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Single Older Mom
Hi! I'm a retired older mom (in her 60's) who has pretty much raised
her kids (who are all in their 40s) alone. Father-still alive- but little contact/support and never has been. Stepfather died 20+ years ago. I had just turned 40...3 were out of highschool and the youngest was in the 3rd year of high school. Problem is I know have the opportunity to move approx. 2-3 hrs from 'home'. It is a location that we are all familiar with and love. It would help me tremendously. I 'retired' from my full time job a few years ago but still work part time. In the last year, I find I am getting more tired, really don't want to work any longer...but financially 'must' with where I currently live. This move gives me that opportunity of not working and sharing expenses with my sister and brother-in-law. Yes..we have gone over all kind of scenarios of 'ifs'. Problem is 3 of my 4 children are ok with this. I have 1 who is really upset. She has 3 teenagers who I am close with and do quite a bit of 'errands' with. I have tried to say to them, it is only 2.5 hrs away and I think I would probably see all of my children/grandchildren more and with better quality time. I still plan on being with them on special occassions and holidays and expect to come back 'here' about every 4-5 weeks and spend a day or two with each of them... IF THEY ARE EVEN AVAILBABLE. They all have very busy lives. I could take them shopping and not have to charge it. In the summer, they could come for a visit...beach/boardwalk/shoppingoutlets. I feel I talk to them, email them more than anything. When I do see them it is usually to grab 30/60 min. here and there! I am probably home alone and eat alone 25 out of 30 days/nights. You get the gist. Does anyone have any suggestions? |
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Single Older Mom
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Single Older Mom
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Single Older Mom
Do they have a computer with Internet access? Or can
get they get to one? School? Library? If you can find a way for them to be in contact via chat (or, if there is a camera available, via a video and chat connection), then you could schedule times to stay in touch without being geographically co-located. If they don't have cell phones (and parents are agreeable), a pre-paid cell phone (so they cannot go over their minutes!) where you can text with them might also provide frequent contact. If you do for one set of grandkids, you likely have to do for all, so see if everyone can get on-board and help with the finances to stay in touch. :-) And plan now for times to get together through the year - a long weekend here, perhaps a week there, you travel once then they travel. Find a way to retire. Life's too short to spend it working forever (unless that is really your thing, which it sounds like it might not be.) Jayne contemplating retirement someday ... |
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Single Older Mom
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Single Older Mom
Thanks for your input. Yes...all the grandkids are computer literate
and most have cell phones and text messaging. The daughter and teenage grandchildren that are upset are always communicating by email, text messaging, cell phones, and they even have a Web-Cam. Their father is a director of information technology so they have all the latest bells and whistles. I had planned on getting a web-cam for myself and would probably purchase one for each of my other 3 children's family as they are not that expensive. For instance, last night, the oldest grandchild turned 19 and we were all out for dinner. They were telling me..see nana you would miss this dinner..dinner was about 90 min. My reply was, No..I would not..and you probably would have been stuck with me staying with you from Friday afternoon to Monday morning. I know they know how to use 'chat rooms' and I am sure I could learn that also. I use emails all the time. Also, told them Xmas Eve would not change because I would still spend it with them and then go to my other children on Xmas Day. We all see each other the day after, as my youngest has a party for everyone. She really is the most 'family' oriented. We shall see! Jayne Ashworth wrote: Do they have a computer with Internet access? Or can get they get to one? School? Library? If you can find a way for them to be in contact via chat (or, if there is a camera available, via a video and chat connection), then you could schedule times to stay in touch without being geographically co-located. If they don't have cell phones (and parents are agreeable), a pre-paid cell phone (so they cannot go over their minutes!) where you can text with them might also provide frequent contact. If you do for one set of grandkids, you likely have to do for all, so see if everyone can get on-board and help with the finances to stay in touch. :-) And plan now for times to get together through the year - a long weekend here, perhaps a week there, you travel once then they travel. Find a way to retire. Life's too short to spend it working forever (unless that is really your thing, which it sounds like it might not be.) Jayne contemplating retirement someday ... |
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Single Older Mom
My daughter has a great husband and beautiful home, good jobs,
etc....just the stress of raising teenage girls as alot of us have been thru. I think the fact that their father and I divorced when they were young and he was never alot of support along with the fact that my 2nd husband and I were only married 8 yrs when he died unexpectedly has brought us very close together. They all felt like 'their father' died when it was their step-father. She and her husband always say how much they appreciate what I do for them and at times don't know what they would do without my help. They do show their appreciation monetarily also. I've told the 14 and 15 yr old that they could come down in the summer and we could go shopping, to the beach, boardwalk, etc. Both my sister and I have quite a few kids with families, and expect some of them to come visit and stay with us and others will stay in a hotel/condo. In the summer, it is quite expensive to stay in a condo ($2000/wk) or hotel ($200+night). I told the 19 yr old, she and her boyfriend could come down for a w/e and have a place to stay...just can't sleep together :-) I know it would all work out and it would just take time for them to see that not really that much would change...it is just the initial break.\ Louise wrote: On Sun, 10 Dec 2006 14:48:14 EST, wrote: Problem is I know have the opportunity to move approx. 2-3 hrs from 'home'. [...] Problem is 3 of my 4 children are ok with this. I have 1 who is really upset. She has 3 teenagers who I am close with and do quite a bit of 'errands' with. It sounds to me as if your daughter has been taking your help for granted -- that what she's going to miss isn't your company as much as she's going to miss your help with her kids. Does your daughter have a partner and other supporters? I think you should make the move, because it sounds right for you. I also think you should continue to reach out to your children and grandchildren, but not just by you travelling to them. Invite them to visit you too. For a grandchild's visit, you can buy a bus ticket and pull out an air mattress. You can let your children know about nearby motels and bed&breakfast places, so you can invite them for weekends without feeling obligated to put them all up. Louise |
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