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#1
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Am I crazy?
Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great
job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I? |
#2
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In article .com, Disco wrote:
Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I? It doesn't sound crazy to me. I do know someone who donated sperm for two lesbian couples locally. It is quite common for people using donated sperm to want to know the donor---after all, they are providing half the genetic material, so half the potential for inherited traits. Sperm banks are not the only alternative. You should find a lesbian-friendly ob/gyn (if you haven't already) and discuss the options with her. ------------------------------------------------------------ Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics (Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB) life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Affiliations for identification only. |
#3
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In article .com,
"Disco" wrote: Hi, I'm a new member. Im a single lesbian in Wa. state. Have a great job and the whole nine. I've wanted a child for as long as I can remember. I suppose I could find the answers I'm looking for by asking the sperm bank people, however this is slightly more discreet. I want to know if there is sperm that is actually affordable. And yea yea, I hear you all saying "well if she cant afford the sperm, how can she afford the child?" Well, I can, and I will. I also...have a un-supportive family, who also do not even know that I'm gay. So my other question is, can I do this by myself? Is it as easy as ordering sperm over the internet, getting it, and inseminating myself without the supervision of a Dr.? If I become pregnant, then I'd obviously be seeing a Dr. on a regular basis. But until that happens, I want to know if its possible to do this alone? I'm sure I sound crazy. Am I? It would be easier to raise a child if you had a partner, but I know quite a number of people who are single parents. If you are not very old, you might consider waiting to see if you fall in love with someone; if you are pushing the limit of how old you want to be before you get pregnant, it's a different story. (Part of this is because you can never know how things will turn out, and if you have multiples, or a baby with significant health issues, it can be really hard with just one adult in the house. I have no moral issue with people choosing single parenthood -- I just think having a partner is more practical.) I also know quite a number of lesbians who have used sperm from someone they know, so it hasn't cost them anything. But you should get information about that approach before you use it, too. It shouldn't be that hard to find people who have done this. The one thing I would advise is to make sure you have a decent support network around you, and get to know other gay and lesbian parents. The church I attend, for example, has a substantial number of kids being raised in gay and lesbian headed households, so as those kids hit the ages where it can be difficult, they have friends who are in the same position. Some folks started coming specifically for the well integrated community. (From my point of view, it is also great for the kids of opposite sex couples: our kids grow up around same sex couples, so as they get older they know it is normal and healthy and all that important stuff; our gay, lesbian and bisexual kids tend to be out of the closet well before they are out of high school, with very little trauma. But I digress.) Regardless of how you find it, as a single mother you WILL need support; not necessarily financial, but emotional. If you are in contact with your family, I'd also advise coming out to them before you have a baby rather than after. If you have no contact with them, it doesn't really matter. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#4
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Hi - If you elect to get sperm from anyone you know, be sure to involve a lawyer so that rights and responsbilities are spelled out (or abrogated) right from the start. Best of luck to you, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#5
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Yes.
Now, that being said(sorry, i've always wanted to say that when someone has asked!).....maybe a year or so ago, i sent a friend a website that provide sperm to the "comfort of your home", or something like that. She wants a baby, but doesnt yet have a man--so it was somewhat of a yes it can be done type thing. Anyway, i must have found it by googling, and the directions did involve a turkey baster btw. So...it's out there, but that's all i know. So try google. Another possibility--male friend?? who would then sign parental rights away?? Just a thought...dont know how feasible. Yes, you can do it on your own. You dont sound crazy! good luck!! |
#6
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I suggest you contact Single Mothers by Choice
http://mattes.home.pipeline.com/ and visit a few meetings to hear the pros and cons of what you're comtemplating. I'd also advise considering using a sperm bank rather than a local donor for quite a few reasons: Health (checking for STDs, a complete medical history, genetic information) Legal aspects (do you want to share custody or fight for custody with a sperm donor?) Financial aspects (yes, it costs to buy vials of sperm, but it's a LOT less than dealing with lawyers fees |
#7
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In article , T68b says...
Yes. Now, that being said(sorry, i've always wanted to say that when someone has asked!).....maybe a year or so ago, i sent a friend a website that provide sperm to the "comfort of your home", or something like that. She wants a baby, but doesnt yet have a man--so it was somewhat of a yes it can be done type thing. Anyway, i must have found it by googling, and the directions did involve a turkey baster btw.e So...it's out there, but that's all i know. So try google. Another possibility--male friend?? who would then sign parental rights away?? Parental rights don't get just signed away. Because these are rights of the *child* to parental support, and a legal responsibility of the parent. Even anonymous sperm donation is protected largely by the anonymity of the donor; otherwise the legal status is somewhat murky. That's not to say that there aren't many arrangements involving known donors that work out well. But it depends on the earnest intentions of the adult parties involved, and a certain amount of good fortune that the single parent family not need to seek public assistance. Banty |
#8
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In article , Banty wrote:
Parental rights don't get just signed away. Because these are rights of the *child* to parental support, and a legal responsibility of the parent. Even anonymous sperm donation is protected largely by the anonymity of the donor; otherwise the legal status is somewhat murky. That's not to say that there aren't many arrangements involving known donors that work out well. But it depends on the earnest intentions of the adult parties involved, and a certain amount of good fortune that the single parent family not need to seek public assistance. In the case I'm familiar with, the sperm donor wanted to help raise the children, and the agreement that was reached with both couples involved him having some visitation rights and parental responsibilities. Having 3 parents for each child (well, 5 for 2 kids) certainly reduced the amount of stress on the parents raising the kids. I don't know the details of any financial arrangements, but it certainly helped that all people involved were good friends before the arrangements were made, and that all were honest, honorable people who wanted to do the best for the then-unborn children. ------------------------------------------------------------ Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics (Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB) life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Affiliations for identification only. |
#9
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I am having a hard time with this...children need to have supportive,
involved parent"s" and wanting to do this by yourself (without even family support) is risky. I am not saying you could not do it but are you looking at this by taking yourself out of the picture and thinking what is best for your child. Perhaps I am old fashioned, and yes I realize there are lots of single parent families out there...does that make it right? Have you thought about adoption or foster care? Jason - http://www.funpreschooleractivities.com |
#10
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In article om,
A Mighty Fun Time wrote: I am having a hard time with this...children need to have supportive, involved parent"s" and wanting to do this by yourself (without even family support) is risky. I am not saying you could not do it but are you looking at this by taking yourself out of the picture and thinking what is best for your child. Perhaps I am old fashioned, and yes I realize there are lots of single parent families out there...does that make it right? Have you thought about adoption or foster care? Perhaps I am misunderstanding your statements here, but it sounds like you are saying that single-parent families are OK for adopted or foster kids, but not for biological children. Is that what you meant to imply? --Robyn |
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