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#1321
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Teachrmama I agree with you totally, but when I speak I speak of my case only. I have no idea what goes on in other cases. I do realize that the good men in the world seem to get screwed by the system while the true dead beats get away with not paying. I have a girlfriend who is married and she and her hubby found out that he has a kid. They are going through that same mess. I know in my case the arrears grew over time. It was nothing instant about it. --------------- But can't you understand that you are in a forum where the dads are not deadbeats but they vigorously disagree with the cs system? The amounts they are ordered to pay have no basis in reality. They receive no assistance from the gov to enforce visitation but a woman gets all the free help to enforce a cs order. And a million other reasons cs is unfair, unjust and in no way set up, as the gov likes to claim, to help the children. Yes, we are ****ed and while writing letters to the newspapers or our representatives in congress is one way to try to educate people, this is where us anti-cs, (they way that it is now), people go to vent. So, when you just slam in here and declare us a bunch of deadbeats, etc it's no surprise that that you receive the reception that you have. Have you ever considered that there are a LOT more situations like the ones stated here than there are like yours? Is it possible that the majority of men really don't want to be forced out of their kids life and to pay an amount of cs not in any way based in reality? ~AZ~ ------------- I get it now. I totally see everyone's point. When I am thinking it's only about my case. Now I am thinking outside the box and I see what's going on. I really didn't realized that there are so many different cases out there. Okay now that I have read what the men are going through, I see now that men are getting screwed. NOT MY KID'S FATHER. He is still a loser. ) One thing I have noticed that I have a lot the men and women in this forum telling me to forget about support and do it all on my own. Do they not see that my case is different from theirs? Just because one man might be getting screwed doesn't mean that another man is being screwed out of cs money. The father of my kid didn't have a major surprise like being hit with a large arrears amount. If he just would have paid on his case and stayed on top of it, things would have been simple. I am sure there are a lot of screwed up cases out there, but at the same rate there are a lot of cases that are justified. To be honest with the men in this forum I would be sick if I was ever put in the situations I am hearing. It really makes my case sound petty. I really had no idea how men are getting treated like this by the cs system. That's messed up. Sorry guys. You have a valid point. I am just in shock right now. --------------- I think that's all people are asking. When the majority of the public believes that all men are deadbeats, etc it's doubly hard to be sympathetic to someone who comes in here spouting the same schtick. Yes, if what you have said about your situation is true then maybe your ex is a loser. But you also have to realize that the people in here know it's all to common for women to do things like oops their partner or claim someone is the dad but is proven wrong through dna. And whether you understand or not, they can be very sensitive to issues where a mom is using cs for things it's not meant for. But if you stop attacking all men as deadbeats, and holding up cmoms as saints you may just find that this is a very supportive forum. If nothing else, you'll continue to learn. ~AZ~ Pammie1 |
#1322
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Deadbeats
It is much too easy for little things like facts to totally bamboozle
the dip****s that work for oregun. I don't know why they can't demand high school diplomas....."civil rights" and "equal treatment", I guess. Mel Gamble Bob Whiteside wrote: "teachrmama" wrote in message ... "Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... I thought you said he was paying and that if a dad is paying "something," he doesn't meet your definition of "deadbeat." ==== In case you didn't know, it's hard being a single parent. ==== Oh puleeze! I was a single parent and full time student--graduated with honors --double major of history and pre-law--Easy? Hardly! And, I worked painting houses in my "free" time. I collected no child support and I can assure you that I didn't spend my time obsessing on what my ex "owed" our kids. Spare me the whining about how "hard" it is being a single parent! I've had a hell of a lot bigger challenges than that to face. Life is hard--You pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what you have to do in the best interest of the kids. You brought this entire matter on yourself and your daughter. Yeah, I've read what you've posted and it's all been how much of a victim you are of this man and I'm ------------------ Gini I consider my child's dad a dead beat because someone who is $12,000 in child support is not making payments. That just isn't true, Pammie! My husband found out that he was the father of an almost 13 year old girl by a one night stand a couple of years ago. He never knew she existed. We were married and had the 2 children we knew we could afford, and he was hit with 2 years of instant arrearages. Fortunately, they couldn't go all the way back to the birth of the child--they could only go back 2 years. But his instant arrears have destroyed our credit. We could not refinance our home because of the lien they have on it. When the mortgage agent called to find out if they would subordinate their claim so we could refinance, the CS idiot said "not this scumbag" as if he were an outrageous deadbeat who never paid--and he has never missed a payment since the order was in place! You can't just look at a high number and say "This guy must be a deadbeat." People are screwed by the system all the time, and end up with outrageous numbers attached to their names! Here's another horror story to prove having a large arrearage does not mean a father hasn't paid CS. On three occasions, while in court for other issues, my ex told the court I was in arrears on CS. It was like an after thought issue to what we were really there for that day. The judge asked if I had my payment records with me. Of course, I didn't have my payment records, I had no idea I would be challenged on my CS payments. Those misrepresentations on her part caused me to pay over $13,000 more CS than the court ordered. The judges move the goal posts all the time so a father cannot possibly be prepared or meet the requirements they set up. The game, I finally figured out, is it doesn't matter how much a father actually pays. What the court says he has paid is the amount the court uses. And all a mother has to do is verbally claim non-receipt of CS to get the judge to act on her behalf. I tried to come back, show my payment records, and prove she lied claiming no judge had ever looked at my payment records in establishing arrearages. The court ruled I could not go behind the arrearage determinations once the arrearages had been established and the court would not take the time to even consider my payment records because it didn't matter what I really paid. |
#1323
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Deadbeats
In the interim, has anyone besides me ever read about cooking with
cotton seed oil causing sterility in men? I wish I could remember where I read it, but my ex ( a medical technologist ) had mentioned it as well. Anyone? "trifold" wrote in message om... "AZ Astrea" wrote in message news: ------------- Fine but that doesn't mean that Gini isn't correct. I guess the proof will have to wait until the time when/if male bc becomes widely and inexpensively available and men are educated about it. When the birth rate plummets see how fast all bc becomes illegal. ~AZ~ An interesting hypothesis. Check back with me in a few years. But I can't imagine bc becoming illegal in the US unless Bush and the religious right he caters to get their way. trifold www.vasectomy-information.com |
#1324
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Deadbeats
"John Riggs" wrote in message ...
In the interim, has anyone besides me ever read about cooking with cotton seed oil causing sterility in men? I wish I could remember where I read it, but my ex ( a medical technologist ) had mentioned it as well. Anyone? Check out http://www.malecontraceptives.org/methods/gossypol.htm, which I found at the vasectomy website I've referenced before (www.vasectomy-information.com). There is a long article--with links to research studies--about gossypol, a derivative of cottonseed oil that the Chinese researched from about 1970-1985. It seems people noticed couples cooking with cottonseed oil were less fertile. Then the effect was narrowed to male fertility. Gossypol was discovered as the active factor, then administered to men in several trials in pill form. Fertility did decline, with no apparent adverse effects on the hormonal balance. However, trials showed side effects. Fertility did not always return promptly after they stopped taking the pills. There were also potentially dangerous declines in potassium levels. And some evidence of kidney damage. The Chinese stopped their studies. The link I offer above has more information, and I think references to some more current research. trifold www.vasectomy-information.com "trifold" wrote in message om... "AZ Astrea" wrote in message news: ------------- Fine but that doesn't mean that Gini isn't correct. I guess the proof will have to wait until the time when/if male bc becomes widely and inexpensively available and men are educated about it. When the birth rate plummets see how fast all bc becomes illegal. ~AZ~ An interesting hypothesis. Check back with me in a few years. But I can't imagine bc becoming illegal in the US unless Bush and the religious right he caters to get their way. trifold www.vasectomy-information.com |
#1325
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Deadbeats
That is pretty much what is going on here too, but they don't have the
jurisdiction to begin with, so how are they going to enforce a judgment they have no legal right to make? "Pammie1" southerngirl@The Real Thing wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Here's another horror story to prove having a large arrearage does not mean a father hasn't paid CS. On three occasions, while in court for other issues, my ex told the court I was in arrears on CS. It was like an after thought issue to what we were really there for that day. The judge asked if I had my payment records with me. Of course, I didn't have my payment records, I had no idea I would be challenged on my CS payments. Those misrepresentations on her part caused me to pay over $13,000 more CS than the court ordered. The judges move the goal posts all the time so a father cannot possibly be prepared or meet the requirements they set up. The game, I finally figured out, is it doesn't matter how much a father actually pays. What the court says he has paid is the amount the court uses. And all a mother has to do is verbally claim non-receipt of CS to get the judge to act on her behalf. I tried to come back, show my payment records, and prove she lied claiming no judge had ever looked at my payment records in establishing arrearages. The court ruled I could not go behind the arrearage determinations once the arrearages had been established and the court would not take the time to even consider my payment records because it didn't matter what I really paid. ------------ That is a horror story. Like I said before it's always the good guys that get screwed. Pammie1 |
#1326
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Deadbeats
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#1327
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Pammie1 wrote: That's a very unkind thing to say, Pammie. It is not necessarily mismanagement of money that keep a married couple from putting their kids through college. Some people are actually living from paycheck to paycheck with no way of putting any money aside. These parents are not forced by the government to put their kids through college. But a divorced/never married dad might be forced to take out loans up the wazoo just to sent his child to college and pay on those loans the rest of his life. *That* is the unfairness AZ is talking about. Are you saying that, at this point in time, even though you are only receiving $100 per month from you child's father in CS, you are able to put money away for college? -------------- I thought it was more unfair for AZ so say that my kid shouldn't go to college just because married people can't send their kid to college. I didn't write the laws. Well, that's true, but neither did many slaveowners. Did that make owning slaves OK, back in the day? If they want the dad to help pay for college then I am all for it. I can't tell them to change their law to give the dad a break. See above. I have a friend whose married parents had money but made him work to pay for his own college (he got a partial scholarship). Had the parents been divorced, the mother (assumed CP) would have been within her rights to raise her son the same way and blow the C$ money on the ponies. That doesn't make it "right". Now does my friend have a case against the state for setting things up so that his peers, who had divorced parents, had laws set up ensuring that their educations would be funded by (one of) their parents? - Ron ^*^ |
#1328
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Which is PRECISELY what many fathers are FORCED to become.......... a part time babysitter giving free money to the woman. Only a FOOL would agree to such an arrangement! ------------------ You Fools don't have a choice. Yes they do. Pammie |
#1329
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Which is PRECISELY what many fathers are FORCED to become.......... a part time babysitter giving free money to the woman. Only a FOOL would agree to such an arrangement! ------------------ You Fools don't have a choice. Yes they do. Pammie |
#1330
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Deadbeats
"Pammie1" wrote in message lkaboutparenting.com... Which is PRECISELY what many fathers are FORCED to become.......... a part time babysitter giving free money to the woman. Only a FOOL would agree to such an arrangement! ------------------ You Fools don't have a choice. Yes they do. Pammie |
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