Hard time raising the kids

"whatamess" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 29, 2:17 am, "
wrote:
My 11 year old daughter is always yelling at me or me yelling at her
and I can not stand it. I dont know what I should do. Her and my 7
year old boy are at it constantly. When they get around other family
members they listen. However, they have been through a lot and I am
sorry for that.

"they have been through a lot and I am sorry for that"...what does
that mean?
Sadly enough, some parents when they divorce go through that "my poor
kid,
it's not his fault, blah, blah..." and they allow their children to
run the show
with the "excuse" they've been through alot...then they scream when
those kids
turn 11 or 12 and they still want to run the show...Kids of divorce
should not
be given "special" priviledges just because mom and dad are no longer
together.
This only creates a bunch of spoiled rotten kids who think the world
owes them...
and then, you end up with that 11 yr old daughter...who at some point,
you'll want
to send to dad to take care of...

I'm not saying this is your case, as you do not give enough info here,
but that's
just what I've seen way too many times...

DITTO!!

You need to be a parent first! My two younger (both boys now 16 and 12)
"had" been fighting all the time, I got creative with that, I took out a
video camera and made them stand and hug each other for 20 to 30 minutes and
tell each other "I love you" I must say when the start to act up just
threatening to force them to sit and watch that tape is usually enough, and
its a good laugh for much later in life..

I found out growing up that if you force them to "team up" against you in a
way of putting it.. they will leave each other alone!

The object is to get them to learn to work together, not just get along.
While I will admit they still fight on occasion they are getting along much
better.

I have also pointed out to my children that even though my wife (2nd
marriage) is not their bio mother, and that their real mother never comes
around there are children MUCH worse off. I make sure that my children feel
they are part of most of are decisions, but not the decision makers!!




Robert

"Chris" wrote in message
news

"whatamess" wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 29, 2:17 am, "
wrote:
My 11 year old daughter is always yelling at me or me yelling at her
and I can not stand it. I dont know what I should do. Her and my 7
year old boy are at it constantly. When they get around other family
members they listen. However, they have been through a lot and I am
sorry for that.

"they have been through a lot and I am sorry for that"...what does
that mean?
Sadly enough, some parents when they divorce go through that "my poor
kid,
it's not his fault, blah, blah..." and they allow their children to
run the show
with the "excuse" they've been through alot...then they scream when
those kids
turn 11 or 12 and they still want to run the show...Kids of divorce
should not
be given "special" priviledges just because mom and dad are no longer
together.

Not unlike courts allowing children to decide which parent they will live
with. What's up with THAT? As long as the parent is putting food in their
mouth and clothes on their body, it ought to be the parent and NOT the
child
making such decision. This is no different than people on wlefare being
allowed to vote. As long as they are not responsible enough to take care
of
themselves, then they are CERTAINLY not responsible enough to decide
social/economic matters. Talk about the tail wagging the
dog...............

This only creates a bunch of spoiled rotten kids who think the world
owes them...
and then, you end up with that 11 yr old daughter...who at some point,
you'll want
to send to dad to take care of...

I'm not saying this is your case, as you do not give enough info here,
but that's
just what I've seen way too many times...



Ok, I agree with part of that, but the children know more than the courts
will ever find out when it comes to what the parents are like.
The courts when I was awarded FULL custody only listened to my attorney as
to what the children wanted, never did they speak to the children directly.

My ex-wife, was a real winner, she ran around during the entire marriage..
leaving the children at home in the middle of the night and somedays for
over 18 to 20 hours - yes the children were left HOME alone. I am a truck
driver by trade and in the area I live in there really is no other jobs, so
that I am away from home for days at a time.

I remember several mornings (4 / 5 a.m.) that I had to call my ex on her
cell phone while I was at work to ask where she was because the children
were calling me wanting to know where she was at (at that time my oldest had
just turned 12. I told her she had to get home and call me from the home
phone or I was calling the county sheriff. I did not wait to call the
sheriff, as soon as I hung up from that call I called the sheriff and they
were on the porch when she got home. I found out later she was almost an
hour away from the home, sleeping with a total stranger she just met off the
net a few hours before that!!

Did the court ask about any of that...NO.. Thank god I had friends and
family in places that helped me out, most people dont have that option. I
was able to get FULL custody without much of a fight actually without a
hearing..LOL

The judge found out because of Prior CPS "substantiated" neglect charges
that CPS was again getting in her business over all this and it was made
clear that if the judge was to give her custody they would remove the
children from her home on a protective service court order and they would be
returned back to me.. guess the judge didnt see the point in a hearing at
that point since it was not even up to him at that point. CPS can not tell
the FOC what to do, nor can the FOC tell CPS what to do, but when it comes
to abuse and neglect CPS always trumps!

My message to others in a bad situation that a parent is unfit.. get
documentation, dont be afraid to get the police or others involved to
protect your children! Documentation and pictures go a long way even if it
is not directly in the FOC office. I had to take my fight OUTside the court
room to get custody.

Robert