Isn't it supposed to get better...

Been there done that. I had a newborn and an autistic 2 year old who never
slept and liked to scream.
Take a room, make it child safe and when you want to sleep go in there, lie
on the floor and nurse the baby while the other child plays. I had earplugs
and an eye mask. The baby was in my arms so I didnt have to worry about her,
the older child would be able to physically wake me if needed. So I just
crashed on the floor during the day.
When you get sleepy, make it quiet time for everyone. Dim the lights, play
soft music or a quiet video, nurse the baby and relax. Even if you have to
snuggle with both kid. My kids were raised on Little Bear because it was
such a relaxing peaceful show, that we could have quiet time and no one got
hyped from the video.

My advice in a nutshell? strong arm the kids, when its quiet time take the
baby and the older one, go lie down in a quiet place and if need be, hold
the older one down in one arm and use the other to hold/nurse the baby. If
you can get the older one to sleep, the baby will lilely nurse the whole
time you nap, getting a good feed in for her and a good nap for you.


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
I feel like I am really losing my mind, I am so exhausted. 6 weeks ago
it seemed DS was clearly moving toward sleeping all night. There was
even one night where he only got up once, and only nursed for 5 minutes.
But instead since then things keep getting worse. He has gradually been
getting up more often, and staying up longer. Now he's up to two or
three times a night, for at least 30 and usually 45-60 minutes at a
time. He nurses most of that time, though the last 15-20 minutes or so
are not active eating. I think it could partly be because he is
becoming easily distractable and not nursing as much during the day as
he should (could? would?). Maybe that is the entire problem; I can't
think of what else it could be. The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if*
I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well. She is so
distracting to him. I can't keep sending her away - she gets upset at
being separated from me for so long and it seems a good recipe for
sibling problems to keep telling her to go away from the baby. I'm
overusing videos as it is already. They won't even work if I try to use
them to buy nursing time, she'll get too used to them. I am so
irritated and resentful all the time now. I don't even feel like doing
anything, so I wonder sometimes about depression, but I really think
it's just because I am so damn tired and it just seems so darn hard to
take them both out. Help. How do I get him to eat more during the
day?? It's so tempting to think introducing cereal would help but I
know everyone says it doesn't affect sleep. I just don't know what else
to do and something has to change because I feel like I have only one
tiny shred of sanity left and it's stretching thin. I know other people
have had to endure sleep deprivation as bad as this or worse, for
longer, but for me this is more than I can handle.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo.
And Jaden, 4 1/2 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
"Kari" wrote in message
...
Im in the same boat as you are, Cheryl.

I'm sorry to hear that but kind of relieved to know I'm not the only
one.

Xander sleeps maybe 3 hours at night at a stretch IF Im lucky.
And he has this awake period for 2 hours between 2am and
4am every night. He's so tired during the days that he takes
cat naps, as many as 4 or 5. And lately he's been cranky if
Im not nursing him or holding him. Not crying cranky but
protesting cranky where I can't really set him down.

This sounds just like Jaden too, other than the awake period from 2am to
4am which thankfully he doesn't currently have. He was up from 12:00 to
2:00 last night though so we may be headed for that. He doesn't take
naps of any significant length - he sleeps and nurses at the same time.
It's like going back to having a newborn again.

I wish I had some advice for you but Im going to be reading
this thread with interest because I really need some sleep too.
I dont leave the house much because of the weather for one
and becuase I just can't get the nerve. I get more tired going
out and then Im really stressed and if Xander isn't
sleeping, he hates the car seat and screams.

Our weather is bad too. Jaden often cries when I put him in his carseat
too. Last week I made it out to the mall for Julie to play on the
indoor playground, which was great for her, but when we were leaving, I
looked up from putting Jaden's bunting on him and she had run off and I
didn't know where she was for a minute.

Our weather sucks. I have a cover for my carseat, so the baby can wear
regular clothes and a blanket and sty warm. That eliminates the bunting
fight.
Your older child may benefit from a tether, attach her wrist to your belt
loop when you cant keep an eye on her or are busy.



So now I'm afraid of taking
them both out! I really feel like I've got more than I can handle ATM.


Trust me, my son is autistic and I had to do it alone with him and a small
baby. One thing is confidence, if you go into it thinking "no matter what
happens, I can figure out how to handle this" , it really eases some of the
anxiety. Relax, its very very difficult, but you can and will manage
successfully. I promise. Its hard, its scary, you worry, you dont know if u
can keep them safe because there is one of you and 2 of them. But you will
figure it out and it will be ok.

Sue wrote:
Also, could you just stay at the school for the time she is there?

Cheryl wrote:
Yes, there is a nature center in the same building that has a comfy
reading corner and a birdwatching area with benches. I really should
just go there, and I have actually done that before. I don't know why I
didn't keep doing it. I am just not thinking very well right now.

With this weather, Cheryl I would just stay. I definitely know what you mean
by getting home and then having to turn right around and go get
them. I think you would definitely be less stressed at having to come and
go.

How does that work with carseats though? I can't fit another carseat
into my car to transport another kid.

Oh, you know, the other mother that I car pooled with had another booster
seat in her car from one of her children and I had another booster seat
(with three kids, I had to have more than one) and they didn't happen to use
it when we were dropping off and picking up for preschool.

Sue wrote:
Why do you think 3-4 hours is too long for a 3-year-old? I bet
she would love it. I know mine did.

Cheryl wrote:
I don't think it is too long - for *me*, 3-4 hours is not long enough,
lol! - but she's below the cutoff age for the current school year 3-y.o.
programs. She would have had to be 3 by last December 1.

Oh I see. I thought you were speaking for next year. Gotcha. *I* didn't
think three hours was long enough either, lol. I really wanted 4 hours three
days a week, but I also wanted to keep them all at the same school, so I had
to compromise.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

HollyLewis wrote:

Can you nurse him in a sling? If he's willing to be covered up, that
might block out the distraction effectively enough, and the sling
would allow you to continue to play with DD or go out for a walk
while he eats.

I forgot to mention. I used a back pack for Luke. He loved that thing and
it saved me from about 3.5-7mos. He spent a lot of time in there. It was
much easier for me then the sling as I never really got the hang of the
sling. I had a hard time using the back pack when out and about but I
didn't try very hard either.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

(HollyLewis) wrote in message ...
The main advice I see for the
distraction problem is to nurse in a quiet room. That might work, *if*
I didn't have a noisy, active two year old as well.


Cheryl,

I can feel your pain. James was like this - he routinely nursed 3-4
times a night for months, and at one point I just remember feeling
like I was going to go insane. But, I didn't have a toddler to look
after as well, so you have my sympathies.


What about encouraging him to "tank up" in the evening after your DH gets home
and can occupy DD?

I do this with Sophie - she pretty much nurses about every 45 minutes
from 6pm onward, until she is asleep upstairs for the night by 10pm.
DH cooks dinner and gives James his bath and gets him to bed, so that
I can attend to the baby without interruption. I don't know if the
tanking up is responsible, but Sophie sleeps from 10pm until around
5am, gets up to nurse (about 45 minutes) and then is asleep again
until about 8:30am-9am. Then again, James was sleeping 7+ hours at 2
months as well, and it all went to hell in a handbasket at around 4
months, when he went back to the multiple night feedings.

Does DD nap? If DS sleeps at the same time DD does, you can doze too. If not,
you can feed him while she's asleep. :-)

Another good idea.

In your place, I would also be giving some serious thought to getting DD into
preschool, or maybe some sort of co-op playgroup where you don't have to stay
with her every time. I don't know what's available near you, of course, but
I'm sure *I* would go nuts if I didn't get some time away from a child that age
(with or without putting a new baby to care for into the mix!), and the
experience will likely be good for her too.

This was my thought as well - or is there someone (a neighborhood
teenager, college student, etc.) who can come to the house for a few
hours each day to occupy Julie? James goes to preschool 4 days a week
- while the hours really correspond with my teaching schedule (once I
go off maternity leave) it has been really helpful to have him out of
the house once in a while during my maternity leave so that I could
get things somewhat organized with Sophie. Just a thought.

My own opinion with sleep issues (and there are alot of people who
disagree with me) is that babies, to an extent, are just born with
certain sleep temperments. James never needed alot of sleep, even as
an infant, but he needed alot of contact at night. Now, at 3 1/2, he
is just starting to sleep really well, and consistently at night.
Sophie, OTOH, is a dream sleeper - goes down really easily, and is
sleeping 6-7 hours stretches at night now (and has been since about 5
weeks). Of course, I am fully expecting this to eventually change,
being the pessimist that I am, but she could prove me wrong!

Hang in there - I will be sending sleep vibes to Jaden !

Sharon
Mom to James 6.2.00
and Sophie 12.1.03

Sue wrote:

Oh I see. I thought you were speaking for next year. Gotcha. *I* didn't
think three hours was long enough either, lol. I really wanted 4 hours three
days a week, but I also wanted to keep them all at the same school, so I had
to compromise.


Both mine were in a co-op preschool 4 hours, 3 days a week from the time
they were about 1.5 - it gave me just enough time to myself to reconcile
me to being a SAH parent.

Clisby

Clisby wrote in message
Both mine were in a co-op preschool 4 hours, 3 days a week from the time
they were about 1.5 - it gave me just enough time to myself to reconcile me
to being a SAH parent.

Clisby

LOL. Yeah, I know what you mean.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Can you nurse him in a sling?

I don't even know where my sling is right now. I know I should use it.
I know. But if one kid doesn't need something the other does, and I can
hardly keep myself fed let alone figure out how to use the thing.
Yesterday I had a hunger induced meltdown worthy of any toddler. I'll
try throwing a blanket over him at least.


Didn't you use the sling with Julie? I really think digging it out and
learning to use it would help you a lot -- for one thing, it would allow you to
hold Jaden while you make yourself some lunch. :-)

She is in a class already but it's only an hour and fifteen minutes
long. I honestly am starting to feel it's more trouble than it's worth,

I can imagine! Are there any other moms with kids in the same class who might
trade drop-off and/or pick-up duties with you? And perhaps you could take
turns caring for each other's toddler for a few hours before or after the
class. (Two toddlers is in many ways easier than one, because they entertain
each other. And you'd get some days with none, allowing you to focus on the
baby.)

Holly
Mom to Camden, almost 3
EDD #2 6/8/04

"HollyLewis" wrote in message
...
Didn't you use the sling with Julie?

No, I didn't have a sling then. I bought the one I have now while
pregnant with Jaden. For Julie, I only had the Graco front carrier and
it was not user-friendly so I just carried her in arms all the time.
I'm ending up doing that with Jaden too, and have a bouncy seat in the
kitchen for when I need to do something for a minute.

Are there any other moms with kids in the same class who might
trade drop-off and/or pick-up duties with you?

This would be great but I can't think of a good way around the carseat
issue. I will try and schedule more playdates though. We had one today
and it made the day much more enjoyable for everyone.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 10 mo.
And Jaden, 4.5 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Cheryl,

Do you have RL friends to hang out with at all? Getting together every Friday
with our church's playgroup was a real sanity-saver for me when I had a
four-year-old, a one-year-old, and a newborn.

You've got to get yourself out of the house! Just do it--it won't be as hard
as you think.

And I really think you might be experiencing some PPD as well. (((Cheryl)))

Leslie