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#1
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Baby at wedding
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! ANYWAY! so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally -if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend. - now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc. etc. BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it was all set. well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed. SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i being the devil? ugh! WHAT TO DO? has anyoen dealt with this scenario? hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!" |
#2
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XOR wrote:
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! A black man and a gay man? A breast milk and a General Motors car? (Mot that that has anything to do with your question.) -- Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle |
#3
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"XOR" wrote in message om... Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! I think both parties need to calm down and negotiate what to do. Even though DH and I allowed babies and children at our wedding (because *all* our siblings had children by the time we got married), it's obvious this isn't the case here. The bride and parents need to think up alternatives. 1) Is it absolutely necessary to have *both* parents walk down the aisle and stand up at the altar? 2) Can the parents stand to leave the baby with a babysitter as originally planned? If I were the mother of this baby and I couldn't stand to be away from my baby because he cries, I would ask to be excused from being a matron attendant. If I were the bride, hmmm....this is tough. I would like to think I would be understanding (but I probably wouldn't be) and after envisioning a ceremony with a bawling baby and two stressed parents standing at the altar, I could suggest to mom that maybe she can be a seated attendant so she could be with her baby (will other babies be at the wedding?). I beginning to remember why we didn't have lots of attendants (just a matron of honor and a best woman) and an outdoor wedding in a park with walking trails and a playarea - who cares if the kids ran around and made noise? Jeanne |
#4
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"Bruce Bridgman and Jeanne Yang" wrote in message ... "XOR" wrote in message om... Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! I think both parties need to calm down and negotiate what to do. Even though DH and I allowed babies and children at our wedding (because *all* our siblings had children by the time we got married), it's obvious this isn't the case here. The bride and parents need to think up alternatives. 1) Is it absolutely necessary to have *both* parents walk down the aisle and stand up at the altar? 2) Can the parents stand to leave the baby with a babysitter as originally planned? If I were the mother of this baby and I couldn't stand to be away from my baby because he cries, I would ask to be excused from being a matron attendant. If I were the bride, hmmm....this is tough. I would like to think I would be understanding (but I probably wouldn't be) and after envisioning a ceremony with a bawling baby and two stressed parents standing at the altar, I could suggest to mom that maybe she can be a seated attendant so she could be with her baby (will other babies be at the wedding?). I beginning to remember why we didn't have lots of attendants (just a matron of honor and a best woman) and an outdoor wedding in a park with walking trails and a playarea - who cares if the kids ran around and made noise? Jeanne we had a similar situation and basically as a result had a "no children allowed" wedding. |
#5
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"XOR" wrote in message om... Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! ANYWAY! so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally -if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend. - now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc. etc. BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it was all set. well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed. SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i being the devil? ugh! WHAT TO DO? has anyoen dealt with this scenario? hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!" I'm used to two types of weddings-formal ones, where babysitters are provided (usually there's someone the church uses for this service), or family-friendly ones where children of all ages are welcome. My husband and I planned our wedding so that David (his younger brother) who was profoundly mentally disabled and makes noises frequently would be welcome, so his mother could attend without concern. His sister planned a much more formal wedding, and made sure that there was a trained health care aide to care for David. Babies would have been fine at mine, not at hers. I think that it is the people planning the wedding's responsibility to make accommodations for the children, that this should be known in advance, and if the parents don't feel it is appropriate, they should politely bow out. |
#6
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"XOR" wrote in message
om... Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! ANYWAY! so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally -if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend. - now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc. etc. BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it was all set. well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed. SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i being the devil? ugh! WHAT TO DO? I'd try to find a place nearby but out of hearing range for the babysitter and the baby to wait during the ceremony. That way the time away from mom could be minimized and if baby did cry for that minimal time then you wouldn't hear it. Wedding ceremonies aren't usually that long and mom could rush to baby afterward. -- Sandie - Don't forget to take the cats out. |
#7
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BM -- Bridesmaid
GM -- Groomsman This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember? -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Check out our Adoption Page at http://www.geocities.com/clarkadopt2004/ "Sara" wrote in message ... XOR wrote: Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! A black man and a gay man? A breast milk and a General Motors car? (Mot that that has anything to do with your question.) -- Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle |
#8
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Jamie Clark wrote:
BM -- Bridesmaid GM -- Groomsman This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember? Ah, that makes more sense. Knowing it was from a wedding chat group didn't help me any -- I never think along those lines. -- Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle |
#9
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XOR wrote:
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another chat group for weddings. Thanks! "so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! ANYWAY! so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally -if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend. - now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc. etc. BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it was all set. well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed. SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i being the devil? ugh! WHAT TO DO? has anyoen dealt with this scenario? hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!" Dear God, I could hardly make my way through that post! It is obviously rude for them to insist on bringing the child if the child was not invited. However, they also have the right (and obligation) to back out of the wedding if it is unacceptable to leave the child with a babysitter. So, the bride & groom have two choices: 1) they can put their feet down about the child not being there or 2) they can accept that the child will be there and it may well mean having him in his mother's arms during the ceremony. How big a risk that is will depend on the parents (maybe they'll let the kid run amok; maybe they will keep him under reasonable control as long as the bride and groom allow them the flexibility to meet his needs). It is not rude for the parents to feel that their son can't be left and to put his needs above those of the bride and groom. It is rude for the parents to assume that they can change their minds and bring him uninvited or that they have the right to rearrange the wedding plans to suit their particular family issues. They should offer to back out if they cannot leave their son with anyone else. The bride and groom should take them up on that offer if they don't want to deal with the child at the wedding-- no harm, no foul. If the bride and groom want, they can insist that the child not attend, but then they also have to be prepared for the parents to back out of the wedding and possibly for repercussions in the friendship (whether deserved or not). Best wishes, Ericka |
#10
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"Jamie Clark" wrote:
BM -- Bridesmaid GM -- Groomsman This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember? Since it isn't your question, I will answer from the perspective of someone who isn't giving advice - just an opinion. I would expect the mom to have dealt with this what I presume is separation anxiety by the time of the wedding. Actually, having a child that was that demanding of my attention would have absolutely driven me crazy and I would not have put up with it for a minute. How does she get a shower? It makes me mad to think of it even at this distance. IMHO, if she could not stand to leave the baby outside the church door or with a sitter regardless of how much he cried, for the short duration of the ceremony, it would be rude of her to participate in the wedding as a BM unless the bride specifically and without prompting says that he is welcome. If not, she should regretfully bow out of the wedding and either attend as a guest with child (if that is an option that the bride allows) or let her dh be at the ceremony without her. I think all the bride can do at this point is make it clear that she does not expect to see the baby in the church or at the alter rail with the mom (if that is indeed what the bride wants), and to refuse to be guilted into accepting what she thinks is an unacceptable situation. She's done what she can in providing for a sitter for the child. If the prospective BM says - I'm sorry I can't leave my child, then she should say - I'm sorry too, I had hoped to have you participate in my wedding, but I understand that you cannot do that at this time. And then go on to discuss who will replace her in the wedding party to make it clear that she is no longer included. .. grandma Rosalie |
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