Dad's Visitation Responsibility

"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in message news:7934879433388@uwe...
My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody. Now,
the
father refuses to pay for events that my son wants to participate in
during
his visitation time. The father claims that is what his child support
goes
towards. I tried explaining to the father that the child support is to
help
support him during my 95% time share and that during his 5% time he is to
pay
for expenses. Isn't that true????? or am I missing something here?

Dana

What difference does it make? You can force the father to pay you
"child support," but you can't force him to pay for events that occur during
the visitation time. So what good does it do you to try to prove to the
father that the money you get from him is only for expenses during the 95
percent of the time your son is with you? If the father won't pay, he won't
pay, and there is nothing you can do. It's not worth an argument.

The fact that the father says he won't pay for events during the 5
percent of the time your son is with him is likely to be nothing more than
an indication of his dissatisfaction at having to fork over "child support"
money to you.

"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in

I appreciate what you are saying. It is regarding baseball tournaments
which
cost anywhere from $40 - $70. I feel that he should pay for the
tournament
fee if he wants his son to play in a tournament on his weekend.

The kid is playing in a league, that comes under child expenses which you
have already been paid for!

$70 on top of food, travel, hotel and general entertainment adds up real
quick, I'm amazed he has anything left over after the CSE is done with him?

"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in message news:7934e526ec035@uwe...
Well, the father can't have shared custody because we live in two
different
states. So he only comes out 1 weekend everyother month.

How far does he have to travel? Does he pay the transportation? Does he
have to pay for a place to stay while he is there? Visitation seems like it
might be a very expensive proposition in his case.


wrote:
My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now, the
father refuses to pay for events that my son wants to participate in
during
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]

Dana

He actually may have a point. However, I'm in the same situation your
husband is in, and I would never take that stance, unless I was
totally broke. It just deprives the kid.

I just suck it up and pay for the stuff I sign my daughter up for and
the stuff that she needs when she's in my care. That why lots of NCPs
who share custody gripe about having to pay twice. It's hard, and not
really fair.

Shared custody, NO child support, and everybody's should be happy
(except for the those with a sense of entitlement).

Well, I can tell I have alot of fathers responding to my inquiry. I kinda
agree with what some of you are saying. It just seems like the father
chooses those specific weekend to come out so that he doesn't have to spent
time and money to entertain his own son.

I will drop the issue with the father.........it isn't worth the argument!

Kenneth S. wrote:
My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody. Now,
the
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]

Dana

What difference does it make? You can force the father to pay you
"child support," but you can't force him to pay for events that occur during
the visitation time. So what good does it do you to try to prove to the
father that the money you get from him is only for expenses during the 95
percent of the time your son is with you? If the father won't pay, he won't
pay, and there is nothing you can do. It's not worth an argument.

The fact that the father says he won't pay for events during the 5
percent of the time your son is with him is likely to be nothing more than
an indication of his dissatisfaction at having to fork over "child support"
money to you.

--
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1

"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in message news:7934e244b57dd@uwe...
Yes, child support is based on visitation time. If he had more visitation
time he would pay less in child support, because esentially he would need
more of the money for expenses for when he has him. Doesn't that make
sense?

Just for the fun of it, why don't you pull up some child support tables and
see what the difference in child support would be if he had the child for
10% if the time. Or 25%. Alllaw.com has some tables you could try. You
might be surprised.


DB wrote:
So your idea is he pays when the child is with you and he pays when the
child is with him!

My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now,
the
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]

Dana

"Lvnsurpriseaz via FamilyKB.com" u37991@uwe wrote in
news:7937b33a45599@uwe:

Well, I can tell I have alot of fathers responding to my inquiry. I
kinda agree with what some of you are saying. It just seems like the
father chooses those specific weekend to come out so that he doesn't
have to spent time and money to entertain his own son.

I will drop the issue with the father.........it isn't worth the
argument!

Kenneth S. wrote:
My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now, the
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]

Dana



Just to add my 2 cents...

Recently I was paying child support ($1000 per month), spousal support,
and daycare. Those three things costs about $3000 per month. That was
about 60% of my take home. I also had a $500 per month lawyer bill.

My ex would download all kinds of expenses on me: lessons, birthday
gifts, clothing, supplies, etc. I also did all the driving. So add on
another $500 per month for hard expenses (clothes, gifts) and soft
expenses (food, water, utilities, gas). My access was about 30% at that
time so these day-to-day costs were quite substantial.

As a father you are certainly in a lose-lose situation. You already fork
over lots of cash for CS, SS, extra expenses (daycare) and so on. Then
you are hit with this additional day-to-day costs above all that - which
can be a lot. So whether you have 5%, 30% or even 50%, you start to get
frustrated and a little ****ed off. You go... hey wait a second... why
am I paying once to the ex... and then twice...?? But if you don't pay
for day-to-day, Billy may not go to a party... or Suzy misses her chance
at soccer. A lose-lose. And the mother and for a large part, society,
points the finger at the father: bad dad... bad, bad, bad, dad, for not
supporting his child. Lose-lose-lose.

You see, the rocket scientists assumed that the recipient of child
support (mom) has the children 100% of the time (in Canada anyway).
After that its... oh well... suck it up dad. And just be thankful your
allowed to see Billy or Suzy at all (you deadbeat). They also assumed
that the recpient (mom) pays an equal amount. But that is completely
forgotten and not tracked by anyone. Thanks again family law. So moms
share can float between $0 and equal to dad's $CS, but dad's share is
$CS + more. Insanity.

What your ex is complaining about is not an uncommon problem amongst us
payers (dad). We know the laws, we are educated about the system, and we
fight (and lose). It is just trying to explain this mess to other people
who do not know the formulas, the system, and typically respond, "hey,
it is all for the kids (you deadbeat).... "

And if dad was to have 0% access, to get out of the hell or court
ordered... he is branded the non-involved father... (you deadbeat non-
involved a**hole). Lose-lose-lose-lose.

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson... he has
a point. It all adds up...

H.

p.s. you can tell I'm in court...

Henry wrote in
:

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson... he has
a point. It all adds up...

H.

sorry to follow up to my own post... but I forgot one more thing...

The icing on the cake is when dad ponders, "Hey, I paid CS and then I paid
$70 for a soccer lesson.... where did that $70 go that was in the child
support?" Since mom did not have to pay for it, what happened to it? Well,
my CS did not go down by $70... I still must pay the full amount. So where
did it go? And that is when dad's get ****ed off again when they see mom
with a new hair do, new clothes, trips with the boyfriend, etc. If dad
speaks up, he is branded a whiner, complainer, control-freak, deadbeat...

People have little idea why men are ****ed at the CS system. You have to
live it to believe it.

H.

On Oct 5, 4:41 am, Henry wrote:
Henry wrote om:

So, a $1 chocolate bar is being hard-nosed... but a $70 lesson... he has
a point. It all adds up...

H.

sorry to follow up to my own post... but I forgot one more thing...

The icing on the cake is when dad ponders, "Hey, I paid CS and then I paid
$70 for a soccer lesson.... where did that $70 go that was in the child
support?" Since mom did not have to pay for it, what happened to it? Well,
my CS did not go down by $70... I still must pay the full amount. So where
did it go? And that is when dad's get ****ed off again when they see mom
with a new hair do, new clothes, trips with the boyfriend, etc. If dad
speaks up, he is branded a whiner, complainer, control-freak, deadbeat...

People have little idea why men are ****ed at the CS system. You have to
live it to believe it.

H.

The guy pays child support, the guy lives in a different state and
STILL comes to
visit once a month (most NCPs in the same state only have visitation
twice a month)...
and you are complaining? Geez! Well, what would happen if he came up
on
the weekends that he didn't have the sports? Ah yes, then you'd
complain
that your son's father misses his tournaments! Go figure!

Can you tell me exactly what good enough is for you? Obviously, it's
not
related to CS, but more to you wanting to control his life and not
only
have you already forced him how to spend his money by getting CS
and you spend it as YOU see fit, but now you want to get into whatever
he has left and tell him how to spend that too?

I hope your son never ends up in the same situation you have put his
father.
I can assure you, that any boy who ends up in the same situation as
their
father and then truly realizes how unreasonable their mother was
being,
will end up resenting her more than the 70USD you are complaining
about.
It happened to my husband. Until he was in that situation, he thought
the world of his mother and thought his dad was a lousy piece of
garbage...
Now? He sees his mother once a year, if that much and always talks
about how now he sees what a greedy and horrible mother she was.

Child support is for $564 a month. He travels from CA to AZ, but he chooses
to travel expensively instead of and cheaper way.

DB wrote:
"Lvnsurpriseaz" u37991@uwe wrote in

The child is 16 yrs old and believe me the childs food bill is almost more
than his child support!
!!!!! LOL

So the big question, how much money is the child support order for?

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

He travels from CA to AZ. I pay $200 per year towards his travel costs. But
he chooses to travel very expensively. I was even offering my guest room to
save him money.

teachrmama wrote:
Well, the father can't have shared custody because we live in two
different
states. So he only comes out 1 weekend everyother month.

How far does he have to travel? Does he pay the transportation? Does he
have to pay for a place to stay while he is there? Visitation seems like it
might be a very expensive proposition in his case.

My sons father pays child support and I have 100% physical custody.
Now, the
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
Shared custody, NO child support, and everybody's should be happy
(except for the those with a sense of entitlement).

--
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.a...nting/200710/1