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  #1  
Old September 18th 03, 07:51 PM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share. To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me, hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity. We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but
the damage done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here that
have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself part of
that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It just doesn't
make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially if it was assumed
from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep digging, unless it's for
spite? There won't be much child support paid out, since the kid has no job and
is a complete loser. Maybe one day it'll come back to bite him, but the child
is never going to understand any of this. Why should he suffer later on in
life, knowing that he was the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of
course his mother will never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me,
does she not ever resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for this guy
to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get through all of
this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes by that I don't wait
for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his petition,
and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle I won't be
excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still think he looks a lot
like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other guy, but I also know that
doesn't mean a thing.

  #2  
Old September 19th 03, 02:36 AM
Brian
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

This is such a dicey situation, it's really hard to come up with a
great solution, but I'll try....

The Kid (I like that name) in question should know that if paternity
is established that he is likely going to be on the hook for child.
This may be your best defense, since I agree with you and believe The
Kid is being motivated solely by spite.

Like my wife so eloquently put it where it concerns her ex (you all
know him as Ronaldo the Deadbeat), if she has to be bothered with him
and all the unpleasantness that goes with his presence (temper
tantrums, offering opinions on his daughter's school when he has not
even a third-grade education, attempting to disrupt our family's plans
on an ongoing basis, blah blah blah), you can damn sure bet she's
going to do all she can to be sure he upholds his end of the deal
financially. I've told her dozens of times that the only reason
'Naldo pretended to show any interest at all is that it kept him in a
position to be in my wife's life just enough to screw with her.
Sounds a lot like The Kid is following a similar path.

In other words, if The Kid continues to insist on coming around, make
sure you fully enforce the child support order. You may be able to
get him locked up, and then your problem is solved.

Good luck to you.




wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share. To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me, hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity. We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but
the damage done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here that
have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself part of
that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It just doesn't
make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially if it was assumed
from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep digging, unless it's for
spite? There won't be much child support paid out, since the kid has no job and
is a complete loser. Maybe one day it'll come back to bite him, but the child
is never going to understand any of this. Why should he suffer later on in
life, knowing that he was the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of
course his mother will never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me,
does she not ever resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for this guy
to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get through all of
this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes by that I don't wait
for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his petition,
and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle I won't be
excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still think he looks a lot
like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other guy, but I also know that
doesn't mean a thing.

  #3  
Old September 19th 03, 02:36 AM
Brian
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

This is such a dicey situation, it's really hard to come up with a
great solution, but I'll try....

The Kid (I like that name) in question should know that if paternity
is established that he is likely going to be on the hook for child.
This may be your best defense, since I agree with you and believe The
Kid is being motivated solely by spite.

Like my wife so eloquently put it where it concerns her ex (you all
know him as Ronaldo the Deadbeat), if she has to be bothered with him
and all the unpleasantness that goes with his presence (temper
tantrums, offering opinions on his daughter's school when he has not
even a third-grade education, attempting to disrupt our family's plans
on an ongoing basis, blah blah blah), you can damn sure bet she's
going to do all she can to be sure he upholds his end of the deal
financially. I've told her dozens of times that the only reason
'Naldo pretended to show any interest at all is that it kept him in a
position to be in my wife's life just enough to screw with her.
Sounds a lot like The Kid is following a similar path.

In other words, if The Kid continues to insist on coming around, make
sure you fully enforce the child support order. You may be able to
get him locked up, and then your problem is solved.

Good luck to you.




wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share. To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me, hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity. We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but
the damage done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here that
have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself part of
that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It just doesn't
make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially if it was assumed
from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep digging, unless it's for
spite? There won't be much child support paid out, since the kid has no job and
is a complete loser. Maybe one day it'll come back to bite him, but the child
is never going to understand any of this. Why should he suffer later on in
life, knowing that he was the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of
course his mother will never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me,
does she not ever resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for this guy
to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get through all of
this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes by that I don't wait
for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his petition,
and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle I won't be
excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still think he looks a lot
like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other guy, but I also know that
doesn't mean a thing.

  #4  
Old September 19th 03, 02:59 AM
dani
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

On Thu, 18 Sep 2003 18:51:46 +0000, flopit72 wrote:

I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but she really thought the child was mine so she never said
anything to me, hoping it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she
had the affair with made her take a paternity test, it came back that he
couldn't be excluded from being the father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may
not be much we can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first
place. If he's established the father, then he's going to want
visitation, to which we'll attempt to limit, and to petition for child
support in return. His motives for doing this seem to be pure spite and
revenge, and having failed to break up our marriage, now he seems intent
on staying in her(and my) life for the next umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My
wife's family it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family,
while my side is going to be heartbroken that this child is not of my
blood. Not to mention the contempt they may show her assuming we can
manage to stay together throughout all of this. This guy has no
consideration for what he's done, and quite likely is bound to just
disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is, leaving the mess
behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but the damage
done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here
that have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself
part of that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It
just doesn't make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially
if it was assumed from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep
digging, unless it's for spite? There won't be much child support paid
out, since the kid has no job and is a complete loser. Maybe one day
it'll come back to bite him, but the child is never going to understand
any of this. Why should he suffer later on in life, knowing that he was
the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of course his mother will
never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me, does she not ever
resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for
this guy to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get
through all of this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes
by that I don't wait for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his
petition, and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle
I won't be excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still
think he looks a lot like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other
guy, but I also know that doesn't mean a thing.


Your married to her right? She wants to stay married, right? So, this guy
doesn't even have a case. It's been decided and its written in the law.
Same as a sperm donor. Afterward, the only person who has standing is the
mother and the presumed father, the one married to the mother.He and his
attorney may make a lot of noise, but they really have nowhere to go with
this, except to spend a lot of money and create problems.

On the last part. If he looks like you, he's probably yours. If not,
who cares, he's still yours. Tell him to take a flying F---!

~ Dani

  #5  
Old September 19th 03, 02:59 AM
dani
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

On Thu, 18 Sep 2003 18:51:46 +0000, flopit72 wrote:

I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but she really thought the child was mine so she never said
anything to me, hoping it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she
had the affair with made her take a paternity test, it came back that he
couldn't be excluded from being the father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may
not be much we can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first
place. If he's established the father, then he's going to want
visitation, to which we'll attempt to limit, and to petition for child
support in return. His motives for doing this seem to be pure spite and
revenge, and having failed to break up our marriage, now he seems intent
on staying in her(and my) life for the next umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My
wife's family it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family,
while my side is going to be heartbroken that this child is not of my
blood. Not to mention the contempt they may show her assuming we can
manage to stay together throughout all of this. This guy has no
consideration for what he's done, and quite likely is bound to just
disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is, leaving the mess
behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support, but the damage
done will be tremendous.

Not to be mean or spiteful by asking this, but are there people out here
that have fathered a child with a married woman, and tried to make himself
part of that child's life, when the woman didn't want any part of it? It
just doesn't make sense why someone would want any part of it, especially
if it was assumed from the start that the child wasn't his. Why keep
digging, unless it's for spite? There won't be much child support paid
out, since the kid has no job and is a complete loser. Maybe one day
it'll come back to bite him, but the child is never going to understand
any of this. Why should he suffer later on in life, knowing that he was
the worst mistake his mother could have made? Of course his mother will
never say that, but if it cost her her marriage to me, does she not ever
resent him?

It's a no win situation to say the least. The right thing would be for
this guy to go away, but that's not going to happen. If I manage to get
through all of this, and keep my marriage, there won't be a day that goes
by that I don't wait for my revenge...

First court date is coming up, in which we respond to the lies in his
petition, and ask the court for our own blood test. Maybe by some miracle
I won't be excluded either. The more I look at him, the more I still
think he looks a lot like me. I'm told he looks nothing like this other
guy, but I also know that doesn't mean a thing.


Your married to her right? She wants to stay married, right? So, this guy
doesn't even have a case. It's been decided and its written in the law.
Same as a sperm donor. Afterward, the only person who has standing is the
mother and the presumed father, the one married to the mother.He and his
attorney may make a lot of noise, but they really have nowhere to go with
this, except to spend a lot of money and create problems.

On the last part. If he looks like you, he's probably yours. If not,
who cares, he's still yours. Tell him to take a flying F---!

~ Dani

  #6  
Old September 19th 03, 03:08 AM
gini52
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update


wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.

To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting

pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me,

hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with

made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from

being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.

We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be

much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If

he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His

motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break

up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is

the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's

family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is

going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together

throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite

likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support,

but
the damage done will be tremendous.

==
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father wants to
be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this entire
matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that your wife
had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?
==
==


  #7  
Old September 19th 03, 03:08 AM
gini52
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update


wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.

To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting

pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me,

hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with

made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from

being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.

We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be

much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If

he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His

motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break

up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is

the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's

family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is

going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together

throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite

likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support,

but
the damage done will be tremendous.

==
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father wants to
be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this entire
matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that your wife
had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?
==
==


  #8  
Old September 19th 03, 04:04 AM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

I wish them luck.

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

  #9  
Old September 19th 03, 04:04 AM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update

Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

I wish them luck.

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

  #10  
Old September 19th 03, 04:50 AM
Bob Whiteside
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Situation update


wrote in message
...
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.


Brian Clark this post isn't about you and your case. In fact, it's the
complete opposite situation from your case. Think about this for a moment.
What if your spouse (forgive me for forgetting her name) got pregnant by
Ronaldo AFTER you married her. Would you feel any different about her child
you want to adopt?


The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).


Huh? Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because you
failed?


The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.


If your wife had a child with another man would you react any differently?
You're not willing to raise another man's child without CS. What is there
in your make-up that would convince us you would raise another man's child
without any CS if you were the cuckhold of her affair?



 




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