Grandparents find little help raising grandchildren

Grandparents find little help raising grandchildren

Grandparents find little help

WENDY DAHLE

Special to The Herald

T en years ago, Laurie Connelly and her husband, David, decided to
raise their two grandchildren when their daughter got into trouble.
They believed it would be better for the two girls to have a stable
environment while their mother straightened out her life.

Grandparents all over America are stepping up to provide safe homes
for their grandchildren when parents are unable to care for their
children because of substance abuse, mental and physical illness,
death, economic hardship, divorce or other family problems.

It is estimated more than 6 million American children are living in
homes headed by grandparents or other family members. In Florida,
there are more than 345,000 children being raised by grandparents or
other family members.

Rather than surrendering her grandchildren to foster care when her son
and his wife were having serious marital problems in September 2004,
grandmother Felicia Johnson decided to raise her four grandchildren.
All of the children are under age 5.

"They're not going to have any stability if I don't take them,"
Johnson said.

Nancy Darr took in her two grandchildren during the 1980s when her
daughter couldn't provide for them any longer. Darr's oldest grandson,
Corey, who is now 23, has Tourette's syndrome, Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder and asthma.

Darr remembers it as being a difficult time for the family, but the
alternative was putting the children into the foster care system,
something she and her husband did not want to do.

"That's why the grandparents take the children," she said. "We don't
want these kids to be in the system. We want them to be with people
who love them."

But good intentions can turn into nightmares as grandparents face a
social service system that doesn't always support their efforts, said
grandmother Laurie Connelly.

"They've got to realize we need help here," she said. "We're the
better alternative to foster care."

Grandparents can expect an extreme lifestyle change when taking on the
responsibility of raising grandchildren. Often they have long since
raised their own children, bought and paid for homes and cars. They
have saved and looked forward to retirement and a more leisurely way
of life.

Suddenly, what was supposed to be the "golden years" has turned into
the task of raising their children's children. Their new role as
parents can affect friendships, daily activities, retirement plans or
even jobs as they try to balance what should have been a leisurely
lifestyle with activities and schedules of newly acquired children.

"It can be a big adjustment," Darr said. "Their whole lives have to
change."

Problems for grandparents raising their grandchildren can include
finding the money to care for them and getting emotional support and
legal help. Enrolling a child in school, getting a child vaccinated or
adding a child as a tenant in an apartment complex can be extremely
difficult and sometimes even impossible for a new "grandfamily," a
term coined by several grandparent support groups.

Grandparents living in senior communities can be forced to find new
housing arrangements because communities don't accept children, Darr
and Laurie Connelly said.

"It's such a lifestyle change," Connelly said. "It's extremely tiring
getting back into parenting."

Grandparents need money to pay for necessities like child care,
clothing, food, health care - things they budgeted for in previous
years when raising their own children, but have since put toward
retirement.

Grandparents' retirement plans can sometimes become their pitfalls
when it comes to raising their grandchildren. Assets accrued during a
grandparent's lifetime can make it difficult or impossible for the
families to qualify for state aid programs.

Unlike grandchildren under a grandparent's care, children in foster
families automatically receive Medicaid and other federal, state and
local benefits as a condition of their state supervision.

"It shouldn't matter what our income or assets are," said Laurie
Connelly. "These are children we are trying to take care of because we
love them and are trying to protect them."

Darr remembers struggling to pay for clothing, school supplies and
health care for her grandsons.

Darr's husband was forced to retire early from his job at Tropicana
due to health problems, and Darr didn't work or even drive.

After paying the house payment and necessary bills, Darr said there
was little money left over.

"It was hard for us financially," said Darr, whose husband died in
1995, leaving her alone to raise the two boys. "When you are sending
children to school it takes a lot of money - a lot of money we didn't
have."

Johnson thought once she decided to raise her grandchildren, she could
get financial help from social service programs. But she got turned
down for food stamps because she owned a small home and had a little
money saved in the bank. Eventually she qualified for $364 a month
from the Department of Children and Families, but it still was not
enough to defer the cost of raising four toddlers, three of which were
still in diapers.

"We as grandparents are doing the same as foster parents," Johnson
said. "They could do a little more to help us."

She struggled to find money to pay for day care for four grandchildren
so she could hang on to her day job as a transportation aide for
Manatee county schools. Her husband was physically disabled and unable
to work or help care for the children.

"I couldn't get anyone to help me with day care," she said.

Like Johnson, the Connellys struggled to find affordable day care for
their two granddaughters.

"My entire paycheck was going to day care," said Laurie Connelly.

But that wasn't the worst. Laurie Connelly and her husband faced dire
financial consequences when the owners of the storage facility where
they worked as resident managers didn't approve of the couple having
the children on site, she remembered.

"We almost lost our jobs," she said.

After some convincing, the owners agreed to let them stay.

The financial strain of raising grandchildren has forced some
grandparents to go back to work to supplement Social Security or
pensions just to make ends meet, said Darr, who also operates a
grandparent's support telephone line and facilitates a grandparents'
support group.

"I have grandparents at 60 or 70 going back to work to take care of
these kids," Darr said.

Because of this scenario, many children raised by grandparents are
more likely to be poorer than children living with their parents.

The Connellys did not qualify for food stamps, but eventually did get
long-term relative caregiver assistance through DCF in the amount of
$248. They also got Medicaid.

But Medicaid didn't pay for an orthopedic doctor when one of the girls
broke her arm. Connelly said finding doctors and dentists who accept
the federal health-care plan was frustrating.

"I know a lot of grandparents are so tired of dealing with it they
just pay for it," she said.

Legal issues also can haunt new grandfamilies. Getting full legal
custody or guardianship of the children can be emotionally and
financially draining, but often helps define parameters necessary to
get state and federal aid.

The Connellys ran up against numerous problems with social service
agencies when trying to get help to pay for their grandchildren's day
care, health care and other necessities. Many government agencies
don't recognize the living arrangement unless legal custody,
guardianship or adoption is established, she said.

"It's easier to be a day-care worker,' said Laurie Connelly. "I don't
understand why they put the grandparents through so much. It's like
we're the bad guys."

Darr said there is a need for inexpensive or free legal services for
grandparents in Bradenton. Most of these grandparents already are
facing financial hardship and cannot afford an attorney to fight for
custody or guardianship.

A more permanent custody arrangement or adoption can help protect the
grandparent, and especially the child, from a dysfunctional or abusive
parent. Adoption terminates a parent's rights.

Darr, the Connellys and the Johnsons hope state and federal programs
will soon change to provide more support and make it easier for
grandparents.

"I'm hoping somewhere out there will listen," said Darr.

Recently, grandparents marched to Washington, D. C. during the Grand
Rally on Sept 14. Organizers of the rally urged grandparents to march
or call a toll-free number to offer their support of legislation aimed
at helping change legislation for grandfamilies.

Grandfamily supporters were hoping U. S. senators and representatives
would co-sponsor the Kinship Caregiver Support Act, the No Child Left
Behind Act and reject cuts to Medicaid that would affect grandchildren
and their caregivers.

The government needs to recognize grandparents as viable parents for
these children, they said.

"It eats you alive," said Connelly. "You're so tired of fighting the
system and the bureaucracy."

Resources for grandparents

• Florida Kinship Center, a department of the University of South
Florida School of Social Work: (800) 640-6444; www. flkin. usf. edu

• Whole Child Manatee, part of the Whole Child Florida program
sponsored by the Lawton Chiles Foundation, helps direct families to
social service programs: www. wholechildmanatee. com.

• Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Manatee County, an agency that provides
mentoring and support for children: 700 Manatee Ave. Bradenton;
729-5533.

• The AARP Grandparent Information Center: www. aarp. org

• Generations United, 122 C. Street N. W. Suite 820 Washington, D. C.;
(202) 638-1263; www. gu. org.

• The Foundation for Grandparenting, a private organization providing
support for grandparents: 108 Farnham Road, Ojai, Calif. Web: www.
grandparenting. org.

• Grandsplace, an organization of grandparents and others raising the
children of family members, 154 Cottage Road, Enfield, Conn.;
(860) 763-5789; www. grandsplace. com.

Events for grandparents

• A grandparent's support group sponsored by the Florida Kinship
Center meets monthly and will meet Oct. 22 at the 13th Avenue
Community Center in Bradenton. Information: Nancy Darr, 756-8197.

• The Florida Kinship Center at the University of South Florida is
having their annual conference "Taking it to the Streets" - Advocacy
and Community Empowerment in Kinship Care on Oct. 11 from 8 a. m.-3 p.
m. The event is free and open to the public with limited seating. If
you would like to attend, please call the Kinship Center Warmline at
(800) 640-6444
http://www.bradenton.com/mld/bradent...h/12775877.htm
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