Alternatives to Time Out

Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong? I'm looking for
ideas. And I ask because it seems that all theorists, from the
more hard-line types to Dr. Sears, recommends using "time out",
though the latter likely interprets it a little differently.

I tend to have a bit of disdain for the popular methods of a
lot of things regarding childcare. But in this area (which I've
not yet needed with my child), I'm not aware of some of the
alternatives, so any ideas would be of interest. Thx.


P. Tierney

Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong?

Yes, for younger children it's called spanking.

For older children it can involve grounding, the revokation of privileges, or
the temporary confiscation of personal belongings (what good does it do to
punish a kid by sending him to his room if all his stuff is in there?)

"GI Trekker" wrote in message
...
Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong?

Yes, for younger children it's called spanking.

I'm only interested in non-abusive ideas. Thanks anyways.


P. Tierney

In article ,
(GI Trekker) wrote:

Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong?

Yes, for younger children it's called spanking.

For older children it can involve grounding, the revokation of privileges, or
the temporary confiscation of personal belongings (what good does it do to
punish a kid by sending him to his room if all his stuff is in there?)

No, spanking is certainly not the only alternative for younger children!
Your other suggestions work well with younger children too. My 2 year
old understands temporary confiscation of personal belongings - if he
throws a toy, it gets taken away. And he understands revokation of
privileges - If he pours water out of the bathtub, then bathtime is
over. If he doesn't walk upstairs for bedtime when I tell him to, he
gets carried up the stairs - he's lost the privilege of walking by
himself.

I try to make the punishment match the "crime." If he whines and cries
when it's time to go do errands, we don't go to the library afterwards
as we had planned. If he's playing outside and doesn't follow the rules,
then he has to go inside.

We use some version of time-outs too. For example, if it was time to get
dressed but he wouldn't get dressed, he'd get a time-out (in my lap or
in his bed) until he told me he was ready to get dressed. If he grabbed
a toy someone else was using and wouldn't let go, he'd be pried off and
held while I reminded him that "we don't grab" and released when he
agreed to play nicely, use his words, wait his turn, or whatever.

- Lynn

Yes, for younger children it's called spanking.

Sure, if you're into that kind of parenting..however..

I do send my kids to their rooms, seperately. They each have their own room
and they love playing together. That in itself is punishment. They hate
being apart, how boring for them!

I give 2 warnings. If they haven't cleaned their room, aren't listening,
misbehaving (i.e.jumping off the sofa, etc) or fighting with each other for
example, I ask them to stop and explain that what they are doing is not
appropriate and I would like them to stop. If that doesn't work, I reinforce
the idea that IF they dont listen then they will be punished and let them
know what that punishment will be. Strike 3 and they get sent to their
rooms, have something taken away for the of the day (such as no swimming, no
game cube, no Spongebob later, no dessert, etc)

I have never "grounded" the kids for longer than a day and 9 times out of 10
they stop after the first warning. I have never spanked them as a form of
discipline.

I do use time outs though, with my son. He has a little chair in the living
room that he sits in if he gets out of control, whiney, mean to us or his
sister then he needs to take a break to cool off (what we call it) and
sometimes we give his behavior a silly name - call it a girls name or
something so he is never told that HE is being bad, which I wont say. And I
never say I am angry with him, just upset with him. Oh, and I also I tell
him he's being a Wild thing (taken from the book Where the wild things are)
and it works. My daughter has a wonderful calm personality and she almost
never needs disciplining. When she does get in trouble, she does the "yes
mommy, I understand mommy" and never argues.

We have everyone tell us how well behaved the kids are, how wonderful they
are, etc and I can honestly say its not that difficult to get your kids to
mind as long as you remain firm. Yes they can be trying and Im not saying
they are perfect, they are most definately not! But they dont act up in
public, they are polite and they do mind (most of the time

Kari
mom to Kaylie (7) Noah (4) and #3 due in 6 weeks

P. Tierney wrote:
Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong? I'm looking for
ideas. And I ask because it seems that all theorists, from the
more hard-line types to Dr. Sears, recommends using "time out",
though the latter likely interprets it a little differently.

I tend to have a bit of disdain for the popular methods of a
lot of things regarding childcare. But in this area (which I've
not yet needed with my child), I'm not aware of some of the
alternatives, so any ideas would be of interest. Thx.


P. Tierney

Time outs with Hunter are a disaster so I have to come up with ways to
handle the behavior that are not immediate so they are more painful to me,
lol, but probably better. I generally have to look at what might be going
on in his life that result in him misbehaving and then try and change that.
Add more onene time, more sleep, better routine, different types of play,
something along those lines. When I'm fed up and would like to send him to
his room, I generally just leave myself for awhile if I can. If I can take
a step back I can sometimes see a way to distract him out of his behavior,
or if possible we switch parents. If it is late enough at night I've been
known to just take us all three go to bed, which is probably OK because if
he is doing 'time out' things then he is probably tired anyway. As he gets
older I think more options will open up since he will be able to tie a
result/consequence to something that happened longer then 10 seconds ago.
For instance, if you are being very difficult to be around then I'll be to
exhausted to go do xyz later today.

Currently I'm working on getting him to realize that sometimes playing in
his room, by himself is actually a good thing. I don't do that during an
'episode' though. We are making a tiny bit of progress already and once we
get there I think this will be very nice. It will go a long way in giving
himself a break as well as an alternative I can suggest if I see things
going in the wrong direction.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

On Fri, 22 Aug 2003 19:19:18 GMT, "P. Tierney"
wrote:

Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong? I'm looking for
ideas. And I ask because it seems that all theorists, from the
more hard-line types to Dr. Sears, recommends using "time out",
though the latter likely interprets it a little differently.

I tend to have a bit of disdain for the popular methods of a
lot of things regarding childcare. But in this area (which I've
not yet needed with my child), I'm not aware of some of the
alternatives, so any ideas would be of interest. Thx.


P. Tierney




I remember a book that seemed to have lots of different ideas. It was
called "Raising Your Spirited Child". People seem to have lots of
opinions regarding this book but I think you need to look at it like
any other book - take out of it what is useful to you and bypass the
rest.


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On Fri, 22 Aug 2003 19:19:18 GMT, "P. Tierney"
wrote:

Recent posts have me wondering, do any people, or theorists
that you know, do things other than "time out" when a child
engages in a behavior that is clearly wrong? I'm looking for
ideas. And I ask because it seems that all theorists, from the
more hard-line types to Dr. Sears, recommends using "time out",
though the latter likely interprets it a little differently.

I tend to have a bit of disdain for the popular methods of a
lot of things regarding childcare. But in this area (which I've
not yet needed with my child), I'm not aware of some of the
alternatives, so any ideas would be of interest. Thx.


P. Tierney

Much depends on the age of the child, so this is hard to answer
with what to do.

The fact is that positive parenting mostly avoids *methods*
But the idea is to take the time to *teach* your child what it was
they did that was wrong and to have them take the responsibility
for learning from the situation. You don't *protect* them from
the real and natural consequences of their actions and let them
learn from those consequences for the most part.

If you can think of concrete examples with a specific age range
in mind, it might be easier to give alternatives.

There is a book called T.I.P.S. Time-In Parenting Strategies
by Otto Weininger, I., Schultz Tucluescu which has ideas you
can use.



--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

"toto" wrote:

Much depends on the age of the child, so this is hard to answer
with what to do.

The fact is that positive parenting mostly avoids *methods*
But the idea is to take the time to *teach* your child what it was
they did that was wrong and to have them take the responsibility
for learning from the situation. You don't *protect* them from
the real and natural consequences of their actions and let them
learn from those consequences for the most part.

If you can think of concrete examples with a specific age range
in mind, it might be easier to give alternatives.

I don't have examples since I've not yet experienced anything
that would warrent such an action. The other threads just got
me wondering about it. When/If an example comes up, I'll
run it by the board.


P. Tierney

On Sat, 23 Aug 2003 05:49:04 GMT, "P. Tierney"
wrote:

I don't have examples since I've not yet experienced anything
that would warrent such an action. The other threads just got
me wondering about it. When/If an example comes up, I'll
run it by the board.

Mostly with positive parenting, these situations are avoided.

For one thing, I don't usually think of children's behavior as being
*bad* and the moment is a teachable moment so I try to use it
as such. Since you are a teacher, I know you understand what
I mean.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits