When will It stop?

I have suffered from PND since the birth of my first son. He is now two

and I still have not got a grip on why I want to die on a daily basis.
I just want the ground to open up and swallow me. Why do I still feel
like a the worse mum in the world and that my beautiful, enchanting and

wonderful son would be better if I was not here. I feel like I am going

to infect him with my failure. I want him to be such a wonderful
succesful man and have a wonderful life. How can he be with me as his
mum. This is the first time I have properly written how I truly feel
and how it is affecting me. I have a little first aid kit at home with
all the necessary things in and few additional items. A razor, scissors

and sellotape. The razor is for when I am so digusting in myself I want

to cut my flesh off and I do. The scissors when I cannot stop crying
and just want to die and the sellotape to tape the cuts back up when I
am finished. Why me?? Why do I have to feel like this? Why can't I just

enjoy my baby and be happy?

Go talk to your doctor and get on an antid-depressant for your PDN. Clearly
it's severe, and you need help. What you are feeling isn't normal, and
medications can help a lot. Hugs.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

Okay, so my very first question is....have you seen a doctor? Have you
tried medications? Have you tried some therapy?

I've had depression and anxiety issues (including a real flame out
during a very stressful period) and currently take meds for it. Talk
therapy doesn't seem to help me much (tried all kinds of variations on
that theme with various therapists) but the meds do - and like many
people, and I had to try various ones at various doses before we hit on
the right one at the right level. You have to be patient with the meds.
The best example of that was one we tried that was supposed to be the
"pull people back from the brink" one, and it made me WORSE instead of
better. Everyone reacts differently to different meds.

The point is - you don't have to feel this way, cookie. You owe it to
your child and to yourself to get this attended to, and not give up
until you get the help you need.

You would fight for your child - and what your child needs more than
anything is you, in the best possible shape to be a good mom - so fight
for that. Get yourself to the doctor.

My father's mother was a suicide at 47, and believe me, the fall out
from that never ends. Some solution to her pain - she created a world
of agony for so many people - and 53 years later, its hurting.

M

wrote:
I still have not got a grip on why I want to die on a daily basis.

Oh wow can I relate to this. So can many of us here. You are
not alone. We really do understand.


This is the first time I have properly written how I truly feel
and how it is affecting me.

Good for you. Getting it out in the open is a HUGE step toward
making the pain stop.

Have you been able to say to anyone how you feel? Were they
able to listen to you, or did they shut you out? That happens a
lot, even when the people you say this to love you very much.
Sometimes especially then. Hearing that you are so miserable
is very frightening and they don't know what to do, so they do
nothing. That hurts, but it is not your problem, it is theirs.

You need help, you DESERVE help, and there is help to be had.
And now we see that you are taking action to get that help.

You go, girl!

writes:
: I have suffered from PND since the birth of my first son. He is now two

: and I still have not got a grip on why I want to die on a daily basis.
: I just want the ground to open up and swallow me. Why do I still feel
: like a the worse mum in the world and that my beautiful, enchanting and

: wonderful son would be better if I was not here. I feel like I am going

: to infect him with my failure. I want him to be such a wonderful
: succesful man and have a wonderful life. How can he be with me as his
: mum. This is the first time I have properly written how I truly feel
: and how it is affecting me. I have a little first aid kit at home with
: all the necessary things in and few additional items. A razor, scissors

: and sellotape. The razor is for when I am so digusting in myself I want

: to cut my flesh off and I do. The scissors when I cannot stop crying
: and just want to die and the sellotape to tape the cuts back up when I
: am finished. Why me?? Why do I have to feel like this? Why can't I just

: enjoy my baby and be happy?

Several questions:

Have you seen a doctor about this problem. If not, do so immediately.
Are you taking anti-depressants? If not, see a doctor.
Are you getting support from you husband. If not take him to see a counselor.

This is a serious problem, and should not be left off until it gets
this bad. Go get help today!

Larry