help - need b'day ideas

Banty wrote:

In article , Rosalie B. says...

Banty wrote:

It's not the notice, although that would make it worse.


If they didn't bother to purchase gifts, then use the money to get whatever you
may happened to have in mind for him and put the rest in a bank account set
aside for him. Or all of it.

Send a short note thanking them for the money. Period. Any relative asking
after what was bought with the money should be met with an abrupt change in
conversation.

This seems ungracious to me.

Why? A gift is a gift. One doesnt' have to say what was done with a gift. One
thanks for the gift. This time, the gift is money, so you thank for the money.

My mom always made me tell a giver who gave money exactly what I'd
used it for. It was sometimes acceptable to say "I WILL GET.."
whatever I was going to get, or that I was saving the money for some
specific item, but I was never allowed just to say, "Thank you for the
money."

My mom too. My mom told me all kinds of stuff - how it's "rude" to ever re-gift
(even discreetly), or even give a away a gift if the giver might ever enter my
household. My mom told me to wear the gift, or put it out, or whatever, the
next time I see the giver.

My mom never said that we shouldn't regift - actually she did that
herself - A LOT. My sister found gifts that she'd gotten for her
wedding (which was in 1963) that were still in my mom's attic in 2006
when my mom died which apparently were there for regifting.

I have gotten the idea that it would be nice (but not required and not
rude not to do it) if I could show the person that gave me the gift
that I was using it, but she never told me that specifically - she
would just do it. If I gave her an item of clothing, she would wear
it for me. The only time that's a problem is if the item just does
not fit.

She told me all kinds of cockamamie stuff that actually isn't required by
etiquette, or goes against it. It's rude to inquire as to what use was made of
a gift.

If the person has not been thanked appropriately (so that they know
what the use is that the gift has been put to), then it is not rude
IMHO.

I really like the idea of having an investment fund for a child, and all cash
gifts go there. That can be said in the thank you letter. If the giver wanted
an errand run for them, they'll be dissapointed and won't give cash again. If
they truly wanted to give a gift, that should satisfy them if they feel they
need to find out.

That's where I got my ideas about the etiquette of thanking someone
for money.

But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative
who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit
question, and the only reason for not answering it is if you know in
advance that the relative will not approve of your use of the money
and you want to avoid some kind of confrontation. But given good will
on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be
polite and answer the question.

And, if the money is still unspent, possibly waiting to be combined with other
gifts? Or you know the giver expected a different purchase?

Then you say that the money is being saved to get something specific.
Nothing wrong with that. And I did say that you might want to avoid a
confrontation, although I'm not sure that not answering will do that.

BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal
running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose).
Now, I do understand that a very elder person who is having trouble getting
around may make an arrangement with a parent. Or someone deployed overseas,
etc. But that's an explicit arrangement. Then more would be said in a thank
you note. (And it's getting less and less necessary given the internet - fewer
and fewer people really are in that position.)

I'm not sure that is really the case. Elderly people don't stop
having trouble getting around because of the internet.

Fewer and fewer are unable to use it, though. That's all I was saying.

My mom used the internet up to her death at 96, but I think she was
unusual. I think I'm a bit unusual for my age (69) - my dh (71) does
not use the internet and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that
because I'm getting ready to go away for 3 weeks with a grandson and
leaving him home.

On May 26, 4:02?am, "Anne Rogers" wrote:
help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday
presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents
from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two
weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got
most things already!

Cheers

Anne

Why not take them to the toy store with a digital camera and ask them
to pick out things of interest; this is how we make our Christmas
lists. lol. Probably easier for the older one than the 2-y/o, but
still might be able to put some say into it. Our 18-month-old latched
right onto a lime green stuffed bear the last time we were shopping
and since he almost panicked every time I disappeared around the isle
with it and out of his sight (he was with DH), I figured he liked it
well enough to purchase it. lol. He calls it Boo-Boo. Also, the 4 y/o
is getting to an age where they actually love to get the credit card
gift cards to do the shopping on their own.

Chris wrote:
On May 26, 4:02?am, "Anne Rogers" wrote:
help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy birthday
presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy presents
from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two
weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've got
most things already!

Cheers

Anne

Why not take them to the toy store with a digital camera and ask them
to pick out things of interest; this is how we make our Christmas
lists. lol. Probably easier for the older one than the 2-y/o, but
still might be able to put some say into it. Our 18-month-old latched
right onto a lime green stuffed bear the last time we were shopping
and since he almost panicked every time I disappeared around the isle
with it and out of his sight (he was with DH), I figured he liked it
well enough to purchase it. lol. He calls it Boo-Boo. Also, the 4 y/o
is getting to an age where they actually love to get the credit card
gift cards to do the shopping on their own.

The problem with these is that gift cards (they're not credit cards)
aren't real money. Their virtual money. I think kids are better off with
actual cash so that they see it being spent.

Kind of like adults spend less money with cash, because it is spending
real money, not dollars in an account someplace.

I know logically, they're the same, but emotionally, they're not.

Of course, if the gift is a $20 gift card, there is nothing that
prevents you from giving the kid $20 in bills and using the gift card
yourself. (Or putting $20 in an envelope, saying you have this much
money, and taking the money out as the money is spent.) That makes the
money more real to them.

Jeff

My mom used the internet up to her death at 96, but I think she was
unusual. I think I'm a bit unusual for my age (69) - my dh (71) does
not use the internet and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that
because I'm getting ready to go away for 3 weeks with a grandson and
leaving him home.

My grandparents are on the internet, have been for nearly 10 years, at the
early times they used the internet, they did try ordering things, but found
that many sites struggled with having a different delivery address to the
credit card address. They live in Cyprus, have credit cards with UK and
Cyprus billing addresses and do purchase some things for personal use, but I
think they were put off by some early bad experiences, so haven't tried very
hard to look for gifts etc. it must be very frustrating to work all the way
through a website and then find it's one that doesn't allow you do deliver
elsewhere. Also, they don't have broadband (they's like it, but it's not
available in their village) and so many sites would be very frustrating
without this. My grandma (82) receives emails, with an Amstrad emailer, but
she's never learnt to send them and to be fair, the keyboard on that thing
is tiny!

Anne

We don't
seem to have great toy shopping locally there are a few fairly posh and
pricey shops and then Fred Mayer, but our local one doesn't seem to have a
great stock of toys! Actually, I must check where the nearest toys-r-us is,
I know we don't have a babies-r-us close, but I have a sneaky suspicion we
to have toys-r-us and I just don't know where it is.

I find it much easier to buy gift toys in a small neighborhood
drugstore or hardware store the has a toy section. Even though a big
box store is less expensive, we really don't need to get the most for
our money in these situations. A pleasant shopping experience where I
can bring this kids with me to a place too small for them to get lost
works. They can help pick out their presents without being
overwhelmed.

If you are trying to add toys without adding bulk, you can get
additional parts for sets you already have. My 2 year old doesn't
tend to put things in her mouth and loves small dolls, so we started
having relatives who asked for gift suggestions get her Polly Pocket
dolls when she turned 2. We got a small plastic box with a handle to
keep them in. As she gets new ones, they just get added to the box.
My 2 year old also loves puzzles, watercolor paints, coloring books
and dressing up as a princess, swimmer, dancer, ladybug, cat etc. If
your dressup box isn't too full, you could add to it.

My 5 yo son likes to get new small cars or trains to add to his sets.

When old ones break, we can eliminate them. When the car boxes get
too full, we sort through and send a bag of them to Goodwill.


--Betsy

On Sat, 26 May 2007 16:18:04 GMT, Rosalie B. wrote:

But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative
who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit
question, and the only reason for not answering it is if you know in
advance that the relative will not approve of your use of the money
and you want to avoid some kind of confrontation. But given good will
on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be
polite and answer the question.

I think it's rude to ask about a gift after one has been thanked for it.
It puts the recipient on the spot. What if s/he gave it away or Ebayed it
whatever you might not want to hear about (which the recipient is allowed
to do)?


BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal
running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose).

I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has
been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the
recipient to so anything other than appreciate the thought. I personally
never ask about a gift after giving it, as long as I know the recipient got
it and hopefully been thanked. It does make me happy to hear that they did
enjoy it, but I would never bring it up to put the recipient on the spot.

On Sat, 26 May 2007 10:33:56 -0700, Anne Rogers wrote:


no back yard! savings plans have already been sorted! Once they are a bit
older, I would tell them how much money they had and suggested they save a
portion in case there was something they wanted another time, but they are
too young for that.


We have college plans that we contribute to every month and gift money just
gets added to it.

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
Jeff wrote:

Anne Rogers wrote:
help, I'm feeling brain dead, I need to get my act together and buy
birthday
presents, DS is 4 on Monday and has had money sent for me to buy
presents
from various relatives. I've got a bit more time for DD, who is 2 in two
weeks, but I'm particularly stuck for her, as being a 2nd child, we've
got
most things already!

Open a bank account for the kid and put the money there. When the kid is
3 to 5 years older, you can start doing investing in stocks and mutual
funds. The family members will be giving him the gift of knowledge about
investing.

Unless there is the toy set he really must have.

I'd only do that if the relatives that sent the money are OK with it.

WHen someone gives a gift, they no longer have a say in what is done w/ it.

They may want the child to have some physical toy that is 'from' them.

Go on-line and look at some of the toy catalogues to get ideas and
then you will be better able to shop.
http://www.youngexplorers.com/search...4+Years+and+Up
http://www.brainbuildingtoys.com/new-educational-toys/
http://www.discoverytoysinc.com/toys2a5.htm
http://terrifictoy.com/store/shop_age_4yrs_up.html
http://www.museumtour.com/site_produ...ly+ Childhood

Some simple old-fashioned ideas

# Stacking blocks
# Puzzles
# Balls
# Floating Toys
# Clay, chalk and boards
# Books
# Simple Role Play Toys
# Pretend playsets like garages, airports, dollhouses etc

\
Get dd a stuffed toy or rag doll of her own (probably not good to hand
those down).

toypup wrote:

On Sat, 26 May 2007 16:18:04 GMT, Rosalie B. wrote:

But what I thought seemed ungracious was the snubbing of the relative
who asked what you'd done with the money. I think that's a legit
question, and the only reason for not answering it is if you know in
advance that the relative will not approve of your use of the money
and you want to avoid some kind of confrontation. But given good will
on the part of both parties, I don't think it would hurt any to be
polite and answer the question.

I think it's rude to ask about a gift after one has been thanked for it.
It puts the recipient on the spot. What if s/he gave it away or Ebayed it
whatever you might not want to hear about (which the recipient is allowed
to do)?

This was in response to Banty who advocated (for a money gift) just
saying "Thank you for the money", which I don't think is a proper
thank you. I think you should be prepared to say that you will do
SOMETHING with money even if it is only to put it by to save it for
something. One of my grandchildren used his money to sponsor an
animal at the zoo.

[Incidentally it really annoys me to get stuff donated to some cause
in my name unless it is something like a funeral where the bereaved
have asked for donations to a specific charity instead of flowers]

When my children get gifts from me which are inappropriate for one
reason or another (once I sent the same gift twice in two different
years to the same grandchild, and once I sent some cups which were not
dishwasher proof and it was NOT in the catalog that they could not be
washed in the dishwasher), they will tell me about it and ask if they
can exchange the item or sometimes they will trade among themselves. I
think for our relationship, that is appropriate.

If someone gives me something that is a duplicate of something I
already have, I won't say so, but will say that I enjoy that thing. If
someone gives me an item which is too small or too large, I will tell
them that. If I just don't like it, I won't say that though and I
won't tell them that I have regifted it, unless it was a toy for the
children that they already had. In that case I may tell the giver
that the child really likes that game (or whatever), and depending on
my relationship with the giver, I might add that since we already had
one, we had given it to a charity for a less fortunate child.


BTW, It was unacceptable in our family to use a gift for normal
running expenses (unless it was specifically given for that purpose).

The reason for this was that my grandfather worked on commission, and
sometimes he had money and sometimes he didn't . My grandmother's
father would give her money, but would specify that it be used for HER
and not for the household. In the beginning, when he would give her
five dollars (which was a lot of money when a pound of butter was 10
cents - I've got her account books - they were married in 1905), she
would buy a china cup and saucer.

She taught my mom that money was not to be "frittered away" on
household expenses, and my mother insisted on that for us. I think
this is the equivalent of the present day setting up of savings
accounts or buying stocks for the children.

But it is a family thing in our family and I don't expect any others
to have this POV.

I believe one is allowed to do with a gift what one pleases after it has
been properly thanked for. A giver should not hold any expectations on the
recipient to so anything other than appreciate the thought. I personally
never ask about a gift after giving it, as long as I know the recipient got
it and hopefully been thanked. It does make me happy to hear that they did
enjoy it, but I would never bring it up to put the recipient on the spot.

If the recipient has not thanked me, then I don't think it is rude to
ask about the gift. They might not have gotten it. I sometimes
forget to alert my kids that I've ordered something, so they are
phoning around g- DD#2 will ask "mom did you send me something from
the Virginia Company? I asked dd#1 and she says she didn't send it."

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..
Oh Nikki, you've tried so hard, I appreciate that, I really should have
explained better first time, in fact I did, but it sounded horrendous, so
I deleted it. We don't have a yard, just a medium sized deck, we already
have one tent and one tunnel and that's all we've room for, so yard toys
are off the list, you have reminded me that I intended to get DS a bubble
maker.

We did the kitchen thing at Christmas, though the cash register is a good
idea, also the shopping trolley, I must look out for both of those. We
don't seem to have great toy shopping locally there are a few fairly posh
and pricey shops and then Fred Mayer, but our local one doesn't seem to
have a great stock of toys! Actually, I must check where the nearest
toys-r-us is, I know we don't have a babies-r-us close, but I have a
sneaky suspicion we to have toys-r-us and I just don't know where it is.

Well shoot Art supplies are always fun too.

Our Toys-R-us is 95 miles one way so unless I am going to that town for
another reason I always buy from them on-line, especially with the price of
gas now-a-days. It is nice to be able to browse the aisles for ideas
though!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06