social diner

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 16:52:56 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

Tonight's Menu:

1 - Take It
2 - Leave It

LOVE this!!!! It was my mother's motto!!

I am glad that I don't have issues with food with my DD.
Granted, she is only 2. They may still come.

--
==Daye==
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

"Vicki" wrote in message
...
I would stop buying hotdogs and chicken nuggets and not talk about food
again--he can choose from what is served or go hungry.

Whilst I agree that only eating chicken nuggets and hotdogs is not a healthy
diet, I do think this is an exceptional case as it has continued through to
this age. It wasn't mentioned whether or not the grandson *ever* ate
anything else or what kind of drinks he liked or since what age this has
been taking place. I got the impression that this hotdog and chicken nugget
diet has been catered to for some time and would be concerned that suddenly
adopting an approach of 'take it or leave it' would manifest itself in other
behavioural problems. Whilst it might work for very young children growing
up and still learning eating habits and rules of the house etc. I am not
sure it would be the best course of action here.

IMHO, I think it unlikely that an eight year old whose diet has been
tolerated this long would understand such a sudden change of rules. It may
work fine, but depending on the history of how the eating habit developed
and the relationships within the family, it is also possible that he may
start acting out in other ways even if it did solve his eating problems.
Worst case scenario - he fights battle of wills and goes hungry for a little
while and starts creating other problems at school or with siblings,
rebelling against other family members, or maybe just feels angry and
rejected and bottles it all up to explode later in life. Obviously, the
acting out wouldn't (for the most part) be about the food, so much as the
sudden change of rules. Don't wish to make a mountain out of a molehill
here - I did say worse case scenario, but it seems to have been accepted to
such a point so far, that I would be surprised if an eight year old would
understand why it would suddenly change and may instead construe it as a
punishment or rejection rather than the necessary social (and dietary)
adjustment it is intended to be.

If you want to try the 'take it or leave it' approach maybe you can edge
other food into his diet on a 'you have to try what we are eating before you
can have your hotdogs' basis, he might still not understand, but it is
closer to a compromise. Maybe you could also give a little leaway on this
method by letting him choose (within reason) what the family has that day or
maybe even get him involved in the cooking of it! As I said in previous
post, I think a good start would be stopping the pack lunches - maybe using
the method Beth suggested. It seems to be a difficult situation - good luck!

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003, ==Daye== wrote:

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 12:15:22 -0500, Nan
wrote:

Personally, I wouldn't pack a lunch for him so that he could go to
other peoples' houses at dinner time. I'd find that quite rude if I
were the one cooking, unless it was strictly a matter of food
allergies.

I agree. Food allergies are something you accomodate in any way
you can. However, if it was just the child being picky, I would
be VERY offended if the child brought his own food to my house
every time he came over.


I can't see anything to be offended about. I'd just peg him for a
spoiled kid, roll my eyes and go on with life. Tho I might be
tempted to tell him there was a hot dog ban in effect at our
house....

In article ,
Joni Rathbun wrote:

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003, ==Daye== wrote:

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 12:15:22 -0500, Nan
wrote:

Personally, I wouldn't pack a lunch for him so that he could go to
other peoples' houses at dinner time. I'd find that quite rude if I
were the one cooking, unless it was strictly a matter of food
allergies.

I agree. Food allergies are something you accomodate in any way
you can. However, if it was just the child being picky, I would
be VERY offended if the child brought his own food to my house
every time he came over.


I can't see anything to be offended about. I'd just peg him for a
spoiled kid, roll my eyes and go on with life. Tho I might be
tempted to tell him there was a hot dog ban in effect at our
house....






"Offended" might be too strong; I'm not even sure I could get up the
energy to be insulted. But I undoubtedly wouldn't invite him over for
dinner again!

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

I'd also suggest *not* trying to get him to try
other foods because it must be very tension-producing. Just
fix the blasted things at home and don't say anything.

And it's NOT tension producing to have to prepare a separate meal for the kid
every day?
It's NOT tension producing to have to worry about vitamin deficiencies,
skyrocketing sodium levels, and raging malnutrition?
If he
happens to be interested in getting attention by refusing to
eat anything else, he'll have to learn to get it some other
way when he realizes that his family loves him but isn't interested
in talking about his eating anymore.

Right, you don't talk about it by offering him other foods and ignoring his
tantrums if he throws them when he realizes that dinner tonite is pork chops,
baked potatoes and brocolli rather than chicken nuggets.


Naomi
CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator

(either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail
reply.)

"Vicki" wrote
I would stop buying hotdogs and chicken nuggets and not talk about food
again--he can choose from what is served or go hungry.

Lauren wrote
IMHO, I think it unlikely that an eight year old whose diet has been
tolerated this long would understand such a sudden change of rules. It may
work fine, but depending on the history of how the eating habit developed
and the relationships within the family, it is also possible that he may
start acting out in other ways even if it did solve his eating problems.
Worst case scenario - he fights battle of wills and goes hungry for a
little
while and starts creating other problems at school or with siblings,
rebelling against other family members, or maybe just feels angry and
rejected and bottles it all up to explode later in life.

Perhaps. I'd rather have open rebellion where the conflict is in the open
than have my child battling wills with food. But I see friends who've
nearly died from their eating disorders struggling not to pass the
disorders on to their kids, and get to see firsthand food as the focus of
conflict.

If you want to try the 'take it or leave it' approach maybe you can edge
other food into his diet on a 'you have to try what we are eating before
you
can have your hotdogs' basis, he might still not understand, but it is
closer to a compromise.

I'd think the less talk about food the better. You don't want to bribe
someone to eat something (eat some brocolli and then you get your hotdog,)
as that gets into the whole food as power paradym.

In any case, if the kid starts starving himself b/c of the obsession with
two foods, then professional help is in order, better sooner than later.
Food seems to be a big issue for this family. I'd be concerned giving a
child that much control via food.

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003, Nan wrote:

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 11:12:17 +1000, ==Daye==
wrote:

On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 18:16:18 -0700, Joni Rathbun
wrote:

I can't see anything to be offended about. I'd just peg him for a
spoiled kid, roll my eyes and go on with life. Tho I might be
tempted to tell him there was a hot dog ban in effect at our
house....

Maybe offended isn't the right word, but I would be annoyed at
the lack of manners on both the child and the parent's part.

Yep, and that child likely wouldn't be a dinner guest in my home
again.


That I can agree with tho I'd tell him what was up.

"==Daye==" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 10 Jul 2003 16:52:56 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

Tonight's Menu:

1 - Take It
2 - Leave It

LOVE this!!!! It was my mother's motto!!

I am glad that I don't have issues with food with my DD.
Granted, she is only 2. They may still come.

--
==Daye==
E-mail: brendana AT labyrinth DOT net DOT au

IMO (with next to nothing to bakc it up) if you don't have it by 2, you're
not going to.

S

Perhaps. I'd rather have open rebellion where the conflict is in the open
than have my child battling wills with food.

Exactly. There is clearly something else going on here. Either this is a child
with some sort of underlying developmental disorder which is showing itself,
primarily, in his eating behaviors, or some sort of emotional problem, or a
'battle of wills' which the kid has been winning for years.
And it needs to be dealt with, not ignored by simply feeding the child hot dogs
and chicken strips at every meal in the hopes that he will eventually outgrow
it/get tired of playing.




Naomi
CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator

(either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail
reply.)

OSPAM (Naomi Pardue) wrote in message ...
I'd also suggest *not* trying to get him to try
other foods because it must be very tension-producing. Just
fix the blasted things at home and don't say anything.

And it's NOT tension producing to have to prepare a separate meal for the kid
every day?
It's NOT tension producing to have to worry about vitamin deficiencies,
skyrocketing sodium levels, and raging malnutrition?

Well, I happen to agree with you, but you have to start somewhere!
To me, the idea that a child would insist on a party at a restaurant
that doesn't even serve the few foods he does eat -- and that his family
would agree to it -- is a signal that the eating dynamics in this
family have gone completely off the track. I'm guessing that this
eating accommodation has grown step-by-step to the point where, as
the OP said, it's interfering with everything they try to do. I
think he's old enough to begin to understand that the wider world
isn't going to rearrange itself to see that he gets hot dogs and
chicken fingers. I also wonder if his socializing is being helped or
hurt by him being the weird kid with hot dogs in his bag at the
party. If he had real food allergies, it would be a different
picture entirely. It's *possible* that this is an attention-getting
device and he's exceptionally stubborn and has gotten the whole
family jumping, but it's also possible that he and his family
might need professional help -- *if* ordinary refusals to keep
up this system precipitate a crisis. I guess I'd start by refusing
to pack food for outings and just eating at ordinary places, then
only cooking the special foods a few times a week -- gradually backing
out like that -- and refusing to discuss or plead.

Lynne