Choosing my religion

Choosing my religion

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/15277246.htm

Posted on Tue, Aug. 15, 2006

Shopping around for a family church - when the parents aren't regular
attendees - can be intimidating, but experts say it's never too late to
start keeping the faith

By GAILE ROBINSON
Star-Telegram Staff Writer

The Cub Scout troop was swirling around the front door of the old
California mission. They were there to satisfy a badge requirement but
were acting like it was a trip to the amusement park. They moved
inside, a vibrating mass of boy energy.

The 200-year-old church was dark; in the gloom of the long, narrow
sanctuary, the pews were barely visible. The only illumination was at
the far end over the altar. There, a bright light spilled down over a
huge crucifix and a larger-than-life wounded Christ figure, blood
dripping from underneath the crown of thorns. The Cub Scouts were awed,
and for a brief moment, silent.

Then, this query: "Whoa, what happened to that guy?"

I recognized the loud voice of my son at the same instant I experienced
one of those whiplashes of profound parental guilt: "Oops, should have
gotten the kids some religious education."

It had been on the to-do list, somewhere after toilet training and
instructions on table manners; we just hadn't gotten to that particular
chapter of child-rearing yet. Neither my husband nor I was aligned with
a church at the time, although we both had gone as children, albeit to
very different ones. Our parents had done their bit; now it was time to
do ours. In an ideal world, couples should negotiate this issue before
picking a china pattern or a wedding date. Mary Hildebrandt, director
of Christian Education at Peace Lutheran Church in Hurst, says: "The
topic should be in there with 'What do you think about marriage, money,
having children, and where do you want to live?' . . . That way when
you are blessed with children you have a game plan going in."

Of course, that would have made it so simple, but it was not a
conversation we had ever had. And we were not atypical.

For parents who are not churchgoers, choosing a church for the purposes
of religious education can be quite daunting. How do you find one that
is agreeable to everyone in the family? For that matter, is it
important that everyone agree? How do you know that what is conveyed in
the adult service is echoed in the Sunday-school program? When is a
good time to begin a child's religious education? Is it ever too late?
Did we miss the ark?

The answers from the professionals are reassuring.

So, which church should we attend?

The denomination's name is not the issue, the religious education
directors say. Choosing your faith-based community matters more.

There is a difference, often quite distinct, between churches of the
same faith. Parents struggle mightily with religious appellations;
putting too much emphasis on "what church are we?" when instead they
need to find a church family where they feel most at home.

"One of the most important points of religious education is to find a
community of faith. Faith, whether it is Christian, Jewish or Muslim,
is found in community," says Russell Dalton, associate professor of
Christian education at Brite Divinity School at Texas Christian
University in Fort Worth. "All great faiths are built around community.
You learn about being a Christian by being around Christians of many
ages. So I would say the biggest challenge is going around to many
churches, synagogues or mosques."

Once there, "You need to ask yourself, 'Is this a church that will help
me become a better person?'" says Brett Younger, senior pastor at Fort
Worth's Broadway Baptist Church. "It doesn't take long to get an
answer. If you find a community that will challenge you that way, it
will do that for your children, too."

Some parents who come from different church backgrounds never do agree
on a single church for the entire family.

"They alternate churches," says Walter McDonald, pastor at Fort Worth's
Baker Chapel AME. "One is committed to one church, the other another,
but the children primarily attend one church."

This may send a mixed message, but it's not one of confusion, says
McDonald: "The important thing is that the parents are led by the Holy
Spirit and their spiritual needs are being met in the church."

Where do we begin?

Talking to friends, neighbors and co-workers is one way to narrow the
search, Hildebrandt says. She says that a large proportion of Peace
Lutheran's new members, fully "80 to 90 percent who come and stay, are
there because somebody else has invited them."

Often a crisis precipitates the search. Then families turn to their
most immediate and trusted resources -- friends or co-workers. Robin
Stillwell of Trinity Vineyard Fellowship in Fort Worth says she knows
of two families who have done that.

"In one family someone had passed away and it threw the family into a
crisis," Stillwell says. "That mom started looking at her son's
friends. She knew who went to church and who didn't. She asked one who
seemed like a nice kid where he went, and she began networking that
way."

If you are really unsure, check resources on the Web, says Amanda
Robinson, director of religious education at First Jefferson Unitarian
Universalist in Fort Worth. She says her church has had several
families land on its doorstep after visiting www.beliefnet.com, an
online multifaith community, and taking one of its interactive quizzes
that help narrow the search for faith affiliation to those that best
match one's beliefs. Armed with that speed-dating kind of information,
the religion-seeker can further research religious philosophies and
pinpoint compatible local churches.

Obviously, some footwork will be involved; several trips, in fact. The
first visit will suggest one of two responses: definitely not, or
maybe. You will know fairly quickly if it is not right for you.

Is this the right Sunday school?

All churches should have written material that outlines their religious
education programs. Ask for a copy. If you are not sure that the
message being delivered in the adult service is the same one presented
in the Sunday school, drop in the classrooms for a visit, Stillwell
says. Or, "talk to the director of religious education, volunteer in
the classroom, talk to the children who have been attending," Robinson
says.

The education directors do send up cautionary flares about the location
of Sunday school classes. If the classrooms are in a separate building,
that might be a sign that children are kept sequestered from the adult
group or older and younger children. There should be integration among
the ages in the church family.

"Having the biggest, shiniest preschool building is not the best sign,"
Younger says. "Children's ministers struggle with the tension of making
this look like church or a Disneyland. There is an integrity issue in
marketing to children. If you are trying to attract 6-year-olds with
the shiniest toys, you're not teaching a 6-year-old what church is
about."

Parents should look for the church that will help their children become
the kind of adult they want them to be. Children need to be integrated
into the church family. "Make sure there are opportunities for youth
and adults to be together," Dalton says.

See how children are treated in the adult service. Are they welcome?
Are they included?

"I feel like children should feel welcome in service, and sometimes
that's hard to do, but it is very important," Robinson says.

Dalton suggests asking these questions: Is the service designed in such
a way that they realize kids are going to be there? Is there anything
in the service that is directly addressed to them? Are there songs that
have a rhythm or a beat or are sung in such a way, with hand motions,
that are engaging to children? During prayer times, are the prayers
concerns of adults or are there things that might be of concern to
children? Do the sermons include illustrations of how this can be
meaningful in a child's life? Are there any children or teens helping
to lead the service?

Did we wait too long?

Adding another time commitment to the schedule of a school-age child
seems cruel to the entire family, which is why adding regular church
attendance is best if begun early. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the
wake-up call during potty training. A friend of mine figured it out
when her fifth-grade daughter was packing for camp. As the girl read
off the list of essential gear, she announced, "Says here we need a
bibble. What's a bibble?"

From most church staffers' point of view, religious education is best
when started early. "It's one thing to wrestle with a 2-year-old, but I
will take a 2-year-old over a 12-year-old any day," Hildebrandt says.

"The younger they are when you start, the easier it is to lay the
foundation," says Brenda Tyler of Christ Chapel Bible Church in Fort
Worth.

If you wait till the problem years, that time in the family development
when the parent-child relationship is at its most corrosive, there will
be opposition.

"If we press religion on a rebelling child, the resistance is magnified
because we are initiating it," Hildebrandt says. Often teens will want
to find their own church family, away from the church of their parents.

"Some kids might be looking for answers and be struggling with issues,"
Tyler says. If a child is experienced in searching for these answers
within a religious framework, she says, parents should trust their
children and allow them their explorations. They may fall away from the
family church, but often this is the one they return to as adults, when
it is time to educate their own children.

Many times, new parents will instinctively find a church where the
ritual, schedule and visual presentation are ones that they recognize
from their youth.

They look for the familiar, says Tonya Langston, children's pastor at
Bethel Temple in Fort Worth. "They don't often analyze curriculum or
content of lesson. They base their choice on whether or not it feels
like the church they went to when they were little."

What do the kids say?

You've made the rounds; you've test-driven services, checked out Sunday
schools. You think you may have found the family's church. But weigh in
with the kids. Ask them about their experiences. Are they comfortable?
Are the Sunday school lessons positive? Dalton says ask them, "'What do
they say about God?' Are they scaring children with images of wrathful
God, teaching a God of love, or whatever it is that is important to the
parents?"

Even the size of the class matters. Some children don't have the
experience or socialization skills to slide into a new group with ease,
Robinson says. They might prefer a smaller group. When they get older,
they might want to be part of a large group.

Hopefully the parents will be rewarded for their search for a fitting
family church with positive results. Children, though, have a way of
interpreting the lessons in their own way.

On the way to school one morning, after having picked up the other
carpool kids, one friend heard her daughter, Nicole, giving a tour
guide's spiel about the neighborhood. She pointed out the family's
church to her friends.

"That's our church," Nicole said. "The one with the plus on the top."

TEST YOUR FAITH

Not sure where to start? The nondenominational site www.beliefnet.com
has a quiz that will help narrow down your choices. Answer a list of 20
questions on the concept of God, afterlife and spiritual beliefs, then
rank how important each concept is in your value system. The site will
analyze your answers, then provide a list of religions, from mainline
Christianity to Judaism, Islam to Buddhism, that are most compatible
with your answers.

"Fred Goodwin, CMA" wrote in message
ups.com...
Choosing my religion

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/15277246.htm

Posted on Tue, Aug. 15, 2006

Shopping around for a family church - when the parents aren't regular
attendees - can be intimidating, but experts say it's never too late to
start keeping the faith

Have you never read a newspaper or heard news on the radio? The whole world
is exploding with hatred and violence because of so many people "keeping the
faith".

Ahmadinejad along with Hezbollah are immersed in God and religion.
6000 Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims murdered each other in Iraq in 2
months and more on the way!
Suicide bombers, car bombers, kidnappings and beheadings all for God.
WTC with 3000 dead because 19 dedicated believers in God committed it.

Frank Arthur wrote:

Have you never read a newspaper or heard news on the radio? The whole world
is exploding with hatred and violence because of so many people "keeping the
faith".

Ahmadinejad along with Hezbollah are immersed in God and religion.
6000 Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims murdered each other in Iraq in 2
months and more on the way!
Suicide bombers, car bombers, kidnappings and beheadings all for God.
WTC with 3000 dead because 19 dedicated believers in God committed it.

And yet every week, millions of people of faith go to church, temple,
synagogue, etc. without going out to kill each other.

Big difference about people having a religion and practicing it.
You cannot say belief in God is wrong or bad because some idiots SAY they
serve him when obviously they DONT.

"Frank Arthur" wrote in message
. ..

"Fred Goodwin, CMA" wrote in message
ups.com...
Choosing my religion

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/15277246.htm

Posted on Tue, Aug. 15, 2006

Shopping around for a family church - when the parents aren't regular
attendees - can be intimidating, but experts say it's never too late to
start keeping the faith

Have you never read a newspaper or heard news on the radio? The whole
world is exploding with hatred and violence because of so many people
"keeping the faith".

Ahmadinejad along with Hezbollah are immersed in God and religion.
6000 Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims murdered each other in Iraq in 2
months and more on the way!
Suicide bombers, car bombers, kidnappings and beheadings all for God.
WTC with 3000 dead because 19 dedicated believers in God committed it.

Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

Choosing my religion

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/15277246.htm

Posted on Tue, Aug. 15, 2006

Shopping around for a family church - when the parents aren't regular
attendees - can be intimidating, but experts say it's never too late to
start keeping the faith

By GAILE ROBINSON
Star-Telegram Staff Writer

The Cub Scout troop was swirling around the front door of the old
California mission. They were there to satisfy a badge requirement but
were acting like it was a trip to the amusement park. They moved
inside, a vibrating mass of boy energy.

The 200-year-old church was dark; in the gloom of the long, narrow
sanctuary, the pews were barely visible. The only illumination was at
the far end over the altar. There, a bright light spilled down over a
huge crucifix and a larger-than-life wounded Christ figure, blood
dripping from underneath the crown of thorns. The Cub Scouts were awed,
and for a brief moment, silent.

Then, this query: "Whoa, what happened to that guy?"
-----------------------------
"Some guys just gotta learn the HARD WAY!!"

I thought you might be halfway intelligent, but you're a Fundy bigot
and just another pompous lying ****, Fred.

I suppose you want to revive the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy too!

Quit telling kids LIES you can't reasonably defend!

And by the way, **** the goddamned Homophobic Boy Scouts of America!
Steve

Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

Frank Arthur wrote:

Have you never read a newspaper or heard news on the radio? The whole world
is exploding with hatred and violence because of so many people "keeping the
faith".

Ahmadinejad along with Hezbollah are immersed in God and religion.
6000 Sunni Muslims and Shiite Muslims murdered each other in Iraq in 2
months and more on the way!
Suicide bombers, car bombers, kidnappings and beheadings all for God.
WTC with 3000 dead because 19 dedicated believers in God committed it.

And yet every week, millions of people of faith go to church, temple,
synagogue, etc. without going out to kill each other.
----------------------
Just because MOST delusionals are seeming harmless at present, doesn't
mean they aren't mis-raising and abusing their children with that old
antihumane antisexual trash!! Grow the **** up, Fred, atheism is WAAAY
more civilized than ****ing Funny-Mentalism!!
Steve

Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

And yet every week, millions of people of faith go to church, temple,
synagogue, etc. without going out to kill each other.

Actually, I've been wondering - if we look at any massacre - say of
over 10 people at any given time - have any of the massacres been
perpetrated by athiests?

I tried to do a search on violent crime and religion, but all I found
were the religions of the victims, rather than the religion (or
lackthereof) of the criminal.

Cathy Weeks

In article .com, Cathy Weeks
says...


Fred Goodwin, CMA wrote:

And yet every week, millions of people of faith go to church, temple,
synagogue, etc. without going out to kill each other.

Actually, I've been wondering - if we look at any massacre - say of
over 10 people at any given time - have any of the massacres been
perpetrated by athiests?

I tried to do a search on violent crime and religion, but all I found
were the religions of the victims, rather than the religion (or
lackthereof) of the criminal.

Cathy Weeks


Stalin's purges, the Cultural Revolution - yes, I think we can say religion is
not the only motive for these insane passions of control.

Although I am very concerned that religions are motivating expectations of power
and future events which is propelling the violence of our day. And it may be
catastrophic.

Banty


--

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5222154.stm

Banty wrote:

Stalin's purges, the Cultural Revolution - yes, I think we can say religion is
not the only motive for these insane passions of control.

Although I am very concerned that religions are motivating expectations of power
and future events which is propelling the violence of our day. And it may be
catastrophic.

Thanks. After I posted this, I found at least two major massacres
perpetrated by athiests - Stalin's purges was one, and Pol Pot's in
Cambodia was another.

shrug Throughout history, most were not done by athiests, however.
Like you, I suspect the tendency to massacre has MANY causes, and
religion is only one of them.

Sad...

Cathy Weeks

In article .com, Cathy Weeks
says...


Banty wrote:

Stalin's purges, the Cultural Revolution - yes, I think we can say religion is
not the only motive for these insane passions of control.

Although I am very concerned that religions are motivating expectations of power
and future events which is propelling the violence of our day. And it may be
catastrophic.

Thanks. After I posted this, I found at least two major massacres
perpetrated by athiests - Stalin's purges was one, and Pol Pot's in
Cambodia was another.

shrug Throughout history, most were not done by athiests, however.
Like you, I suspect the tendency to massacre has MANY causes, and
religion is only one of them.

Sad...

I think in most cases, religion is pointed to, but it's really just one of any
sort of cultural or traditional distinguishing feature of the groups in
conflict. Even though, of course, each group would pray to their diety and
point to the perceived attributes of their religions vs. the other. The
troubles in Northern Ireland weren't really over to what extent a Christian
should regard Mary and how to take communions, was it now. It started as the
settlement of Scottish (incidentially Protestant) people in (incidentally
Catholic) Ireland by the English as a means of establishing "facts on the
ground", as it were. Then continuing favortism of one group over the other by
the dominant English.

Applying this to other conflicts over land elswhere in the world, notably the
Middle East, and comparing and contrasting, is left to the reader..

Banty


--

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5222154.stm