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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 12, 5:25*pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Thoughts: 1. Is it possible to get her to bed any earlier than you're already doing? *If she's already really tired when she gets in, that may mean that by the time she gets to sleep she's worked up enough that she's more likely to wake in the night. *Sometimes an earlier bedtime can help.. We often don't get home til close to 6pm. By the time we're done eating it's close to 7pm. Not much we can change there, unfortunately.That's been the schedule for the past year, and for awhile was fine. I think now it's problematic because she's getting so little sleep at night. She wasn't acting tired (no rubbing eyes for example, but after multiple 6pm meltdowns, I figured it was tiredness) I have tried just putting her down as soon as we get home for a 'nap' then feeding her afterwards, but it doesn't work. She has no interest in that. 2. Will she take a pacifier rather than your nipple to suck on? *Helped a great deal with my son. hahahahaha! No. No pacifier. I tried many times. I've even tried sneaking it in in place of my nipple. She's too smart for that ;-) The look on her face when you give her a pacifier is priceless. 3. Do you nurse her to sleep at bedtime? Yes, although when I'm away (which doesn't happen often but lately has been ~ 2-3x per month), DH puts her to bed. *I agree with Beth that it may be worth tackling this issue first and getting her to complete the final steps of falling asleep without nursing (i.e. nurse her until nearly asleep, unlatch, comfort her in other ways but stand firm on not offering the breast again before she goes to sleep). *Spending a week or two getting her used to going to sleep without nursing may well mean that when you do tackle the night wakings you have more luck with them because she's already used to getting to sleep without nursing. *(The advantage of this is that you can work on her getting-to-sleep skills in the evening rather than in the middle of the night when all you want to do is to get back to sleep. *However, you may prefer just to get it all over with in one go.) *If you do work on the bedtime falling-to-sleep first, then at 4 a.m. just nurse her straight away or whatever you normally do to get her to sleep - if she either gets nursed straight away or has to go to sleep without nursing then she'll figure it out pretty quickly, but if she sometimes has to go to sleep without nursing but sometimes gets the breast if she cries long enough then that gives her an incentive to keep crying for longer as she has reason to think it might work (see 6 below). I think we'll go this route for awhile. I am concerned about her lack of food - nights when she doesn't eat much I always worry she'll wake because she's starving, so think that nursing her will help that, but it doesn't.... 4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening. Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60 minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and 3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. *This can readjust the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. *Tracy Hogg gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before stopping. *This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but it's a pain to implement. Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about 3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake her a bit before she really wakes up? For so long I always got to her immediately on the first peep and could usually settle her back down. But now I've avoided going to her because she wants to nurse, and then she just nurses non-stop and doesn't fall asleep. I think this would require my DH waking up before her and doing it and I don't think he's up to the task, honestly. He has taken over the night wakings for the most part (not that it helps my sleep much, but the idea was it helped DD to sleep), but I don't think I could convince him to wake up before her. 5. If you do use CIO, bear in mind that just because you won't *nurse* her doesn't mean that you can't comfort her in other ways while she gets used to going to sleep without nursing. *Thus, it may help to stay with her and cuddle her until she falls asleep. I've tried doing this a lot - just rocking her or cuddling rather than nursing. It usually calms her and that's when I'm sure she's not waking for hunger. Other times she goes straight for the boobs and nothing will distract her. Problem has been though that though it calms her, it doesn't put her to sleep. 6. Don't try this unless you're prepared to see it through. *The pattern of letting her cry for 30 minutes and then nursing her just makes it harder for you next time, because now she knows that if she holds out for long enough she'll get nursed. *When I tried eliminating nursing to sleep for my son's bedtime, I read that it can take over an hour in some cases, so I braced myself for it to take that long. *In the end, it took 47 minutes the first night and was much easier thereafter. *Keep a note of how long it takes each time, so that you can see improvement happening. Yeah, that's why we haven't really tried it yet...earlier on my DH was more keen to try it and I wasn't. Now I'm ready and he says it's cruel...that said I have let her CIO a few times for sleeping (when DH wasn't home), if she just refused to fall asleep after an hour or more of me with her. One time it took an hour, but the few other times it was only a few minutes. We haven't done it consistently though - hadn't really needed to for bedtime. We tried once for the 4am wakeup and gave in. Thanks for the suggestions, it gives me something to work with. I know I'm supposed to accept all this and be grateful she still wants to be with me, but one can only function on little sleep for so long.... |
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How to stop the night wakings?
"cjra" wrote in message ... 4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening. Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60 minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and 3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. This can readjust the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. Tracy Hogg gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before stopping. This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but it's a pain to implement. Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about 3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake her a bit before she really wakes up? Hi Cjra I did this with Jessica. When she was 6 weeks, she used to go to sleep at 9pm, sleep til midnight, nurse and then sleep until 6am. I started going im at about 23.50 and nursing her without waking her properly. That eliminated the need for her to wake fully (as with you waking while you're away, it'll have become part of her routine too) and she very quickly learnt to sleep through. I don't know how it will work for an older child, as Jessie was still at the newborn 'I can sleep and eat at the same time' stage, but I think it's worth trying. I think part of it is the surprise at being woken when they're sleeping peacefully and the gratitude of being allowed back to sleep! In regards to the 6pm meltdowns, it kinda sounds like Jessica when it all gets too much for her. You might find she's tired *and* hungry, and therefore unhappy too. If dinner's going to be later than madam would like, I give her something little in the car like a roll or some fruit. It occupies her while she's waiting, takes the edge off her hunger and gives her a little energy boost. How much does she sleep duing the day? I tried cutting Jessie's naps out in the day, but she just wasn't ready for that, and if she doesn't sleep at all, she's pretty evil by 7pm. I try to get her to nap for about an hour after lunch and then gently wake her up. If she's desperate to stay asleep, I let her have an another half an hour or so. Her bed time hasn't changed since she was born, and she's always grateful to go to bed when we take her, and impatient if the milk/pyjamas etc aren't ready! Not saying it's perfect, but here's her routine. I'm not advising you have to follow it or anything, but it's here just to give an outline of her day. 7.30 Up. Breakfast (2 x Toast, sometimes cereal too). That takes about half an hour or so, longer if she's trying to run off to play with the animals. Then washing/teeth/dressing etc. 10.00 Snack, Ususally an apple or something. 12.30 Cooked lunch. I normally try to give her something like stew and mashed potato as it fills her up and makes her sleepy. 1.30-2.30/3pm Sleep. 4pm. Small snack, raisins or a roll 7pm Cooked Dinner 8-9pm Bedtime routine, Bath, pyjamas and nappy, saying goodnight to all the animals and me (Note they come first lol) bedtime CD on and she switches the light off herself. She has no nightlights on at all, neither during her milk nor overnight. DH cuddles her while she has her milk and puts her in her cot when she's asleep.. Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her! Sorry for the long post, Cjra, it was only going to be a quick one! Hope you get some sleep soon hun. Lucy x |
#3
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
I've tried doing this a lot - just rocking her or cuddling rather than nursing. It usually calms her and that's when I'm sure she's not waking for hunger. Other times she goes straight for the boobs and nothing will distract her. Problem has been though that though it calms her, it doesn't put her to sleep. It can be multiple reasons for waking at night--sometimes habitual, sometimes hunger, sometimes something else, sometimes two or more of the above. I know you can't force feed during the day, but sometimes you can gently encourage more food by feeding more often. What's the schedule at daycare? Can they introduce more food there? Also, for the comforting at night, you may not be able to go as far as rocking and cuddling. You may need to keep her in the crib and limit it to patting her back and such. Getting her up may be enough to reorient her to playtime/cuddle time rather than to sleep time. Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 3:48 am, "lu-lu" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... 4. If she's waking at a specific time each night, there is a technique you can use called the wake-to-sleep technique or scheduled awakening. Basically, you set your alarm, go into your room between 15 and 60 minutes before the time when you expect her to wake (so, between 3 and 3.45 a.m), wake her partway up, and settle her again. This can readjust the sleep cycle and thus eliminate the habitual waking. Tracy Hogg gives the most complete description of this that I've got in 'The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems', and advises that if the child is still waking up at the usual time after three nights of trying this, you might as well drop it, but if they seem to be stopping their usual waking then continue with the scheduled awakening for six nights before stopping. This has been found to be as effective as CIO techniques, but it's a pain to implement. Well, she's in 'our' room - although I've been sleeping in another room lately. She's in bed with DH. I still wake up automatically about 3:45 knowing she'll wake up (I do this even when I'm away, it's so annoying!). I guess i'd be afraid to try this...the idea is to wake her a bit before she really wakes up? Hi Cjra I did this with Jessica. When she was 6 weeks, she used to go to sleep at 9pm, sleep til midnight, nurse and then sleep until 6am. I started going im at about 23.50 and nursing her without waking her properly. That eliminated the need for her to wake fully (as with you waking while you're away, it'll have become part of her routine too) and she very quickly learnt to sleep through. I don't know how it will work for an older child, as Jessie was still at the newborn 'I can sleep and eat at the same time' stage, but I think it's worth trying. I think part of it is the surprise at being woken when they're sleeping peacefully and the gratitude of being allowed back to sleep! Aha! You mean the "Dream Feed"? Yes, I used to do that about 10pm in the first 4 months or so. Then she started waking up like clockwork at 10pm and I was convinced it was because I got her used to eating at that time and swore never to do that again. I finally broke her of that habit. I honestly am not willing to try that one again at this age, I fear she'll get so used to it she'll be hungry at that hour. I don't think it's hunger waking her but habit. In regards to the 6pm meltdowns, it kinda sounds like Jessica when it all gets too much for her. You might find she's tired *and* hungry, and therefore unhappy too. If dinner's going to be later than madam would like, I give her something little in the car like a roll or some fruit. It occupies her while she's waiting, takes the edge off her hunger and gives her a little energy boost. I think the problem is that she's not hungry. For a long time DH would give her a snack in the car on the way home, then she wouldn't eat at all. As it is it seems 6pm is sometimes too early for her to eat (but on the odd nights she's up much later, she's all happy to eat at 8pm - I think she's a European baby with these late dinners ;-)). She gets offered food now as soon as we walk in the door and she's not interested. How much does she sleep duing the day? I tried cutting Jessie's naps out in the day, but she just wasn't ready for that, and if she doesn't sleep at all, she's pretty evil by 7pm. I try to get her to nap for about an hour after lunch and then gently wake her up. If she's desperate to stay asleep, I let her have an another half an hour or so. Her bed time hasn't changed since she was born, and she's always grateful to go to bed when we take her, and impatient if the milk/pyjamas etc aren't ready! At daycare she sleeps ~1.5 hours. She stopped a morning nap at about 9 months as she wouldn't sleep when the older kids were up. I've told the babysitter to let her sleep as long as she needs, but she's usually ready to get up when the other kids do. Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her! There are some weekends it seems that's all we *try* to do and not succeed. She began throwing tantrums recently with the high chair, refusing to sit in it (I think the time out at daycare was in a high chair and since then, at least at home, she sees it as a torture chamber...). However we've let her scream and now she only resists for a minute, down from 30 minutes. |
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How to stop the night wakings?
"cjra" wrote in message ... On Mar 13, 3:48 am, "lu-lu" wrote: Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her! There are some weekends it seems that's all we *try* to do and not succeed. She began throwing tantrums recently with the high chair, refusing to sit in it (I think the time out at daycare was in a high chair and since then, at least at home, she sees it as a torture chamber...). However we've let her scream and now she only resists for a minute, down from 30 minutes. I don't know if your DD's up for a change, but I recently bought Jessica alittle table and chair. I guess you guys have the same thing over there - it's one of the plastic ones that looks like mini garden furniture. She's a real girlie-girl, so I found one in pink and she loves it. I make sure she sits when she eats anything at all, and so even when I make her toast in the mornings, she gets the plate, runs to her "big girl" table and sits really nicely. I bought her some little cutlery too, and she's doing really well with it now. Like A, she was really screaming with the high chair, but she's finding eating at her table her real pleasure. We've been doing that for a couple of months now. Hope this helps Lucy x |
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How to stop the night wakings?
On Mar 13, 1:54 pm, "lu-lu" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message ... On Mar 13, 3:48 am, "lu-lu" wrote: Heh... It looks like we just sleep and eat here!! She does munch a lot during the day, but the snacks are little, and I normally keep packets of raisins in my handbag so that she can have them while we're out. If she's hungry, her energy levels drop, and we get (extra) tantrums All I need to do now is to get her to stop screaming when I put reins on her! There are some weekends it seems that's all we *try* to do and not succeed. She began throwing tantrums recently with the high chair, refusing to sit in it (I think the time out at daycare was in a high chair and since then, at least at home, she sees it as a torture chamber...). However we've let her scream and now she only resists for a minute, down from 30 minutes. I don't know if your DD's up for a change, but I recently bought Jessica alittle table and chair. I guess you guys have the same thing over there - it's one of the plastic ones that looks like mini garden furniture. She's a real girlie-girl, so I found one in pink and she loves it. I make sure she sits when she eats anything at all, and so even when I make her toast in the mornings, she gets the plate, runs to her "big girl" table and sits really nicely. I bought her some little cutlery too, and she's doing really well with it now. Like A, she was really screaming with the high chair, but she's finding eating at her table her real pleasure. We've been doing that for a couple of months now. Hmmm, she does have a little chair, and she has plenty of cutlery (although she always wants the big stuff), but no table. I'm not sure she'd like it because she's not on the same level as us. She was fine with the high chair until about 6 weeks ago. But she's starting to calm down about it. Yoghurt is her favourite and she's learning she doesn't get it unless she's seated in the high chair. I don't like using food as a weapon though, but she's accepted it for the most part. |
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How to stop the night wakings?
"lu-lu" wrote in message ... I don't know if your DD's up for a change, but I recently bought Jessica alittle table and chair. I guess you guys have the same thing over there - it's one of the plastic ones that looks like mini garden furniture. She's a real girlie-girl, so I found one in pink and she loves it. My boys use the little tables as jungle gyms mainly but Ben was always mad at his highchair. They have been at boosters at the regular table for some time now. She's at an age to try that out if the she decides she is anti-highchair again. -- Nikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 |
#8
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How to stop the night wakings?
"Nikki" wrote in message ... "lu-lu" wrote in message ... I don't know if your DD's up for a change, but I recently bought Jessica alittle table and chair. I guess you guys have the same thing over there - it's one of the plastic ones that looks like mini garden furniture. She's a real girlie-girl, so I found one in pink and she loves it. My boys use the little tables as jungle gyms mainly but Ben was always mad at his highchair. They have been at boosters at the regular table for some time now. She's at an age to try that out if the she decides she is anti-highchair again. Yeah, that was the other thing I was going to suggest - Jessie has one of these so that she can eat with us, and she loves it. Lucy x |
#9
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How to stop the night wakings?
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Also, for the comforting at night, you may not be able to go as far as rocking and cuddling. You may need to keep her in the crib and limit it to patting her back and such. Getting her up may be enough to reorient her to playtime/cuddle time rather than to sleep time. Sorry, I probably didn't read the initial post carefully enough - I was picturing a situation where they were still bedsharing. I agree that if she's in the crib, the best thing to do would be just to talk/pat reassuringly and lower her down to the mattress every time she tries to stand up. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#10
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How to stop the night wakings?
cjra wrote:
[...] I am concerned about her lack of food - nights when she doesn't eat much I always worry she'll wake because she's starving, so think that nursing her will help that, but it doesn't.... When I night-weaned Jamie, I gave him a bottle of milk instead so that I could feel comfortable that I *wasn't* leaving him hungry by refusing to nurse. As it turned out he was hardly taking any, which confirmed what I'd felt to be the case, but it was good to know that for certain. If it had turned out that he was taking a lot, I'd have done the old trick of diluting it down on successive nights. [...] Yeah, that's why we haven't really tried it yet...earlier on my DH was more keen to try it and I wasn't. Now I'm ready and he says it's cruel... I hope he's on the same page as you about it now. I agree totally with what Ericka said about this. You're not leaving her hungry or in pain or frightened. You're willing to stay right there with her, comforting her (as Ericka said, you may find out that approach just maddens her more, but the offer's there as far as you're concerned...). The only reason she will be crying will be because she wants something (long-drawn-out middle-of-the-night nursing) which you are, for very good reasons, not prepared to give her. Refusing to put yourself waaaaaay out to give a child everything she wants is not the same thing as being cruel, and your DH is going to have to get clear on that difference some time between now and "But all the other kids' parents let them borrow the car and you're so MEEEEEAAAAAAN to me!" Thanks for the suggestions, it gives me something to work with. I know I'm supposed to accept all this and be grateful she still wants to be with me, but one can only function on little sleep for so long.... As far as I'm concerned, the only 'supposed to's in parenting are that you're supposed to find ways of doing things which work well for your family as a whole. Since the way you are currently doing things does not fit that criterion, you're doing the right thing by trying to find another way. Good luck! All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
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