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Need a couple of ideas and resources



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 16th 04, 05:54 AM
slykitten
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Need a couple of ideas and resources

I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery


  #2  
Old September 16th 04, 09:11 AM
Betsy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"slykitten" wrote in message
news
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning
that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent
(which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he
hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around.
The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the
hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special
doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid
of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he
was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and
any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on
top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that
I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of
the ADHD. The sibling of a patient I care for also has ADHD. He out of the
blue one day, tells his grandmother I'm a liar, and I don't take care of his
brother, I actually torture him; because I agreed with the grandmother on
what the mother said about his medication schedule. I guess basically what
I'm trying to say is; even though it may be nerve wracking, frustrating and
hurtful to you, this could be something that is typical. Behavior
modification doesn't happen overnight, and stress can set things back.
Doesn't matter that your son's stepdad was there, he sees himself as
abandoned, even though you were coming home. You can't help getting sick,
and needing hospitalization. I know, I can't either being diabetic. The
best you can do is continue what you've been doing if it's been working.
Stay consistant, and reassure your son that you love him. I can't say as
this helps, and I can't say I have any ideas other than the plan you've got
going. Keep working with the professionals you have in place, and Good
luck.

Betsy


  #3  
Old September 16th 04, 11:42 AM
Purchgdss
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP


Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed.
I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from the
little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment Disorder".


So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share.


It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by going
into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are hallmarks
of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he meets
enough of the criteria start exploring the options.

I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN get
better. My son is proof.



Just my 2 cents.........
Christine
  #4  
Old September 16th 04, 02:01 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar
problems.

She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took
awile before we found a good fit.

I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll.
He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little
different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if
he doesn't.

My son also was hospitalized for awhile.

Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand
will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing,
this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do
everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection
where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal.

It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he
didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his
sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has
to accept its best for everyone.

This is not her fault. **** happens.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #5  
Old September 16th 04, 02:30 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

We will just make the post appear.

T
"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had

similar
problems.

She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It

took
awile before we found a good fit.

I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll.
He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a

little
different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the

consequences if
he doesn't.

My son also was hospitalized for awhile.

Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't

understand
will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right

thing,
this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do
everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an

infection
where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal.

It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if

he
didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good

and his
sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her,

she has
to accept its best for everyone.

This is not her fault. **** happens.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



  #6  
Old September 16th 04, 04:10 PM
Bebelestrnge0721
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "slykitten" ms
Date: 9/16/2004 12:54 AM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Slykitten,
I too have been dealing with these same frustatioins. My daughter was diagnosed
Bipolar, by one doctor ,having intermittant explosive disorder by another , she
suffers learning disabilities , major depression, and we have been in the world
of therapists P-docs, medications , counsiling, IEP, even the legal system came
into play during the worst of her behaviors. What I did once I got my head
"outta there" Was educate myself as much as possible about the symptoms she was
having, the behaviors, and I never stopped pushing the doctors to get it right
.. We suffered through extreme medicating to no medication, Two years ago they
seemed to get it right, simply put her on Prozac 40 milligram a day. we had a
"wonderful" two years, anyone that has been here knows what I mean by that,
after a year of total hell. We did mobil therapy, for her individually and us
as a family. I can not say enough about having a good therapist, and doctor
involved. It turned our lives around. I am not saying at all that it is all
"fixed" no more outbursts, or impulsive behaviours, she had a severe problem
with cutting at one point that now recently came back into the picture. She
fell right back into some pretty severe behaviors recently , I feel due to her
babies father deciding he "made a mistake" and abandoned her and the baby for
another relationship. We have begun to re enter the mobil therapy again and are
having her re evaluated to medicate her properly once more now the prozac isn't
working like it had. My daughter just turned 17 and has a 9 month old baby,
they live with me of course and although her set back has added some additional
stress to the household , she is keeping up on her responsibilities to the
baby, ( at first she did not) it has been 2 months since the daddy person chose
to split the scene, we have let her have some time to grieve her loss( she of
course is not over it but is functioning much better) and she is back on task.
As with what you explain with your son, I believe there is no instant cure for
these mental health conditions , there are so many out there , it is a hit and
miss maybe forever. The best I have found for us is to educate my daughter on
her illness, help her to understand it, and give her the support she needs to
live as normal a life as possible. I have seen her thrive and I know she is
capable of coping well, she needs to have a constant support system. So I guess
what I am trying to ramble off here to you is you sound to be doing everything
possible to make your sons life manageable and sometimes that is all there is
to it. filling in as many of the blanks as possible and keeping the support
system involved. Unconditional love and never make him feel guilty for when
things get hard for him. Good luck !
Bev
  #7  
Old September 16th 04, 07:28 PM
Karen O'Mara
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"slykitten" wrote in message ...
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.


Sorry about the diverticulitis episode you had. I have a friend who
had that and was in the hospital, too. It's so painful and awful.

To me, it really sounds like your son was doing so well there for
quite a while, and that he had a set-back because you got sick. (Two
steps forward, one step back?)

Besides the social worker, the meds, the doctor, the safe restraint
techs, the school, and everything else that you mentioned, I don't
know of any other resources for him. I would like to see something for
you, though. The step-dad and your friend seem like a terrific support
system for you. I think you need to have some fun when you feel
better.

Karen
  #9  
Old September 17th 04, 12:43 AM
Pacobr549
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

my son had similar
problems.

You may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took
awile before we found a good fit.

I don't know how old your son is. My son started after his dad died at ll.
He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little
different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if
he doesn't.

My son also was hospitalized for awhile.

There's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume you are doing
something wrong and if you just did the right thing,
this would all go away. You may think that. The truth is, you can do
everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection
where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can. There was a time when if he
didn't get better, I would have sent him away (residential treatment) for his
own good, my good and his
sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for you, you
to accept its best for everyone and not feel guilty.

And one more thing and this is where you will probably think you are being
judged and abused but I have to say it...



The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the

hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them,


He's not his stepdad. You aren't married. He may love your kid, but he's not
his dad or his stepdad. He's not a replacement for you. I'm not saying there
was anything you could do about it, you can't help being sick and having to
leave him, but you need to understand (and I tried to say this before when you
got ****ed off and filtered me) that just because you love this guy and want to
think he's just as much family to your kid as you are, he's not, not in your
kids eye. Very often parents assume that their kids should feel lovey toward
their love interests because they do. But it doesn't necesarily work that way.
It may just be that part of his anger has something to do with this difference
between him and you as to who this guy is in your life. Before you get
defensive and ****ed off, just think about it.

  #10  
Old September 17th 04, 01:50 AM
Bebelestrnge0721
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: (Pacobr549)
Date: 9/16/2004 7:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id: [email protected]
He's not his stepdad.


says who you ?

You aren't married.


and so ?

He may love your kid, but he's
not
his dad or his stepdad.


I do not believe she called him his dad?
the definition of stepdad : indeed uses the term married in the definition,
why must you be so politically correct when you know there is a large number of
HEALTHY non traditional family units? Must you nit pick someones family
beliefs? A political or religious ceremony does not define the term Family
anymore. A marriage certificate does not make a family.


He's not a replacement for you. I'm not saying
there
was anything you could do about it, you can't help being sick and having to
leave him, but you need to understand (and I tried to say this before when
you
got ****ed off and filtered me) that just because you love this guy and want
to
think he's just as much family to your kid as you are, he's not, not in your
kids eye. Very often parents assume that their kids should feel lovey toward
their love interests because they do. But it doesn't necesarily work that
way.
It may just be that part of his anger has something to do with this
difference
between him and you as to who this guy is in your life. Before you get
defensive and ****ed off, just think about it.



In many cases the "step parent" which IS the term used in these non
traditional households is a more loving more dedicated ,more supportive , and
most definately a healthier parental figure than some biological parents. You
would deny a child the parental love of someone solely because there is no
marriage certificate? How sad is that ? JMHO

I am betting dollars to donuts that slykitten would not have left her son with
the man if there was a poor relationship between them and furthermore you
belittle her judgement as a parent to suggest she would. You also suggest she
further distresses her sons condition by expecting him to be lovey with her
love interest, which I am sure she that has gone to such lengths to support and
help her son would not be carelessly adding fuel to the fires of this childs
anger. I happen to know first hand that when a child has a raging mental health
condition the child snaps out over the slightest of things. Many mental health
conditions include a very narcistic sp ?
attitude. You are blaming her for her sons mental illness and I am appalled .I
already know you don't care what I think or feel but then the feeling is mutual
I am sure. Why did you bother to respond at all if you can't get off your
pedastal and stop blaming parents that come here for advice . There is no way
in hell I will ever believe YOU have never made a mistake or fallen off track
emotionally in your life, what is with you ? Not that I care...... Heh
 




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