The regret mothers now feel ("Why are these parents not shocked over the pain?"):

Why are these parents not shocked over the pain?

By Janelle (December, 1999)

Hi. I lurk here all the time. I have a question for parents who
circumcized/or will do. I lurk on the playgroup boards here, Oct. and
Nov. My son was born Oct.31 so I lurk on both! I had my son
circumcized and regret it. He was in pain and also ended up over a
week in the hospital for an infection from the circ. It irritated his
sensitive tissues and there were suseptible to infection. He got one.
It was awful. Anyway, I was never truly informed about circ and now
that something went wrong, I looked into it more and more. Boy do I
regret my choice now. Not just for the infection, but the pain and the
choice I took away from him, for nothing. Now I read it is not even
recommended to do this!

Anyways, here's my question, I read on the boards today that these
mothers HAD to circ their sons, just HAD to. No reason, just because.
Anyway, one was saying how she had her son done recently (yesterday?)
and he's 2 1/2 weeks old. She said he screamed and cried and she could
hear him from the waiting room. Her boyfriend was with baby as she
could not handle it. She was mad cause she felt SHE missed out on
something by not being there to comfort him afterwards. That she was
mad that she was not called in right afterwards...no mention of how it
was so bad to hear him scream that she could not do it again. Then
another mom replied that her son was done on day 2 and was next to her
room for it. That he screamed in the beginning and she wondered why
they never brought him to her right after. She eventually went to go
find him and see why he was not returned to her. She said he was
looking around, all sad and hurt looking. Ok, why were these circs
done without the mother there to comfort the baby? Why were these
mothers not so sad over the pain that they are wondering why they did
it? I was there, I tried to comfort my son. He screamed and cried. He
had a local, although now I learn it was not a good kind. There are 2
and he had the dorsel one, not as good.

Anyway, I am in tears as I write this. Why are these parents not
shocked over the pain? Why are they not here, like us,asking why this
is done? Or asking why it must be so painful? Why are people not
asking why better pain control is not offered? I wanted to write to
the one mother that how could we feel sorry for her when it was her
son who really lost out? Not her! I messed up. I did. I am no better.
But I have a conscience and feel extreme guilt remembering the redness
of my sons face, the tears I thought he could not cry and did. Why
does no one else but us get upset over this pan? They act like this
pain is just a fact of life, that it was a surgery that was a must,
instead of the option it really is. An option I am starting to wonder
why parents have? It is not their penis! P.S. Those who remember me,
my son is still very red and dry looking as his penis heals. Not a day
goes by that I don't feel pain for him.



....



Why Don't We Leave Them Alone?

By Jannelle (December, 1999)

While I am feeling sorry that I said yes to circumcizing my son, I am
grateful you all are here. To tell me I am normal, that it is ok, that
I am not the only one to blame here. I feel as if I had read this and
other boards before my son was born, I would have said no. I think I
am unsure. And unsure means no. With something so serious and
permanent lasting, there is no room for error. I love my son to no end
and I know I would do anything to take away the pain he has felt. It
all could have been prevented. By not doing it. I am glad all your
sons were fine. My son was not. He felt his cirucmcizing, despite his
pain shot, and I know why now. It is not completely effective in
removing all the hurting for a lot of boys.

My son has an appointment tomorrow, wow, today actually. I hope he is
ok. His penis looks better. It is flakey and peeling still, but just a
little.

I feel such anger now at the hospital and doctor for not telling me
what could happen. My son was not sweating because he was hot during
his surgery. He was in pain. More than I imagined he was in. I was
woolly eyed. I thought it was so easy. I thought it was best.

I now believe I was wrong. My son would not have had any infections or
pain if I had left him alone. Why don't we leave them alone? I called
several doctors today. One was a urinary specialist. She told me that
cirumcizing is basically a parents choice.That there is nothing to
really support it. I did not know this. Now that I am asking, people
are telling. Now that I know this is something to learn, people are
teaching. It is like pulling teeth to get people to tell me things.
These doctors don't tell you anything unless you push and specifically
ask. Is it the area I live in? I even asked the hospital the rate of
the boys who have this done. They kind of laughed and said they dont
have exact numbers,but that yes, they could confirm that it is less
than it used to be. That although most are still circumcized here at
our area, that there is a fair number who are not.

I had no idea. It is just not something I even thought to ask of. I
have spent almost all my allotted AOL hours on the circumcizing
websites the past few days. I cannot believe what I have leared. Boy
am I glad I am on maternity leave still, or I would be fired by now. I
think I will head over to the work after birth board types.

I cannot imagine leaving my son with anyone now. He has taught me so
much about love and strength. I never thought I could love and care so
much. It scares me. How am I going to do this alone? I have a lot to
learn. I am alone. I was alone. Now it is us, me and him. And I
promise to him to learn all I can, question everything, ask
everything,no matter how tired these people get of me.

Thank you all. I have learned so much. And I think I made the wrong
choice for my son. I am glad you are all at peace with your deicisons.
I will be too. After I make it up to my son. Live and learn. But I did
not want my son to suffer for my learning. Peace to you all. I wish I
knew you all were here a few months ago. I would have not circumcized
my son. No offense. But after learning, it is just not the thing for
me or my son. Have a great holiday.

Peace to you all,
Jannelle and Jakey (Jacob, born 10/31/99)



....



I'm Scared to Death to Have Another Son

By Crystal (1999)

My son is now 2, and I regret having him cut. After he was born I had
reservations about having him circumcised in the hospital, so I waited
8 days and took him to the pediatrician.

I handed him to the dr. and took a seat in the waiting room. After a
few minutes my ds started screaming, I had not expected this, so I
jumped up to run to him. It took 3 nurses to keep me out, I was in
hysterics!

When they brought him back to me I was crying so hard I couldn't see
to drive, it took 30 min. before I could leave. Everytime I changed
his diaper I fell apart, and my dh had to finish the job when he was
home.

I can't do this to another baby, but my husband says HIS sons will be
circumcised. I'm very angry about this, he wasn't there, he didn't
have to listen as his baby screamed! His only reason for it is because
he's circumcised. He's not Jewish, nor does he have a medical reason,
just so his sons will look like him. I've already told him I'm not
having anything to do with it, the burden's all on him if he wants it
done. He keeps telling me how silly I'm being about this, how the baby
won't remember 5 min. after it's done, will be glad later. How can I
convince him not to do it? I'm scared to death to have another son
now.


....



Kevin's Birth and Circumcision

by Mary Huffman

It was mid day when I first felt the contractions, the telling signs
of labor that every mother instinctively knows. I calmly drove to the
hospital, but didn't bother calling my husband John, just in case it
wasn't really labor contractions. When I was admitted to the hospital,
the resident checked my dilation and said, "You're in labor." I was
staying. I gave John a call and told him that this was it. We were
going to have a baby and didn't he think it was a good idea to join me
in this process.

Nothing happened for a very long time. John met me on my 20-something
lap of the floor, and we walked some more until it was time to be
checked. Nothing. I was still 5 centimeters. The doctor thought that,
by her examination, the baby's head was coming down into my right hip,
and the crookedness of it all was causing me to dilate more slowly if
at all.

At 7 in the morning, the doctor came in to check me, and I was still 5
centimeters. I had been in labor now - not including Friday - 18 hours
and nothing new. The doctor was still reluctant to break my water
because he felt the head was still a bit crooked, and it wouldn't do
any good to start the clock if everything wasn't going to progress. I
desperately wanted a vaginal birth and wouldn't hear of a possible
Cesarean section.

At 3:30 p.m. the doctor ruptured my membranes. Before this, my
contractions were six minutes apart and painless. With the first
contraction after they broke my water, I felt the head slam into my
cervix. It felt as if I had been punched. I can only guess that this
was what was referred to as engagement.

We were now at 0 station, 100 percent effacement, 5 centimeters, and
the contractions were one and a half minutes apart and hurt like no
tomorrow. These contractions felt just as bad as those I had had with
Pitocin a year before.

The doctor checked me and I was 5 to 6 centimeters. I told the nurse
to call the anesthesiologist and for John as they were about to start
an epidural.

The anesthesiologist came and asked me to move to the side of the bed
and round out my back. He reminded me to try to not move while he was
doing the insertion. I remember laughing to myself and thinking that I
couldn't move if I was lit on fire. My job was to get through the
pain. Anything else, including movement, was secondary. I felt the
needle for the medicine to numb me up. I felt the shock go down my leg
and was almost giddy with anticipation. That meant the pain was almost
over. A few contractions and medicine doses later, I was one happy
girl. It was around 6 p.m.

The doctor came back at this point and sat down to talk with us a bit.
We discussed circumcision and the pros and cons, as we hadn't done
this before. I didn't want it but John really did. The doctor was also
strongly in favor of the operation, and under the combined pressure, I
gave up and consented. My only term of agreement was that John be
there to watch the circumcision because he wanted it. I really knew
nothing about the procedure, having done no research, but had I known
then what I know now I would not ever have consented. But I will come
to that later.

Around 7:30 p.m., I started to feel very nauseous and began to shake
uncontrollably. I had hit transition, and it was time to go forward. I
didn't want to talk to anybody, and I couldn't stop shaking. It is
true what they say about becoming very serious at this point.

At 8:15 p.m., the doctor checked me, and I was fully dilated! I was
going to start pushing now. I had a few practice pushes from 8:30
until around 9 p.m. It was hard to tell where to push because of the
epidural. I could feel the contractions because I would get short of
breath when the baby was squeezed into my diaphragm. I pushed two
times with each contraction and waited some of them out to catch my
breath.

They positioned the mirror so I could see, and it was strange to see
myself from that angle at first. Later I lost all self-consciousness,
as the whole thing became surreal. After a while, I could see the
head. It was just a dark patch of hair but it was there. They told me
that I could touch it but I didn't want to. With each heave, the
baby's head came out a bit more and stayed there. I crowned not much
longer after that.

Watching in the mirror, I thought that my body couldn't stretch one
bit longer, and I just couldn't deliver this baby. There was no way
that head was going to come out of that opening without some kind of
violent explosion. Just as I thought that, I saw a nose and then an
ear. I could feel the shoulders even with an epidural. One shoulder
came, then the other and then wham! Out came Kevin, all 8 pounds, 2
ounces of him into the doctor's arms, and he quickly emitted a loud
wail.

He was then placed on my belly, and I cuddled his soft, perfect body
against mine. John got to hold him next and then the nurse whisked him
away to perform his initial testing. I was cleaned up and allowed to
rest.

The next day I spent mostly lying in bed with Kevin and with John at
my side. That evening, the doctor walked in to check up on me. I was
recovering quite well and was actually walking around the hospital.
The doctor informed us that he would be circumcising little Kevin at
around 10 the next morning, and John promised me once again that he
would be there. The doctor then left and John soon afterward,
promising to be back by 9, as we had left our daughter at home in the
care of a trusted family friend. The next morning I awoke at 6 and had
Kevin brought to me from the nursery. The surprise came at 6:50 a.m.
when the nurse showed up at the door. The doctor, she said, was unable
to perform the circumcision at the 10 o'clock time because of another
birth. The circumcision had been bumped down to 7 o'clock, and she had
come to take Kevin. I felt slightly panicked, as John was not here,
and with the circumcision happening in less than 10 minutes, there was
no way he would get here in time.

I reluctantly let go of Kevin, but decided that I needed to at least
watch in place of John. The nurse was inclined to disagree but with
time running short, she did not feel like arguing. Pushing Kevin, she
led me down the hall, through some doors and pointed to a smallish
room with shades covering all the windows except the smaller one in
the top center of the door. She pointed me to this spot and took Kevin
around a corner.

Peering into the room, I saw a counter with several plastic looking
boards attached and a set of instruments laid out by each. Just then
the nurse entered with Kevin through a door in the back of the room.
She undid Kevin 's diaper and laid him on one of these boards,
strapping his little arms and legs down as he struggled and whimpered.
The doctor then entered, apparently not noticing me looking through
the window, and the nurse left, shutting the door. "Well this isn't so
bad." I thought.

The doctor then began swabbing Kevin's penis with some sort of
brownish liquid and laid a sheet over him. Kevin apparently did not
like any this because he began to cry. I bit my lip, my maternal
instincts wanted to rush in there and comfort my child, but it was
something that I could just not do (I found that the door was locked
anyway). The doctor then picked up this long silver metal probe thing
and proceeded to jam it between my son's foreskin and penis. This
looked so wrong and unnatural, and Kevin tilted up his head and began
to shriek as the doctor moved this instrument around in a circular
motion.

Kevin's wails got still louder as the doctor made a slit in the skin
and pushed in a small metal bell on top of Kevin's penis. He then put
a little device over the bell and tightened a bolt, causing Kevin to
pull with all his strength to get out of the straps, and his little
head shook back and forth as his cries grew more intense. Poor guy! I
just wanted to run in there and rescue him. It caused me such pain to
watch this, and I almost wished I had never asked to watch, let alone
consent to this procedure. But I felt compelled to be there with my
son, as whatever pain I felt was doubtlessly felt 10 times more in
him.

The doctor then waited for three or four minutes as my son lay there
crying with a hideous clamp attached to his penis. After this period
of time the doctor took up a scalpel and began to slice off the skin.
Kevin's wails had tapered to a whimper now, and the doctor pulled off
the bell, revealing a very red, exposed penis. He wiped it with some
gauze and then called for the nurse. He went to wash up as the nurse
bandaged Kevin up and took him out of the room.

I walked slowly and sadly back to my room, the whole affair having
made me sick. At 8:30, a different nurse came in with Kevin who was
asleep. She smiled and said, "Your son did great; he didn't cry at
all!" I gave her a look of death, for I knew this to be a lie.
Ignoring the look, she put Kevin down and undid his diaper, revealing
Kevin's bandaged penis. Kevin awoke and started to whimper again, the
poor guy probably thought he was going to be circumcised again.
Ignoring the whimpers, she undid the bandage revealing the angry red
penis. A lot of skin had been removed, and its head was completely
exposed. She explained how to care for the penis and then replaced the
bandages and left.

When John showed up at 9, I really did not feel like talking. He
proceeded to change Kevin's diaper and was surprised to find the
bandages inside. He smiled and said, "Oh, they already circumcised
him. Well that's great!" Great! He obviously had no idea what he was
talking about. I explained what had happened to him, and he was sorry
that he had not been there. But he also assured me that it could not
have possibly been as bad as I had thought, because, after all, babies
don't feel much pain. Yeah, right. He also told me that if we had
another boy, he would be there to watch. He clearly did not get it.
But I decided to cross that bridge when we came to it, as it would
likely be several years down the line. The next day we were discharged
and went home.

At 3 months, Kevin is now a happy bubbling, baby who brings joy into
my heart every time I see him. His older sister loves him to death and
is so proud to be a big sister. Kevin's circumcision, although
saddening, was an unfortunate blip in a sea of happiness surrounding
his birth. Thank you for letting me share my story, and parents, think
twice before submitting your own sons to this procedure. Thanks again.





Collected from:
http://circumcisionquotes.com/mothers.html

that's sad. My son is now 5 yrs old. I did not get him circ. as my
doctor does not agree with it, and would not do it. I was uncomfortable with
another doctor doing it. I know that it is common practice in the hospital
that I had my son at, to whisk the baby away and then bring him back after
it is over. I have heard of others who have had their sons circ. and heard
them cry from down the hall. I do think that the doctors should give you
the baby right away after is it done, so he has comfort from him mother
.....not from the nurse and doctor who just hurt him so. The doctors feel
it is "surgery" and therefore unsafe for anyone else to be in a room with
him. It is a hard decision to make. My reasoning for not having it done
was no an issue, I ust didn't want it done by another doctor and mine
doesn't do it so in a way my mine was made up for me when I went in.
Karen

"Pointed Elbow" wrote in message
om...
Why are these parents not shocked over the pain?

By Janelle (December, 1999)

Hi. I lurk here all the time. I have a question for parents who
circumcized/or will do. I lurk on the playgroup boards here, Oct. and
Nov. My son was born Oct.31 so I lurk on both! I had my son
circumcized and regret it. He was in pain and also ended up over a
week in the hospital for an infection from the circ. It irritated his
sensitive tissues and there were suseptible to infection. He got one.
It was awful. Anyway, I was never truly informed about circ and now
that something went wrong, I looked into it more and more. Boy do I
regret my choice now. Not just for the infection, but the pain and the
choice I took away from him, for nothing. Now I read it is not even
recommended to do this!

Anyways, here's my question, I read on the boards today that these
mothers HAD to circ their sons, just HAD to. No reason, just because.
Anyway, one was saying how she had her son done recently (yesterday?)
and he's 2 1/2 weeks old. She said he screamed and cried and she could
hear him from the waiting room. Her boyfriend was with baby as she
could not handle it. She was mad cause she felt SHE missed out on
something by not being there to comfort him afterwards. That she was
mad that she was not called in right afterwards...no mention of how it
was so bad to hear him scream that she could not do it again. Then
another mom replied that her son was done on day 2 and was next to her
room for it. That he screamed in the beginning and she wondered why
they never brought him to her right after. She eventually went to go
find him and see why he was not returned to her. She said he was
looking around, all sad and hurt looking. Ok, why were these circs
done without the mother there to comfort the baby? Why were these
mothers not so sad over the pain that they are wondering why they did
it? I was there, I tried to comfort my son. He screamed and cried. He
had a local, although now I learn it was not a good kind. There are 2
and he had the dorsel one, not as good.

Anyway, I am in tears as I write this. Why are these parents not
shocked over the pain? Why are they not here, like us,asking why this
is done? Or asking why it must be so painful? Why are people not
asking why better pain control is not offered? I wanted to write to
the one mother that how could we feel sorry for her when it was her
son who really lost out? Not her! I messed up. I did. I am no better.
But I have a conscience and feel extreme guilt remembering the redness
of my sons face, the tears I thought he could not cry and did. Why
does no one else but us get upset over this pan? They act like this
pain is just a fact of life, that it was a surgery that was a must,
instead of the option it really is. An option I am starting to wonder
why parents have? It is not their penis! P.S. Those who remember me,
my son is still very red and dry looking as his penis heals. Not a day
goes by that I don't feel pain for him.



...



Why Don't We Leave Them Alone?

By Jannelle (December, 1999)

While I am feeling sorry that I said yes to circumcizing my son, I am
grateful you all are here. To tell me I am normal, that it is ok, that
I am not the only one to blame here. I feel as if I had read this and
other boards before my son was born, I would have said no. I think I
am unsure. And unsure means no. With something so serious and
permanent lasting, there is no room for error. I love my son to no end
and I know I would do anything to take away the pain he has felt. It
all could have been prevented. By not doing it. I am glad all your
sons were fine. My son was not. He felt his cirucmcizing, despite his
pain shot, and I know why now. It is not completely effective in
removing all the hurting for a lot of boys.

My son has an appointment tomorrow, wow, today actually. I hope he is
ok. His penis looks better. It is flakey and peeling still, but just a
little.

I feel such anger now at the hospital and doctor for not telling me
what could happen. My son was not sweating because he was hot during
his surgery. He was in pain. More than I imagined he was in. I was
woolly eyed. I thought it was so easy. I thought it was best.

I now believe I was wrong. My son would not have had any infections or
pain if I had left him alone. Why don't we leave them alone? I called
several doctors today. One was a urinary specialist. She told me that
cirumcizing is basically a parents choice.That there is nothing to
really support it. I did not know this. Now that I am asking, people
are telling. Now that I know this is something to learn, people are
teaching. It is like pulling teeth to get people to tell me things.
These doctors don't tell you anything unless you push and specifically
ask. Is it the area I live in? I even asked the hospital the rate of
the boys who have this done. They kind of laughed and said they dont
have exact numbers,but that yes, they could confirm that it is less
than it used to be. That although most are still circumcized here at
our area, that there is a fair number who are not.

I had no idea. It is just not something I even thought to ask of. I
have spent almost all my allotted AOL hours on the circumcizing
websites the past few days. I cannot believe what I have leared. Boy
am I glad I am on maternity leave still, or I would be fired by now. I
think I will head over to the work after birth board types.

I cannot imagine leaving my son with anyone now. He has taught me so
much about love and strength. I never thought I could love and care so
much. It scares me. How am I going to do this alone? I have a lot to
learn. I am alone. I was alone. Now it is us, me and him. And I
promise to him to learn all I can, question everything, ask
everything,no matter how tired these people get of me.

Thank you all. I have learned so much. And I think I made the wrong
choice for my son. I am glad you are all at peace with your deicisons.
I will be too. After I make it up to my son. Live and learn. But I did
not want my son to suffer for my learning. Peace to you all. I wish I
knew you all were here a few months ago. I would have not circumcized
my son. No offense. But after learning, it is just not the thing for
me or my son. Have a great holiday.

Peace to you all,
Jannelle and Jakey (Jacob, born 10/31/99)



...



I'm Scared to Death to Have Another Son

By Crystal (1999)

My son is now 2, and I regret having him cut. After he was born I had
reservations about having him circumcised in the hospital, so I waited
8 days and took him to the pediatrician.

I handed him to the dr. and took a seat in the waiting room. After a
few minutes my ds started screaming, I had not expected this, so I
jumped up to run to him. It took 3 nurses to keep me out, I was in
hysterics!

When they brought him back to me I was crying so hard I couldn't see
to drive, it took 30 min. before I could leave. Everytime I changed
his diaper I fell apart, and my dh had to finish the job when he was
home.

I can't do this to another baby, but my husband says HIS sons will be
circumcised. I'm very angry about this, he wasn't there, he didn't
have to listen as his baby screamed! His only reason for it is because
he's circumcised. He's not Jewish, nor does he have a medical reason,
just so his sons will look like him. I've already told him I'm not
having anything to do with it, the burden's all on him if he wants it
done. He keeps telling me how silly I'm being about this, how the baby
won't remember 5 min. after it's done, will be glad later. How can I
convince him not to do it? I'm scared to death to have another son
now.


...



Kevin's Birth and Circumcision

by Mary Huffman

It was mid day when I first felt the contractions, the telling signs
of labor that every mother instinctively knows. I calmly drove to the
hospital, but didn't bother calling my husband John, just in case it
wasn't really labor contractions. When I was admitted to the hospital,
the resident checked my dilation and said, "You're in labor." I was
staying. I gave John a call and told him that this was it. We were
going to have a baby and didn't he think it was a good idea to join me
in this process.

Nothing happened for a very long time. John met me on my 20-something
lap of the floor, and we walked some more until it was time to be
checked. Nothing. I was still 5 centimeters. The doctor thought that,
by her examination, the baby's head was coming down into my right hip,
and the crookedness of it all was causing me to dilate more slowly if
at all.

At 7 in the morning, the doctor came in to check me, and I was still 5
centimeters. I had been in labor now - not including Friday - 18 hours
and nothing new. The doctor was still reluctant to break my water
because he felt the head was still a bit crooked, and it wouldn't do
any good to start the clock if everything wasn't going to progress. I
desperately wanted a vaginal birth and wouldn't hear of a possible
Cesarean section.

At 3:30 p.m. the doctor ruptured my membranes. Before this, my
contractions were six minutes apart and painless. With the first
contraction after they broke my water, I felt the head slam into my
cervix. It felt as if I had been punched. I can only guess that this
was what was referred to as engagement.

We were now at 0 station, 100 percent effacement, 5 centimeters, and
the contractions were one and a half minutes apart and hurt like no
tomorrow. These contractions felt just as bad as those I had had with
Pitocin a year before.

The doctor checked me and I was 5 to 6 centimeters. I told the nurse
to call the anesthesiologist and for John as they were about to start
an epidural.

The anesthesiologist came and asked me to move to the side of the bed
and round out my back. He reminded me to try to not move while he was
doing the insertion. I remember laughing to myself and thinking that I
couldn't move if I was lit on fire. My job was to get through the
pain. Anything else, including movement, was secondary. I felt the
needle for the medicine to numb me up. I felt the shock go down my leg
and was almost giddy with anticipation. That meant the pain was almost
over. A few contractions and medicine doses later, I was one happy
girl. It was around 6 p.m.

The doctor came back at this point and sat down to talk with us a bit.
We discussed circumcision and the pros and cons, as we hadn't done
this before. I didn't want it but John really did. The doctor was also
strongly in favor of the operation, and under the combined pressure, I
gave up and consented. My only term of agreement was that John be
there to watch the circumcision because he wanted it. I really knew
nothing about the procedure, having done no research, but had I known
then what I know now I would not ever have consented. But I will come
to that later.

Around 7:30 p.m., I started to feel very nauseous and began to shake
uncontrollably. I had hit transition, and it was time to go forward. I
didn't want to talk to anybody, and I couldn't stop shaking. It is
true what they say about becoming very serious at this point.

At 8:15 p.m., the doctor checked me, and I was fully dilated! I was
going to start pushing now. I had a few practice pushes from 8:30
until around 9 p.m. It was hard to tell where to push because of the
epidural. I could feel the contractions because I would get short of
breath when the baby was squeezed into my diaphragm. I pushed two
times with each contraction and waited some of them out to catch my
breath.

They positioned the mirror so I could see, and it was strange to see
myself from that angle at first. Later I lost all self-consciousness,
as the whole thing became surreal. After a while, I could see the
head. It was just a dark patch of hair but it was there. They told me
that I could touch it but I didn't want to. With each heave, the
baby's head came out a bit more and stayed there. I crowned not much
longer after that.

Watching in the mirror, I thought that my body couldn't stretch one
bit longer, and I just couldn't deliver this baby. There was no way
that head was going to come out of that opening without some kind of
violent explosion. Just as I thought that, I saw a nose and then an
ear. I could feel the shoulders even with an epidural. One shoulder
came, then the other and then wham! Out came Kevin, all 8 pounds, 2
ounces of him into the doctor's arms, and he quickly emitted a loud
wail.

He was then placed on my belly, and I cuddled his soft, perfect body
against mine. John got to hold him next and then the nurse whisked him
away to perform his initial testing. I was cleaned up and allowed to
rest.

The next day I spent mostly lying in bed with Kevin and with John at
my side. That evening, the doctor walked in to check up on me. I was
recovering quite well and was actually walking around the hospital.
The doctor informed us that he would be circumcising little Kevin at
around 10 the next morning, and John promised me once again that he
would be there. The doctor then left and John soon afterward,
promising to be back by 9, as we had left our daughter at home in the
care of a trusted family friend. The next morning I awoke at 6 and had
Kevin brought to me from the nursery. The surprise came at 6:50 a.m.
when the nurse showed up at the door. The doctor, she said, was unable
to perform the circumcision at the 10 o'clock time because of another
birth. The circumcision had been bumped down to 7 o'clock, and she had
come to take Kevin. I felt slightly panicked, as John was not here,
and with the circumcision happening in less than 10 minutes, there was
no way he would get here in time.

I reluctantly let go of Kevin, but decided that I needed to at least
watch in place of John. The nurse was inclined to disagree but with
time running short, she did not feel like arguing. Pushing Kevin, she
led me down the hall, through some doors and pointed to a smallish
room with shades covering all the windows except the smaller one in
the top center of the door. She pointed me to this spot and took Kevin
around a corner.

Peering into the room, I saw a counter with several plastic looking
boards attached and a set of instruments laid out by each. Just then
the nurse entered with Kevin through a door in the back of the room.
She undid Kevin 's diaper and laid him on one of these boards,
strapping his little arms and legs down as he struggled and whimpered.
The doctor then entered, apparently not noticing me looking through
the window, and the nurse left, shutting the door. "Well this isn't so
bad." I thought.

The doctor then began swabbing Kevin's penis with some sort of
brownish liquid and laid a sheet over him. Kevin apparently did not
like any this because he began to cry. I bit my lip, my maternal
instincts wanted to rush in there and comfort my child, but it was
something that I could just not do (I found that the door was locked
anyway). The doctor then picked up this long silver metal probe thing
and proceeded to jam it between my son's foreskin and penis. This
looked so wrong and unnatural, and Kevin tilted up his head and began
to shriek as the doctor moved this instrument around in a circular
motion.

Kevin's wails got still louder as the doctor made a slit in the skin
and pushed in a small metal bell on top of Kevin's penis. He then put
a little device over the bell and tightened a bolt, causing Kevin to
pull with all his strength to get out of the straps, and his little
head shook back and forth as his cries grew more intense. Poor guy! I
just wanted to run in there and rescue him. It caused me such pain to
watch this, and I almost wished I had never asked to watch, let alone
consent to this procedure. But I felt compelled to be there with my
son, as whatever pain I felt was doubtlessly felt 10 times more in
him.

The doctor then waited for three or four minutes as my son lay there
crying with a hideous clamp attached to his penis. After this period
of time the doctor took up a scalpel and began to slice off the skin.
Kevin's wails had tapered to a whimper now, and the doctor pulled off
the bell, revealing a very red, exposed penis. He wiped it with some
gauze and then called for the nurse. He went to wash up as the nurse
bandaged Kevin up and took him out of the room.

I walked slowly and sadly back to my room, the whole affair having
made me sick. At 8:30, a different nurse came in with Kevin who was
asleep. She smiled and said, "Your son did great; he didn't cry at
all!" I gave her a look of death, for I knew this to be a lie.
Ignoring the look, she put Kevin down and undid his diaper, revealing
Kevin's bandaged penis. Kevin awoke and started to whimper again, the
poor guy probably thought he was going to be circumcised again.
Ignoring the whimpers, she undid the bandage revealing the angry red
penis. A lot of skin had been removed, and its head was completely
exposed. She explained how to care for the penis and then replaced the
bandages and left.

When John showed up at 9, I really did not feel like talking. He
proceeded to change Kevin's diaper and was surprised to find the
bandages inside. He smiled and said, "Oh, they already circumcised
him. Well that's great!" Great! He obviously had no idea what he was
talking about. I explained what had happened to him, and he was sorry
that he had not been there. But he also assured me that it could not
have possibly been as bad as I had thought, because, after all, babies
don't feel much pain. Yeah, right. He also told me that if we had
another boy, he would be there to watch. He clearly did not get it.
But I decided to cross that bridge when we came to it, as it would
likely be several years down the line. The next day we were discharged
and went home.

At 3 months, Kevin is now a happy bubbling, baby who brings joy into
my heart every time I see him. His older sister loves him to death and
is so proud to be a big sister. Kevin's circumcision, although
saddening, was an unfortunate blip in a sea of happiness surrounding
his birth. Thank you for letting me share my story, and parents, think
twice before submitting your own sons to this procedure. Thanks again.





Collected from:
http://circumcisionquotes.com/mothers.html


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