confrontation with stranger over nose picking- sorry, OT

So I'm not really sure what I should have done. I was in the grocery
with DS (6mo) and DD 2 1/2). DD was happy, singing, wearing her bunny
suit, and someone stopped to admire her. DD then stuck a finger in her
nose, and then in her mouth. The stranger swatted at her hand and
said "Oh, that's nasty!" DD froze, turned pale, and clutched her
hands in her lap. I was pretty shocked, and just moved away, gave her
a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her and she didn't do anything wrong
and that the other woman was wrong. Now I've spent most of the day
wishing I'd stood up for her more, but unsure how I could have done it
without upsetting DD more with a confrontation. No one has EVER hit
or swatted DD before, and I don't for the most part, believe in
corporal punishment, although I suppose there are certain extreme
situations where a spanking might be called for (running out willfully
into traffic maybe) Also, DD and DS are getting over colds again.
I'm not thrilled about nose picking, but she does have a lot of
"boogies" in there, and she has been watching her brother get the
"boogie sucker" nasal bulb syringe treatment. In short, I've been
ignoring the nose picking, figuring she'll get over it on her own at
some point.

So how could I have responded better to this?

JJ

So how could I have responded better to this?


I don't know that there is a "better" way to respond, as far as the way
you reacted toward your little girl, which was very reassuring and
seemed just right, but I would have yelled at the stranger probably! I
can't believe anyone would swat at a child they didn't even know! I've
yelled at grandparents for swatting at my kids. No matter whether you
believe in spanking or not, it's certainly not right for anyone else
EVER to lay a hand on your child.

Leslie

"JJ" wrote in message
oups.com...
So I'm not really sure what I should have done. I was in the grocery
with DS (6mo) and DD 2 1/2). DD was happy, singing, wearing her bunny
suit, and someone stopped to admire her. DD then stuck a finger in her
nose, and then in her mouth. The stranger swatted at her hand and
said "Oh, that's nasty!" DD froze, turned pale, and clutched her
hands in her lap. I was pretty shocked, and just moved away, gave her
a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her and she didn't do anything wrong
and that the other woman was wrong.

snip

So how could I have responded better to this?

JJ


You responded absolutely fine for your DD - reassurance, hugs etc.

My initial reaction was to wonder what the woman would have done if you'd
swatted her back for being a psychotic nutter ... but that would have just
distressed your DD even more.

Amanda

JJ wrote:
So I'm not really sure what I should have done. I was in the grocery
with DS (6mo) and DD 2 1/2). DD was happy, singing, wearing her bunny
suit, and someone stopped to admire her. DD then stuck a finger in her
nose, and then in her mouth. The stranger swatted at her hand and
said "Oh, that's nasty!" DD froze, turned pale, and clutched her
hands in her lap. I was pretty shocked, and just moved away, gave her
a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her and she didn't do anything wrong
and that the other woman was wrong. Now I've spent most of the day
wishing I'd stood up for her more, but unsure how I could have done it
without upsetting DD more with a confrontation. No one has EVER hit
or swatted DD before, and I don't for the most part, believe in
corporal punishment, although I suppose there are certain extreme
situations where a spanking might be called for (running out willfully
into traffic maybe) Also, DD and DS are getting over colds again.
I'm not thrilled about nose picking, but she does have a lot of
"boogies" in there, and she has been watching her brother get the
"boogie sucker" nasal bulb syringe treatment. In short, I've been
ignoring the nose picking, figuring she'll get over it on her own at
some point.

So how could I have responded better to this?

Honestly I would have responded the same way, more out of shock then an
ability to hold my tongue. However, I do think you responded perfectly,
for your DD's sake. While the woman needed a good tongue lashing at
least, that's not somehting your daughter needed to witness and likely
would have upset her more.

The nerve of some people. I am appalled as it is that everyone insists
on touching her, I just can't imagine someone swatting at DD.

And nose picking really isn't that bad. Gross, yes, but she's already
got the boogers. Now, if she was picking her brother's nose and eating
it, then I'd be concerned.

"JJ" wrote in message
oups.com...
So I'm not really sure what I should have done. I was in the grocery
with DS (6mo) and DD 2 1/2). DD was happy, singing, wearing her bunny
suit, and someone stopped to admire her. DD then stuck a finger in her
nose, and then in her mouth. The stranger swatted at her hand and
said "Oh, that's nasty!" DD froze, turned pale, and clutched her
hands in her lap. I was pretty shocked, and just moved away, gave her
a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her and she didn't do anything wrong
and that the other woman was wrong. Now I've spent most of the day
wishing I'd stood up for her more, but unsure how I could have done it
without upsetting DD more with a confrontation. No one has EVER hit
or swatted DD before, and I don't for the most part, believe in
corporal punishment, although I suppose there are certain extreme
situations where a spanking might be called for (running out willfully
into traffic maybe) Also, DD and DS are getting over colds again.
I'm not thrilled about nose picking, but she does have a lot of
"boogies" in there, and she has been watching her brother get the
"boogie sucker" nasal bulb syringe treatment. In short, I've been
ignoring the nose picking, figuring she'll get over it on her own at
some point.

So how could I have responded better to this?

JJ

I think you responded to DD very well. In all honesty, I think you reacted
a lot better than I would have if I were in that situation. I'm one to
react on impulse.
When I think about it, I've always told mine that hitting is not alright.
You do not hit someone else. Use your words for anger, frustration,
disgust, whatever, not your hands or feet.
If someone - I really don't care whom - were to hit my child, I would not be
alright with it, and clearly you weren't either. I, OTOH, definitely would
have said something to the woman. Even if it was something like, "Excuse
me, it's NOT alright to swat at my child. I believe you owe her an
apology." I know I would have said something for sure, and something like
that would be what I'd say if I was in a good mood. If I was in a bad mood,
I probably would have said something similar, along with more. Even if it
was reassuring DD and saying something like, "Don't worry, you didn't do
anything bad or wrong. No, I don't know why that woman slapped your hands
away, but it's NOT alright for someone to hit another person. That woman is
clearly not a nice lady if she is hitting you."

I do think your response to DD was perfect. Probably a lot better than what
mine would be if I was faced with that

Leslie wrote:

So how could I have responded better to this?


I don't know that there is a "better" way to respond, as far as the way
you reacted toward your little girl, which was very reassuring and
seemed just right, but I would have yelled at the stranger probably! I
can't believe anyone would swat at a child they didn't even know! I've
yelled at grandparents for swatting at my kids. No matter whether you
believe in spanking or not, it's certainly not right for anyone else
EVER to lay a hand on your child.

Leslie

Ok so I own a bar and am around a lot of aggressive people on a regular
basis, so I'm not your average mother. But if someone swatted at my
child, they probably would have got an extremely nasty response, said
in a very quiet voice, *real* close to their face.

Stasya

Quite honestly, I would be torn between saying, "How dare you!" and
quietly asking for the woman's contact information and then sic'ing dh
on her. (DH is an attorney). If I had my cell phone with me, I would be
tempted to call the police. Don't know if I would...but would be
tempted.

Unwanted physical contact is battery.

Overreaction?
This woman *hit* your child. Hit her! How dare she?
Jenrose

FlowerGirl wrote:
"JJ" wrote in message
oups.com...
So I'm not really sure what I should have done. I was in the grocery
with DS (6mo) and DD 2 1/2). DD was happy, singing, wearing her bunny
suit, and someone stopped to admire her. DD then stuck a finger in her
nose, and then in her mouth. The stranger swatted at her hand and
said "Oh, that's nasty!" DD froze, turned pale, and clutched her
hands in her lap. I was pretty shocked, and just moved away, gave her
a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her and she didn't do anything wrong
and that the other woman was wrong.

snip

So how could I have responded better to this?

JJ


You responded absolutely fine for your DD - reassurance, hugs etc.

My initial reaction was to wonder what the woman would have done if you'd
swatted her back for being a psychotic nutter ... but that would have just
distressed your DD even more.

Amanda