Tim Russert Honored Fatherhood

http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/06/13/...ed-fatherhood/

Tim Russert Honored Fatherhood
Glenn Sacks

June 13, 2008 at 6:04 pm

Sadly, Tim Russert died of a heart attack today at age 58. Many are rightly
honoring Russert for his role in American politics and media, but fathers
have a different reason to honor Russert-the respect he paid us in his
books.

In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he
received an "avalanche" of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him
about their own dads. His 2006 book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and
Letters from Daughters and Sons is largely a sampling of those 60,000
letters, and the book was a surprise runaway hit.

When Wisdom came out in 2006, we co-authored a column about it-America's
Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06). It is reprinted below.

America's Father Hunger
By Mike McCormick and Glenn Sacks
(World Net Daily, 10/13/06).

Are fathers irrelevant? Are they really the useless buffoons we see on TV?
The irresponsible deadbeats the local DA says they are? The controlling
abusers we see in domestic violence PSAs?

That's not the way Tim Russert's readers see them.

Russert's new book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters
and Sons is a surprise runaway hit, reaching #1 on both the New York Times
bestseller list and on Book Standard's Overall Bestsellers Chart. In 2004,
Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an
"avalanche" of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their
own dads. Wisdom is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters.

In heartwarming and heart-wrenching stories, Russert's readers remember
their fathers as strong, devoted and honorable. In the chapter "Daddy's
Girl," one woman tells Russert that she was her "father's princess," and
explains "growing up in a rural area of the Deep South could have been a
harsh experience for a little black girl, but I was insulated by his love
and tenderness."

Another "Daddy's Girl" writes:

"When I was a little girl and my father put me to bed.I had a litany of
things I went through every night. 'Can I call you if I need anything?.Can I
call you if I get scared?'.He would listen and say yes after each one, and I
would fall asleep, secure that I was completely loved and cared for."

Another remembers:

"When I was four, my father took me on my first official date.I got all
dressed up in my prettiest pink dress and shiny black-leather shoes.I was so
excited and proud to be his date, and he made me feel so special to be 'his
little girl.' To this day I am still proud to be his little girl, even if I'm
not so little anymore. My dad was the strongest and handsomest man I have
ever known, and he will have that title in my heart forever."

Another remembers:

"I was an only child. Mom said I was plenty; Dad said I was perfect. He
worked hard to support us: twelve-hour shifts with thirteen days on and only
one day off, because overtime paid the bills. He left early in the morning,
long before Mom and I were awake; He came home exhausted and slept until it
was time to do it all over again. It was hard on him because he had so
little time with us. It was hard on us too.

"We all found little ways to compensate.I would put my favorite toy in his
lunchbox so he would have something to play with at work.

"Dad's special time for me was morning coffee. He would get up at 4 A.M.,
start the coffee brewing, and get ready for work. When the pot was ready, he
would come into my room and wake me up. I would sit at the kitchen table as
he poured two cups of coffee. His was always black. Mine was barely brown,
full of milk and sugar, sweet to the taste. Dad would tell me about his day
and ask about mine. When the cups were empty, he would tuck me back into bed
and kiss me good night before heading out to work. It was our special time
together, and we never missed."

Perhaps the book's most striking feature is the overwhelming outpouring of
love from women towards their fathers.

The Russert dads also knew when to take a stand. One letter writer
remembers:

"By 1963, white flight was beginning to transform our neighborhood, and
before long the first African American child took a seat in my Catholic
school classroom. Birthday parties were about the biggest social events a
third-grader had to look forward to, and I was delighted to receive an
invitation to her party. Then I learned that none of my friends were going.
I remember being confused by that, because we all went to one another's
parties. But if my friends weren't going to this one, I wasn't going to go
either, especially when they seemed convinced that there was something wrong
with the very idea.

".Dad put his foot down and told me that, like it or not, I was going to
that party. He took me to the five-and-dime and we bought a card and a gift.
The day of the party, he took me by the hand and we walked the three or four
blocks to the girl's apartment. My whining and complaining were useless, and
it wasn't until many years later that I understood why he made me go. He
knew why none of my friends was there, and he wanted no part of it. No child
of his was going to contribute to the hurt that would surely be felt by a
little girl sitting at an empty birthday table."

Another says:

"My dad's second job was serving in the New Jersey National Guard.In the
summer of 1967, his Guard unit was sent to Newark, where a riot had erupted
and the police were having trouble containing it.When he died a few years
ago, we had both his memorial service and his wake in a local restaurant.one
of dad's old guard buddies, Sergeant 'Jeep' MacAdams, grabbed the sleeve of
my suit.Jeep rasped into my ear.'You know we were in Newark during the riots
of 'sixty-seven. It was a combat situation, let me tell you. I want you to
know what an excellent and brave soldier your old man was. He was a true
leader.'

"'We were called to a building that the state police had their machine guns
trained on. They said they needed backup because there were rioters in the
building. They told us to help them take this position with tear gas,
machine guns, grenades, whatever.'

"'Your dad challenged the state cops from the get-go. He asked them what
made them think there were no innocent civilians inside the position. The
state police were zealous, you see. They had already fired shots, and they
wanted us to fire warning shots, but your dad asked them to please hold
their fire. Then he volunteered to assess the situation. He stayed low and
got to the big door of the building, which was locked, and he calmly
announced, 'I'm with the New Jersey National Guard and I'm here to lead you
to safety. Everything will be ok. Follow me.'

"'Suddenly, about twenty-five black high school kids came out of the
building behind him, shaking and crying. Your dad was comforting them with
one hand and giving the 'hold your fire' sign with the other. He asked if
they needed water or food.If he hadn't gotten involved, I'm sure there would
have been bloodshed, if not death.'

"This is what I learned for the first time at my dad's memorial service.
Could I be more proud of him had he won the Congressional Medal of Honor? I
don't think so."

Wisdom's significance goes far beyond that of a sentimental journey. It's
success is a testament to the hunger so many Americans feel for what recent
generations have lost-their fathers. The book's letters are overwhelmingly
from baby boomers-perhaps the last generation of Americans who could ever be
reasonably confident that they'd have a father in their lives.

The fathers in Wisdom are largely men of modest means who sacrificed greatly
to provide for their families. Wisdom begs the question why, in one
generation, have so many fathers apparently thrown off all their
responsibilities and abandoned their children?

The answer is simple-most of them haven't.

According to a study of 46,000 divorce cases published in the American Law
and Economics Review, two-thirds of all divorces involving couples with
children are initiated by mothers, not fathers, and in only 6% of cases did
the women claim to be divorcing cruel or abusive husbands. Divorcing women
instead cite emotional reasons, such as a perceived lack of closeness or of
not feeling loved and appreciated. Most of these men didn't fail as
fathers-they only failed at the often difficult task of keeping their
marriages together.

Once a marriage falls apart, fathers often struggle to maintain a regular
presence in their children's lives. While shared parenting protects children's
loving bonds with both parents, many family courts instead allow men only a
few days a month with their children. Moreover, many divorced mothers resist
co-parenting because they are unable to put aside or see beyond their anger
and disappointment. According to research conducted by Joan Berlin Kelly,
author of Surviving the Break-up, 50 percent of mothers claim to "see no
value in the father's continued contact with his children after a divorce."
Does this stunning finding only reflect poorly on fathers and not also on
mothers?

Russert writes, "Growing up, I didn't know about families who were missing a
father, because there weren't any in our neighborhood." Today over a third
of American children are born into single-parent homes. Is this all men's
doing?

The typical Wisdom family is supported by a hard-working dad whose
sacrifices are understood and appreciated by his children. Though his work
obligations sometimes cut him off from his kids' everyday lives, his place
in the family is honored and respected, and he still manages to make a huge
impact on his children.

Today that Wisdom dad has often been exchanged for a dad who's not in the
home, and who works to support kids from whose lives he is largely barred.
For our children, it's been a lousy trade.

This is an extended version of a column which first appeared in World Net
Daily (10/13/06).

Mike McCormick is the Executive Director of the American Coalition for
Fathers and Children. Their website is www.acfc.org.

Glenn Sacks' columns on men's and fathers' issues appeared regularly in U.S.
newspapers. www.GlennSacks.com