do people not like holding their babies?

I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour
on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me
til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone
else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it
and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine
never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone
for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now
I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers



Before munchkinhead was mobile I loved to hold him no matter where we
were UNLESS I was standing, then it was DH's job or Nicolas was in a
stroller or bucket (I have bad back problems) But as long as I was
able to sit I wanted to hold him.
Now that he is 16 months, walking all over the place and weighs a ton
I prefer to let him be down

Jen

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat

I've tried both ways. I've carried DD to the doctor's and I've put her in a
stroller. For some reason, I seem to lack the dexterity of other people and
have a really hard time holding a baby and fumbling around in my bag for my
credit card, filling out paperwork, etc. The stroller just gives me two
hands free to do stuff.

At our ped's office, they never have you wait in the waiting room for more
than about two minutes, so it's not worth taking her out of the stroller. I
hold her while we wait in the exam room though.

Anne Rogers wrote:
oops, I didn't mean for anyone to feel got at, it just surprised me that
no one seemed to be holding their baby by choice, if he had been asleep in
his car seat when we had got there, I probably would have lugged it in.


Anne, I'm with you. I find it very odd as well, to leave an awake baby
"confined". I also note that babies left in seats and strollers aren't
picked up until they are crying, and sometimes (often enuf to notice)
not even then. Having a quick browse thru a catalogue early on, I
realised that MOST of what you buy for babies is stuff to avoid holding
them (carriage, stroller, carseat that snaps into stroller (don't even
have to touch baby from leaving home to getting back!), cribs, playpens,
baby monitors, bouncy chairs, jolly jumpers, playmats for tiny infants,
baby videos, etc, etc....) I HAVE used a few of these (bouncy chair and
baby monitor, mostly) but not as "intensely" as most parents. I'm also
shocked when people are surprised that I have always prefered to hold DS
than to leave him in a chair or stroller.

That realisation that I probably have a more AP view of raising my child
hit me about the same way it's come to you. Comments like "martyr
mother" and "it's nice to have a break" don't really make sense to me.
I don't feel that way, and I hear as many moms who GET a break daily
whinging about the things I whinge about to think it makes no difference.

(And my DS is one of the most social engaging little creatures around,
to the point that I sometimes struggle to get noticed in a store as he's
got them all chatted up and is flirting like mad.)

Dawn

Well, I do the same, bring my baby in his stroller. As long as he is
content I leave him be. Sometimes a mom needs a break and when he is a new
place he gets stimulation and enjoyment from watching others. I do speak
with him and talk to him while we go places, but it's nice to have baby
confined...Plus the sroller I put him in is big and I put all our stuff
under the buggy.

At home I don't get a break at all.......He is on my hip or at my feet, so
it is nice to have him near me in ublic without being on top of me......and
then there is big brother. Plus it's a way of keeping people from touching
him. People seem to be more friendly with babies when mommy is holding
them. A doctors office is just hidden with germs.
Jay



I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers

On Mon, 8 Sep 2003 22:00:59 +0100, Anne Rogers
wrote:
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

That is how it is everywhere we go, it's rare to see someone holding a
baby instead of having it in a carrier or stroller. Usually the baby
stays in the carrier/stroller even if it is crying, the parent just
rocks the carrier or pushes the stroller back and forth, crams a
pacifier in baby's mouth or sticks a bottle in there. Many times we
have been shopping and see a baby crying in the carrier inside the
cart, the parents just ignore it and get on with their lives. Yes yes
I know about the babies who cry and holding them won't help. I still
wouldn't let it go on for so long without picking them up.
Marie

I always said that DD was a velcro baby. When she was born, she was not
happy unless I held her (ALL THE TIME), and at first I was a little
exasperated by it (never expected to sleep with my baby, BF until 14 months
(still going strong though) etc...) but instead of fighting with her, I just
gave her what she needed. Once I did that, parenthood got a lot more fun,
and a lot smoother.....

--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers

Anne Rogers wrote:
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour
on a Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur
to me til I came home that I was the only one actually holding my
baby, everyone else came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat,

Most likely the 'don't fuss with a content baby' factor, which has some
merit :-)

I didn't use a bucket with Hunter and only did with Luke when he was about
2.5mos I found it made life *a lot* easier but it hurt my back to carry the
bucket. Anyway.....I see a lot of strollers and buckets in my area as well
but my experience differs in that I hardly ever see a baby left to cry in
them. Once the baby cries then they are taken out and comforted or fed or
what have you.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

You see these people for, what, 15 mins of their day, during which
time they are not holding their babies, and you assume they don't
*like* to hold their babies? This is one of those problems that you
need to remind yourself there's "not enough information" to figure
out.

I have a feeling that this is your first baby, and that he is not very
mobile -- true? The child's age and personality type have a lot to do
with how parents decide to transport them around. My 2nd child wanted
to be held at all times and only rarely crawled further than a few
feet away from me even after she could do so; it was for her that I
bought a sling, and I sure used it! Had to get used to peeing with the
thing on, for God's sake. Can't say I mind having a baby who is quite
happy to sit in a cart or stroller or her carseat sometimes now -- a
baby who is so fast and so adventurous that the world really is a
dangerous place for her, and mom's arms a prison (unless she's tired,
of course).

I love holding babies, my own in particular. I hold my baby quite a
bit, sometimes by my choice ("just for fun"), sometimes by her choice
(I'd really like to do something else with my arms, like finish the
dishes or cut an onion or brush out my older DD's hair with 2 hands
rather than 1, but she needs to be held), and sometimes for
convenience (I'm running into a small store for one thing and have
cash).

However, there are many times when you will not find me holding my
baby. For example, I never carry her to the kids' busstop because the
bus is often late and she probably weighs about 20 lbs now, so she
gets heavy!! If the bus is very late, I take her out of the stroller
and hold her for periods, but she comes and goes and spends a portion
of the waiting time in her stroller. She doesn't seem to mind at all,
or to be suffering socially, as she is down at the level of the kids
when she's in her stroller, so she gets all kinds of attention. I
always put her in something to take her into the doc's too, because
she is a curious, fast crawler, and the doc's office floor would be a
hazard, IMO. I *could* sign forms and fumble for money while holding
her (during which time she would be invariably grabbing at the pen and
at the money and at the papers and also craning around to see what's
going on behind me, and reaching out suddenly and dangerously for the
hair of the little kid standing next to me), but why should I? To
advertise my love for her to complete strangers? I agree that the
carseats are unweildy, but at least they provide you with a safe place
to put a baby down in the event you need to, say, use a public toilet.

You might consider this sad, but as a third child, my current baby is
often just "along for the ride." I am simply not always in a position
to hold her when we're out and about; in fact, I rarely am. However,
what matters is that *she* is perfectly happy -- often ecstatic! -- to
be out and about with us even though she is not held most of the time.
When I have a free moment, I tend to take her out for a cuddle or a
sit-down on my lap to play pat-a-cake or whatever, so she doesn't mind
being in the stroller the rest of the time. She has a great life, if I
may say so. . .

Anne Rogers wrote in message ...
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers

For the first few months I used to use the stroller because it was
what everyone else was doing so it didn't occur to me to use the
snugli, and at that time DD used to sleep a lot so it was nice not to
have to take her out of the carseat and wake her up (the stroller was
a frame with wheels onto which you snap the carseat).

Now we use the snugli, and just as with your ds, people socialize a
lot with DD because she's closer to their eye level and she's facing
them, and for that reason she really prefers the snugli. People
comment on what a happy baby she is and I think that's due in part to
her being in the snugli rather than the stroller or grocery cart.

What DH and I think is strange is "very old" children, like maybe 5
years old or older, in strollers. It seems as if maybe people don't
want to have to deal with the 5-year-old's free will so they confine
the child in the stroller for the parent's convenience. Does this
seem weird to anyone else? What do people who have (or have had) a
preschooler/school age child think about this?

(Of course, I don't want to judge those parents because I have never
been in their shoes; our DD is not yet walking. I realize that even
though it's not our current plan, maybe when DD gets to be a
preschooler we'll end up using a stroller too. One thing I have
learned is that sometimes parenting involves making compromises I
never thought I'd make.)

Anonymommmy

DD, Sept. '02

Anne Rogers wrote in message ...
I took ds for jabs today, our surgery has a baby clinic for an hour on a
Monday so the waiting room was full of babies. It didn't occur to me til I
came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else
came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd
parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and
it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the
waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never
cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took
interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for
being sociable. I didn't think I was an attachment parent, but now I'm
probably thinking compared to average I am, he's sociable cos people
socialise with him!

-----------
Anne Rogers