telling a friend who's infertile

I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)

I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?

There is really no tactful way to do it, but I'd make sure you told her
privately rather than part of a group conversation, discuss it with her,
rather than announce it. How far along are you? If you are before 12 weeks
I'd consider telling her before you tell other people, even though she may
well find it difficult, she should feel priveledged that you could tell her.
That's what we did with 2 couples, one having trouble conceiving, the other
having had 2 early miscarriages, it seemed to work.

Anne

Anonymama wrote:
I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)

Anne's advice is really good. Tell her in person, at a private time.
Not before or during some big event and hopefully before the rest of
your circle knows. Keep details to a minimum. I think it is really
thoughtful of you to think of her. You are a good friend.

Elle

"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)

Hi

Sorry im not sure what adive to give on this one as I have never been there
but I wish you all the luck and im sure your friend will be really happy for
you. Im also pleased to hear that baby is still doing good!!!!

In article ,
"Anne Rogers" wrote:

I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?

There is really no tactful way to do it, but I'd make sure you told her
privately rather than part of a group conversation, discuss it with her,
rather than announce it. How far along are you? If you are before 12 weeks
I'd consider telling her before you tell other people, even though she may
well find it difficult, she should feel priveledged that you could tell her.
That's what we did with 2 couples, one having trouble conceiving, the other
having had 2 early miscarriages, it seemed to work.

I'm at around seven weeks. She's one of the few people I wouldn't mind
telling now -- if I had a miscarriage, she'd be a good friend about it.
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)

The only thing I'd add to Anne's advice is to let her know that you
understand that this news may be painful to her, and that you understand if
she needs a little time to process her feelings. I'd let her know that you
wanted to tell her before she heard it through the grapevine. That you will
follow her lead on how much she wants to hear about your pregnancy. I'd
make sure not to ramble on and on about how your boobs tingle or don't
tingle, about your m/s, etc.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Nature Girl, who got her first wasp
sting! : (
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss "I'm On My Way!", who has taken her
first unassisted steps, and has two new teeth coming in!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?

There is really no tactful way to do it, but I'd make sure you told her
privately rather than part of a group conversation, discuss it with her,
rather than announce it. How far along are you? If you are before 12 weeks
I'd consider telling her before you tell other people, even though she may
well find it difficult, she should feel priveledged that you could tell
her. That's what we did with 2 couples, one having trouble conceiving, the
other having had 2 early miscarriages, it seemed to work.

Anne

On Tue, 16 Aug 2005 09:06:24 -0700, Anonymama
wrote:
I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?

I had been wanting a baby for 2-3 years, just waiting around on Dh to
agree to having another, when my best friend began trying to get
pregnant. She had been trying for months and months when my dh decided
to go ahead, so my friend and I were both trying. After about 8 months
I finally got pregnant but I did not know how on earth to tell her.
She was so sad and discouraged at not being able to get pregnant, but
working at WIC she saw all these teenage mothers and poor moms and it
really bothered her.
Anyway, I put off telling her until later than usual (I'd had two
babies already) and when I finally did, she was happy for me. She
didn't seem hurt exactly that I waited to tell her, but looking back
at her reaction I shouldn't have waited.
She did end up getting pregnant soon after I did, our babies were 7
weeks apart.
Marie

In article ,
Marie wrote:

Anyway, I put off telling her until later than usual (I'd had two
babies already) and when I finally did, she was happy for me. She
didn't seem hurt exactly that I waited to tell her, but looking back
at her reaction I shouldn't have waited.

Thanks for that perspective. I think my friend will be the first
non-family person I tell.
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)

"Anonymama" wrote in message
...
I have a friend who's been struggling with infertility for about seven
years -- she's had one child in that time, but she'd liked to've had a
dozen. I see her once or twice a week when our kids (roughly the same
age) play together. What's the best way to tell her that I'm pregnant?
--

I'm glad you've been thinking about this.

The other ideas are good but I'd also like to add my 2c worth. As others
have said I'd suggest telling her privately. Acknowledge that you know
she'll find it hard, she'll appreciate that you care enough about that. It
may be easier for her if you don't tell her face to face as she might want
some space afterwards. A phone call or e-mail may be more appropriate
because it gives her the opportunity to process things, however if you see
her regularly then perhaps tell her when you're about to leave. After you
have brought it up, drop the subject unless she wants to talk about it. If
appropriate finish the conversation reasonably quickly after this, or change
the subject to something else so she doesn't have to find words for you that
she might not necessarily mean. Odds are that she'll be happy for you but
hurting for her.

Don't expect her to want to talk about after the event. She'll appreciate
knowing about your pregnancy so she doesn't get a shock when she finds out
about it from other sources but she won't want her nose rubbed in it either.

Best wishes

In article ,
"rangitotogirl" wrote:

A phone call or e-mail may be more appropriate
because it gives her the opportunity to process things, however if you see
her regularly then perhaps tell her when you're about to leave.

[snip other good points]

Yes, I'm thinking of e-mail. It took me a while to get pregnant the
first time around, and I remember bursing into tears when I heard, via
e-mail, that a friend was pregnant -- I was happy for her in the long
run, of course, but it would've been hard for me to fake it when I first
heard.
--
my fried egg makes me sick first thing in the morning


The Barnacle (October 2002)
TK (due early April, 06)