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#11
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Arghhh - stupid comments
Sue wrote: Dawn Lawson wrote in message I have two very well behaved children and one child with issues. And I wonder if/what I have done different with this last child to cause her to have issues that she is having. Curious what sort of issues, if you want to share. Yes, I feel like it reflects on me, because that's what moms do ;o) So when these types of threads come up that says I (general I) am more superior than the other mom, I wonder what these moms are doing. I'm not sure it's always that the *I* feels superior...I don't feel superior in my childproofing, but I DO find it offensive to have people come over and feel justified in blaming my childproofing (for MY child, of course, not theirs) and not their poor supervision and ineffective "discipline" (said in quotes as the children in quesiton are very young) Ironically enough, my last child I speak of is the one that I followed most of the AP rules Rules? I wasn't aware that there were rules. ;-) I didn't even realise that being attentive to your child, nursing for a year, and baby-wearing were AP. I just wanted my tiny baby near me, couldn't see using formula, etc. and she is the one I have issues with. I don't mean to be hostile, crabby yes, but I just wanted examples to see if *I* fall into any of the categories of a bad mom. I don't know that our few examples can/should clear or condemn you. Maybe though if you really feel this way a family councillor might be able to help sort thru the obvious guilt/concern with you? My example? Being told similar things by a parent of a child who ran ahead of us to the barn about 10 minutes later and beat one of my pet hens (to its later death) with a stick. No reason. No negative consequences from the parent. No apology from parent or child. I don't think that kid was thriving on the parenting he was getting. And I can't see that as a way to raise a caring decent person. Hmm, that's horrible. But, unfortunately my third child has harmed some animals. However, it is always followed by some form of disipline from me. So at least I am not letting it go. Although I am beginning to see that it might be immaturity on my daughter's part of how to treat animals because she is getting a lot better at treating them with respect. And personally, if it were my kid harming animals, I'd be alarmed. Not to say that it's the case with your DD, but the stats on people who are violent later seem to show they were violent/harmful to animals as kids. I don't know that it works the other way (that kids who harm animals are violent, or just that violent adults tended to harm animals...if that makes sense??) But *you* know your DD and you know the circumstances and situations. I didn't specifically mention anything other than saying that it's annoying when people see fit to criticise holding, nursing and attending to one's child, especially when it seems they don't have children who reflect well on the alternatives. Those things I have never understood why it is someone's business on how a child is fed or cared for. I'm with you on those. Which are what the OP mentioned. I suppose it could be that they feel they didn't make good choices and now don't want to see others making better choices, or that they sincerely don't realise that there are other options than early weaning, CIO, etc. Probably. Parent's don't like their choices to be critized no matter what they are doing. Just as the OP didn't like stupid comments on her friends telling her that she needs to wean. I have never in my life been told how to care for any of my kids, so I am must be immuned to the stupid comments. Except for now, all of a sudden, people around me who don't have kids are critizing me for the way my third child is and for the life of me, I don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am defensive. Sorry for the hostility. I guess this post hit a nerve with me today. S'ok. I'd say that I've learned a lot about myself from the threads that make me defensive. P'raps it's not black and white, that you're doing wrong, or that your kid is how she is, but maybe some help would guide you to better answers?? :-) ((Sue)) Dawn |
#12
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Arghhh - stupid comments
Dawn Lawson wrote in message
Wow. You really are hostile today. What would I be blaming you for???? I snipped the part about examples, if you noticed, and wasnt' even *commenting* on that. Are you concerned that your children might be acting in a way that doesn't reflect well on you as a parent? Sorry. I get a little crazed and worried that perhaps *I* didn't make good choices. I have two very well behaved children and one child with issues. And I wonder if/what I have done different with this last child to cause her to have issues that she is having. Yes, I feel like it reflects on me, because that's what moms do ;o) So when these types of threads come up that says I (general I) am more superior than the other mom, I wonder what these moms are doing. Thank goodness it seems that I don't fall into the category like Bridgette gave an example of. Ironically enough, my last child I speak of is the one that I followed most of the AP rules and she is the one I have issues with. I don't mean to be hostile, crabby yes, but I just wanted examples to see if *I* fall into any of the categories of a bad mom. My example? Being told similar things by a parent of a child who ran ahead of us to the barn about 10 minutes later and beat one of my pet hens (to its later death) with a stick. No reason. No negative consequences from the parent. No apology from parent or child. I don't think that kid was thriving on the parenting he was getting. And I can't see that as a way to raise a caring decent person. Hmm, that's horrible. But, unfortunately my third child has harmed some animals. However, it is always followed by some form of disipline from me. So at least I am not letting it go. Although I am beginning to see that it might be immaturity on my daughter's part of how to treat animals because she is getting a lot better at treating them with respect. I didn't specifically mention anything other than saying that it's annoying when people see fit to criticise holding, nursing and attending to one's child, especially when it seems they don't have children who reflect well on the alternatives. Those things I have never understood why it is someone's business on how a child is fed or cared for. I'm with you on those. I suppose it could be that they feel they didn't make good choices and now don't want to see others making better choices, or that they sincerely don't realise that there are other options than early weaning, CIO, etc. Probably. Parent's don't like their choices to be critized no matter what they are doing. Just as the OP didn't like stupid comments on her friends telling her that she needs to wean. I have never in my life been told how to care for any of my kids, so I am must be immuned to the stupid comments. Except for now, all of a sudden, people around me who don't have kids are critizing me for the way my third child is and for the life of me, I don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am defensive. Sorry for the hostility. I guess this post hit a nerve with me today. -- Sue (mom to three girls) I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World... |
#13
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Arghhh - stupid comments
"A&G&K" wrote in message ... Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning (but stupid) people lately? I met a woman at playgroup yesterday (who's DS is about the same age as my DD) who was absolutely flabbergasted when she found out that not only am I "still" breastfeeding DD (almost 14 mo), but that DD is bf about 5 times a day. Another one asked me "what's wrong wiv 'er?" ...and another chimed in with how you "should" wean children at 12mo (and she is a RN!) It just seemed really weird to all happen on the one day, since they've all seen me and two of my friends bf our daughters there every week (and DD is the youngest of the three girls)! So I just pointed out all the health benefits of extended bf ... but I fear it fell on deaf ears. What are they going to say when they find out that I'm not only "still" bf DD, but that I'm pg *and* "still" bf DD ;P (Note to self: prepare long speech extolling the virtues of extended bf, AP and tandem nursing there are definitely days when everyone seems to be giving me negative comments. depends how i'm feeling as to my reaction. i'm very opinionated & not afraid to say it, so alot of the time, i don't just say the "oh, really". watch out people! i'm also very sad that at mother's group i am the only one breastfeeding at 12/13 months out of 8. they are starting to look at me strangely when i whip it out like i should stop as well. no thanks! DS certainly doesn't want to stop yet & neither do i. -- elizabeth (in australia) DS - born 20-aug-02 |
#14
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Arghhh - stupid comments
A&G&K wrote in message ... Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning (but stupid) people lately? What are they going to say when they find out that I'm not only "still" bf DD, but that I'm pg *and* "still" bf DD ;P The mood I am in at the moment, I would tell them that who cares, as long as I am content with what I am doing! Good on you I say - those people will soon stop commenting. I got all sorts of comments early on, like 'Oh well, you'll stop when she's got teeth'. And now the only comments I get are along the lines of 'You're a good cow aren't you!' (meant in a nice way). Cathy |
#15
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Arghhh - stupid comments
Amanda, Dawn, and AlenasMom:
Repeat after me: "I am not responsible for the stupid opinions of the parents of unfortunate children, no matter how much I feel sorry for them!" The total amount of intelligence in the world is a constant, but the population is growing. Be thankful you have managed to keep your share! Marvin Marvin L. Zinn Using Virtual Access Windows 2000 build 2600 |
#16
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Arghhh - stupid comments
"A&G&K" wrote in message ...
Is anyone experiencing an epidemic in stupid comments from well-meaning (but stupid) people lately? snip the latest one, and it got me really angry, was a pregnant woman who told me that her mum disaproved of breastfeeding, and said that mothers milk didnt have enough nutrients. She said she was going to have to fight and argue with her mum to breastfeed and didnt look like she was up to the battle. Apart from all the obvious and proven benefits and given that this is a single mum, on a very low income that has got to be the stupidest bit of advice I have ever heard. I was so angry I wanted to find out where her mum lived and give her a good talking to, if not a thump. If I ever do meet her I know I will not be able to hold my tounge. Grr teapot |
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