Only Child Syndrome

Hi All:

I have a 7.5 year old daughter who is an only child.

Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's
emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt
with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant
imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or
how I could get through life without my sibling support group.

TIA,

Iram
--

---------------
Jawad Nasrullah

Jawad Nasrulla wrote:

Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's
emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt
with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant
imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or

*Everything* you experience can have effects on you. That doesn't mean the
effects are negative, they are just individualistic. Statistically speaking,
only children are more successful than children with two or more siblings... Of
course that leaves out the two-kid thing. My husband, an only child,
pontificates, "Are they happier? I don't know. Children like that tend to
relate better to adults." Good, bad, indifferent? Our kid, an only, is happy,
healthy, and well liked.

beeswing

In article ,
Jawad Nasrullah wrote:

Hi All:

I have a 7.5 year old daughter who is an only child.

Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's
emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt
with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant
imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or
how I could get through life without my sibling support group.

TIA,

Iram

Our eight-year-old is an only. When she was 2 or 3 and we were
pondering having another (which we didn't really have the energy for at
that point), I asked various people, including my mom (an only), my best
friend from college (another only), and his mom (the mom of an only,
though she herself has two sisters). They were unanimous in saying,
"Quit while you're ahead."

I had two brothers, four and 12 years older, and neither was
particularly supportive growing up. The oldest passed away many years
ago, and I don't have much of a relationship with the remaining one. My
husband had two sisters, two and three years younger, and they weren't
close either growing up or now. Nor are the sisters terribly close to
each other, despite their age proximity.

Our only is fairly happy most of the time, but has made no secret of her
desire for siblings. But that desire in itself didn't seem like enough
reason to have more children, since we both know that having sibs
doesn't necessarily mean having good relationships with them.

In other words, if you want more children and are in a position to have
them, then do, but if you don't, your daughter will not necessarily be
losing what you had by being in a large family, since there's no
guarantee that you could reproduce that atmosphere with your family.
Kids deal with whatever situation they have. If they need support and
can't find it in their family, they eventually find friends to give it,
which is what my college friend has done.

On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 21:12:36 EST, Jawad Nasrullah
wrote:

Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's
emotional growth/life?

Yes, of course it does. But so does being the oldest or the youngest
or even #4 of 12. Everything affects you.


--
Daye
Momma to Jayan and Leopold
See Jayan and Leo: http://www.aloofhosting.com/jayleo/
Updated 28 Feb 2004

In article ,
Jawad Nasrullah wrote:

Do you think being an only child can have (-)ve effects on a child's
emotional growth/life? I would be very interested in hearing how you dealt
with childhood being an only child. I come from a large family, so cant
imagine what it would have been like being an only child, or
how I could get through life without my sibling support group.

And I have a hard time imagining growing up with siblings, although
as a writer for young readers I have to imagine all sorts of family
combinations. We had two 3.3 years apart. As adults they have become
friends but now live on opposite coasts. My mother and her sister
were 9 years apart. That's far enough apart that they were more like
cousins. They had no first cousins.

Have you considered the following explorations?

1. Try foster parenting. It is not forever, but it is the full
committment of family at the time. It is a needed service here in
Silicon Valley and elsewhere.

2. Pair up with a family with an only child within a year of yours
and family style/values you feel comfortable with. Do things
together, particularly trips where the kids have to be together for
some time.

3. Plan for your daughter to spend an extended time [ALL summer, not
just a week or two] with cousins near her age. This could be some at
their house and some at yours. When she is older, you can look into
school exchanges. A friend here [now going to Quaker boarding school
in New York] spent her 8th grade with her cousins in Iceland.

My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her
experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling
relationship anyway.
Tom
--
Tom & Sandy Farley - http://www.spont.com
Spontaneous Combustion Storytellers: workshops and performances
Alternatives to Violence Project [AVP] facilitators http://www.avpusa.org
Palo Alto Friends Meeting [Quakers] - Bayshore Community Kiwanis Club
[Tom] Bookseller, Linden Tree Children's Books & Music, Los Altos, CA
[Sandy] English teacher, Sequoia Adult School, Redwood City, CA

"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message
news

My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her
experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling
relationship anyway.


I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior.
By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc.
We now live far away, rarely communicate, have very divergent interests and
opinions and life styles. I appreciate him, particularly his on-going
involvement with our aging parents, but we just don't have a lot to talk
about and never really did. Your suggestions, otoh, are very interesting
and intrigue me, as a parent of an only child who really wants siblings [he
is 8.5].

-Aula
--
see my creative works on ebay under http://snurl.com/369o
and on zazzle at http://snurl.com/38oh

In article ,
just me wrote:
"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message
news

My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her
experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling
relationship anyway.


I agree with your partner's sentiment.

I disagree, at least somewhat. I have a brother 10 years younger
and we were *very* close when he was young. We did diverge for many
years when I went of to university and he was still a kid, but now
that he is mostly "grown up" too, we are becoming closer again.
I have another brother in between, much closer to my age, with
whom I have never been especially close. Personality difference,
I guess.

I have 3 boys with 2.75 and 4.75-year gaps between them. The
oldest is thus 7.5 years oler than the youngest, but they are
so far (ages 3 and 10) very close. Only time will tell what
growing up will do to their relationship.

--Robyn

"just me" wrote in message
om...
"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message
news

My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her
experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling
relationship anyway.


I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior.
By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc.
We now live far away, rarely communicate, have very divergent interests
and
opinions and life styles. I appreciate him, particularly his on-going
involvement with our aging parents, but we just don't have a lot to talk
about and never really did.

snip

I wonder if that closeness becomes possible with a *larger* age gap? My
older son was 13 years old when his little brother was born; they adore each
other. He volunteered to help out with child care after school when I
started working again, and even changed diapers. They wrestle and play
together, and older son will often just step in and do something for little
brother when he asks - help with pajamas at the end of a long day, or just
coloring and playing cars or trains.

He leaves for college in the fall. He's an asset to the family; we're
surely going to miss him.

Best,
Ann

"Ann Porter" wrote in message
...
I wonder if that closeness becomes possible with a *larger* age gap? My
older son was 13 years old when his little brother was born; they adore
each
other. He volunteered to help out with child care after school when I
started working again, and even changed diapers. They wrestle and play
together, and older son will often just step in and do something for
little
brother when he asks - help with pajamas at the end of a long day, or just
coloring and playing cars or trains.

That *is* a good question. Considering Robyn's comments I am wondering if
it has more to do with interests and temprament than anything else. My Dad
is about 12 years older than his brother, so he really felt more like an
only for much of his childhood. He was leaving for Korea when his brother
was starting school. They kept in touch while raising families [both
started families within a few years of each other and my cousins are the
ages of my younger sibs]. Visits were made back and forth, but I never felt
that there was much closeness. When my grandparents died there were some
diffictulties over decisions that were made and they seemed to drift apart.
Now that my Dad is in his 70's and looking up old high school and Army
buddies and my uncle is working on the family tree and bouncing
grandchildren on his knee it seems that they talk more and are more relaxed
with each other. So, many variables including life events, stage in life
and so on there.



He leaves for college in the fall. He's an asset to the family; we're
surely going to miss him.



I wish your older DS well in college. that is such a huge change for both
parents and young adult. Is this your first one to leave home?

-Aula
--
see my creative works on ebay under http://snurl.com/369o
and on zazzle at http://snurl.com/38oh

In ,
just me wrote:

*"Tom & Sandy Farley" wrote in message
*news *
* My partner noticed the heading I am responding to and says from her
* experience that 7 years apart is too late to have close sibling
* relationship anyway.
*
*
*I agree with your partner's sentiment. My brother is six years my junior.
*By the time I was graduating from high school he was in sixth grade, iirc.

My youngest SIL E is a 20 year old sophomore at Brown U; my oldest SIL L
is 28. These two sisters are extremely close, despite the fact that one is
an active college student and the other a stay-at-home-mom (for four whole
days now - my first niece was just born on the 7th!) From where I sit, I
can't agree that 7 years is by definition too late for a close sibling
relationship. E and L share a passion for tennis (L was a highly ranked
player prior to a career ending injury; E was competetive as well although
she never reached L's level), a love of fitness and sports in general, and
a sisterly bond that truly makes me jealous at times.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large