I love my kids, they are not the
problem the depression is.

My kids are 7,5,4,2 and 7 months, and I have never found breastfeeding
difficult with having other children. If anything it's been easier. Just
whip 'em out, and read a story to my son who is 2.

As for money well, if I worried about that I wouldn't have had any! To me
they enrich my life so much that money isn't an issue.

I have mentioned here before that I'm 26, and have had 5 kids so far. I want
more as my mom and gran both had early menopause (early 30's) followed by
uterine cancer, leading to a hysterectomy each. I may be lucky, but I am not
willing to take the chance.
If I knew early menopause wasn't coming then I would space out any new
children, but we are thinking seriously about baby #6, but I can't get
pregnant when nursing, I have tried before. So we shall see.
It's going to be awful when I can't have children anymore, but still I will
be a young grandma!

Whatever happens then I'm sure it will be alright, when you have got to the
stage of asking these sorts of questions then deep down inside you know the
answer!

Good luck!


--
Andrea mom of 5 - latest addition Kamron David 7 months still nursing strong
with 4 teeth!

Leslie wrote:

As you say, only you can make the decision! I'm super-fertile and my first
three just came when God sent them, so I never had to consider the kinds of
questions you are asking, which mostly sound like the typical fears of going
from one child to two. It IS hard at first, but well worth it. As for the
particular questions:


And I'm the complete opposite. We wanted another baby when DD was about
3 years old (that was when she weaned and I came out of my fog). But
nothing. Instead, after I gave all my baby stuff away to friends'
friends and charity, voila we conceived. DD was 5 at the time. So, I
guess like Leslie, the baby came when God sent him as well.

We didn't have many of the issues you presented because DD is in school
all day. So, I can devote all day to the baby as well as nap with the
baby. Money is the main issue for us. I decided to stop working
outside the home. We went from two incomes and one child to one income
and two children, so we have about 60% the income before DS was born.
We will have to pull DD out of her private school and send her to the
neighborhood school. Luckily she is pretty excited about that and we
think it'll be good for her to be in public schools. We don't eat out
much, and vacations are pretty low-cost; almost any extra money is going
to college funds or retirement. But we still have a comfortable life
and certainly we're not wanting for anything.


Jeanne

"CY" wrote in message news:b5JNb.9027$Xq2.4005@fed1read07...
OK, so I have been lurking at mkp for a few months and I think I am starting
to think about ttc #2. But I am SO scared about it for many reasons:

1) Unwanted weaning of DD - she is VERY attached to the boobies and I know
she'll be devastated at the lack of milk that will happen further into my pg

Well, this was part of my decision to wait as long as I did. DS was
very attached, too, and I wanted to wait until he was old enough that
a decline in my supply wouldn't be too devestating to him. It seems
to have worked - I got pg right after he turned 2, and that seemed to
naturally coincide with him decreasing his nursing frequency and
quantity. I'm about 6 months pg now, and the milk has pretty much
dried up, but he still asks occasionally, and I let him "try." I
suspect that once baby #2 gets here, he'll want to tandem, though it's
hard to say.

I know millions of bf'ing/AP'ing mamas have more than one kid, but how did
you decide? I have also seen so many posts about how bf'ing #2 is so hard
w/ a toddler running around and I am so pro-bf'ing that NOT nursing isn't a
choice. I am also prone to depression, though amazingly I suffered no PPD
with DD, though I was on Prozac from before her birth till she was about 6
ish month IIRC. Ahh, so I know the decision is a personal one, but how do
you rationalize it???

Well, we always knew we wanted 2. Our big debate is still 2 or 3,
which has yet to be decided. Part of my timing was because I also
didn't feel ready yet until last summer, and I also wanted to wait
until after my friend's wedding where I was going to be a bridesmaid!
(Strangely enough, one of her SIL's and another bridesmaid also got pg
shortly thereafter...)

It's the sort of decision that lends itself to waffling, I realize!
Good luck in your decision-making.

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
#2 EDD 4/04