marital life post partum

Welches wrote:

I also find it irritating when I get "I'll do these jobs for you so later we
can..." when he wouldn't do the jobs otherwise. I then feel pressurised into
agreeing when sometimes I've earmarked that evening for something else.
Debbie

Excuse me, but does he sometimes leave money on your bedside table, too?

Honestly, I've been reading through this thread and I just can't believe
how little self respect some of you have left! Why are you putting up
with men who treat you like servants and hookers? Yes, so they bring
home the money, or the majority of the money, but you're doing the
housework and you're raising the kids. Why are you willingly taking the
short end of the stick? Just because they're paying most of the bills
doesn't mean they get to be "more equal" than you. It's a marriage, a
relationship, not a bussines deal. If they wanted a housemaid that also
gives them a blowjob they should maybe put an ad in a paper that says so.

You're going to doctors, you're popping anti depressants, and all
because your _partner_ is treating you like he owns you? Couples therapy
might be a good idea in some cases, stand up for yourselves!

Really, I'm a single mom and people keep telling me to find a husband
and I keep thinking "WHY?!" 90% of the married couples with kids I know
are unhappy and struggling and thinking about divorce, and the reasons
they cite against divorce are "we own the house together" or "what about
the kids?" and noone mentions "But I love him/her".
Financial stability doesn't happen through marriage. Happieness for the
rest of your life doesn't happen through marriage either. Clearly kids
happen outside of marriages, too, so that's not a reason to get married
either. So why do you insist that marriage is "_the_ Thing!" (TM).

Last guy I was with proposed and I even said yes. Then I got pregnant
and he decided it's ok to treat me like a 2 y.o. I told him so often
that I can't go on like this and he dismissed it as bull**** and told me
"yeah yeah, go, take your medication so you act normal again."
(antidepressants, which I stopped taking cold turkey when I got the
positive pg test). I was throwing up all day every day and he told me to
get a grip and take care of the household. I finally sent him packing
and two days later I wasn't throwing up anymore. Now he calls me greedy
and says I'm having the baby just because of the money I'll be getting
from him (because, as we all know, the way to get really filthy rich is
by having children from guys who earn minimum wages). And then people
wonder why I say I will never ever in my life get married.

Please, if your husband thinks he can treat you worse than an equal,
think about couples therapy instead of trying to "fix" yourselves. Low
self esteem doesn't make you feel sexy and maybe if you feel like an
equal instead of like a housemaid you will start feeling sexy and ready
for sex again, too.

take care
nicole