Eating habits in a toddler

My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not want to
sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's pointless to
force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make her, and throws food,
smears it etc. So we have not forced the issue assuming that she just must
not be hungry. Since DH and I are both overweight and have major food
issues from childhood, I am reluctant to change anything.

However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are done
eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run, but it's
very hit and miss and there's only so much nutrition you can get from
Cheerios, cheese, frozen peas, bananas and watermelon. Also, what she may
have loved the day before will suddenly be a no-no the next day. Is this
common? Additionally, she will often ask for a food and then refuse it when
I bring it out. It seems so silly to keep offering (and wasting) food after
food after food to see what she'll take. Often I will stop offering, but
then she'll tell me a few minutes later that she's hungry and the whole
cycle starts again.

Does anyone have any ideas what this is all about and how I should handle
it? This is very recent, though she's never been a big eater. She's only
nursing about 4-5 times a day now, plus once or twice in the night.

TIA for your advice,
CY

Been there, done that, got it on my T-shirt.

We set forth a policy that meals always *start* with all of us at the table,
and one bite is required before DS can take off (yes, we still do this at
4). He stays longer at the table with us now, but at 2, it was amost
torture for him to sit still that long. But one bite is tolerable.

At 2, our son was a grazer. He preferred small amounts of food consumed all
day, rather than three large meals. It's a fairly healthy way of eating, so
we put up with it. I made a point of having small tupperware containers of
healthy foods in the fridge or cupboard so that when he cruised back to the
table, hungry, we wouldn't be feeding him sweets or other non-nutritive
stuff - we could just grab a tupperware. Didn't like what was in it? Put
it back and grab another one.

I also discovered that he was at his hungriest around 4:00 pm, while we eat
dinner at about 6:15. So, I feed him a nutritious "snack" of some sort at 4
(leftovers from yesterday?), and he eats one bite with us at 6:15.

I hope this helps - we developed our habits mostly through trial and error,
but they seem to work for us.

-Shannon and Joseph 11-15-99

"CY" wrote in message
news:wEGUb.22573$tP1.2486@fed1read07...
My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not want to
sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's pointless to
force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make her, and throws
food,
smears it etc. So we have not forced the issue assuming that she just must
not be hungry. Since DH and I are both overweight and have major food
issues from childhood, I am reluctant to change anything.

However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are done
eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run, but it's
very hit and miss and there's only so much nutrition you can get from
Cheerios, cheese, frozen peas, bananas and watermelon. Also, what she may
have loved the day before will suddenly be a no-no the next day. Is this
common? Additionally, she will often ask for a food and then refuse it
when
I bring it out. It seems so silly to keep offering (and wasting) food
after
food after food to see what she'll take. Often I will stop offering, but
then she'll tell me a few minutes later that she's hungry and the whole
cycle starts again.

Does anyone have any ideas what this is all about and how I should handle
it? This is very recent, though she's never been a big eater. She's only
nursing about 4-5 times a day now, plus once or twice in the night.

TIA for your advice,
CY

CY wrote:
My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not
want to sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's
pointless to force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make
her, and throws food, smears it etc. So we have not forced the issue
assuming that she just must not be hungry.

I think this is kind of common. There are lots of different ways of
handling it though.

However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are
done eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run,
but it's very hit and miss and there's only so much nutrition you can
get from Cheerios, cheese, frozen peas, bananas and watermelon.

At two I held mine on my lap while we ate and this worked excellently. It
is some work to get that changed over to sitting by themselves though. I
can't get mine to leave the table when they are done or aren't hungry
otherwise I would let them go play. I think there is time to learn to sit
with the family when they are more developmentally able to sit (or at
different meals when it seems to be easier for them). I save the plate of
food and warm it up if they appear to be hungry later (or more able to eat
by themselves).

Also, what she may have loved the day before will suddenly be a no-no
the next day. Is this common?

IME yes, very common.

Additionally, she will often ask for
a food and then refuse it when I bring it out. It seems so silly to
keep offering (and wasting) food after food after food to see what
she'll take.

I have a little less patiance for this ;-) I save the plate and often they
will eat that later. If not and they are hungry I'll offer them a choice of
two other things I know they like (for instance cereal or toast). If they
ate a good meal I'll make one of the choices junk food ;-)That is it then.
Take it or leave it. The only time I make an exceptions is if I get them to
try something new. If they agree to try it and decide they don't like it
they can pick something else. I've had a couple tantrums but not many
really (for two kids!).

Does anyone have any ideas what this is all about and how I should
handle it? This is very recent, though she's never been a big eater.

I think it is a phase. Try to have some healthy snack tray items available
so that you can offer and put away easily without food waste or lots of time
cooking. Cheese, cold meats, crackers, fruits, yogurt, etc.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not want to
sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's pointless to
force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make her, and throws food,
smears it etc. [clip]
However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are done
eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run,

Perhaps she's simply not ready to stop playing, or doing whatever she's doing,
at dinnertime and go sit nicely at the table. It may be related to the typical
toddler resistance to transitions and have nothing at all to do with whether
she's hungry.

We generally make DS sit at the dinner table with us, but we don't insist that
he eat. If he says he's not hungry or he doesn't want dinner, that's fine, but
he still has to sit with us for at least a few minutes. Most of the time, once
we get him in his seat, he'll eat. (And a few times, he had such a tantrum
when we made him sit at the table that we gave up and removed him to his room
-- basically a time-out -- so that DH and I could eat in more peace. But
that's not typical.)

We also make sure he gets plenty of warning that it's almost dinner time, and
there is something of a ritual of his washing his hands and coming to the
table. I really want him to start helping set the table more regularly, but we
haven't pushed that one.

Also, what she may
have loved the day before will suddenly be a no-no the next day. Is this
common? Additionally, she will often ask for a food and then refuse it when
I bring it out. It seems so silly to keep offering (and wasting) food after
food after food to see what she'll take. Often I will stop offering, but
then she'll tell me a few minutes later that she's hungry and the whole
cycle starts again.


That is pretty common, I think, and it probably has to do with her exploring
how much control she can exert. Just refuse to play the game. Institute
regular snack times and meal times, and decide what your policy will be about
additional snacking (not within a half hour of a meal, or only fruits or
vegetables, or whatever) and then allow her to take or leave whatever is
offered. You can offer a limited choice before you get anything out, but once
you've served the food, if she rejects it don't keep bringing out something
else. If she's really hungry, she'll eat, especially after a few days of a
consistent response on your part.

You can also try putting pre-prepared snacks on a low shelf in the fridge
and/or pantry and tell her she is welcome to help herself when she is hungry
(though, again, you might put some restrictions on snacks too close to
dinnertime). It's one way of offering her a "limited choice" and giving her
some independence, which she may love. And you won't feel as if you're
constantly catering to her changing whims, since she'll be responsible for
getting her own snacks.

Try not to worry too much about nutrition. As long as you're offering her a
good variety of healthy foods, and not making too much "junk" available, it's
almost certain that she will eventually eat pretty much what her body needs.
Remember to think of her diet in terms of a week or two, rather than trying to
get her to eat the entire food pyramid in every single 24-hour period. :-)

Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04

CY wrote:

My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not want to
sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's pointless to
force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make her, and throws food,
smears it etc. So we have not forced the issue assuming that she just must
not be hungry. Since DH and I are both overweight and have major food
issues from childhood, I am reluctant to change anything.


I think this is pretty common. She just may not be on the same eating
schedule as you and your husband.

However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are done
eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run, but it's
very hit and miss and there's only so much nutrition you can get from
Cheerios, cheese, frozen peas, bananas and watermelon.

Actually this is pretty good. Just throw in yogurt and meat or some
other protein.

Also, what she may
have loved the day before will suddenly be a no-no the next day. Is this
common?

It seems toddlers have eating jags. Look at her eating habits over a
week or even a month rather than on a daily basis to see if her
nutritional needs are met.

Additionally, she will often ask for a food and then refuse it when
I bring it out. It seems so silly to keep offering (and wasting) food after
food after food to see what she'll take. Often I will stop offering, but
then she'll tell me a few minutes later that she's hungry and the whole
cycle starts again.


I would just point to the food already offered and say "here's what you
asked for, you can have ----- when you eat this." Then DD would usually
(but not always) eat the first "course". We didn't demand that she
finish it - just eat a few bites of it.

Good luck!
Jeanne

In article wEGUb.22573$tP1.2486@fed1read07, "CY"
wrote:

My almost 2 yr old daughter has suddenly decided that she does not want to
sit down and eat a meal at the table when DH and I eat. It's pointless to
force her as she point blank refuses to eat if we make her, and throws food,
smears it etc. So we have not forced the issue assuming that she just must
not be hungry.

Perhaps she needs to eat (or go to bed) earlier. Is she a monster for an hour
or more before dinner is ready? In my toddler, deteriorating behaviour is
usually due to being hungry or tired.

What would she rather do than eat? Could she be:
- distracted by the TV?
- frightened because you and DH argue at the table a lot?
- suspicious of the food? Toddlers like identifiable food and aren't big fans
of mixed-up-together dishes like casseroles.
- doing this as an attention-seeking thing? Do you interact a lot with her in
the hour before dinner, or are you busy with cooking or other tasks?

I suppose this is a long-winded way of saying that we should all make sure
that meals are pleasant, relaxed times to reconnect with family members.

However, sometimes it appears she IS hungry and will eat after we are done
eating, if I give her finger foods that she can eat on the run, but it's
very hit and miss and there's only so much nutrition you can get from
Cheerios, cheese, frozen peas, bananas and watermelon.

Sounds pretty good to me, actually.. but I've been parenting a toddler for a
year longer than you have ;-)

Also, what she may have loved the day before will suddenly be a
no-no the next day. Is this common?

LOL! Is the Pope a Catholic? If you don't have any books about toddlers,
it's time to get one. My recommendation is The Mighty Toddler by Robin
Barker, but it's Australian and may not be available to you. Wonderful
description of how toddlers think!

Additionally, she will often ask for a food and then refuse it when
I bring it out. It seems so silly to keep offering (and wasting) food after
food after food to see what she'll take. Often I will stop offering, but
then she'll tell me a few minutes later that she's hungry and the whole
cycle starts again.

Sounds like a device to get attention. Do you have fairly consistent
mealtimes? Life is much more manageable if you do, and you will have a much
better idea of how hungry she really is. Secondly, give lots of positive
attention outside mealtimes. Toddlers somehow know when they're being
ignored, and take steps to remedy it, even though you are ignoring them
because you've Just Had It.

HTH,

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Jeez; if only those Ancient Greek storytellers had known about the astonishing
creature that is the *Usenet hydra*: you cut off one head, and *a stupider one*
grows back..." -- MJ, cam.misc

Shannon wrote:

Been there, done that, got it on my T-shirt.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
ha! :-D


--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
#2 EDD 7/19/04