If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#21
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
Breastfeeding hurt for almost the first two weeks. I had to really
clench my teeth whenever my son latched on. One nipple even bled in the first week when he bit down accidentally when I was trying to withdraw, and my sister-pediatrician said, keep on breastfeeding through the pain. When my son had a stomach virus and kept pooing after each feed, my sister said, keep it up, breastfeeding is his first line of defense. So I had been conditioned to breastfeed and there was no alternative. I think that because of that, I continued. Now breastfeeding is the best part of my day. He has just turned one and I can't pump enough milk at work to feed him so I am trying formula out of necessity. But I will still pump and then BF when I get home. I really enjoy it! cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. |
#22
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
Sarah Vaughan wrote: That may well be true for some women, but I think what motivates a lot of women who say this is that they don't want to feel like a failure, and they'll feel that way if they've built themselves up to think of breastfeeding as something important and then can't manage it. So they guard against that by not thinking about it as too big a deal. That sounds reasonable. This came up ebcause someone said it was unrealistic to say you'd BF for X amount of time and that was setting one's self up for failure. Whereas for me personally, it was the opposite. I think what made me wonder more is that there are *so many* women on that group who say they 'tried and couldn't do it" because they 'didn't have enough milk' or similar. Then say they tried for 2 days. Or one couldn't possibly know how much they suffered because their kid was starving/screaming etc. Those are the same women telling others to not set goals. |
#23
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Well, I agree with the others that it really so depends on the person and the experience. Before you have kids, it is sooo hard to have any idea what it's really going to be like, esp. when you get conflicting reports all over the place! And of course, it *is* different for each mom/baby(babies). You can get this idea in your head of what it's going to be like, and so much of it just flies out the window once you actually have a baby! I've read so many stories about moms who expected this instant bond via bf, and were disenchanted when it wasn't this purely magical experience. Or the moms who were just willing to give it a try - and when it worked, it was suddenly, well, a magical experience. And when things don't go smoothly - is it perceived as a challenge to overcome, or as an insurmountable thing and a good reason to quit and go to bottles? Of course, good advice and good support are crucial, as well as attitude - but it's sometimes hard to know what will motivate someone. (Confession - one of my motivations was to do better than my SIL who started combi-feeding very early on through lack of support - competitive nature strikes again!) Irene |
#24
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? This actually makes me quite sad. There's a lot of pressure out there for younger people, in that so many of them have conflicting messages. They were most likely bottle fed, so they've likely got the parents giving "good enough for you" messages. But then there's a lot of pressure out there to breast feed - complete with the overtones of "you're a failure if you don't", combined with the "crunchy earth mother" overtones. Honestly, I think that the impression that breastfeeding is for "hippies", might be doing the most harm. I really never considered bottle feeding as an option, simply because it's such a pain - I didn't have a dishwasher when my first was born, and the thought of trying to get that many bottles clean and sterile made suffering through any amount of thrush pain much more attractive. Education is definitely an issue, but I think just seeing it first hand, and talking about it with a currently breastfeeding mother is the best kind. On a somewhat related note, I've been horrified lately, with the recent heat wave, and our just average 90 degree days, to see just how many women fix up a bottle and leave it in the stroller with the baby, for HOURS. I've even seen a few on the bus (a 45 min. trip for me, and they were already on) who have one bottle in with the baby, and 2 or 3 more underneath, just sitting there, curdling. BLECH! -- Cheri Stryker mom to DS1 - 7 yrs, and DS2 - 5.5 months |
#25
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
Cheri Stryker wrote: On a somewhat related note, I've been horrified lately, with the recent heat wave, and our just average 90 degree days, to see just how many women fix up a bottle and leave it in the stroller with the baby, for HOURS. I've even seen a few on the bus (a 45 min. trip for me, and they were already on) who have one bottle in with the baby, and 2 or 3 more underneath, just sitting there, curdling. BLECH! Ah, that reminds me. It's regularly over 100F here, and was a cool 95F on Saturday, so we took a walk. A looong walk. Had to return the hospital pump and decided to do some other stuff hanging around downtown, it was about 5 hrs in the end, though we took some breaks in cool places. DD did wonderfully. But I was thinking what a major PITA that would have been if I'd had to bottle feed! Instead I could just feed her whenever she got hungry, wherever we were. It reminded me of how much easier BF really is, and made the difficult bits so worth it! |
#26
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
. I'd love to see much more emphasis put on the fact that *any* amount of
breastfeeding is beneficial to the baby, and the more the better. Hopefully, that would persuade more women to be willing to take one day or one week at a time rather than assuming that if it doesn't work out, then that's that. I'd also agree with this, there is so little information out there about mixed feeding, so people don't know the facts, many doctors, health visitors etc. will happily suggest 1 bottle of formula, but not providing the information about how this might affect supply. I've come across a lot of women who think they have to wean before return to work, for various reasons, some thinking it is not possible to give formula during the day time and breastfeed other times, some thinking that it is not worth giving the baby that bit of breastmilk, others thinking that problems such as leakage or engorgement are going to be with them the whole time of breastfeeding. If there was good information available, then at least people would be able to make an informed decision. I was also struck by what a friend said, she had twins born at 34 weeks, she breastfed them exclusively until 5 weeks then decided she could not go on. No one suggested to her that she could have mixed fed rather than stopping completely, or what she later thought might have been better, continuing to feed the twin who was good at breastfeeding and stopping the one that was causing so many of the problems, some people might think this was outrageous, but would have been very workable for her at that time and would at least have given one the benefit of breastmilk and probably the other too had she pumped at all. Anne |
#27
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
On 2006-08-07 23:29:09 +0800, "cjra" said:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. A simillar topic has been discussed on a Midwifery list I subscribe to. I have permission to post this from the owner, but I thought it said it all... I too wondered why breastfeeding seems so difficult and stressful for so many women....... especially once I'd worked with indigenous women and*saw how easy they seemed to find it.* So trying to figure it out, I noticed a few differences.* * Indigenous women have alot of exposure to breastfeeding as they have extended family groups with large families.**They don't speak of 'trying' to breastfeed, it seems they don't even question their own ability that they will be able to do it.* In my experience it is rare to see problems, and they are often associated with separation from their baby*(ie prems/sick).*Other things I noticed is that*indigenous women never look at the clock, there is never the comment** "I only fed 5 minutes ago...*" they totally feed on demand and don't put feeds off until they've eaten lunch, or the visitors have gone or whatever.* They aren't ashamed of their breasts or even self-conscious.* For the midwife.........it's blissful!* * We encourage women to be instinctive with birthing their baby, maybe we should do the same with breastfeeding?* (just thinking out loud) /end quote. Jo -- Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife |
#28
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
Notchalk wrote: On 2006-08-07 23:29:09 +0800, "cjra" said: I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Now, I will add this group also h as a lot of people who say they will bf for 4 weeks then switch to formula. And many who say they tried and couldn' tbecause they didn't have enough milk, baby wasn't gaining weight, all-knowing doc/nurse told them to supplement, milk didn't come in until day 5 so the nurses said they had to supplement with formula so baby won't starve. etc. A simillar topic has been discussed on a Midwifery list I subscribe to. I have permission to post this from the owner, but I thought it said it all... I too wondered why breastfeeding seems so difficult and stressful for so many women....... especially once I'd worked with indigenous women and saw how easy they seemed to find it. So trying to figure it out, I noticed a few differences. Indigenous women have alot of exposure to breastfeeding as they have extended family groups with large families. They don't speak of 'trying' to breastfeed, it seems they don't even question their own ability that they will be able to do it. In my experience it is rare to see problems, and they are often associated with separation from their baby (ie prems/sick). Other things I noticed is that indigenous women never look at the clock, there is never the comment "I only fed 5 minutes ago... " they totally feed on demand and don't put feeds off until they've eaten lunch, or the visitors have gone or whatever. They aren't ashamed of their breasts or even self-conscious. For the midwife.........it's blissful! We encourage women to be instinctive with birthing their baby, maybe we should do the same with breastfeeding? (just thinking out loud) /end quote. In there is your problem. The Western world, for want of a better description, has come so far from 'nature' that the experience of indigenous women in *all* areas of life is not really comparable to ours. I agree 100% with the principle that we should get back to bf'ing being instinctive, but you cannot roll back centuries of 'progress' just by saying it should be so. Not that I am saying you are suggesting that, but there are some that see it that black and white that it becomes counterproductive. How to make that revision back to instinct gradually is also a point of contest and whilst the world is still going 'forward' it becomes harder. So far instant Utopia has failed, I believe we need to take it as slowly as it did to change in the first place. Gosh, that's a bit heavy for a Friday afternoon! Jeni |
#29
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
cjra wrote:
I am curious to hear other's perspectives. On another parenting board, where most of the members are young and first time moms, I read so often that they will 'try breastfeeding and if it doesn't go well, stop." Now, normally I'm all for trying and being realistic. But at least for me, such an attitude would have doomed us to failure. Thanks to being a lurker here for years, I was fully prepared for the difficulties. My attitude was "it WILL work. We WILL work through the difficult parts." Anything else seemed to be accepting defeat before even trying. Is that just me? Did you find the 'I will try and see" attitude worked for you? Especially when it was difficult at first? Oh, I totally had the, "It WILL work" thing going for both my kids. Had I wavered at all, neither would have been breastfed--it was too dang painful the first week the first time, and just flat out HARD the second time. But I was raised to know that babies have a right to be nursed, even when it's not fun, and stuck with it because it was the thing to do. It chaps my nipples to hear people going off on how extended nursing is for the mom's benefit--it frankly drives me up the wall almost as much as my toddler's teeth, but my toddler *needs* my milk to an extreme degree, and so I put up with biting, pinching and pulling happening at every damn feed because she needs it. Or rather, I deal with it, I dont' really put up with it, but it keeps happening anyway. If it were all about what makes me feel good, this child would not be allowed within 10 feet of my breasts. But it's worth it, because she's catching up on some of her milestones, her hearing is improving, she's doing *so* much better than anyone could have predicted, and I strongly suspect that breastfeeding has a lot to do with it. So we persist, pinchy grabby bity baby and all. I enjoyed nursing my older daughter for about 2 years of our 6 year nursing relationship. I tolerated it gracefully for about 3 1/2 years of it. And I spent about 6 months at various times feeling like playing keepaway with the boobie. With dd2, I enjoyed it for about 4 blissful weeks when she was not biting and I was not weighing her and she had no teeth and I didn't have to pump and she seemed to be nursing well most of the time without choking and gagging. She's 17 months old. I spent 4 1/2 months teaching her to nurse, 1 month enjoying it, 1 month panicking because she had learned to latch about as well as I thought we could get and still wasn't gaining, 2 months being vaguely depressed that she gained better on supplemental coconut milk than on breastmilk, and then the biting started. So doing the math, that's 1 month of "rather pleasant" and 16 months of, "Because she needs it"...and counting. Nothing, NOTHING could have prepared me for this nursing relationship--but it's *still* better than formula, especially for this baby. I strongly suspect she'd have been hospitalized multiple times if she'd been formula-fed, due to aspiration. |
#30
|
|||
|
|||
Setting one's self up for failure?
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Setting a routine advice needed | kazh | Pregnancy | 11 | February 24th 06 10:52 PM |
Daycare poll | P. Tierney | General | 298 | August 29th 05 10:36 PM |
DSHS WA sued in dangerous foster home setting | Kane | Foster Parents | 5 | November 19th 03 01:17 AM |
DSHS WA sued in dangerous foster home setting | Kane | Spanking | 0 | November 18th 03 06:08 AM |