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#1
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TV choices and tweens
When is the age where you, as a parent, should start to give in and let the
child make her own media choices, TV in particular, whether or not you agree with them (within reason)? I'm not suggesting letting The Kid watch "Debbie Does Dallas," but we got into a major row this weekend over "Pokemon: The Movie 2000." I still dislike and disapprove of Pokemon, but I have gotta question whether *that* was worth the energy, at her age (9). Getting into the merits (or lack thereof) of Pokemon isn't what I'm after. It's enough to say that I and her dad haven't been letting her watch it (and similar, related programs) because of violence, on my part, and crass commercialism and merchandizing, on both our parts. And there are other things we haven't let her watch as well for other reasons, of course. So let's move past the discussion of Pokemon specifically, if we can, and talk about at what age you hand over the TV reins. (The same issue applies to books read, movies attended, and bunches of other stuff.) When does the issue go from your first priority, as a parent, being supervising your kid's media input and move over to "choosing your battles" and keeping them to a minimum? And how far do you budge? How do you know where to put the new lines in the sand -- and how do you go about justifying those? It doesn't help that there was a kid in her class at school rattling off a list of movies and programs my kid has never seen. I don't want my kid to be a media pariah, but on the other hand "everybody else gets to watch it" isn't a very strong argument in my book. Frankly, I'm feeling quite lost at being a mom of a growing tween. Thanks. beeswing |
#2
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TV choices and tweens
With my just turned 11yo I still monitor her viewing....and wont allow certain
shows on in the house(Pokemon is one of them btw) I fully realize she is exposed to some of this at friends houses etc, but these are house rules. In spite of much pleading etc from her brothers(just turned 5, and just turned 7)....certain shows are off limits. Period. Now, the 17yo girl...that's pretty much a losing battle(or shall i say--pick your battles!!!) She makes her own tv choices...but if in the same room as her siblings, house rules win! Hope that helps........I know it didnt really answer your question about new lines in the sand...I go by gut feeling....and thus far have done ok with it! Kathi |
#3
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TV choices and tweens
beeswing wrote:
When is the age where you, as a parent, should start to give in and let the child make her own media choices, TV in particular, whether or not you agree with them (within reason)? I'm not suggesting letting The Kid watch "Debbie Does Dallas," but we got into a major row this weekend over "Pokemon: The Movie 2000." I still dislike and disapprove of Pokemon, but I have gotta question whether *that* was worth the energy, at her age (9). Getting into the merits (or lack thereof) of Pokemon isn't what I'm after. It's enough to say that I and her dad haven't been letting her watch it (and similar, related programs) because of violence, on my part, and crass commercialism and merchandizing, on both our parts. And there are other things we haven't let her watch as well for other reasons, of course. So let's move past the discussion of Pokemon specifically, if we can, and talk about at what age you hand over the TV reins. (The same issue applies to books read, movies attended, and bunches of other stuff.) When does the issue go from your first priority, as a parent, being supervising your kid's media input and move over to "choosing your battles" and keeping them to a minimum? And how far do you budge? How do you know where to put the new lines in the sand -- and how do you go about justifying those? It doesn't help that there was a kid in her class at school rattling off a list of movies and programs my kid has never seen. I don't want my kid to be a media pariah, but on the other hand "everybody else gets to watch it" isn't a very strong argument in my book. Frankly, I'm feeling quite lost at being a mom of a growing tween. Join the club DD, at almost 11, is way too much into American Idol, IMNSHO. But she still watched a lot of it. That and the Simpsons (which we watch together) is her television repertoire (it helps that we don't get cable or good TV reception). It also helps that the TV is in our (unfinished) basement -- a very inconvenient place to watch. I think it really helps control TV viewing if watching the TV is not the default activity. If your kid says "I'm bored" and you say "watch some TV" -- well, that's hardly optimal in my book. (I usually say "I wasn't put on this Earth to entertain you.") I would feel comfortable handing over viewing reins to her now, almost; I don't think she'll watch a lot, actually, and I can always take the reins back. In fact, I could stipulate, handing over the reins, that they may be removed if she abuses the priviledge. Most of DD's current lobbying efforts are to see PG-13 movies, anyway. So far fruitless lobbying. She really wants/wanted to see Mean Girls, the Lindsay Lohan movie, but she never did. Maybe when it's on video. The raciest movie she's seen so far, I think, is Victor/Victoria -- I FF'ed through Lesley Warren's number, though. As far as peer pressure goes, that toxic little classmate of hers sounds like a piece of work. DD and I have talked about people like that, and she knows I don't cotton to doing things because other people are trying to make me feel somehow lessened because of things I have or have not done. I hope she's suitably innoculated against that kind of thing. We'll see for sure next year in Middle School. Scott DD 10.9 and DS 8.4 |
#4
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TV choices and tweens
Hi - We let our kids (6 and 8) watch a limited amount of stuff that we (as parents) rather dislike, like Pokemon. I handle it by biting the bullet and sitting down to watch the junk WITH the kids, and we discuss it a bit as we go (during pauses of the video, or commercial breaks if on TV). We talk about the violence, the redeeming features, why the redeeming features aren't really enough, why we're concerned about the violence, and a lot about the commercialism. No, I don't watch EVERY junk show with the kids. But enough to keep the discussion going about what's good, what's not, and why. That's how I'm dealing with this issue. I hope it works in the long run! --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#5
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TV choices and tweens
I don't remember making any restrictions on what my kids watched.
Basically they were too busy to watch much TV. Specifically, they went to the barn after school to care for their horses, and came home at dark and did their homework and went to bed. We got our first pony when dd#1 was about 14. Before that they were at swim team which I was coaching every afternoon, and most weekends were involved with swim meets. I myself watch very little in the way of movies or anything with violence and high drama. Thinking about what my grandkids watch or don't watch - I know that dd#2 allows her son to watch pokemon and he collects or collected the cards. He was allowed to watch in the morning before school if he got up and dressed. That was when he was 8. I watched with him sometimes and I didn't see anything particularly objectionable although I never got into it. Now that he is 10, he seems to be not interested any more. DD#2 allows her daughter, now 4, to watch stuff that I can't handle, but she (granddaughter) seems perfectly fine with it. I mean it doesn't give her nightmares or anything. DD#3 does not allow her 3 yo to watch Sponge Bob, but dd#2's daughter watched that when she was that age. At present (leaving out my oldest two grandchildren who are 23 and 21) the oldest grandchild I have is 11 and AFAIK this hasn't come up as that family does not have cable or sat TV so it is only the local channels that they get and that is not very good quality. They also don't have access to the internet. grandma Rosalie |
#6
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TV choices and tweens
Kathi wrote:
With my just turned 11yo I still monitor her viewing....and wont allow certain shows on in the house(Pokemon is one of them btw) I fully realize she is exposed to some of this at friends houses etc, but these are house rules. In spite of much pleading etc from her brothers(just turned 5, and just turned 7)....certain shows are off limits. Period. Now, the 17yo girl...that's pretty much a losing battle(or shall i say--pick your battles!!!) She makes her own tv choices...but if in the same room as her siblings, house rules win! Hope that helps........I know it didnt really answer your question about new lines in the sand...I go by gut feeling....and thus far have done ok with it! Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out there who isn't watching Pokemon! To listen to my daughter, you'd think she was the only one ever in the entire universe with parents that won't let her watch it (cruel ogres that we are!). (She's seen it a few times at a friend's house, as your daughter has, but that's about it.) What age was your oldest girl when she took over making her own TV choices? Thanks! beeswing |
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TV choices and tweens
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#8
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TV choices and tweens
Beth Kevles wrote:
We let our kids (6 and 8) watch a limited amount of stuff that we (as parents) rather dislike, like Pokemon. I handle it by biting the bullet and sitting down to watch the junk WITH the kids, and we discuss it a bit as we go (during pauses of the video, or commercial breaks if on TV). We talk about the violence, the redeeming features, why the redeeming features aren't really enough, why we're concerned about the violence, and a lot about the commercialism. No, I don't watch EVERY junk show with the kids. But enough to keep the discussion going about what's good, what's not, and why. That's how I'm dealing with this issue. I hope it works in the long run! For me, it depends on how strongly I feel about the particular issue (violence, for example) or the particular show. I won't watch violent shows myself, and I don't want The Kid watching them. (Her father, on the other hand, likes to take himself to movies where a lot of things unrealistically blow up. He enjoys that sort of stuff.) I don't need to be watching the show with The Kid, when it's something like "Pokemon," to explain to her what it is I don't like about it. There are other things we've watched together that we do talk our way through. If an otherwise *reasonably okay* movie (such as "Confessions of a Teen-Age Drama Queen") has a drunk character in it, we'll talk about drinking and drunks and why it's a Bad Idea to drink too much. So in some cases, that approach does work us, but it wouldn't work for me with "Pokemon." Thanks for responding! beeswing |
#9
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TV choices and tweens
Scott wrote:
[beeswing wrote] SNIPPED BY BEESWING Frankly, I'm feeling quite lost at being a mom of a growing tween. Join the club I don't know how it is for you, but the answers seemed much more clear-cut when The Kid was younger! DD, at almost 11, is way too much into American Idol, IMNSHO. But she still watched a lot of it. That and the Simpsons (which we watch together) is her television repertoire (it helps that we don't get cable or good TV reception). It also helps that the TV is in our (unfinished) basement -- a very inconvenient place to watch. My daughter has several shows she watches, but she also spends a lot of time reading, being outside, and doing other things. She'll choose reading, especially, over TV. I think it really helps control TV viewing if watching the TV is not the default activity. If your kid says "I'm bored" and you say "watch some TV" -- well, that's hardly optimal in my book. I agree, and I've talked to my daughter about this. I was a communications major back in college. We were taught a theory that stuck with me: that people tend to watch the "LOP" -- the least objectionable program. They don't turn on the TV to watch a specific, good show; they flip channels until they settle on what is "least bad." I try to teach my daughter that if she wants to watch something specifically, something that's she truly likes, that's one thing...but if there's nothing good on or if what's on isn't something that she deliberately would have chosen, the TV needs to be turned off. (I usually say "I wasn't put on this Earth to entertain you.") I would feel comfortable handing over viewing reins to her now, almost; I don't think she'll watch a lot, actually, and I can always take the reins back. In fact, I could stipulate, handing over the reins, that they may be removed if she abuses the priviledge. I've never set a limit on how much TV The Kid could watch, but I have talked about how much is too much in general terms. I'm less worried about how much time she would spend watching than *what* she it was she'd watch. Given her druthers, we'd have an influx of "Pokemon," "Digimon," "Code Lyoke," "Sonic the Hedgehog," and similar fare. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it wouldn't exactly be material to build young minds and characters, either. Most of DD's current lobbying efforts are to see PG-13 movies, anyway. So far fruitless lobbying. She really wants/wanted to see Mean Girls, the Lindsay Lohan movie, but she never did. Maybe when it's on video. The raciest movie she's seen so far, I think, is Victor/Victoria -- I FF'ed through Lesley Warren's number, though. I let my daughter successfully lobby for some things. For example, she wanted to watch "Teen Titans." She argued her case, and then I watched the show with her once. I decided it was silly but not objectionable, so I let her win that one. With the movies she wants to see, I *will* let her mount an argument, and I will listen to it with a fairly open mind. I'm willing to consider allowing myself to be convinced. But I also do my own research, and when it comes down to it, it's still my decision to make. If I remember right, there have been a very few PG-13 movies we have allowed (wasn't one of the "Harry Potter" movies PG-13?). I use a few Internet sources to figure out what was "PG-13" about the movie and if it's something I can live with my kid seeing. And she gets Parently Guided...she's only been allowed to see them accompanied by us. As far as peer pressure goes, that toxic little classmate of hers sounds like a piece of work. DD and I have talked about people like that, and she knows I don't cotton to doing things because other people are trying to make me feel somehow lessened because of things I have or have not done. I hope she's suitably innoculated against that kind of thing. We'll see for sure next year in Middle School. The Kid claims that she knows what peer pressure is and that it doesn't affect her. It was pretty clear she was letting that particular kid get under her skin, though. When she told me the story, I laughed a little and told her: "Ask him a few back: 'Have you seen *Whale Rider*?' 'Have you seen *Bend It Like Beckham*?" Getting into the spirit of it, she added "Have you seen *Rabbit-Proof Fence*?" At that point, I had to admit that one-upping people really wasn't a good thing to do...even if tempting sometimes. Thanks for responding; it's good to hear other's tween experiences. beeswing |
#10
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TV choices and tweens
"beeswing" wrote in message ... Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out there who isn't watching Pokemon! I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never wanted to. I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything), and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be silly to limit them on fear alone. I let me kids watch stuff that has much more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13 movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only. FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch, with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media access kids have these days. Marjorie To listen to my daughter, you'd think she was the only one ever in the entire universe with parents that won't let her watch it (cruel ogres that we are!). (She's seen it a few times at a friend's house, as your daughter has, but that's about it.) What age was your oldest girl when she took over making her own TV choices? Thanks! beeswing |
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