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Need advice for possible LONG DISTANCE commute



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 23rd 05, 12:43 AM
Clay
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Default Need advice for possible LONG DISTANCE commute

I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
perhaps an awful way to go about life.

Advice?

Travis

  #2  
Old August 23rd 05, 01:23 AM
Rosalie B.
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Default

"Clay" wrote:

I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
perhaps an awful way to go about life.

Advice?


Lots of people have long distance jobs. My dh was military and
sometimes was deployed for longer intervals - several months up to a
year. My ds was a long haul trucker and only got home every other
weekend. My dd's husband was in school in Michigan and she was
working out of Miami airport. She commuted by air taking her under 2
yo child with her for a year. It can be dealt with provided that
everyone involved (specifically the child's other parent) is REALLY on
board with it.

That means that the SAHP has to be willing and able to do all the
parenting during the week, and then let you have a say on the
weekends. IOW, there shouldn't be competition between the parents for
the child's attention, or feelings of being put-upon because of one
parent's absence.






grandma Rosalie

  #3  
Old August 23rd 05, 09:01 PM
Penny Gaines
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Default

Clay wrote:

I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
perhaps an awful way to go about life.


How much money would you actually save? You'd have to factor in things like
the cost of air fares, costs of renting a second place to live and all the
duplicates that involves (eg a second iron, perhaps extra clothes) and
probably other costs I haven't thought of.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

  #4  
Old August 23rd 05, 10:33 PM
illecebra
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Default

Rosalie B. wrote:
"Clay" wrote:


I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
perhaps an awful way to go about life.

Advice?



Lots of people have long distance jobs. My dh was military and
sometimes was deployed for longer intervals - several months up to a
year. My ds was a long haul trucker and only got home every other
weekend. My dd's husband was in school in Michigan and she was
working out of Miami airport. She commuted by air taking her under 2
yo child with her for a year. It can be dealt with provided that
everyone involved (specifically the child's other parent) is REALLY on
board with it.

That means that the SAHP has to be willing and able to do all the
parenting during the week, and then let you have a say on the
weekends. IOW, there shouldn't be competition between the parents for
the child's attention, or feelings of being put-upon because of one
parent's absence.

grandma Rosalie


I seocond Rosalie's feelings on this one. My husband is active-duty
military, so my son and I only see him in spurts here and there (though
it seems more frequent in his new unit). If your spouse can handle the
extra workload created by your absence, it may be worth it.

Some things to keep in mind:

Call home during the week, on a schedule your child can predict, e.g.
every evening right before bedtime.

If possible, take your child to see where you will be living when you
are away. It seems less scary and distant if they have seen it in person.

When you come home for the weekend, don't come home exhausted unless you
come home after your child is asleep (if you can help it). If you come
home ready and eager to spend time with your child, he/she is more
likely to see you as happy to be home with him/her rather than just
waiting to escape to work again.

The parent who is consistantly home should create/determine daily
routines (bedtime, mealtime, etc), and the parent who is in and out
should follow them. Kids need consistency, and the parent who is
working solo most of the time needs things to be do-able when they are
alone. It is unreasonable for you to insist that the kids' routines are
different when you are home, or, worse, want things to work in ways that
are difficult for your spouse to maintain in your absence.

For example, my husband likes to do our son's bedtime routine together
-- one parent reads stories, helps with tooth brushing, etc, while the
other makes his warm milk, collects needed bedtime items, etc. I
finally put my foot down about this because when my husband is gone, I
just can't do it that way alone, and the little one becomes impatient
and frustrated. He came to expect bedtimes to be miserable when Daddy
was gone, so he would refuse to sleep. Whomever puts him to bed now,
regardless of whether both of us are home, does cleanup of toys and
bedtime items (our son helps), then bathing/ diaper-changing/
toothbrushing, then sits the little one at the table while his milk is
made, followed by bed and a bedtime story. He no longer freaks out at
bedtime when his father is gone.

illecebra

  #5  
Old August 26th 05, 01:08 PM
Hillary Israeli
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Default

In . com,
Clay wrote:

*I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
*move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
*been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
*six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
*time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
*successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
*more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
*Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
*not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
*perhaps an awful way to go about life.

When I was 14 or 15 years old, my dad "commuted" from a suburb of
Philadelphia, PA to a job in Stockton, CA that he "couldn't turn down". He
had an apartment in Stockton, and he would stay there for 10 days, and
then come "home" for 4 days (Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon). He *hated* it, and as soon
as he got my mom to agree, they moved to CA. Of course, mom's initial
theory that she could never be happy "so far from home" was correct, and
almost exactly a year later he quit the job and they moved back home to
the Philadelphia area. Obviously YMMV....

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx



  #6  
Old August 26th 05, 08:43 PM
Jeff
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Default


"Hillary Israeli" wrote in message
...
(...)

When I was 14 or 15 years old, my dad "commuted" from a suburb of
Philadelphia, PA to a job in Stockton, CA that he "couldn't turn down". He
had an apartment in Stockton, and he would stay there for 10 days, and
then come "home" for 4 days (Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon). He *hated* it, and as soon
as he got my mom to agree, they moved to CA. Of course, mom's initial
theory that she could never be happy "so far from home" was correct, and
almost exactly a year later he quit the job and they moved back home to
the Philadelphia area. Obviously YMMV....


Employees who move long distances for their companies have a higher
attrition rate than those who stay put.

One guy who worked for my old company was asked to move to CA from NYC, and
he did. After about 1 or 1.5 years, he left to return to the east coast. He
later ended up working for one of our competitors.

Another one who moved from CA to NYC ended up getting divorced and moving
back to CA (and I think me moved to Europe after getting into some legal
trouble - apparently it was either that or jail).

In one case, he wanted to be on the east coast and in the other, the stress
of moving may have had to do with his divorce.

So moving long distances is not a good way to retain employees (just look at
how all those soldiers come back from Iraq and want to leave the armed
services). On the other hand, you don't know if you will like it until you
try it. And in many cases it is a good move. My brother moved to CA for
medical school and is now on faculty there. And as much as I hate big
cities, I will be teaching middle school in Harlem, NYC.

Just out of curiosity, did you move to Stockton, too? Or did you stay around
Philly?

Jeff

  #7  
Old August 26th 05, 09:57 PM
dragonlady
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Default

In article et,
"Jeff" wrote:

"Hillary Israeli" wrote in message
...
(...)

When I was 14 or 15 years old, my dad "commuted" from a suburb of
Philadelphia, PA to a job in Stockton, CA that he "couldn't turn down". He
had an apartment in Stockton, and he would stay there for 10 days, and
then come "home" for 4 days (Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon). He *hated* it, and as soon
as he got my mom to agree, they moved to CA. Of course, mom's initial
theory that she could never be happy "so far from home" was correct, and
almost exactly a year later he quit the job and they moved back home to
the Philadelphia area. Obviously YMMV....


Employees who move long distances for their companies have a higher
attrition rate than those who stay put.

One guy who worked for my old company was asked to move to CA from NYC, and
he did. After about 1 or 1.5 years, he left to return to the east coast. He
later ended up working for one of our competitors.

Another one who moved from CA to NYC ended up getting divorced and moving
back to CA (and I think me moved to Europe after getting into some legal
trouble - apparently it was either that or jail).

In one case, he wanted to be on the east coast and in the other, the stress
of moving may have had to do with his divorce.

So moving long distances is not a good way to retain employees (just look at
how all those soldiers come back from Iraq and want to leave the armed
services). On the other hand, you don't know if you will like it until you
try it. And in many cases it is a good move. My brother moved to CA for
medical school and is now on faculty there. And as much as I hate big
cities, I will be teaching middle school in Harlem, NYC.

Just out of curiosity, did you move to Stockton, too? Or did you stay around
Philly?

Jeff


In my family, most of us have moved far away (some multiple times) for
jobs.

One brother was stationed in Fairbanks when he got out of the service;
he loved it there, and has stayed every since (over 25 years).

One brother took a parish in North Dakota (hated it, lasted a few years)
and is now at a church in Debuque, Iowa.

One brother has lived in Cambridge, Washington DC, and New York; since
he and his partner liked Cambridge best, they moved back there.

One brother has moved several times, living in Minneapolis, San Diego,
and Lake Tahoe, and has just moved to Kansas City to take a job.

My sister is the only one who still lives close to where we grew up, and
is likely to stay (Duluth).

I've moved twice to follow my partner's jobs: first to Massachusetts (8
years), then to San Jose, where we've been for 11-1/2 years. He's
looking again (mostly, he wants us to live somewhere where there's a
chance of owing our own home; median house prices here are over
$700,000 now). So, if he DOES find another job, we'll be moving again.

Around here, I know so many people who live here because they followed a
job to get here . . . in fact, native born San Jose folks (over the age
of about 30) are rare.

So it's hard for me to imagine that it is as common as you seem to be
saying for people to only stay in a job that they've moved for for a
year or two.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #8  
Old August 27th 05, 12:10 AM
illecebra
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Default

dragonlady wrote:
snip
saying for people to only stay in a job that they've moved for for a
year or two.


I think that it depends more on whether or not the new place is a better
"fit" than the old one. I once thought I'd hate living several states
away from where I grew up, but then trailer parks and developers and
city people showed up en masse, and it wasn't my little farming town any
more. The lilacs and my waterfall were the last straws.

Since leaving Illinois, my husband and I have lived in Texas (loathed
it) and Washington State (loving it so far), with a couple of months in
Washington, D.C. (very nice, but I couldn't live in D.C. proper--too urban).

Texas made me want to go home, but Washington is starting to feel like
home. We'll be here for a few years, at least.

illecebra

  #9  
Old August 28th 05, 12:50 AM
Hillary Israeli
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Default

In et,
Jeff wrote:

*Just out of curiosity, did you move to Stockton, too? Or did you stay around
*Philly?

Mom, Dad, and my brother moved to Stockton in June 1986 - just after my
junior year of high school. I moved in with friends until I graduated from
high school, then I moved to Stockton and then in fall 1987 started at Cal
(Berkeley). Then in October 1987 my parents decided to move back to PA.

--
Hillary Israeli, VMD
Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is
too dark to read." --Groucho Marx



 




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