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Keep You Baby or Adoption?



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 14th 05, 12:08 AM
lafrisch
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Default Keep You Baby or Adoption?

The following website was developed for pregnant women and teenagers (and
their parents) who may want to learn more about adoption or find help to
keep their child.

A Mother's Song
www.motherhelp.info


  #2  
Old January 14th 05, 12:26 AM
SuperEeyore
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lafrisch wrote:
The following website was developed for pregnant women and teenagers
(and their parents) who may want to learn more about adoption or find
help to keep their child.

A Mother's Song
www.motherhelp.info


I'm sorry you had a cruddy adoption experience. I'm not big on the message
your website conveys though.


  #3  
Old January 14th 05, 01:09 AM
karlisa
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Amen!

--
lisa
micksmom
2 1/2 years old
baby boy 2 due 2-8-05


  #4  
Old January 14th 05, 01:36 AM
Melania
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I am so sorry to hear your personal story; it must have been terrible
to go through, and I truly can't imagine what it feels like. I almost
cried when I read what you had gone through. Clearly these separations
could have been avoided, and I shudder to think that countless women go
through the same thing needlessly, because of a lack of support. I
think I understand what you are saying, especially regarding the
adoption industry and the push to provide would-be adopters with
healthy perfect babies.

I can't agree with the iron-clad distinction between "mother" or
"father" (as in, biological) and "adopter." If for some reason I ended
up being the sole guardian of an infant that wasn't mine, I would take
on the role of mother and would do everything with that child that I do
with my own. I would mother that child, and it would break my heart for
someone to suggest that I was not his or her mother, albeit an adopted
one. I have a friend who has three children, two adopted and one
biological, and she is mother to them all. In her case, both her
adopted children were orphans, and this was in the developing world.

I've known my friend's younger brother since he was adopted, at birth,
by a wonderful and loving family. When he was 15, as per his birth
mother's instructions, they gave him a letter she had written to him.
It meant the world to him. He always knew he was adopted, and he was
wonderfully supported by his adopted family.

When he was 19 he was working in a dinner theatre, and one of the
waiters told him, "hey, your family's here." He said no, they weren't
coming till next week. The waiter said a couple with three kids, one of
whom could have been Kevin's twin, were sitting out in the restaurant.
So, heart pounding, out he went. Sure enough, it was his birth mother,
his full brother two years younger than him, and his two half siblings.
Now he has a great relationship with his birth family and his adopted
family. His mom was 15 when she had him and very poor, and knew she
couldn't handle it. Then when she got pregnant again, she and her
boyfriend got married and they kept the baby - they also finished high
school and got jobs. She had managed to build a successful life for
herself and her kids, but she knew everyone probably would have ended
up a lot more disadvantaged had she kept Kevin under those
circumstances.

My cousin and one of my brother's ex-girlfriends (very long term, like
family) were both adopted and had happy lives and loving families. I do
have one family friend whose adopted daughter rebelled badly at age 12
or 13, and her relationship with her family never healed. However,
there were a lot of extenuating circumstances: shortly beforehand, her
oldest adopted brother (so, birth child of her adopted parents) was
killed in a car accident. The family was a mess. All four of these
adopted kids were adopted in Canada and are of First Nations descent.
Two of the adoptive families, including the one where the accident
happened, are also First Nations.

I know adoption is often flawed, and especially in the past young women
were often forced to give up their babies when they didn't want to. I
also know this still happens. To condemn adoption wholesale, however,
is not the answer. The fact remains that some women do have babies when
they really, honestly can't care for them. Witness the baby that turned
up in a bus stop garbage can here in Vancouver before Christmas. The
authorities have made every effort to find her biological parents, but
nobody has come forth and she will be adopted. And thank God for that,
because had she been left in the hands of the people who created her,
she might well be dead. What about all the kids orphaned around the
world by disease and disaster? Should they not be adopted? My dad's
uncle is actually his cousin - born to a 14-year-old mother, so my
great-grandparents raised him as their own. They already had five kids
of their own and he was mining coal and barely feeding the family. What
if they, like many poor rural families, had 10 kids and even less
money, and then one of their young daughters got pregnant?

I can't help but feel, knowing the adopted people I've known, that
while the adoption machine in the United States may well be doing
mothers a real disservice, circumstances do exist where a child needs
competent, caring parents, and they are simply not available without
adoption. I will freely admit that this is probably far less frequent
than it is made out to be.

Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant. There are just so many
exceptions that should at least be considered.

Melania

  #5  
Old January 15th 05, 03:18 AM
Daye
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Default

On Thu, 13 Jan 2005 16:26:15 -0800, "SuperEeyore"
wrote:

I'm sorry you had a cruddy adoption experience. I'm not big on the message
your website conveys though.


Me either. I know that adoption isn't for everyone. I also know that
adoptions don't always have happy endings.

However, keeping your baby isn't for everyone, nor does it guarantee a
happy ending.

--
Daye
Mommy to DD3 and DS1
Chump Change for Major Change
http://www.change4change.tk
 




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