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Child behavior- kicking



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 22nd 04, 07:28 PM
Jill
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Default Child behavior- kicking

Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents
angry at the grandparent.

I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if the
parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do
think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where safety
is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of
course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway. But
when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7.

But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think
I would have spanked him too. He is out of control.

Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out"
does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds time
out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it. lol.



  #2  
Old September 22nd 04, 07:36 PM
Denise Anderson
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"Jill" wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off
and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents
angry at the grandparent.



I don't believe that spanking a child for violence really makes much sense.
And I do spank my children for other things. "Hey, so and so, we don't kick
because it hurts people.." but let me spank you. Its kind of hypocritical.
I would also have a problem with any of my relatives spanking any of my
children. That's my job. Discipline, fine. Redirection, fine. But not
spanking...


Denise


  #3  
Old September 22nd 04, 08:15 PM
Welches
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Jill wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off

and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents
angry at the grandparent.

I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if

the
parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do
think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where

safety
is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of
course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway.

But
when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7.

But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I

think
I would have spanked him too. He is out of control.

Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out"
does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds

time
out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it.

lol.
Any nice kids (other than Rachel) in your family? ;-P
If it was regularly happening, for a start off I'd make sure their shoes
were off as much as possible. At least there would be less damage.
But as far as discipline, I'd go for time out, probably holding them on my
lap at that age. Particularly holding the foot that kicked (say it's a
naughty foot). Another thing would be going straight home if it happened
when out.
I don't think anyone should hit someone elses child ever (whether or not
spanking's approved of) certainly if the parents are there they should be
doing the discipline in general.
Debbie


  #4  
Old September 22nd 04, 08:47 PM
firedancer623
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"Denise Anderson" wrote in message
news:[email protected]

"Jill" wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off
and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the
parents
angry at the grandparent.



I don't believe that spanking a child for violence really makes much
sense. And I do spank my children for other things. "Hey, so and so, we
don't kick because it hurts people.." but let me spank you. Its kind of
hypocritical.
I would also have a problem with any of my relatives spanking any of my
children. That's my job. Discipline, fine. Redirection, fine. But not
spanking...


Denise


I agree with Denise. We never spank for that reason. However, I can probably
count on one hand the # of times I've ever even swatted my kids on the butt.
And FWIW, it didn't help to correct anything.

I'd never, ever spank anyone elses kid. I'd be *very* upset if *anyone*
layed a finger on mine. That includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.

When I was about 4, we were at a family picnic and one of my relatives
slapped me across the face. She said I was being annoying or bothersome as a
4 yr old can be. I actually remember it because I thought she was the
greatest and I was probably invading her personal time or something. My
parents went through the roof and to this day remember how heartbroken I
was. I just don't think it's right of others to correct your child, and vice
versa.

Kari


  #5  
Old September 22nd 04, 09:55 PM
Mary S.
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It's a different thing when it's not your kid, but IMHO with your own
child, you figure out very quickly what makes your toddler tick.
Isolation drives my two-year-old crazy -- I don't even have to do a time
out or remove her from the room, just pick her up and move her to the
other side of the room, and she bursts into tears. Some kids hate it
when you leave the room. Or when you physically restrain the offensive
foot/hand/etc.

IMHO the single most important thing about discipline is consistency.
In a way, it doesn't even matter what limits and rules you decide to set
for your household, as long as you enforce them swiftly and *every
single time*. Your friend's 2.5-year-old has already learned that his
parents don't enforce limits, so he's not going to listen to them. It
should only take a few times of testing where your boundaries are before
he'll start treating you differently, I bet.

Toddler discipline seems so foreign when you've only got a tiny baby,
but in reality, you will instinctively know when that line between wants
and needs starts to be crossed (sometime after about 12-15 months), and
it becomes easy to start saying no, setting limits, ignoring tantrums,
etc.

With someone else's toddler, I would (and have, dealing with kids who
hit or push at the playground) lift his chin up so he's looking into my
eyes, say *very* sternly, "NO KICKING," and immediately turn and walk
away. Hopefully in your situation, the firmness of your voice and
obvious disapproval will mortify the parents into jumping in. If it's
just you dealing with the situation, you can move on to a non-time-out
option if he does it again (like wrapping your arms around him and
holding him in your lap for 30 seconds -- picking him up and hauling him
off to another, more boring room -- taking away his shoes and walking
out of the room -- I'm guessing, without knowing anything about the
situation, that it's an attention thing, so removing him/you might be
more effective than giving him negative attention). The faster (and
more calmly) you react when he defies, the quicker it's going to sink in
to him that you won't stand for it, and his behavior should stop (with
you, at least).

There are a bunch of great books out there that can validate your own
parenting instincts about discipline, or give you some new approaches if
you need some ideas other than spanking to pull out of your tool box.
"The Secret of Parenting" by Anthony Wolf is a great one to start with.

Mary S.

  #6  
Old September 22nd 04, 10:00 PM
Jill
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Default

"Welches" wrote I don't think anyone
should hit someone elses child ever (whether or not
spanking's approved of) certainly if the parents are there they should be
doing the discipline in general.
Debbie


I do agree with this. Although I said I'd probably spank him if he kicked
me, lol, I really wouldn't. I know that I would be angry too if someone
other than me or my husband spanked my child (but they wouldn't have to, if
she did something that bad, I'd deal with her). Actually, I think this kid
is just going through the terrible 2's, because I have never seen him cry
and throw temper tantrums etc, he is always a smiley child. So I was
surprised when he just ran up and kicked someone- but I don't think that is
such an abnormal thing to do at that age. It seems to me he is just starting
to test the limits...

I have NO idea how I am going to handle a toddler until I have one though!
But it did just occur to me that people either seem to spank, do time out,
or do nothing. At least that I have seen. Oh, yes, and I have seen bribery
used, with a toy or a food, to get a kid to stop doing something- that seems
to work but it backfires later when they say "No, not unless you give me
___." etc. Kids are smart!


  #7  
Old September 22nd 04, 10:03 PM
Jill
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Default


"firedancer623" wrote
When I was about 4, we were at a family picnic and one of my relatives
slapped me across the face. She said I was being annoying or bothersome as

a
4 yr old can be. I actually remember it because I thought she was the
greatest and I was probably invading her personal time or something. My
parents went through the roof and to this day remember how heartbroken I
was. I just don't think it's right of others to correct your child, and

vice
versa.

Kari


Ohh, that is so wrong! How terrible! Slapping on the face is NEVER ok. I
hope the person who slapped you ended up feeling like scum.




  #8  
Old September 22nd 04, 10:14 PM
Nikki
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Jill wrote:
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a
half year old child (boy) who kicks?


Try to intercept them before it happens.
Try to avoid situations that might lead to kicking (over tired, hungry,
overstimulated, over powered).
Remove them for a short time if they do kick.
Hold their foot/leg if I intercept and explain that kicking hurts, keep
their feet quiet etc.
Help them express themselves more appropriately. Sometimes I'd pretend not
to see it if it wasn't a major incident ;-)

He kicked one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him,


I'm a lot more appalled at the spanking them I am at the kicking.

I am not a big believer in
spanking but I do think I would spank R. for something major and
intentional, and where safety is concern.....snip..........
But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative),
I think I would have spanked him too. He is out of control.


A 2.5 kicking isn't major, isn't a safety issue, and it doesn't mean he is
out of control. Toddlers push, kick, spit, hit, bite, slap, scratch etc.
Some are more impulsive and physical and do it more but it doesn't mean that
they, or their parents, are bad. They simply have to learn more
appropriate behaviors.

--
Nikki


  #9  
Old September 22nd 04, 10:15 PM
Jenrose
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Default


"Jill" wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off
and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents
angry at the grandparent.

I don't believe it is ok for someone to spank another person's child if
the
parent does not want them to. I am not a big believer in spanking but I do
think I would spank R. for something major and intentional, and where
safety
is concern such as if she runs to the street when told not to etc. Of
course, I will watch her and not let her run around unsupervised anyway.
But
when she is older I won't be able to watch her 24/7.

But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I
think
I would have spanked him too. He is out of control.


My daughter went through a major kicking phase... luckily eyeroll she only
really kicked me... the grocery store was the worst--I usually just turned
the cart around and pushed it backwards.

What finally ended it was not spanking (which we tried) or time out for her
(which we tried) or restraining her (which we tried), but the fact that
every time she kicked me, I removed myself from her presence. To the point
of locking myself in a bathroom or bedroom.

When she finally "got" that kicking made mommy leave and that if she didn't
kick mommy, she could be with mommy, it all came together.

Jenrose


  #10  
Old September 22nd 04, 11:25 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Jill wrote:


But I am telling you, if this kid had kicked *me* (it's a relative), I think
I would have spanked him too. He is out of control.


Spank him and you'll just escalate the violence.
Why would hitting him teach him not to hit you? It just
models inappropriate behavior for him. If you can hit
him, why can't he hit you?

Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out"
does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds time
out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it. lol.


There are *tons* of other things to do besides
time out, including removal from the situation or removal
of privileges. There's a way to get to nearly every kid.

Best wishes,
Ericka

 




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