Helping Daddies

There is a lot to be said for instinct, isn't there!
Thanks for the support

--
..oO rach Oo.


"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I haven't overcome it and mine was 1 a couple of days ago!

I find with my husband that his idea of offering comfort is rather
different to mine, he doesn't seem to be able to work out what her need
is, then just comforts her rather than solving the problem, so he just
cuddles her and strokes her and talks to her, which is great, but only
after you've given her a drink because it's boiling hot and she's thirsty.

I don't remember it quite so much with my 1st, but I suspect that the
babies change before the mummies! I still hate to hear my 1st (now 3) cry
when he is with daddy, I don't like to have a think about rushing in, or
him rushing to me when in need of comfort, but I still find it heart
renching if he is crying.

Anne

Thanks Suzanne.

--
..oO rach Oo.


"Suzanne S" wrote in message
...
I know that my DD2 (just about 1yr) will cry for me when I am in the room
e.g. if she falls and hurts herself, and Daddy consoles her that's just not
good enough - she wants Mummy. If I am not in the room, then she is
perfectly happy to be consoled by Daddy. She definately acts differently
when I am about, so my suggestion would be to leave the room too, and Daddy
may have more success in consoling her.

Babies do prefer their Mummies though, through no fault of the Daddies.
So I would also say that unless you really want Daddy to be able to
console her, let your instincts win!

Suzanne

".oO rach Oo." wrote in message
...
I will preface this by saying my husband is the best when it comes to
helping. He is right there to diaper or feed or play with Holly whenever
he can.

My little issue is with when she cries. She usually just fusses and cries
hard core only once in a while. When she does, I feel like I am going to
be sick and cannot stand anyone else to console her but me. It happened
again tonight... she was tired but did not want to go to bed (she is a
little shy of six months) and is teething... she fussed then started to
cry her heart out. I made it through about two minutes of him trying to
console her then had to ask him to give her to me as I couldn't take it
anymore... it was breaking my heart.

Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
puts her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.

help!

--
.oO rach Oo.

Thank you so much. Like I said in an earlier reply, it is so nice to know
others suffer through the same torment as a Mom. Who knew it was this kind
of complicated?

--
..oO rach Oo.


"PK" wrote in message
oups.com...
Has anyone else overcome this and if so how? I said just now that maybe I
should leave the room or something. His concern is when I go out and he
puts
her to bed alone, he won't be able to comfort her.

help!

--
.oO rach Oo.


I'll start out by saying I'm *exactly* like you, I hate having someone
else (which is usually her Dad, but on occassion her day care provider,
or her grandmother) comfort E if she's crying, but I will tell you what
worked for me:

1. I changed my thinking. I told myself that her Dad is a different
person, and has his own ways of soothing her. His way may not be the
same as my way (actually it better not be, because I nurse her for
comfort :-) ) but it doesn't mean it's wrong. With my DH, I began to
show a lot more confidence in him, and as a result, he was very open to
suggestions from me when he couldn't manage to make her stop crying.
YMMV with your DH though.

2. I also left the room. Because if E saw I was there, she wanted me.
If she realized I was not there, she would be more willing to accept a
subsitute for Mommy.

3. I told myself if she was fed, dry, warm and safe, it was OK for her
to cry. Not indefinitely of course, DH and I had a 7 minute rule. If
she did not calm down in 7 minutes, I would go back in and offer help.

I hope this helps. At 6.5 mo old now, E enjoys her Dad's company as
much ( well, maybe a tad less !) as mine, and I'm glad leaving her with
him gave him a chance to bond with her.

PK

Suzanne S wrote:
I know that my DD2 (just about 1yr) will cry for me when I am in the
room e.g. if she falls and hurts herself, and Daddy consoles her
that's just not good enough - she wants Mummy. If I am not in the
room, then she is perfectly happy to be consoled by Daddy. She
definately acts differently when I am about, so my suggestion would
be to leave the room too, and Daddy may have more success in
consoling her.
Babies do prefer their Mummies though, through no fault of the
Daddies. So I would also say that unless you really want Daddy to be
able to console her, let your instincts win!

Sure, babies do prefer their Mommies, but they can be taught that Daddy's
are equally as loving, comforting, and wonderful caregivers. If Mommy
rushes in every time that baby cries, that teaches baby that Daddy isn't
capable of making me feel better, so I'd better cry louder and harder until
the Mommy creature comes.

In the long run, in the big picture, if Mommy listens to her insticts and
rushes in every time that baby cries, then eventually no one but Mommy can
console baby, put baby to bed, etc. While this may make Mommy feel
important, it can also make Daddy feel unimportant and useless, as well as
put a serious crimp on the marital relationship, as there can be no date
nights, no "off" time for Mommy to recharge and relax, etc. The family as a
whole can suffer.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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