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teenager breaking curfew



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 9th 08, 03:53 PM posted to misc.kids
Tony
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Posts: 4
Default teenager breaking curfew

G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?
  #2  
Old March 9th 08, 04:04 PM posted to misc.kids
MarieD
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Posts: 10
Default teenager breaking curfew

"Tony" wrote in message
...
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


I'm wondering why an 18 year old has a curfew?
Marie


  #3  
Old March 9th 08, 04:34 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
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Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Tony says...

G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty

  #4  
Old March 9th 08, 04:50 PM posted to misc.kids
Tony
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 4
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.
  #5  
Old March 9th 08, 05:02 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article ,
Tony says...

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.


I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.


Advice?


She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What
*was* your arrangement as far as handling these things?

I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not
likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to
pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If
you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I
guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because
particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but
because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult
daughter*.

(Gosh, it strikes me again and again how this post-divorce stuff so often
focusses on the failed relationship between the two adults, in guise of concern
for the kids.)

I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint
custody arrangement. Do you?

Banty

  #6  
Old March 9th 08, 05:06 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default teenager breaking curfew

In article , Banty says...

In article ,
Tony says...

On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article ,
Tony says...



G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?

She's 18 - enough with the curfew.

Banty


Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules
as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did
at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What
*was* your arrangement as far as handling these things?

I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not
likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to
pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If
you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I
guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because
particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but
because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult
daughter*.


That's a finger fumble I must correct:

Your focus should be on the relationship you should *now* (correcting my 'not')
be building with your now adult daughter.

Banty

Your

  #7  
Old March 9th 08, 05:11 PM posted to misc.kids
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 447
Default teenager breaking curfew

Tony wrote in

oups.com:

G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My
ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who
just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she
broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now
she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to
punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page.
I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter
as does my ex-wife.

Advice?


she's an adult. if all she did was break curfew, i suspect
you are lucky.
i also suspect that should your ex-wife try to land like a
box of bricks on your daughter, she's going to lose all her
respect. who gives an 18 year old a curfew anyway? i had a
curfew (9pm) until i went to college(age 17). after that my
parents weren't trying to micromanage my life. i was expected
to act my age.

lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.
  #8  
Old March 9th 08, 05:19 PM posted to misc.kids
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 447
Default teenager breaking curfew

Tony wrote in

oups.com:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.


you do, however, have the right to know where she is going &
with whom as long as she's under your roof.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set
of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her
for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


you are correct. she should be following the house rules, as
long as they are sensible ones. it is not helpful to
micromanage a young adult.
and no, you should *not* be punishing her for breaking a rule
that isn't yours. if her mother is micromanaging, then
daughter will likely soon get fed up & move out, thereby
limiting mom's influence. you don't need (or want) to get
involved enough to also alienate your daughter... especially
not over *this* issue!
there might be things (drugs/alcohol) where you would want to
team up with mom. choose your battles though.
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.
  #9  
Old March 9th 08, 05:34 PM posted to misc.kids
Tony
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 4
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 12:19 pm, enigma wrote:
Tony wrote
oups.com:

Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you.


you do, however, have the right to know where she is going &
with whom as long as she's under your roof.

What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set
of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her
for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it.


you are correct. she should be following the house rules, as
long as they are sensible ones. it is not helpful to
micromanage a young adult.
and no, you should *not* be punishing her for breaking a rule
that isn't yours. if her mother is micromanaging, then
daughter will likely soon get fed up & move out, thereby
limiting mom's influence. you don't need (or want) to get
involved enough to also alienate your daughter... especially
not over *this* issue!
there might be things (drugs/alcohol) where you would want to
team up with mom. choose your battles though.
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.


Thanks, Lee.

I appreciate your feedback.
  #10  
Old March 9th 08, 07:04 PM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default teenager breaking curfew

On Mar 9, 10:53´┐Żam, Tony wrote:
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?


Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch. At my house, 100% freedom to do as I pleased only
came when I got my first apartment at almost 19. The two of you need
to work out the plan of attack on the issue though and be on the same
page. This will only come with open communication and in coming to an
agreement. Why does your wife feel a curfew is still necessary? Her
having two homes, one that doesn't enforce the punishment handed out
in the other, only enforces her in breaking the rules at the other,
and thereby disrespecting that parent. Afterall, she gets out of the
punishment at the other place, so a two-week punishment may only wind
up being one week based on where she is when. Maybe your ex is in the
"know" on a few fronts that dad's don't always get to know - ya know,
the daddy's little girl scenario.

 




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