Am I crazy?

I know newlyweds get post-wedding blues. All the excitement building up
to the big day, then it's over. I never got that.
I know there's PPD, I seem ok on that front, despite all that's
happened.

The Baby Blues - I always thought this was more along the lines of
panicked new mom, stressed, tired, physically and emotionally exhausted
along with all the hormones going nuts. Does it manifest itself similar
to the wedding blues type syndrome? Or am I just nuts?

All was fine at first - I think we were both using all our strength
to get through the NICU ordeal. DD is nearly 4 months now and doing
great. But in the last few weeks I've begun to miss being pregnant.
Not really the aching back, sore legs, constant peeing part. I realize
I'm missing the naivete and the excitement that comes along with
having your first. The anticipation, the amazement of all that is to
come. Now she's here and I'm thrilled as punch, but there's a
part of me longing for that time before. Part of it is wishing some
things had gone differently, but as all is ok now, that's not a huge
issue. Part of it is regret that the pregnancy itself wasn't as
relaxed and joyful as I would have liked. I wanted to enjoy my
pregnancy and due to forces outside myself, found that difficult.
There's just something about being pregnant with your first,
something I can't describe, and I feel a bit sad that I won't get
that back. I hope I can become pg again and have more kids, but you
only get a first time once. It's like the "big day" has come and gone,
and though I have the most amazing creature on this end of it, I long
for the birth day to do over again.

I've never really felt that
worn-out-exhausted-save-me-from-the-sanity I was 'supposed' to feel
in the first few months (maybe that's to come). Honestly, even the
drudgery is fun. I so love motherhood and all that comes with it. But
there's this other feeling that's sort of nagging at me. Is this
normal?

I do not know if your feeling is normal, I am not a doctor. But I feel
the same way and it has almost been a year since I had my little man.
The first day we gat home my musband was holding him in the livingroom
and I went to go and take a relaxing bath and this feeling of complete
lonliness hit me. I relized my baby wasn't in there and I started to
cry. I called my mom and told her I miss my baby and she told me to go
and get him. I told her not like that I miss him being a part of me,
keeping me company and having someone to talk or sing to and rub on.
She laughed sympathitically and told me I will be alright when I get my
body back to normal I will be glad. Well here I am and I miss my baby
more then ever! I go to work 40 hrs. a week and I attend college 3
nights a week. On wed, thurs, and fri, I do not see him at all. At
least when he was in my belly I knew he was taken care of and was close
to me. Now I don't have that but I hope I will graduate college and one
day my son can run to me as I cross the stage and my little boy will be
pround of his mommy's accomplishment! I keep telling myself that I will
see my little booger when I get home. And maybe you and me both will
get pregnant again and when we have the baby the feeling of emptiness
won't stay!

On Oct 25, 2:23 pm, "cjra" wrote:
I know newlyweds get post-wedding blues. All the excitement building up
to the big day, then it's over. I never got that.
I know there's PPD, I seem ok on that front, despite all that's
happened.

The Baby Blues - I always thought this was more along the lines of
panicked new mom, stressed, tired, physically and emotionally exhausted
along with all the hormones going nuts. Does it manifest itself similar
to the wedding blues type syndrome? Or am I just nuts?

All was fine at first - I think we were both using all our strength
to get through the NICU ordeal. DD is nearly 4 months now and doing
great. But in the last few weeks I've begun to miss being pregnant.
Not really the aching back, sore legs, constant peeing part. I realize
I'm missing the naivete and the excitement that comes along with
having your first. The anticipation, the amazement of all that is to
come. Now she's here and I'm thrilled as punch, but there's a
part of me longing for that time before. Part of it is wishing some
things had gone differently, but as all is ok now, that's not a huge
issue. Part of it is regret that the pregnancy itself wasn't as
relaxed and joyful as I would have liked. I wanted to enjoy my
pregnancy and due to forces outside myself, found that difficult.
There's just something about being pregnant with your first,
something I can't describe, and I feel a bit sad that I won't get
that back. I hope I can become pg again and have more kids, but you
only get a first time once. It's like the "big day" has come and gone,
and though I have the most amazing creature on this end of it, I long
for the birth day to do over again.

I've never really felt that
worn-out-exhausted-save-me-from-the-sanity I was 'supposed' to feel
in the first few months (maybe that's to come). Honestly, even the
drudgery is fun. I so love motherhood and all that comes with it. But
there's this other feeling that's sort of nagging at me. Is this
normal?

both times, I've missed being pregnant and I've had relatively bad
pregnanies! I wonder if all that has happened has delayed these feelings
somewhat, as I felt them much earlier, it would kind of make sense that you
only have these feelings when you have space to have them. I also think that
wanting to be pregnant is in some ways built into women, if it wasn't, then
we wouldn't have as many babies!
Cheers

Anne

cjra wrote:

But
there's this other feeling that's sort of nagging at me. Is this
normal?

I missed being pregnant from the moment I gave birth until I got
pregnant again in July (11 months later). I missed the attention (I'm
not too proud to admit it!), I missed feeling the baby move, I missed
the excitement of it... All of it. I actually cried in Walmart
picking out "congratulations on your pregnancy!" cards for a friend
because I was jealous that she was pregnant and I wasn't anymore!
Hahaha...

It's not that I don't love having my daughter on the outside -
espcially now that she's 14 months and she's talking and walking and
hilarious and so much fun. I think I got used to an idea of her as a
fetus, and then she was born and she was different from what I
expected, so I had to sort of let the fetus go and grow to love the
reality of the baby. Does that make sense? I sort of mourned the
potential, the mystery, of the pregnancy, even though the reality has
been so much better than I ever imagined (once I got on the Zoloft!!).

I'm not finding this pregnancy the same as my first. On the one hand,
I'm a lot more relaxed and confident about it - I worried about every
tiny thing with the first and about drove myself crazy. On the other
hand, I'm not as giddy, either. Maybe it's because we tried for two
years for #1, and we hadn't really even started trying for this one,
yet. Maybe it's because I'm nervous about having 2 kids 20 months
apart. Maybe it's because I've "been here, done this, got the nursing
shirt..." so to speak. It's just different.

I guess all you can do is cherish the memories of being pregnant with
your first - no one can take those away. And when you get pregnant
again someday, you can appreciate being pregnant again, both the
familiar and the different.

Take care,
Amy

I just did a google search in hopes of finding some kind of proof that
how I've been feeling is normal. I'm so glad I found this group!!
My baby is 4.5 weeks old and since day 3 of her life I've been missing
the pregnancy. I can relate to that feeling of loneliness and
emptiness and longing to feel the kicks and hiccups and closeness
again, even though it was only a month ago.
I remember feeling this with my first baby who's now 3, but not to this
degree. My best guess is that this time is so much harder because
there may not be a third baby if my husband isn't on board with it ( at
this point he is not). WE're still young - I'm 25 and he's 29- so I'm
not ready to close that door yet. The childbearing years are so
fleeting and so special, that to say they are over and done with is so
painful to fathom.
I'm a doula and love what I do, but now I fear that being present in a
woman's life at such an amazing time will cause this feeling to stick
around. At least before I had my babies I still had that excitement
that I would be the one to give birth again and those women I've helped
all had important lessons to teach me. I feel like I won't have the
same passion as a doula for the birth process and participating in
sauch a special time in a family's life. Does that sound selfish to
anyone else?

Thanks for listening,
Lisa
Amy Austin wrote:
cjra wrote:

But
there's this other feeling that's sort of nagging at me. Is this
normal?

I missed being pregnant from the moment I gave birth until I got
pregnant again in July (11 months later). I missed the attention (I'm
not too proud to admit it!), I missed feeling the baby move, I missed
the excitement of it... All of it. I actually cried in Walmart
picking out "congratulations on your pregnancy!" cards for a friend
because I was jealous that she was pregnant and I wasn't anymore!
Hahaha...

It's not that I don't love having my daughter on the outside -
espcially now that she's 14 months and she's talking and walking and
hilarious and so much fun. I think I got used to an idea of her as a
fetus, and then she was born and she was different from what I
expected, so I had to sort of let the fetus go and grow to love the
reality of the baby. Does that make sense? I sort of mourned the
potential, the mystery, of the pregnancy, even though the reality has
been so much better than I ever imagined (once I got on the Zoloft!!).

I'm not finding this pregnancy the same as my first. On the one hand,
I'm a lot more relaxed and confident about it - I worried about every
tiny thing with the first and about drove myself crazy. On the other
hand, I'm not as giddy, either. Maybe it's because we tried for two
years for #1, and we hadn't really even started trying for this one,
yet. Maybe it's because I'm nervous about having 2 kids 20 months
apart. Maybe it's because I've "been here, done this, got the nursing
shirt..." so to speak. It's just different.

I guess all you can do is cherish the memories of being pregnant with
your first - no one can take those away. And when you get pregnant
again someday, you can appreciate being pregnant again, both the
familiar and the different.

Take care,
Amy