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#11
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Need to talk to someone (long)
Alison wrote:
How do you know when you've got PND? [snip] Sounds like it to me. I had it. The other posters had good advice -- I hope some of it helps you. Zoloft did wonders for me, by the way, and you can take it while nursing. I took it for several months, during which time I got used to being a mom, found some friends in the neighborhood, and my body got back to normal. I recommend talking to your doctor about it, and trying to find a support group (I hope you have better luck with that than I did). -- Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle |
#12
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Need to talk to someone (long)
"Alison" o.uk wrote
in message ... How do you know when you've got PND? I think "they" say it is depression if it goes on unrelieved for two weeks. I felt just as you describe in this post earlier this week, but then had better days following it. If you feel like this every day, it sounds like it could be PND to me. There are plenty of logical reasons for the way you feel right now though - a very demanding infant being number one. Some of them are just going to take time to get better, but I think there are a couple things you could do now. I'm tired and weary and I'm fed up with having to carry DS about in order that he doesn't cry. My first was like this - just holding her wasn't good enough, I had to be walking, too. I would often feel so tired I didn't think I could take one more step and it was so frustrating. One thing that might help is to play some catchy music while you're walking. Is there any particular artist or type of music that tends to put you in a good mood? Another thing you can do while walking is talk on the phone. Then you can connect with friends without the problems you describe when you see people in person. We've been told not to let him scream because of his hernia problem. What is the plan for fixing this problem? I imagine this added pressure makes it doubly tough on you when he cries. He seems to need to be played with from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. I can't get anything done in the house. It looks like a tip and we're not houseproud people so a tip means a tip. It depresses me but it seems to be becoming such an enormous task to try and tackle it that I'm putting it off all the time. Have a look at http://www.flylady.com/. It is overwhelming when you don't know where to start and you want to get everything done at once. Don't do everything at once. Just do one thing. You don't even have to do it as well as you did before your baby was born. I can't ask for help cos no-one else knows where I want to put all the stuff. If I have to stand there saying where it's all to go I might as well do it myself. Now, you're just being silly. :-) Accept help. Any and all help which is offered, accept. If a pot or pan is in the wrong place it's not a life-long problem. When things get better you'll put everything where you like it. For now, the important thing is your getting some rest and letting other people help you for a change. I don't want to have friends round snip I don't sleep well at night cos my back hurts so much. snip Half the time I don't even brush my hair cos I will the world not to come to my door. I feel a complete mess yet I don't have the strength nor willpower to do anything about it. These are classic symptoms of depression. Do speak to a doctor and see if some medication can help get you through this. The skin through 270o of my breasts is red, broken itchy and painful and this too makes sleeping a fitful experience. The itchy has spread to my nipples and I'm getting slight stabby pains again in my breasts so I think the thrush is on the comeback. I don't have any advice about this, sorry. I wonder if mastitis is also a possibility? That could make you feel even more unwell and less able to cope. My partner is the kindest, most considerate, most lovely person I could ever have hoped to share my life with but if he even mentions sex I freeze cos my body just can't take any more demands. This is entirely common. I even just recently posted here an OT poll called "sex or sleep?" Some good suggestions came up there. I do absolutely nothing except look after a baby, and I mean nothing. I can't be bothered cooking nor even thinking about what we've got to eat. I just snack on rubbish when I realise that I've missed lunch again. I'd just like a rest but you can't stop being a mum can you. You need to look after yourself. You can't take care of someone else if you're run down by not eating well. Let people bring you food at least when they offer help. It's like they say on the airlines - "put on your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you." I felt like you do - the baby comes first. But at some point even if you come second, you have to get your needs met too. It's not bad parenting to put the baby down for long enough to get something to eat, even if he doesn't like it. I'm ****ed off at everything - the slightest thing just makes me swear and my blood boil. I often feel this way too. It's always when I'm especially tired. Do you have a friend who could walk the baby around while you take a good nap? I can't tell anyone cos I'm not the sort of person that doesn't cope. I've had a career, I've always been strong in the face of adversity, folk come to me when they're in trouble not the other way round. You need to realize that this attitude is making things harder on you than they need to be. Having a career is no preparation for parenthood, I can tell you that. Let those people you've been helping, help you for a change. They'd probably welcome the opportunity to reciprocate. It is tough to adjust to parenthood when you've always been in control before. He's 6.5 months old now - you'd think I'd have worked it out by now. It took me longer than that and sometimes I still don't think I've got it. :-) The biggest thing that helped me was to get out of the house and meet some other moms. I didn't know anyone because work had been my life. Isolation is one of the biggest problems new moms face. Forget about what other people are thinking of your parenting and GO OUT. At least find a playgroup or something. In a playgroup other moms will have all BTDT and won't mind if your baby cries. Thanks for being there when I don't want there to be a world outside my window. {{{Alison}}} HTH -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo. And Jaden, 4 months Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
#13
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Need to talk to someone (long)
Alison,
Hang in there! You are doing a super job as a mom! Everyone has listed some great suggestions on how to cope. Infant days are not easy, but one day you will wake up and realize that it got much easier, I promise! Please let us know how you're doing, Alison. (((Hugs))) Sue |
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