Birthdays and Parties

"C. D." wrote in message
e.rogers.com...
... who should take the child and who should purchase the
gifts?

- a party in the ex's neighborhood
- a party in my neighborhood
- a party from a child in day care (neutral) neighborhood
- a party from a child of the ex's friend
- a party from a child of my friend

For example, if a neighbor's children of the ex wife has a party but the
party
is on my day, I was instructed by the ex as to a) must take our child and
b)
purchase the gift.


IMHO: The gift should be bought by the person who agrees to the event. In
the event that you are the parent asked, you say yes and get the gift. If
it's your weekend then you take the child, it's not about you after all,
it's about the child. Most events do not require parental involvement, those
that do... why not just be the best you can be and if the other parent is
the sort to put you down, you prove them wrong by example.

Also, what happens if all events fall on one or the other's day?

Inform them of the event, check with them even. Then send the present along.

Purchasing gifts are strange too since I pay lots of support.

It's $10... and while this may seem costly, the time specnt with the child
picking the gift can be good.

Papa

"C. D." wrote in message
e.rogers.com...
In article , "gini52"
wrote:
transport the
child to a party being held by her former brother-in-law?
==
The natural state of affairs seems to be that the NCP would take the
child
to the birthday
party and if the CP hasn't already bought a gift, they should pick one up
on
the way. And if the child is
tired upon return from the party and wants to crash at the NCP's house,
that's OK too.

riiiigghhht.....

That works when people are mature and really care about the children. In
my
case, the ex would be over so fast it would make your head spin with
agreement
in hand.

I started this thread and I have seen a lot of great comments which give
me
food for thought. Unfortunately when your ex (I am not sure if I feel like
calling her the CP and me the NCP or am I the CP when the kids are with
me?)
is using the chilren against you, denying access and controlling, these
are
not 'trivial' issues. Sad, isn't it.

I feel you missed the point. Birthday parties *should be* a no-brainer,
because they are trivial. What you are going through is another subject.
You asked for opinions concerning birthdays. You received opinions
concerning just that - birthdays. What you didn't do was tell us your real
issue, then use birthdays as an example.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you. It is horrible your ex
is a selfish person who doesn't believe in raising healthy children.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

"C. D." wrote in message
e.rogers.com...
In article , "gini52"
wrote:
transport the
child to a party being held by her former brother-in-law?
==
The natural state of affairs seems to be that the NCP would take the
child
to the birthday
party and if the CP hasn't already bought a gift, they should pick one up
on
the way. And if the child is
tired upon return from the party and wants to crash at the NCP's house,
that's OK too.

riiiigghhht.....

That works when people are mature and really care about the children. In
my
case, the ex would be over so fast it would make your head spin with
agreement
in hand.

I started this thread and I have seen a lot of great comments which give
me
food for thought. Unfortunately when your ex (I am not sure if I feel like
calling her the CP and me the NCP or am I the CP when the kids are with
me?)
is using the chilren against you, denying access and controlling, these
are
not 'trivial' issues. Sad, isn't it.

I feel you missed the point. Birthday parties *should be* a no-brainer,
because they are trivial. What you are going through is another subject.
You asked for opinions concerning birthdays. You received opinions
concerning just that - birthdays. What you didn't do was tell us your real
issue, then use birthdays as an example.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you. It is horrible your ex
is a selfish person who doesn't believe in raising healthy children.


Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

In article . net, "Bob
Whiteside" writes:

It's not that straight forward. My experience is who is having the party
and where it is located can spill over into visitation disruptions and other
issues. As an example - say the birthday party is for your ex's niece or
nephew or your ex's co-worker's child. Would an NCP want to take the child
to a party at his former in-laws house or to the home of a stranger?

I still think it's a good rule of thumb. No, I wouldn't mind paying for a gift
for a child of my ex's relatives...I'm buying the gift for MY SON who is going
to give it to his cousin. Maybe I'm a little bit more accomodating in that
area...but I also would have no problem in taking the kid over there, nor would
I have a problem with taking him to the ex's co-worker's house, either. I
would trust that my ex wouldn't allow our son to go to a stranger's house who
wasn't fit, just as I know she knows I wouldn't send our son to a stranger's
house who wasn't fit.

I believe that over the entire term of a visitation/custody arrangement (like
18 years) I would imagine the number of birthday parties each would have to
deal with would pretty much be consistent with the amount of time each spent
with the children. In other words, I don't think the NCP parent would be
saddled with an unsually burdensome gift expenditure, since you can figure if
the child spends 20% of the time with the NCP, over the long haul the NCP would
have to pay for roughly 20% of the birthday parties. Not a huge problem, in my
opinion, but then again...people can (and do) make it into a problem.

My ex-wife and I have bene divorced since 1995, and she's never tried to get me
to "chip-in" on any birthday presents, nor have I tried to get her to buy any,
either.

In article . net, "Bob
Whiteside" writes:

It's not that straight forward. My experience is who is having the party
and where it is located can spill over into visitation disruptions and other
issues. As an example - say the birthday party is for your ex's niece or
nephew or your ex's co-worker's child. Would an NCP want to take the child
to a party at his former in-laws house or to the home of a stranger?

I still think it's a good rule of thumb. No, I wouldn't mind paying for a gift
for a child of my ex's relatives...I'm buying the gift for MY SON who is going
to give it to his cousin. Maybe I'm a little bit more accomodating in that
area...but I also would have no problem in taking the kid over there, nor would
I have a problem with taking him to the ex's co-worker's house, either. I
would trust that my ex wouldn't allow our son to go to a stranger's house who
wasn't fit, just as I know she knows I wouldn't send our son to a stranger's
house who wasn't fit.

I believe that over the entire term of a visitation/custody arrangement (like
18 years) I would imagine the number of birthday parties each would have to
deal with would pretty much be consistent with the amount of time each spent
with the children. In other words, I don't think the NCP parent would be
saddled with an unsually burdensome gift expenditure, since you can figure if
the child spends 20% of the time with the NCP, over the long haul the NCP would
have to pay for roughly 20% of the birthday parties. Not a huge problem, in my
opinion, but then again...people can (and do) make it into a problem.

My ex-wife and I have bene divorced since 1995, and she's never tried to get me
to "chip-in" on any birthday presents, nor have I tried to get her to buy any,
either.