Is this proper?

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Tracy" wrote in message
...
"Henry" wrote in message
7.142...
"DB" wrote in
m:


"Henry" wrote in

I want to be enlightened!!! Please give my ex a spreadsheet, and
supply me with the monthly receipts and a printout. I'll cut her
slack on some of the bills, some of the mortgage, food and even
captial expenditures like a bed and a dresser. After that, though, I
want a refund for the overpayment. Fair enough?


Play it the other way, what if your child came to live with you?

You're already paying rent or a mortgage and utilities, so the child
doesn't cost you anything there.
Not much extra to put another plate on the table for Breakfast and
Dinner. Half the time you throw away excess food anyway or just bag
it
for lunch the next day, so again the child is no extra burden.

So the real cost of feeding a child is the lunch cost? You already
pack your own lunch, so what does it cost to throw in a piece of
Fruit, a sandwich, desert pack and carton of milk? This is what I
ate
when my parents packed my lunch!!!!

Clothes, how many pairs of jeans and shoes can you buy in one month?

How did my immigrant parents ever raise us 3 kids on one blue collar
salary? They sure as hell didn't have a $800 dollar CS check coming
in
every month to help them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I know fully how most childrens day-to-day costs are basically absorbed
into your own. But, they do drink a lot of milk, go through a loaf of
bread like crazy, spend time in baths, etc. So there is a cost. A real
cost.

Speaking from experience since my oldest two sons are adults and no
longer
live under my roof, there is a much larger savings then most people
realize.
It goes beyond the cost of food, which for my personally was more than
$100/wk. I no longer have the responsibility of supplying clothing,
medical
& dental insurance, and other essential items people need day-to-day.

Look at it this way... in the US a parent receives a reduction to their
personal tax liability when filing their taxes. If they are not
spending
much more than what their reduction equals, then they will actually see
a
reduction of day-to-day spending cash after their children leave.

Sports and music programs were typically free to families when most of
us
in
this group was young. Today most families are faced with large costs to
have their children enrolled in those types of activities. I understand
that some parents feel their children shouldn't participate, but like it
or
not those are a direct cost to the child.

This is where I have problems, Tracy. I don't think that one parent
should
be permitted to make that choice and expect the other parent to pay. I
think children need activities, but there needs to be binding input from
both parents before decisions are made. I have some friends--I've known
them for years--who divorced a few years ago. They are both very nice
people, except to each other. Their daughter has been enrolled in more
activities than you can shake a stick at, because mom thinks she "needs"
these activities to develop properly. But she never sticks with one
activity long enough to master it. And every time she changes activities,
she needs all new equipment and supplies. And dad is given NO input! He
either helps pay for the activity, or is accused by mom of not doing his
share, not caring enough about his daughter, who is, of course, enchanted
by
the new activity. Why should he have to shell out big bucks every time
the
child flits from one activity to the next?

There is also the problem of overextending the children. I've got
*kindergartners* who are enrolled in ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading,
sports, and so on. Some of them are at these activities 4 or more days a
week. And it doesn't get any better as they move up through the grades.
When do the children get quiet, at-home time? Children don't need all
this
nonstop activity. These days we are seeing children suffering from
stress.
I don't remember children having high stress levels when I was growing up.
Yes, children do need activities. But how much is enough? And who gets
to
make that decision? This is one of my biggest problems with lifestyle
child
support. NO child anywhere is OWED hang gliding lessons. Or ballet. Or
baseball. These are activities that parents need to discuss together.
But
the courts have taken away any reason for the CP to discuss things by
saying
"This is the lifestyle your child is owed." Then CP says, "BTW, team
pictures are $85, and you need to pay by Friday and Johnny needs new track
shoes--only$100 this time" and what's an NCP to do? Say no? Or just
give
in?


If you've been following what I've stated in this thread then you would
realize you are preaching to the choir. I have repeatedly stated that
cooperation between parents is the solution. Forcing accountability will
not enable cooperation between parents. It only causes more nit-picking
over pennies.


Thanks,
Tracy
~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/

"Tracy" wrote in
:



If you've been following what I've stated in this thread then you
would realize you are preaching to the choir. I have repeatedly
stated that cooperation between parents is the solution. Forcing
accountability will not enable cooperation between parents. It only
causes more nit-picking over pennies.


Thanks,
Tracy


I guess we have to take a step back, prior to accountability, to a
bigger issue: responsibility. Each parent has a responsibility to care
for their child. Now, Responsibility is an intangible factor. Is buying
Wal-Mart vs. Gap clothing irresponsible. Is enrolling your child in only
one activity a year vs. four, irresponsible? And on and on. It is
something that would cause tension, animosity anger since every parent's
opinion of responsibility varies. I will grant that.

But, the parent receiving CS (the recipient parent, RP... I will use RP
since CP and NCP for does not seem to fit) has the majority of
responsibility to properly care for the child - money wise. But what is
the paying parent (the PP), to do when the child is without even some
basics. Howe about Winter Boots. Last time I bought a pair (a month ago)
they were $15. The RP is getting a combined $900+ a month ($670 from me
+ $300 from her). Is it not her responsibility to purchase this item?
What about simple things like skates ($20), a toboggan ($15)... and so
on. Usually these are one time purchases (at least for that year). So
even if you purchased all the winter fun items, it may come to $150 for
the entire year. What about lessons. $120 for three full terms (the
entire year) for swimming. So that is about $10 a month. I think the RP
should pay for that. But she doesn't. She will say "I have no money".
"I'm' broke" and on and on.

So I either make a choice... pay for these things (hey, I live in
Canada... think harsh winters, 8 foot snow drifts, Mounties). So I buy
long underwear, snow boots, mitts, toques, scarves... most will never
come back once they leave my house. I guess I could not enrol the child
in one activity a year (which I think one activity is very reasonable).
So they go without. Or I pay for it.

Now we get to accountability. That is what I want. Why can the RP not
pay for things? Where did this money go? Without accountability, I see
irresponsibility unless shown otherwise. And that frustrates me to know
end. The courts do nothing. The ex does nothing and the children suffer.
My ex views my questions and concerns as controlling and tells me to get
lost. The child suffers yet again.

H.