Advice re. college for my son

Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Don - You are asking some good questions. There is much more to funding
college educations these days. Here are some ideas to point you in the
right direction.

1.) Go to the U.S. Department of Education web site and download the
booklet "Funding Your Education." This booklet explains all the college
funding details like the basic rules and laws, types of loans, funding
sources, completing the FAFSA process, and other information. Read the
booklet a couple of times and you'll have a pretty good grasp of the various
pieces in the puzzle. If you have questions contact your local high school
and ask to speak to the FAFSA advisor.

2.) Go to the IRS site and download Publication 970 "Tax Benefits for Higher
Education." Check your court decree for the language on custody. If it
says something like your ex has custody of minor children then custody ends
at age 18 and your tax situation changes too. You should be able to take
your son as a tax exemption if the CS paid exceeds half of his total
expenses as defined by the IRS. You can prove that by using the CS
percentage split in the CS order.

3.) Check to see if your state allows CS for an adult child attending
school to be paid directly to the child. If so, follow whatever is
necessary in your state to get that done.

4.) Become your son's financial advisor regarding his college funding
options and all the tax consequences. You will need his help to explain the
college funding to his mother. This is a golden opportunity for you to not
only help finance his education, but also become his trusted advisor.

Now for some of your questions here is what you will find in your research -
His mother will have to declare her actual family income plus CS received on
the FAFSA form. She will have to take out parent loans in addition to his
student loans. She cannot disassociate herself from your son financially
for education costs until he is age 25. It is an advantage for the student
to use the lower wage earning parent's income on the FAFSA form. The
Expected Family Contribution (EFC) is set by Congressional formula and not
her personal opinion about how college should be funded. If she uses the CS
you are paying for care and maintenance of her home, she is forcing herself
and your son to take out larger education loans. If she diverts the CS
received to a use other than college funding she is hurting her own son
financially.

wrote:
Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

She can't make him apply for the loans. The best thing that could
happen in this situation is for your son to tell his mother to quit
being a leach.

I don't understand how she can keep the 13K per year if he is not living
with her, but is away at college. Can he, as an adult, ask that the support
be paid to him for his living expenses?

wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...
I don't understand how she can keep the 13K per year if he is not living
with her, but is away at college. Can he, as an adult, ask that the
support
be paid to him for his living expenses?

Yes, in some states. But here is the pitfall in that approach - the mother
can simply say "Endorse the CS checks over to me or move out and get zero
help from me."

I went through this scenario. I reported what I thought was extortion to
the district attorney's CSE group and they ignored me. I asked a judge to
help me get the CS money to my daughter and let her keep it for its intended
use, and the judge told me to just pay the money I was ordered to pay and
they would do with it what they normally do. The court was not willing to
acknowledge the strong-armed tactics being used to the student's detriment.

One of the most difficult issues I faced during paying CS was to convince
her mother CS for a child attending school was not for the care and
maintenance of a minor child and the state supreme court had ruled the money
was for advancing the state's interest in creating an educated populace. I
had to be very direct in telling my ex her diverting the CS funds to support
her own household was in conflict with the intent of the CS laws and she was
screwing her own daughter by not following the legislation's purposes and
our daughter knew it. I turned it back on her by saying "I've already paid
my share once for her college education and I'm not paying anymore."

That's why I recommended to the OP to become his son's financial advisor
related to college funding and encourage him to help explain the
funding/taxes etc. to his son's mother.

Why the hell do you have to pay child support for a son going to
college????? He's 18 no? And he's not living at home!

Might be a good time to sit down with your son and explain to him how life
works. Sure, I would have loved to have gone to a private college and had
someone else foot the bill. I couldn't do that to my parents and to the
system.

Good luck!

wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

wrote:

Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).

Bob, I have raised this matter in terms of financial advice with my
son. He feels caught, i.e. guilty to fight with his mother over this.
And he feels it's easier for him to just accept the additional $50K in
loans resulting from her (in my words) stealing his child support.

My post to the group was to get some sense of how hard I should push on
this.

Again, thank you for your input.

Don

How much does your son take after his mother? Sounds like not much,
since he isn't willing to screw her over for a buck.

If she strongarms him, offer to let him live with you while paying HIM
the money.

- Ron ^*^

wrote
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).
==
Well, how about a custody switch--Then, she can pay you and you can give the
money to him.
==
==

wrote in message
ups.com...
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).

Bob, I have raised this matter in terms of financial advice with my
son. He feels caught, i.e. guilty to fight with his mother over this.
And he feels it's easier for him to just accept the additional $50K in
loans resulting from her (in my words) stealing his child support.

My post to the group was to get some sense of how hard I should push on
this.

Again, thank you for your input.

Re feeling caught - That's normal. But if your son recognizes you have the
expertise in all of the education funding and tax issues he will rely on you
as his financial advisor. My daughter got lots of "You sound just like your
dad" comments from her mom. She helped facilitate a meeting between her
parents to discuss the issues so she could get out of the middle. My ex
would not have met with me if I had suggested the meeting.

This is a sensitive area because you are telling the child's mother how to
manage her finances and tax situation. And you may end up knowing more
about her finances that she may like. (I found out my ex made over $5,000
more per year more than she disclosed in a modification hearing.) Having
your son position you as a credible resource goes a long way. You can keep
him out of the middle by just asking for him to convince his mom she needs
to talk to you about all the education issues.

The biggest pitfall of all is the tax stuff. Believe it or not, the
education tax credits are set up so the parent taking the child as an
exemption gets the tax credit. And based on what you have described so far
your child's mother intends to keep the CS, force your son to take out all
the loans, and she will pocket the tax credits. That's total BS and you've
got to let her know you and your son are on to her little game.

Here are some things that worked for me:

1. Keep a file where you live of all the research documents, FAFSA input,
document copies and passwords, the SAR's you get back, school financial aid
offer letters, tax documents, etc. Consolidated record keeping is a must
because there are a lot of pieces to manage.

2. Have your son give you access to his school web site records so you can
see his records online. Being able to communicate via email and trouble
shoot from your PC really speeds up your interaction with the student and is
essential to timely problem solving.

3. Talk with the school's business office to understand the student
revolving account, when charges and credits hit the account, and get answers
to any questions your student has. The students are thinking about school
and having a parent willing to take care of the accounting details is a big
plus. This stuff is all online.

4. After CS ended at age 21 I agreed to continue paying for items not
covered by student and parent loans, grants, and scholarships. (The loans,
etal cover tuition, room and board.) I paid for books, travel,
entertainment, and miscellaneous expenditures. I also paid for Summer
School tuition at a local college for units that were transferred to the
regular school.

5. Surprise your child with some extras. I used to cut the $5 off dinner
for two at Olive Garden coupons from the Sunday newspaper ads and send my
daughter the coupon with a check marked "Dinner for Two" so she and a friend
could get away from the dorm dining hall for a weekend night out.

"Gini" wrote in message
news:kfLNf.869$ZL1.841@trndny09...

wrote
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).
==
Well, how about a custody switch--Then, she can pay you and you can give
the
money to him.
==
==

I've posted this before. There is a better, simpler, no-cost way to do this
since custody only applies to minor children i.e. under age 18. I claimed
my daughter as a tax exemption post-18 because I met the IRS standard of
providing more than half of her expenses based on the CS I paid. The IRS
rules revert back to the support test after a child reaches age 18 and a
divorce decree is silent on who takes the exemption post 18.

I also allowed my daughter to move her furnishings into my house while she
was away at college. At that point I started filing head of household
status because I was providing her primary residence under the IRS rules.
My ex lost the child exemption and the ability to file head of household
because of the IRS rules. That's the equivalent of "changing custody."

What is important after age 18 is who can claim the child as an exemption
because with the exemption comes the ability to use the education tax
credits. Most fathers paying more than 50% of the CS guideline CS amount
automatically qualify as being able to take the child exemption.