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teaching manners
Little boy is almost four. We are trying to teach him some manners. Thinks
like: Say "please" and "thank you," please knock before you come in to our bedroom Say "may I be excused?" when you're done with dinner please don't interrupt. We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. Any suggestions? Best, Ann |
#2
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teaching manners
In article , Ann Porter wrote:
.... We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. Sounds like he is doing very well for almost four. It helps if you model the "please" and "thank you" behavior yourself: "It's bedtime---please go to bed now." "Thank you for getting dressed so quickly this morning." .... -- Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Professor of Computer Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics Affiliations for identification only. |
#3
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teaching manners
In article ,
"Ann Porter" wrote: Little boy is almost four. We are trying to teach him some manners. Thinks like: Say "please" and "thank you," please knock before you come in to our bedroom Say "may I be excused?" when you're done with dinner please don't interrupt. We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. Any suggestions? Best, Ann I think the best way to teach most manners is not through instruction, but through modeling. My partner and I always use "please" and "thank you" with each other, especially at the dinner table (arguably the best place to teach formal manners), and also with the kids. It took very little for any of our kids to start using "please" and "thank you" when appropriate. When they were smaller, I'd just add the right words for them: "Can I have some milk?" "Say, 'May I have some milk, please?" (Grammar lesson, too.) And whether they did nor not, I'd give them the milk. meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#4
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teaching manners
"Ann Porter" wrote in message ... Little boy is almost four. We are trying to teach him some manners. Thinks like: Say "please" and "thank you," please knock before you come in to our bedroom Say "may I be excused?" when you're done with dinner please don't interrupt. We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. Any suggestions? Best, Ann With my dd's when they want something, if they say "I want chocolate milk," I reinforce that they need to use their asking words.. so then they'll say "Please can I have some chocolate milk?" Its taken a bit of repetition on my part, and I feel a little annoying, but as of late, I hardly ever have to remind them to use asking words instead of telling words. As for interrupting, it seems like we've been working on that forever, and my 4 1/2 year old just yesterday said, "sorry for interrupting, but Mommy..." which was more polite than just speaking over me, right? I'd say you just have to be consistent about what you expect him to do. And be patient. |
#5
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teaching manners
In article ,
Ann Porter wrote: We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." When I heard "I want some chocolate milk" I would ask them to please ask using a polite sentence beginning with "Mom". Somehow, having to put the name of the person you are addressing at the front of the sentence (i.e., "Mom, may I please have some chocolate milk?") helped them remember the please and the correct tone and everything else. Hope that helps. Two down, one to go... --Robyn |
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teaching manners
x-no-archive:yes "Ann Porter" wrote:
Little boy is almost four. We are trying to teach him some manners. Thinks like: Say "please" and "thank you," please knock before you come in to our bedroom Say "may I be excused?" when you're done with dinner please don't interrupt. We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." Try 'thank you' first. - what do you say when mom gets you some chocolate milk? Thank you. And then you can get into - if you want some chocolate milk, please ask nicely. While I think the words are good, the tone is as important. "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! Not interrupting is not possible unless you give him a turn in the conversation. A five minute conversation that shuts him out altogether is an eternity to a 4 yo. On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. grandma Rosalie |
#7
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teaching manners
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
... x-no-archive:yes "Ann Porter" wrote: "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! Not interrupting is not possible unless you give him a turn in the conversation. A five minute conversation that shuts him out altogether is an eternity to a 4 yo. Yes, we are realizing that. The ability of a 4 y/o to chatter is almost unlimited, it seems. We have a 1 hour each way commute together, and sometimes he's perfectly happy to play a bit, chat a bit, play a bit. And sometimes every time we say something to each other, he jumps in immediately! I was thinking it might be helpful to say, "Please wait one minute; Mommy and Daddy are talking, and then it's your turn," and then wrap things up quickly and give him his say. Best, Ann |
#8
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teaching manners
With my dd's when they want something, if they say "I want chocolate
milk," I reinforce that they need to use their asking words.. so then they'll say "Please can I have some chocolate milk?" Its taken a bit of repetition on my part, and I feel a little annoying, but as of late, I hardly ever have to remind them to use asking words instead of telling words. As for interrupting, it seems like we've been working on that forever, and my 4 1/2 year old just yesterday said, "sorry for interrupting, but Mommy..." which was more polite than just speaking over me, right? I'd say you just have to be consistent about what you expect him to do. And be patient. If our DSs say "I want ...." or just "I'm thirsty" we reply with an "oh do you?" or "that's a shame" etc. Only when they ask do we get it and if they forget the please they are reminded. DS#1 is 9 now and has good manners when he remembers. DS#2 is 5 and has excellent manners amost all of the time. DS#1 has always been much worse at remembering stuff like that. Jane |
#9
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teaching manners
Ann ) wrote:
I was thinking it might be helpful to say, "Please wait one minute; Mommy and Daddy are talking, and then it's your turn," and then wrap things up quickly and give him his say. It also might help to teach him a specific signal, such as a touch on the wrist, to indicate that he wants to talk to you. Give him a good thing to do, rather than another entry in the list of bad-things-not-to-do. --Helen |
#10
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teaching manners
On Tue, 8 Jul 2003 12:41:51 EDT, "Ann Porter"
wrote: Little boy is almost four. We are trying to teach him some manners. Thinks like: Say "please" and "thank you," please knock before you come in to our bedroom Say "may I be excused?" when you're done with dinner please don't interrupt. We are having varying degrees of success. "Please" and "thank you" are actually the hardest. He seems to think that saying "please" means he has to "plead" with us, which is not what we're going for at all - we just want him to ask a polite question, rather than issuing a demand. I prefer "May I have some chocolate milk, please?" to "I want some chocolate milk." "Please don't interrupt" is also rather difficult for him. I'm having a lot of trouble having even a five minute conversation with my husband these days! On the upside, he got "knock before entering" very quickly, and "may I be excused" after about two days. Any suggestions? If he knows the correct way he's probably old enough for a gentle reminder. I use "now ask me the right way" and then he usually gets it right. We have more trouble with remembering "thank you" rather than remembering please. He used to say it all the time and both his younger brother and I use "thank you" appropriately, it just doesn't seem to be something that sticks in his mind. Cheryl |
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